WTF?

It is really interesting... my 1st husband just sent me a friend request in Facebook. After unfriending me few years ago.
Don't take it as I was bitter, BUT why the heck I got oh so interesting all the sudden? Funny is that I recently unfriended my former SIL, her ex husband and their oldest daughter so if I was a nasty biatch I might jump to conclusions, but as I am asuch a darl I won't.

I was actually glad that he unfriended me back then as I have come to conclusion that he's bad luck for me... and hey look at what happened shortly after I met him for like five minutes! *grin*

Nah, he's just too intense to my taste nowadays. I'll let it hang and keep on wondering.

Power of those funny little presumptions

It's funny really...

I was out in the town with Boy some time ago when I happened to stumble upon ex-husband.
Who didn't recognize me before I greeted him and even then he knew it was me because of the necklace I use. (It's not that common to use necklace with Hebrew word in it in my neck of the woods.)

And he didn't realize the most obvious thing: that I was pushing a pram, a big "combo" pram (Attack carts we call 'em here) as he asked what I am doing nowadays... I had to point out that this is what I am doing nowadays, pushing a pram and living life with a certain charming little man. It was like he hadn't even noticed that big black thing in front of me. As it is a baby thing and not something I could ever push around.

What makes it funny, or rather interesting, was that his brain had obviously categorized me as "barren" after those years we TTC. Even he knew that basically the problem wasn't THAT big... (and then few years later, thyroxine came along and changed the whole thing).

It's funny how I used to think that he's not stuck into categories or anything like that... even after I came to my senses back in 2004.

Though what makes me wonder is that didn't he really recognize the face he was married with for almost six years (and I still look almost the same, by the way) or did that pram really mes his little head THAT badly.
Life's little questions...

Writer's Block: Bitter aftertaste

 

Basically I have never gave a damn when it came to roommate's or friend's musical preferences - though admittedly I do not think too highly of a person who listens solely of one artist or genre. Being a person with very varying musical taste I find it disturbing that there is someone who can be so limited, strict or just plain boring.

When it comes to love music has played a big part and it has usually been unifying factor (excluding Dan's love for Mozart, whereas I can not stand most of Mozart as it shuts my brain): without my love for music I had never ever met or got to know Sonnenschein or Wolfie (in Wolfie's case this is more than true).

Though we have never discussed much about music with Mr. Wonderful we seem to share at least some preferences (soul, jazz etc.) and the differences we have haven't been an issue.

I have also found several music styles I love because of love. Had I ever learned about Indian, Brazilian, Thai or Nigerian modern music without the persons who matter the most, I can not say, just assume that I hadn't.

But detract? I would love to say that am too stubborn to that, but I have to say that in a way it happened back in past as I want to please the person I love too much and thought that suppressing my own personality to support the one I loved was a good idea. Well, it wasn't and I learned my lesson: music is a big part of who I am and one should be able to enjoy the music one loves.

Writer's Block: Take me as I am

Maybe I am not the best person to answer this as I have encountered such a situation in my life, but on the other hand I am because I can say things based on experience.

Dan, my ex-husband (for those of you who don't know), confessed many things after we got married and one of them was that he had been sentenced for committing a serious crime in his past. It was his luck that he was young and that in here certain types of crimes are not punished as strictly as they should as he got out of it with parole.

I was surprised and shocked because I couldn't understand why he never told me about that as he had had his issues with law and order in his youth and he had told me about that stuff before our marriage.
Shortly put I was angry at him because he didn't trust me more earlier.

When it comes to the crime I never believed, nor believe it now, that he was actually guilty. I have seen the court documents which in my opinion do not prove that he had committed said crime. And I can say that I know enough about him to not believe that he could do that kind of thing.

Basically when it comes to things like that I take them surprisingly easily. What ever my partner has done in their past has been in their past and it can't be changed. People can, however, change and what really matters is who my partner is now.

So, I can say that it did not affect to our relationship in any way, it was other stuff that eventually killed our marriage.

Signs of life

I have been wondering for few days what has gone wrong with the world: all the sudden it seems to me that news are even worse than before and that individuals go crazy in their personal lives.

Firstly there is the person from the auction site, then I heard day before yesterday that Dan's and his SO have break up and she took their daughter with her and claims that Dan has been giving medication to the kid - he may be odd and even stupid sometimes, but he is not that stupid (I lived with him almost six years, I can tell).

Luckily there are good things coming through too (and Mr. Wonderful has been behaving very well - as usual), so my confusion levels stay relatively tolerable, but still... Is it in the Moon or is there spots in the Sun?

