Wellness

Well well... my sugars are normal.

My blood pressure on the other hand is still elevated and followed.

My GP also gave me a lecture of how I should get rid of the cats to improve my asthma. Guess will I?
Exactly. I base my opinion on the good care recommendations, which state that if asthmatic person has pets and gets no clear symptoms of them they shouldn't give the away. (And who would take four elderly cats, I ask you.)
And then, there's no guarantee that it would lessen my need for cortisone. If I were to give them away, or - even worse - put them to sleep, and then there weren't change in my condition guess how bad it would be for my mental health?

He promised to give the lecture again in 14th when I meet him again.

Here's to Ewe!

I received the loveliest package yesterday from Becky, who was my partner in Here's to Ewe exchange. She stitched part of Prairie Schooler's Old MacDonald and finished it as a pinkeep (my first!).
The design is perfect and her finishing is impeccable.

 

Thank you Becky!

The gazillionth entry for today

Why I don't like sertraline?

1. I have really odd dreams.
2. I remember tiniest things from years ago, things that I could have as well forgot as they are SO minor.
3. I have annoying case of dyslexia. I can't type or read right as well as I could without it. And my ability to write anything even seemingly coherent has gone out of the window.
4. I don't have the usual "edge" in my mind. (I.e. my mind has odd "blunt" spots.)
5. I think my social phobias are getting worse.
6. I have come to understand why SSRIs increase your risk to commit suicide: I feel lot worse mentally than I did before the medication. Admittedly it can be that the pre-medication exhaustion hid it. I foresee longer sick leave. *sigh*

On the other hand:

1. I have actually done laundry AND huge load of dishes today AND finished one biscornu, which is more than I have done last two, no wait... three, weeks... O_o
2. In their way odd dreams are fun: and who wouldn't like to wake up thinking how stupid idea the shutter on the door was in the Dawn of the Dead (you know, that scene where they send the dog to get some food for the gun shop guy and zombies get to him through the shutter when he lets the dog in).
3. I may be getting into a manic phase, which would be great thing regarding undone and piled household chores. (Yes, short mania phase would be nice. I am odd, I know. *grin*)

And oh, now I remember what I have missed! My FOURTH blogoversary was in Thursday! Happy birthday little blog!

Ewephoria!

I heard that Joan received her Here's to Ewe exchange so... a picture! A stitchy picture! O_o

Info:

• Design: Ewephoria, complimentary design by Mosey'N'Me
• Designer: Frank Bielec of Mosey'N'Me
• Fabric: 40 count lavender hand-dyed (by me) Newcastle linen
• Fibers: Misc. Gentle Art Sampler Threads

I changed the colour scheme to my liking and to complement the lavender linen I had chosen for it, and, even I say so, managed it quite nicely. ^^

I thought the 20 hours sleeping marathon was long...
Have you ever tried to sleep most of 36 hours? I can say that it was an interesting experience, though it was better to sleep through the migraine than be awake through it...
I just hope the next dosage rise (should be done in Monday) won't cause similar effect.

Excercising

I suggested to my parents that, now that my body seems to be getting wonkier health wise, they would support my healthier lifestyle by giving a crosstrainer for me as a birthday gift.
My mother decided to buy of all the gifts for the next year and bought me this on her own. (I will get it around May, when bits_2_whole has access to our father's car next time.)

Now I have no excuse to excercise daily as there isn't too much pollen or too cold indoors.

SBQs: Three is a charm

Now that I am closer to my normal self (like wake up at 5 am without an alarm) it's time for... SBQ!

Stitching Bloggers' Question - April 3, 2008

This week's SBQ was suggested by Terri and is:

What items do you consider essential to your needlework that you keep in your stitching bag?

Scissors and needle.
Though I don't have a stitching bag, rather project zip-locks and boxes as I usually don't stitch on the go (even though I have recently stitched in the bus trips to Helsinki).

 

Stitching Bloggers' Question - April 10, 2008

This week's SBQ was suggested by Jennifer and is:

What is the most complicated piece you've ever completed?

Say Hi! to Sally (from time before decent digital cameras): even it wasn't a big project, it was most complicated. Sally was also my first TW, and only TW I have actually finished to date.

 

Stitching Bloggers' Question - April 23, 2008

This week's SBQ was suggested by Christine and is:

How do you handle blended threads? Do you kit the blends up before you start a piece, or do you grab what colors you need and blend when the need arises? If you kit up the blends beforehand, how do you store them? Do you have another option for blends to share?

