John Henry Giles: It's over. I lost my air. That session the other night with those kids, that was a test to see if I could still play. I can't.

Dr. Gregory House: And that's all you are? A musician?

John Henry Giles: I got one thing. Same as you.

Dr. Gregory House: Really. Well, apparently you know me better than I know you.

John Henry Giles: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret. You don't risk jail and your career to save somebody doesn't want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they ain't got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music. You got [indicating the hospital] this. The thing you think about all the time. Thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great. Makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else.

And all the sudden I notice that I remind myself of someone by quoting this... but I do it just because it fits.

Her Highness update

We are back from the vet, and HH is still a bit woozy after the sedative, but she had a diagnose ("blood ear") and treatment and it seems to me that she is no longer in pain. (Imagine if you were a cat and had ~½ dl fluid inside your ear lobe...)
Vet punctured her ear lobe (stuff that came out didn't smell like flowers), injected some cortisone and gave ear drops I have to put in HH's ear next ten days. (It was not cheap trip, but it was about half of the price I would have paid in Helsinki University animal hospital (that place is for teaching, city vet (whom I used) is fully qualified professional... Do we see some oddity in pricing here?).)

HH will be floppy-eared for the rest of her life and her ear will dry and become wrinkly, but it doesn't make any difference - she is her lovely annoying self nevertheless.
This condition may also recur, but in that case it is possible to ask an operation for the ear to prevent this happening after few punctures.

Anyway, old lady is happy now. ^^

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 221

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Order :: Law
2. Mortician :: Six Feet Under
3. Determine :: Decide
4. Ignore :: n00b
5. Guy :: Fawkes
6. Train :: Spotting
7. Garlic :: Vampires
8. Wacky :: Wacko
9. Parent :: Main
10. Burning :: A witch!

Otherwise: I... am... tired. But it's done, pages have been rewritten and I even had time to go on that date. I will give opinion of the success rate if he really is insane enough to meet me again - at least he has my cell number now.

I am tired also because I only slept three hours last night and now I am off to take Her Highness to the vet. Her ear got worse overnight and we'll head to see city vet who also does emergencies on weekends.

And the url is...

Devastatingly smart: Periphaeria.com.

Plan for this weekend is...

Is short and sweet:

1. Rewrite all the links and move Periphaeria's site to it's new domain (Keep your thumbs up that it goes smoothly.) - I have to abandon Sitesled, that darned thing has been inaccessible for a day now...
2. Go on a date in Saturday. (Time of miracles is not over yet, it seems.)

I'll provide the domain when it's working (it takes from two to three days to work, according to my host).
Actually this was just making the decision earlier than I thought: I had in mind that some day I will register domain and get PD's site hosted by paid host. In the end it may actually be good turn as now I can combine everything under same domain: PD's site, blog, galleries... and I will probably have better shopping features at some point too.

And I get to learn all kinds of new stuff. ^^

Bad things... and good ones

As it goes, one reason to worry is never enough... I noticed in the morning that Ronja's left ear is not erect as it should be and took closer look at it: her ear lobe is swollen due infection caused by a scratch.
Next thing to do was to call my mother could she afford to loan me some to get Her Highness to the vet. Right after that I called the vet, and they advised that if I just can do it myself it probably heals with Betadine treatment.
So, off to pharmacy I went and now I am hoping for the best... As Ronja is a cat who has been bitten by a rat (pet rat though), actually said rat bite piece off from her ear (now that taught her to stay away from their cage ), with no further problems is all the sudden so fragile that minor scratch causes inflammation.

And then there's Neko who is old and stiff and spends his days by mostly sleeping... Even Seiichi seems to be slightly worried about his little brother.

FedEx
They actually made it five hours before estimated delivery time. And... loads of House, M.D.!

It may be good for Mr. Wonderful that he is on the other side of this globe, otherwise I'd have probably squeezed him to bits. (You see, I love mr. House - for many reasons, sentimental value added.)

More goodies

I was the winner of Mystery Blogger Challenge at The Robin's Nest and the prize was waiting for me in my mail box today (accompanied with Leslie's RR - her fabric is beautiful, it will be joy to stitch on)... Ready, set, drool!

I don't usually win anything so it makes this even better!

Boo.

I am still alive, you know, but, surprisingly, I have had nothing to say.
What would I write about except having sleeping problems (night before last: 1 hour...) and refreshing FedEx's shipment tracking every fifteen minutes?
Said shipment's estimated delivery time is tomorrow at 6 pm, but it is still, two days after it was sent, in Thailand (according to their books)...