At least I may have found a job for my brother - taking that he emails to our area manager.

I didn't have two days off as store manager called me in Friday and asked could I come to work... and to work I went. I was working whole weekend and my first day off this week may be tomorrow, or may not, it really depends. One thing is certain: I will have day off in Saturday as it's Independence Day.

I have noticed interesting thing though: it seems that my grocery bill will get smaller. Not because I get discount (5% is not much), but because I simply don't have time or energy to eat as often as I should. On the bright side I also eat much less sugary stuff, which has to be good thing.

Few wishlist additions...

Well, I was looking for a design for Frosty Friends exchange (oh yes, yet another exchange) and made few notes while at it (I found the design, and the hand-dyed I want to use, but I won't probably order them before 15th - or before I have paid all my eBay purchases (shop-a-holic, me?!)):

• Snowman Medley
• Love Keeps Us Warm
• I Made a Snowman
• Hey Mr. Snowman
• Wish Upon a Star
• Love Keeps Us Warm
• Let It Snow II
• Three Hearts
• Winter Wonderland
• Forest Snowfall
• Winter Whites
• Parson Brown
• Christmas Tea
• Snow
• Magic
• That's What Snowmen are Made of
• Snowman Button Sampler
• Let There Be Peace
• Snowman Love Story
• Winter's Night
• Mother's Wisdom: Dress Warm
• Celebration Winter

So, all is well in my neck of the woods, I am just busy as heck.

It was a rather odd day...

It was first of the four course days between the two traineeship periods and we took a bus to the main place of the $INSTITUTE which provides the course (or has sold the course to employment services) - which was kind of nice as it is in the countryside (well, in general Finland as whole is countryside, but that is not the issue).
And as there are three courses going on simultaneously at the $INSTITUTE's "side branch", where the course I am in is held, our tutors saved some money, rent a bus and took us all to the $INSTITUTE's main branch.... which is nothing to blog about, but wait a minute when I tell you something else.

I have knew for some time that one man in another course is my ex-husband's (Dan) old friend. Dan had, after he heard that I am there, told him that I am there too - just on another course.

And today, when we were sightseeing the main site of the $INSTITUTE our groups met (there were so many of us that we had to be divided) at one of the buildings and he came to me and asked "Are you $NAME? Are you $NAME's ex wife?".
I confessed my crime and we kind of get to talking there, but my group went on its merry way and I had to run after them... Then he came to talk with me after the lunch (and I saw some very knowing looks around...) and, after we had had an informational hour about the $INSTITUTE, at the afternoon coffee we went to the same table and gossiped on (surrounded by VERY knowing looks - hey, he is about my age, is there something odd in two people, of same age range, having a chat over coffee?).

We continued that at the bus on our way back here... and then we ended up walking to the central area of the $SUBURB, because I needed to get new travel card and he needed to load his, chatting merrily.
Then he asked would I like to go for a coffee with him (and therefore he ended up spending his lottery winnings (few euros *grin*) on women (yes, he paid (odd Finnish man there O_o))), after which we headed to bookstore, after which he wanted to buy me ice cream... after this I had a meeting to go to, so we separated.

Now, we changed phone numbers in the bus , I offered to take him to dinner some day (as I have some free lunch tickets I got from $COMPANY and he's rather nice company) and he actually asked could he ask me for a coffee for some other day too, as he, as I, likes to have company over coffee - which is nothing odd, as far as I can see... in theory.
BUT: Note that this guy is my ex-husband's old friend (whom I never met when we were married), which kind of makes it a bit... odd (and for some reason he said he'd like to see my "pink monster" (TMI: a vibrating thing *grin*, you don't want to know the details) some day - should I jump to conclusions from that? (The things one reveals to complete strangers...)).

But still, it was great fun to just go with the flow and do something like that as it rarely happens (we had few occasional accidental coffee meetings with N. and I enjoyed them tremendously).

All the sudden I find my life much more interesting...

Brain blurb

Coming to think of it... I always say how I'm not good in getting involved because world is filled with mundane individuals who are unable to keep me interested over five minutes. But then I'm not good at staying single or uninvolved.
Since I separated I've spent only short periods without having relationship with a romantic twist. I met Abhi 7 weeks after Dan moved away, got involved with Sonnenschein about 5 minutes after Abhi left me and after it ended between me and Sol it took (only) five months to get back to business again (I kind of had promised to myself, during winter, not to get involved with anyone before autumn), with Wolfie.
And this is only after my marriage. Though before it I had similar pattern in my behaviour...