I blend on the go as I am

1. not organized enough

and

2. I would hate to try to estimate the yardage.

My dirty secret is now revealed. The good side in this method is that there's less tangled threads to annoy me - as with my habits there would be huge tangle sooner or later if I were to prepare the blends.

And oh, the bronchospam probably wasn't only caused by sertraline... I had forgot how bad iceberg lettuce is for my lungs. Bad in sense of "take influenza, reduce body temperature. Happy coughing!"

I am shocked

Firstly, my blood pressure really is elevated. Hence I decided to try drinking decaf coffee for a while. And when I get a bit more energetic I think it's time to start excercising again. (I don't use excessive amounts of salt, so there's not much to reduce.)

Secondly... I went to the local SII office today, just to leave the sickness allowance application - and the statements of my unability to work to go with it - (just to find out that they also want copies of both of the epicrisis) and when I stepped out of their door, half an hour later, I had an official opinion from SII that I have good possibilities to get new degree paid by SII.
The sick leave and the new degree have nothing to do with each other, I just happened to stumble upon something odd: a helpful SII official. She happened to check my information from their system and noticed that there is a request for additional information regarding the statement for special reimbursement of asthma medication and then things just kind of rolled... She actually called to someone who is specialised on professional rehabilitation and the person said that there is NO reason why they wouldn't give the rehabilitation, after I apply for it.

To apply for it I need to have a proof of being a student (i.e. being accepted and having a student status in $EDUCATIONAL_INSTITUTION), a recommendation for professional rehabilitation from my GP and, preferably, a recommendation from career guidance counsellor.

How big is your footprint?

Your Carbon Footprint:     tonnes of CO2 House 1.075 Flights 0.000 Car 0.000 Motorbike 0.000 Bus & Rail 0.122 Secondary 3.593   Total 4.790

SAT epilogue and Crotty

Managed one goal, partially. The biscornu is now stitched, it still needs to be assembled.
I blame on sleeping too much (sleeping a day in a row is, by definition, too much.)

Crotty bloomed last two weeks and the flowers looked really good this time - the first edition was a bit lame compared to this one. (The picture is from the beginning of the blossoming phase.)

I am not blossoming and I really hope the friggin' medication doesn't worsen my asthma permanently. If this bronchospam stays for few days the medicine has to be changed... I am not going to use bronchodilator daily as my asthma was behaving beautifully before sertralin.

On the good side I slept only 7 hours last night and I feel like stitching! (Yeah, I know. It should not affect yet - but it does.)

Atypical in more than one way...

I am not sure is it me or is there something wrong with the world. I just found it extremely odd that I seemed to be only person around today who smiled - me, who have been prescribed high enough dose to determine that my GP thinks that this is moderately severe depression (I am still waiting for the actual depression part..). And this was before I had even bought the meds.

Yes, moderately severe as the highest allowed dose is 200mg and when my adjusting phase ends I can take as much as 150mg a day.
Though I doubt do I need to get that high, the 100mg is probably more than sufficient as my brain is so sensitive that, even it should not happen, I got the first symptoms from the medication 15 minutes after I took the first 30mg... now I am just feeling suitably high - I am very aware that depression medication should not affect this way, at least not this fast, but who am I to complain? (The cortisone shouldn't have affected this way either and it did. If it is not supposed to happen, it happens.)

I have been awake for 22 hours and I think my head will shut down soon. I am just curious to know how long this night lasts as I slept 20 hours in a row between Friday and Saturday...

Nekobana: the ancient art of cat arrangement

  
  

1800: And the winner is...

...neurotransmitter dysfunction, which may be or not caused by elevated sugar levels. In other words I will start depression medication in Monday to see will it help.

In addition to this I will run to the health centre 2-3 times a week to measure my blood pressure, because due my PCOs my doctor wants to keep a close eye on my health now that there may be a possibility that I am developing PCOs induced diabetes... I will see him again in May, and before it I need to fast again for new sugar test - and I am on sick leave from now to 4th of May for depression.

And I managed to get a cold in Wednesday so this weekend will be spent mostly sleeping and eating... ice cream! Not to kill cold with cold, but it soothens my throat, which is feeling rather scratchy.