Periphaeria is reaching fame...

I heard from a friend that latest Cross Stitcher has (already) come out and... it has Violarium's ad with one of my biscornus in it.
I knew that TCoA will be presented in that ad, actually I have seen the ad, but still it tickles my guts nicely.

Here be... kitties!

I received my Mystery Exchange from Dawn today! (Mine was received few days ago, but I will blog about it in 1st of May - you know why. *grin*)
She stitched me one of Britty kitties and finished it as a cute wall hanging, and added some great goodies: Teresa Wentzler's Castles by the sea and one skein of yummy V. Clayton silk.

Thank you Dawn!

Speaking of Wentzlers... I decided that I won't work on Egyptian Sampler before I get my printer as those working copies I have are not good enough quality and I just end up with migraine if I try to work from them.
Lesson learnt: never ask someone who doesn't cross stitch to take working copies for you - at least if you are working on a TW.

But, I did stitch a bit of the corner flower!

Cats

To fill your pictorial needs, brothers (they have same father) Furry (ie. Seiichi and Neko):

 

My little one (Neko) is getting old (his eight birthday is soon)... He seems to have occasional problems with his right back leg. It seems to be partially related to his moods (it has been dark and rainy lately and Neko gets depressed - he has always been my sensitive little one, but he seems to be getting more sensitive with age) and I think that rest of it is due his past overweight and how it affected his joints - but he is still fit enough to get on their scratching pole. ^^

It is evident: my little boys are old geezers even it was about last week when they came to my life as little kittens.

To-Be-Read, an update

3rd and 4th ones from my To-Be-Read list are down: I finished 'The House of the Dead' last night and read Elie Wiezel's 'Dawn' after it (quick read: about 140 pages (40-45 minutes, which is much less than I was able to read at my best)).
I have to say that I seem to like Dostoevsky's's way to think, but something in his style bothers me. Maybe because, at least in this particular novel, he seems to make statements and forms the story out of them rather than tells a story - though, we have to notice that he bases it on his own experiences.
And admittedly I have never read anything else from him - yet, I have 'The Brothers Karamazov' in my list waiting... (I started 'The Idiot' aeons ago though)

Next victim: Daniel Katz's 'Otelo'
Coming to think of it... with this pace (4 books/ month) I am done after summer (notice that I have 'The Brothers Karamazov' and 'The Egyptian' in my list) - and found my beloved addiction again.

I was tempted aka. SAT

Once again the project was Loy Krathong, my official SAT piece. I decided to have a goal of having fun, and possibly finish pages two and three, a goal I was able to reach.
Here is before and after:

 

1. Yes, mist around the Moon is green. (Why? This is originally designed to be stitched on navy blue and what colour blue and yellow become when combined..? Exactly, green.)

2. There is 115 confetti stitches around the Moon, which, as you know, means the following: Thread the needle, loop/ stitch lower leg, stitch upper leg, finish, snip, mark the chart, repeat 115 times (as I prefer not to run the floss from one stitch to another).

If you begin to think of that green it it may look odd, but I like it how it is. And in general this is finally becoming interesting thanks to finishing the bow in mother's hair. It brings interesting balance to this.

With this pace I get this finished within a year - which is not all that bad noticing that I work with this only 2-3 days/ month.

Shoot that laser beam
I will get a laser printer!
Actually I am having a multifunction printer (ie. laser printer/ copier/ scanner): this babe here. (My mother gives it to me as an early birthday gift (and possible Yule gift, if my father doesn't see me worth of a birthday gift *evil grin*).)

Which means that from May on I will finally have the possibility to use paper copies when stitching instead of working from screen - and I get working copies of bought charts with almost nonexistent cost (with that particular model one printed page is about 3,4 cents (incl. ink and paper)).
Not to mention that it will be good for me to see how things work when printed before I send them to print.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 220

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Found :: Lost
2. Male :: Where?!
3. Spoken :: Leonard Cohen
4. Life :: Crazy
5. Tonight :: Sleep
6. Fingernail :: Must re-polish them...
7. True :: False
8. Give up :: Loser
9. Shining :: Jack Nicholson
10. Everywhere :: Everything

Yum, yum... aka. eating my words

Ok, I said that I won't participate April's Stitch-A-Thon, but... all the sudden, I hear Loy calling me from its plastic bag... and I could use a break... and I was actually thinking today how wonderful it will be when I get to stitching their dresses with all the colour changes...