So, in this light I may be involved again before this year reaches it's end... It makes me wonder myself and that teflon coating I claim to have. As I seem to be right with it. And in a way it makes me sound so cold and calculating.
Though it may be just realism: if it doesn't work, it doesn't. End of case. Next!

And still I remember how I felt for them, I never forget the love I've felt for someone. It has always been true, deep and insane. And still I can let go surprisingly easily. What's the matter with me? Or am I really, as I say in my LJ profile, too sane?

<!--They say women don't like good guys, maybe men don't like good gals?
As in certain extent I can agree with women not liking good guys. For example I had some issues with myself because Wolfie has morals. I'm not used to it, I'm not used to meet someone who does not want to use me.
Guess why he made the difference? Yup, I found out that there really are men who are worth everything and bit more. There's still hope in humanity, there's still goodness.
(And when it comes to males I've noticed that they're surprisingly attracted to females who treat them bad. Apparently it's part of being human: adventure is thrilling and pain is just the price to pay... And I'm not saying it applies to everyone, and when it applies it applies to humans in general..)-->

So, how has it been?

Tomorrow I've been Miss Peri for a year. And to be honest, I don't regret it a bit. Getting divorce, I mean.

Fact is that since we broke up my heart has come to almost it's normal self again - though I doubt it'll ever be as good as it used to be. But it has it's use.
I had these bad arrhythmias during last months of our relationship. So bad that I laid in bed two days because I had no strength to sit nor stand. Only things I could do were sleeping, eating beta blockers and being afraid of having a heart which just would stop agreeing with me some day.
Anyway, I was only 24. You shouldn't have heart problems in that age, should you?

But since we broke-up I have found a friend from Dan. Someone who supports even my insane ideas. Someone who will, in the end, be there for me if I need.
Of course my family would be there too, if I'd let them, but I don't. I've always been secretive, and for some reason I've always tried to keep my family out of my problems. I'm too proud in certain things, I know it.

Even it's year from our divorce it's over two years from our decision to separate. Or more like my decision, he just had to agree. It was our decision when he realised that I wont take my words back, but it took some months.

Two relationships after it. Both failed. Which I don't understand in certain sense, even I know why those things happened.
I just had to learn with hard way what I really want from a partner.
During this year I've heard certain question few times: How you can be single? How can you be, with that/ those personality/ looks/ brains..?
I had no answer for that, but I think I know... I know myself. I'm quirky. And I know I ask quite much. But I know there's someone, and someone is enough, as long as I find him. I only need that one person to love me, to love.

They say second marriages have best possibilities for success. I really hope so, as, being an romantic idiot, I want to get married again.
Some people wonder it, as they see divorce as a failure of institution called marriage. I just see it as failure of a relationship, failure of both counterparts.
Even people usually don't see me as a marrying kind I'm such a person. I'm sucker for devotion, safety, being protected by gazillion laws... and it brings even more safety in case you've children.

But to be honest. I don't wonder why people think I'm not marrying kind. I'm not quite traditional person, I speak my mouth, I don't allow anyone to degrade me (at least I try not). And I never even thought of really getting married before Dan proposed me (I said yes, because I knew I'd have lost him otherwise - and then, I thought him as my husband, after 8 months). So, in certain sense it's his fault that I became one.

I think I should say something wise, but I can't. I'm in love with Wolves of the Calla and I'll get off to bed with it.

[insert lousy topic here]

[whine]
I had interesting walk home. I spent my time thinking about things (as usual) and realized that it's no wonder I'm bit tense. If there were only one thing 'wrong' in my life, but as things seem to pile up at this moment I get anxiety attacks of some sort (In fact I've diagnosed anxiety disorder, to make it interesting - though I really don't believe in it anymore as it'd mean that I am anxious all the time - which I'm not. (Though I've been whining a lot lately )). Things which really bother me: being dependant on welfare (That bugs me now as they're not consistent with their ways to act, which affects to my income and ability to pay bills) which leads to anxiety of being more or less broke in regular basis (says person who just purchased laptop... but it's different story - I'll need it if I get to university)... and, if I weren't highly allergic to several grains I'd be working at this moment. I got job offer last week, but as I can't work in environment with any grain molecules (just to avoid health hazards - it wouldn't be nice to find oneself from ICU) in air here I am sitting at home and whining. And this is what really begun to bother me when I realized it... It's not feeling worse person because I'm unemployed, I just hate being dependant on others and not being able to be completely self-sufficient money wise.
It's not a problem if everything goes smoothly but any change destroy my finances for months in bad case.