But the most shocking thing (I have always joked about how I will develop diabetes before I turn thirty: it seems that I actually may...) is that my doctor, who is not endocrinologist or gynaecologist knows so much about PCOs! It sounds to me that he may end up prescribing me diabetes medication (which is used to "treat" PCOs nowadays) before I ever develop the disease.
Have I ever said how much I love that man?

1799: Stitch-A-Thon goals

I keep my goals small (as I may end up sleeping the whole weekend):

1. Finish monochromatic biscornu for an exchange.
2. Finish the other humbug for an exchange.
3. If I have energy and time: grid the linen for the monochromatic version of the Spanish Sampler and possibly start it.

If my weekend is anywhere close to last 30 hours I will sleep through it...
I came back home (from the lab) yesterday around 9:30, went to lay down a bit... woke up 13 hours later. Was awake 2½ hours, slept another ten...

Yes, I have a headache after that. And I should call to my employement councellor to cancel the appointment tomorrow - I am on sick leave for fatigue, she can't demand that I get there. I am just avoiding to call, I don't enjoy phone calls with the lady...

"Oh, you have really lovely veins..."

That is what the lab nurse told me.
Admittedly I have nice veins as they are very easy to find (oh, I can recall sitting in a taxi in Wolf's arms while he adored the veins on my fingertips *grin*. If I were so inclined I would make a good junkie as those blue lights public toilets have don't hide my veins, that is how translucent my skin is..).

But to the point: the simple blood test turned out to be six test tubes of blood, urine sample and an EKG. I have to deliver the US tomorrow as my dear GP forgot to mention about that and I hadn't drank enough, but, regardless, the results will be ready in Friday.

Once again I am happy about the inexpensive publich healthcare: in theory I pay only 22€/ year of this, no matter how many times I visit the GP or how many times they want to check my bodily fluids.
(For example last year: 2x spirometry, ~8 x GP visit, 2 x phone consultation, 3 x nurse visit, 2 x Thorax x-ray, one morning/afternoon at the ER + all the necessary labs = 22 € (which city pays for at the moment, so for me 0€).)

You know what's the best way to make yourself hungry? Realise that you have a blood test in the morning and that it's so late that you are not allowed to eat anything before you have got the test taken.

I can go hungry, but as milk is probably food enough... no coffee. How am I going to survive?! O_o (Ok, I could drink it black...)

Greetings from the planet Numb.

The symptom list is getting longer and I am getting more inattentive and tired day by day. Which is great fun. Not.

It has took me five days to finish one little thing which would have normally took me 5 - 6 hours. I haven't done any dishes in two weeks (yes, yuck) - even I have a dishwasher. I am avoiding doing laundry as long as I can because the laundry room is so far away (50 metres). And I am as slow as a snail in a puddle of tar.

I am officially on sick leave this week. I need to go to the laboratory tomorrow morning for the TSH and fill pile of self-evaluation forms which I need to take with me in Friday when I will see my GP again.

In his opinion it is either thyroid issue or blooming depression. Kind of what I thought too, right?

What ever it is I hope it goes away yesterday as I can't even drool after that yummy rum raisin - rum chocolate ice cream I have in the freezer. But I need to eat something, preferably with loads of calories to get my calory withdrawal fixed.

By the way, I have once again proved that Neko senses when I am not well: he has been sleeping next to my upper body lately and that is his "I take care of you because you are sick" thing. Cats are great. ^^

(ETA: BDI score 15.)

Dang, I want all of these! And actually almost all of her other designs... I think I found a new favourite designer (yet another).

And then these:

• Winter Silhouette
• Monet's Pond
• Sleepy Hollow
• Snowman Trio
• Passion for Plums

On health front

I finally called to local health centre to book an appointment to my doctor. The first free time was in the end of this month, so we, the nurse and I, decided that I call for an acute appointment in Monday as I really aren't fit enough to work even if I got one and I need a sick leave until the reason of my symptoms is clear and I am feeling like an alive human being again.

I have psychological symptoms, but the physical symptoms point to the possibility of this not being depression, but something I was thinking of before: hypothyroidism.
Actually my mental state doesn't feel "right" to be depression. I have been there, I know what it is.
Admittedly I crashed on the phone earlier this week when arguing with my emplyement counsellor (my current employement counsellor is a real b*tch), but still. Hypothyroidism could explain that too... one of the symptoms on that long, long list is depression.

