Regardless of the fact that N. has said to me that he's not ready for a relationship, and regardless the fact that we have agreed to be just friends with benefits I can't help the impression that he has other plans for me.
Or maybe I just haven't got used to someone who wants to give me gifts just out of the fact that I am so wonderful, maybe I'm odd when I consider it odd that your FWB tells how much he enjoyed that moment when I kissed his face in one morning when I woke up next to him "...because it felt like you had made love to me...".
That word bothers me, that term bothers me. He wants someone who loves him, or at least acts like she loves him (easy for me as I am very affectionate), but he's afraid of committing.
Of course I don't know how it is, but I've got that impression from him.
But fact is that I'm prepared to that day when he leaves the country in the end of this year, and even I'm not very fond of the thought out of my own egoistic needs I can live with it without bigger problems.
He's good conversationalist, he's cute, he adores me, he's kinky, well-educated, he wants to have a herd of kids... he carries traits I appreciate in a man, but still I'm afraid that he thinks that we have something more than friendship spiced with physical relationship.
Maybe I am paranoid, or maybe... just maybe I'm the one out of two of us who's able to separate sex from love.
Actually this situation wouldn't bother me if there weren't one person who may get too interesting. Because I don't want to hurt anyone, not even "just" FWB as I really do like N., and as I see no reason to hurt anyone.
Though I know that solution with less possibilities to hurt anyone would be keeping N. as a friend without any additional spices.
But then, he has said to me what he has said, and we have agreed what we have. I'll live according to that reality as I'm not a foreteller and I refuse to know what others have in mind without them telling me.
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