Someone could say that I should stop stash shopping in that case... but my excuse is that cross stitching is my therapy, and I happen to need it to stay sane (or less insane).
[/whine]

And to nicer things.... When it comes to Dan I've said this before and I'll say it now:

I've done one thing extremely well and it was who I chose to be my ex-husband.

I know that it's quite unorthodox view, but he's one of the best I've ever met - even some people think that he's "a bit" odd (). Well, he has to be, otherwise he wouldn't have survived with me - and enjoyed that time.
There has been (and will be) times when we fight like cat and dog, but still... we get along great. To be honest we're better friends than we were as married couple, even our relationship was mostly great.
Our competitive personalities (enneagram types 5 and 3) just happen to clash drastically sometimes. (We either get along perfectly or fight with each others, to heighten things)

I'd say that my past marriage taught me many things about myself and what I want from a relationship to be happy in it.
I've to say that there are two things I occasionally miss as things: our naps and staying awake until early hours of morning talking about things.
It was great as long as it lasted. And I got my best friend from it.

500; Gold! aka. 'Citius, Altius, Fortius'

Stiching Olympics Gazette, Issue 7

First I'd like to thank chanda_m for organizing this huge sporting stitching event. Then I'd like to thank my blogging friends for encouraging comments during my fight for medals. I'd also like to thank my coffee-maker for making me those litres of coffee I've consumed during SO. And last, big thank you for my dear Winamp for providing entertainment.
This is an emotional moment and I'm humbled to be allowed to represent my country in this international event of peace and understanding.

Thank you all. *waves to mom*

And then picture



It's otherwise great but lack of thinking caused certain problems in final metres of finishing and therefore bottom seam is wonky. But it's good enough for me, and I learned something.

It's gold for me, and in fact I also made new World record! I think you all remember him still



Stitched during Olympics and as he wasn't in my original medal goals he justifices World record.

Jenna: Yes, I'm going to frame Topiary Sampler, some day (yes, myself. I'm cheap. ).

Cross posted to cross_stitch.

---

Laptop!

I got email from Dan in this morning. He has got new laptop and therefore he'll sell his old one (about year old) for me. And best is yet to come... I get 18 months time to collect that sum and I pay him then. (This just means that I've to really consider changing my internet connection to ADSL instead of HomePNA.)

500

Suitable entry for 500th entry in my blog, don't you say?

Thingies

1. I wont finish Summer in time (But thank you chanda_m and Jenna for good luck wishes! I try to do my best in Sunday!). Dan popped by for a surprise visit (which is interesting as he lives about ~180 kms from here (he is visiting his mother, so he didn't travelled 180 kms. Only 6 or so)) and I spent this day by drinking excess amounts of coffee, drooling after apartments in New York and saving the world (in sauna - Finnish style).
2. That person I was talking about in Friday has lead to me being extremely annoyed and laughing my a** off after it. He claims that I called him paranoid even I've never done such a thing... Life, anyone?

Sometimes I remember why I

1. dislike Cancerian males (there's something in wrong with those guys, really. At least if you ask from me (and know my experiences about them).)
2. am misanhtrope.

Fortunately I've had good human related experiences lately, so I take that person as little bumb in my path (though I'm still annoyed because he claims me doing something I don't do - well, not my personal problem).

Anyway, in general this has been a good day. It was great to see Dan again ("Again"... haven't seen him in.... 45 days...). Once again I remembered why I wanted to stay in touch with him after we decided to separate/ divorce: He's really great person - a bit eccentric though (And I'm not eccentric?! ).

'It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.'

I think I'm ready now.

I'm ready to write about something which happened in the end of November... or more what are the facts of my life at the moment. I don't know. I don't in fact even know why I'm writing this as it feels bit awkward, but then I do know that it makes it easier to handle. Writing has always been my best friend.

This is 93rd entry about Sonnenschein, and it may be the last entry about him - though we never know what future brings.

After 10½ months of waiting he decided that

1. he needs time to think
2. he needs time to find himself
   and
3. we need a stand-by.

Three hours later Dan was sitting in the train and coming to see me. He did most precious thing anyone has ever done for me, as a friend. He stayed with me four days. He slept his arms around me to make me feel better, and he woke up in the middle of the night just to talk with me. He was there when I needed. And I hope he knows how much I appreciate it.