It would be easy to diagnose, treatable, but chronic... and I have to say that I could live without another chronic illness. On the other hand I hope it would be hypothyroidism, on the other hand I am afraid of it.
But I can't live like this: forgetting everything, losing time, being cranky, living in a fog etc.

Hpmh.

^^

When Masa came to our household 5½ years ago Neko didn't accept him right away, actually it took quite a while... Things have changed quite a bit since: cute, aren't they? ^^

Must shop...

Evil, evil, but I realised that I need a bigger frame for the Spanish Sampler to keep the stitches from squishing. So, I merrily went and bought R & R Craft Frames' 17'' x 17'' frame... and to justify that some 40 count flax Newcastle, because I will be needing it later...

I foresee buying a stand next as a frame that big can strain one's arms quite nicely. Then I think I need to sew a "hugger" for my frame, or all of them (though I think I could play with the idea of making it interchangeable..).

The Spanish Happy Dance! Part I

First part of the Spanish Sampler is now done!

(Once again an upside down picture... but it looked better that way as it didn't lay flat in the scanner...)

Even it is my own design I dare to say that this is beautiful. ^^

Only the monochromatic version left to stitch (luckily it will be faster to stitch).

The Mothers' Day design

As it was given to my mother in Friday here it comes!

Tidbits:

• Design: Mother's Love Grows
• Designer: Lady Periphaeria of Periphaeria Designs
• Fabric: 30 count light green linen
• Floss: Atalie's Shiraz silk
• Notes: Stitched over one with one strand

It's uploaded, go and get yours!

Anti-recommendation

Never ever buy Deltaco's NBCL-1 Notebook Cooler Pad. It will be the stupidest way to burn your money.

I bought the first one about ten months ago and the second one I got when the first broke down is soon unusable because the fans have begun to screech.

It is cheap, for a reason. That reason being: it sucks.

Ouch

I was on the go whole yesterday and now, after 13 hours of sleep and hours of being awake, I still feel like whole battalion of trucks had drove over me and now they are stomping in my sinuses...

It was nice day though. We, my mother and I, went to House & Garden fair - for free, as we got those free tickets - and hiked around the halls for two hours (and ate loads of candy offered by the exhibitors). My mother found what she wanted i.e. infomation on solar panels and all kinds of things she needs to consider when she begins to renovate her cabin around 2010 (she retires 2013 so she needs to get the house in condition to live in even in her retired years (which means: indoor toilet/ shower/ sauna which means that she has to expand her house a bit)).

Then we did some shopping, as she needed new cabin luggage trolley and had found a good offer - and eventually she bought one for me too as mine broke in Thailand and was trashed when I got back to Finland.

She paid the lunch, too, and after that we headed to see her aunt (my great aunt) (whom I hadn't seen in 11 years, I think).
It was nice as the Great Aunt is still very smart and cheery lady even she's 88 years old (of course she has some issues brought by old age, but taking that into account) - though just before we left she got a phone call and we got to hear that my mother's uncle's wife had passed away few days earlier... they can't bury her before May because there's nowhere to bury her (I think they have a family grave and they can't get anyone who has the right to reopen the grave before that). O_o

I was back at home around 22:30 (I left home 9:30 in the morning)...

In addition to everything there's one noteworthy thing: my great uncle is the youngest of the lot and he has just turned 77. My great aunt is 88 years young and she still lives on her own.
Even though my maternal grandmother (their sister) died in age of 48, she may not be taken into account when predicting our lifetime expectancy as it is possible she committed suicide.
Looking at these numbers it is very possible that our mother will live to be 90, as she has always said, which means that she'll be around for next 31 years - with luck she may even see her great grandchildren from my side.

Looking at the numbers, if I am lucky, I will have over sixty years to live from now if I take care of myself. That sounds quite good.

Colours

More tired I am the brighter the colours get?

I finally decided the design for the monochromatic biscornu exchange at FlossMoms and this Dinky Dyes' silk (as you can see it is much brighter in person) just wanted to be used for it.
The biscornu is almost half done.

Let me quote myself:

""Head, say Hello to the wall."

I am afraid that in addition to everything else, my depression has returned.

I have been off of meds for about 5 years and two months, officially I am considered being cured from it because I have been able to function without any help from anyone or anything those five years.