And now I've decided to live (I haven't been suicidal in any way in years so I don't mean it like that. (Don't I sound like a stable person?) I mean that other way to "have a life".).

If my love is not enough for someone, then it isn't. It's not me being not enough for him, apparently he just wasn't worth (as he has said himself in old days) my love.
If you're too afraid to jump to get what you dream of, then you just have to blame on yourself. I was ready to jump from highest cliff because of my love, and therefore I have nothing to regret. And I know I don't need to cry after lost changes. I'm not the one who has lost or will lose.

Human heart is surprisingly durable. It yields. And life just goes on.

And no need to worry about me. I'm not depressed. I love my life and tomorrow is always a new day.

So, I really am dancing on thorns of crimson roses. Dancing like no one's watching. And loving every painful minute of it.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
Gilda Radner

So, Dan left few hours ago. It was nice to see ("see"... he was here over three weeks ) him, but it's also great to be alone at home. In fact I should do some cleaning as... who knows, maybe I'll have someone to drop by some day. (As I may have mentioned: my life has been odd last 1½ months, and New Year's Eve was interesting.) Have to see about that though, but anyway it wouldn't hurt to do some cleaning.

I also found little something which seems to help with my PCOs related pains: rooibos. I have rooibos which is spiced with vanilla and it's absolutely delicious (if beverage can be that)(and as I ate some chicken I couldn't drank coffee as I drink my coffee with milk. Rooibos just needs some sugar with it and yummy).

When it comes to my VE item I've stitched about 1/3 of it. I'm surprised how nice it looks like as I changed colours of the flosses of original design, and those ones I use are quite 'candyish', but they look good together and IMO are just right ones for Valentines Day.

Btw, have I mentioned that this year will be great? Don't know why, but I just feel like it.

Beginning of the stitching year

I decided to at least begin with my Valentine Exchange item today, which means taking few measurements and doing some planning. I also have to prioritize this because I have one PTB I'm going to use with this, but I also need it in other project, but as VE has deadline...

I've waited for this moment, and I think that one reason for not start before today was that nice tickling feeling of anticipation. And of course I'm also bit worried will my receiver like it - even there's no reason why she wouldn't like it.

Shopping sprees

Placed an order... on Silkweaver's, yes (where else?). Though I couldn't afford to get those linen stitch bands I've been drooling after so long. I had to borrow some money from my mother last month and as I had to pay it back, I just couldn't...
Materialistic b*****d, me?

"I need bigger stash! And nothing else matters."

Guests

Holidays are over and Dan will be leaving in few days. My emotions are bit mixed. In a way it's great, as I like to be alone. But on the other hand... I have to admit that I enjoy being close to someone. Even I don't have deep feelings towards one (Of course I love him in a way, as I can't stop loving anyone I have loved).

What I like about Dan is that he's good person to project my thoughts from. He has given quite much perspective for my thoughts lately, and we have found few things we share personality wise and which make our relationships so cumbersome - and what seems to be why we tolerated each others as long as we did.

Kierkegaard has wrote about "leap of faith", and if I remember correctly it's about "jumping into nothingness" and trusting that you wont hit the ground.
Most people can't do it. And in my opinion it's their loss, as long as they don't hurt others with what they do or do not. But they do hurt, and therefore it's a problem.
And my problem is that I'm willing to jump if I feel like it, even it may not always be very rational solution. I've jumped few times and I have never regretted. I may have hit the ground, but I can say I tried. I can say I believed, I have no need for what ifs.
And that is the problem. When I'm ready to jump, most people aren't. And later on they realize what they should have done, and they return to me. They return and regret. They ask for forgiveness, they want that I hate them. But I can't hate them. I forgive, because I can't hate.
And I forgive because I know how much my forgiveness hurts. I know how great pain it gives to see that no matter how huge pile of s*** I've got from them I don't hate them.

Being open and trusting life is usually considered as naiveness, but what if it's not?
Fact is that you do get hurted too many time because of it, but at least you don't have to regret things you haven't done or curse those chances you've wasted.

You just have to trust that life carries you.

Other "fault" of mine seems to be that I'm too honest, too straightforward. I say what I think and feel. Part of it is about having the courage to jump from that cliff - I dare to take risks (which is odd, as I'm quite a coward).
What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.

I've heard that my main "problem" is my soft heart. Not in that sense you may think it is... it just attracts people who don't know themselves, and they hurt me while they try to figure out who they're.
I've to say that it's really nasty. It doesn't help to hear that it's not my fault. It hurts as much, maybe even more.

It's also about certain urge of some people. This odd urge to rationalise love.
You can't rationalise it, it's a feeling. You can't prove it. You just have to believe to it, and you have to believe that it carries you. And if it doesn't... it doesn't, but anyway you win as you don't have to ruin rest of your life by thinking "What if?".

... I just have to ruin my life by thinking that there are persons who we're too afraid or mentally too weak to jump.

SBQ

So, I survived week without

Stitching Bloggers Question

and now it's time for it again. This weeks question was suggested by Nancy and it's

"How do you balance your stitching time with your other obligations such as work, household chores, etc.?"

Well... I live alone, I am unemployed and I am lazy. Other questions?

I use carrot and stick method. If something needs to be done I either let myself stitch a bit before it, and all I want after I have done everything I need to do, or then I just do what I have to do and stitch after it as a reward. Though I have to admit that as long as there's no one nagging about my household style I don't stress about occasional ("Occasional", right...) mess around here.

And when I was working... I just had free time as in that time I lived with Dan and there were two of us making the mess/ taking care of things - and as we had no children. (Ok, we were one messy couple...)

And anyway, being a female doesn't mean that I am only one who's able to take care of household chores so...

My daily fix

First of all I claim that laptops with touchpad are the natural way for human beings.

I've been using Dan's laptop hour or so now and this is so easy - if we don't notice that his OS is WinXP and I'm not used to use it ("proud" owner of Win2kPro). But, ah, I love this thing.

Anyway it seems that I've to make inventory of our food stuff, as it seems that our mom hasn't completely thought about few little things, like my allergy or that there's four adults who use excessive amounts of milk (either drank with coffee or just as plain milk)...

Well, we'll survive. There's grocery store nearby...

Cats (All 11 (4+5+2)) haven't been killing each others -yet. In fact they have been enjoying more or less, at least my kids. It seems to me that my cats like to meet new cats, even if there's some tensity between them and others.

(I know I do not sound very intelligent at the moment, but I haven't ate anything today and I just don't sleep very well on hard matresses. In fact it's odd as in past I used to like hard matresses...)

...and I miss my stitching. Haven't been stitching in last 24 hours, and I'm so restless - addict, me?

Wintry update

Haven't stitched that much, but there's some progress:

It's night and I haven't bought bulbs yet so I can't get enough light near my stitching while taking pictures so...

One thing is quite sure: I wont be able to finish this before Wednesday, so Winter's finish will be delayed at least in the end of this year (Depends on when we come back to my place with Dan).
Unless I stitch excessively later today, as Dan wont be around (Hmm... I almost said "wont be at home..." Scary.) today I've time after I come back from my tri-monthly visit from local employment service office. (I love those visits... not.)

Though... I doubt that. I've things to do before we leave from here, and I really can't stitch whole topiary "bush" in few hours - not when there's shadings as much as Winter has.
But in the end I don't care as it'll look fabulous when it's finished. That natural linen is fabric suggested by designer, and I can understand why. White fabric would have took off the edge of the snow.

Day two

First of all, before I forget: Winter album.

And then:

Dan came yesterday so I have had better things to do.

Spots in the sun or what's this thing?

I don't know is it just a coincidence, or just the end of the year, but when I glance around me, and into my own life, it seems that there are odd things happening to people and their relationships.
I was doing my before Sabbath administrator duties in the board (little by little into better direction, my Sabbaths I mean - some day I'll stop blogging, hanging in forums and blabbering in IRC, but I'm not yet ready for that, and I'm not forcing myself. It happens when it happens. It's a journey anyway.) and read one user's post in a certain thread. And even her relationship is completely different from mine to begin with it's odd how similar situation we both are in. (Not to mention that there's things happening to people in general - outside that forum )

Two options, both feel odd, but there's feeling that something should happen - and something odd/ scary/ bad/ etc. will happen soon.
In my case odd has happened already, but I've thing feeling that there's something even more odd to come, and possibly(/very likely) during this year.
And what ever happens... I seem to be the one who makes drastic moves, if and when there's such things.

I'm not afraid of what future brings, as I know I'll live what ever happens. I'm just confused in certain level, as my current situation is something I wasn't even thinking in my wildest/ oddest dreams.
And unfortunately my current situation forces me to believe in fate even more than I've used to. (At the moment of pure oddness I knew why I was experiencing it... and that is freaky.)

Have you noticed that I didn't tell anything even I wrote quite much?