And now... I am disappointed and afraid. Afraid that I really suffer from depression, and that if it has now came back I will never get rid of it completely. I am disappointed because I have tried everything I can imagine to avoid stressing myself too much in order to avoid the depression returning.
I would like to hit someone because one of the possible causes is my asthma, or rather the medication. Like it wouldn't be enough to have load of physical stuff which can kill me untreated, or just for the sake of it, and that now the medication which should keep me well may have caused my depression to return.

I have never been good in asking help from anyone, and now I may have to do it and get into yet another vicious circle of being dependent on chemicals to keep myself going.
Even though I know that it would be beneficiary for me (I would probably get a long sick leave (paid by government) quite easily) to walk to the doctor's I am reluctant to do so.

I don't want to be weak. But I have to be... because at this moment it feels that I am close to the point where my mind just makes nice little snap sound and all hell breaks loose.

I just hate even the thought of getting back to that dark hole I once was in and I am afraid that it ruins everything I have managed to accomplish since the last time."

Asthmatics are 3-4 times more likely to suffer from depression. PCOs women are more likely to suffer from depression and panic attacks than their healthy comparisons. People with prolonged health issues have higher probability to suffer from depression. Cortisone can cause depression. Difficult life situations can cause depression...

What of those does not apply?

I have suffered from memory problems for about a month, I have suffered from loss of interest about the same period of time. I have been more sensitive to any kind of negativity coming from outside world, I have had trouble waking up and/ or feeling awake. I don't have an appetite, but I eat because I am hungry or when my blood sugar goes too low to be tolerated. I have drank excessive amounts of coffee/ day for last month or so.

Either my cortisone dose is too high, which would cause troubles in planning the medication, or then my mind has finally decided to get tired with being physically ill.
Neither sounds like a nice choice. Both will be considered as the cause... if, or, whenever I am able to admit myself that I am not ok, that this is not normal anymore and make the appointment...

Dang, I almost forgot! aka. Pendibulle draw

The pendibulle goes to... comment number two!

Congratulations Angela! I have your address and try to get the pendibulle mailed this week.

The Jade Plant & Monstero

As previously mentioned, my jade plants love it here. They were tiny little plants when my mother brough them. (Both are doing as well, even I only took picture of one.)

(The pot it is in is hand-thrown by me, by the way.)

And, my Monstero (in Finnish Goblin Leaf) has also enjoyed living with me. When my mother brought it here it had only two or three little leaves in it.

(The picture is from yesterday evening as I had to ask from my mother what plant it is - because I seem to be slightly allergic to it. (I am not quite sure will it like the kitchen window as it is very hot, but we'll see.))

Crotty is also making new flower buds at the moment... So, spite of my non-existent green thumb plants which should not success in these longitudes blossom in my care... it makes me wonder why.

Quote

"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."
-- Albert Einstein

I have had dreams about going to some of my old schools and finding out that I never actually graduated - or to go to that school I actually never graduated from... - about two years... Last night I graduated, actually before the official date and with excellent grades.

Graduation Dream Symbols:

completing the goal at hand. Moving on to new and better things in your life.

I would just like to know what the goal was... but despite of that, this was a very good sign, /methinks.

A is for April, G is for Goals

As usual strike and green equal a success. Orange is for "put some work to said piece, but not enough for a success", and red goes, as you guess, for a failure.

And the goals for March were:

1. Import at least two old designs (different software) to *.pat/ week.
2. Stitch at least two, and a half, models.
   1. 1½
   
   +
   
   2. Mothers' Day complimentary design
   
   +
   
   3. one humbug
   = 3½

3. Stitch the accompanying piece to one of the latest designs, finish it and send the PIF to $COUNTRY. Half done.
4. Finish and send Terri's ornament. Done!
5. Participate Stitch-A-Thon.
6. Stitch and finish Here's to Ewe piece. Stitched.
7. Grid the Spanish Sampler's fabric before 15th and start TSS. Done!
8. Organize my design tree (it's not a folder, it's a tree).
9. Decide the design for the biscornu exchange at FlossMoms. Kind of decided, I am trying to decide between two designs.

   Additional:

10. Pendibulle tutorial

Didn't I say something about lots of red?

Goals for April are:

1. Stitch rest of the first band of TSS and stitch the monochromatic version (the silks came today!).
2. Finish and send Here's to Ewe piece.
3. Stitch and send monochromatic biscornu to...
4. Stitch the dark humbug, finish both and send them.
5. Finish the secret accompanying piece.
6. Participate Stitch-A-Thon.
7. Apply for the BBA studies.