Baa-a

Things that make you go Aww!, or, WTH?!: Adopt-A-Sheep.
It sounds like a lot of money, but adult sheep can produce up to 13.5 kilos of wool per annum so it adds up to be quite reasonable price.

SBQ: Wagon or not to wagon...

This week's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

was suggested by Danielle and is

Are you on “The Wagon?” If so, how long have you been on and how “serious” are you about it? If not, have you considered it?

Luckily my stash is so small that even if I would jump in the wagon I'd have to make get materials for the designs I will stitch while wagoning exemption.
Though, now that I have alter ego I could easily jump on The Wagon if I saw it necessary, as my alter ego needs new stash all the time and I get my stash shopping satisfaction dose through her. Not to mention that she takes quite much of my personal stitching time which, obviously, means that I don't stitch my personal projects that much and therefore I don't use my personal stash too much. This leads to having no need to buy new stash for myself - only for the Lady, but she pays her stash herself.

l33t - 19 =

Just to prevent ultimate boredom in lack of stitchy pictures, as I am once again working on something I can't show you, let me represent you my most sacred, a place where I have two personalities in form of myself and Lady Periphaeria.

My personal working stash is on the left, and Lady's working stash is on the right side of the piggy bank.
Bookshelf and that little chest of drawers on the left are for stashes of both. (Those seaweeds in glass jar are there just because they made great background for one of my new designs while photo shooting.)

This is where I stitch, design, correspond, watch DVDs (note DVD player's remote in my cave painting pot (threw, decorated etc. by me, by the way - as are two other pots next to it (original, bigger image for better view): off-white for pens and pencils and that little dark brown one is my water pot (I use water instead of Thread Heaven))), drink excess amounts of coffee, drool over new stash... you get the picture.

<!--Those curtains (note that my desk is located next to outer wall, which also means that there is window (and balcony door) nearby and I hate bare walls next to windows) have been around three years (non-stop, excluding washing them) and I am still in love with them. I would consider buying new ones, but it's difficult to find as flashy yet stylish curtains in my price range.
Not to mention how limited colour selection is still in Finland. Apparently everyone else wants to decorate with pastels or white...

-->This is, at the moment, my favourite place in my apartment.

Foto Pherrets

Week 68

Our word for this week is: Play.

Playfight!
I know they don't look like it, but they (or rather Neko was) were having a playfight... (Alternative: Play dead!)

Quotes

"Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds."
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Be faithful to that which exists within yourself."
-- André Gide

In need of free stash?

One Star's Light Needlework Supplies and Periphaeria Designs are having a Designer Treasure Hunt from today until noon EST Wednesday, April 25, 2007. By answering correctly to five questions you may win some lovely new stash so don't hesitate, click this link right now!

Happy dancing

My Monochromatic Exchange piece is now stitched, so it's time for little booty shaking.
It came out beautifully even it's stitched with a colour I don't generally care that much for, but it falls under my partner's preferences - and, it does look good on that pale green hand-dyed linen. I will finish it later, as its send-out is almost a month away still.

And anyway it will be completely another story as I have never done stitcher's toy like that before.

Other stitchy things

Spring Dragon headed to Canada yesterday and my Mystery Exchange parcel headed to $DESTINATION, so at the moment I don't have that much obligation stitching to do, which is good.
Though I have thing or dozen I should start...

It boggles the mind...

I had an IM waiting when I woke up today, very interesting one. It seems to me that after one person dedicated one blog entry (after reading my entry inspired by his other entry) to me (aka. very special person) there has been minor havoc among those people who read his blog. Apparently because it was obvious that very special person in question is a woman and, excuse me for saying this, because most of the people who read his blog are... yes, women (and I would say also because person whose blog it is is rather nice specimen of human male *cough* in many ways).
In other words: little /me is forming a threat to someone (who I don't know, who don't know me) just by existing (on the other side of the globe) and knowing this man.

I don't do drama, but I seem to cause it sometimes. Ah well, it is difficult to be this evil.

mondaysabitch

All In The Family

1. Which member of your family do you get along with the best?
   My mother and my sister. I get along with both in different ways, but I can't say which one I get along better with.

2. What aspects of your personality do you think are a direct result of the way you were raised?
   My...
   • curiosity.
   • hunger for knowledge.
   • love for literature and arts.
   • respect towards my fellow man - until they prove being not worth it.
   • fairness. (I have two siblings and we always had to share.)
   • honesty.
   • ability for abstract thinking.
   • tendency to question everything.
   • sense of responsibility.

3. What's the stupidest fight you've ever had with a family member?
   Can't recall.

4. Who in your family do you look the most like?
   My mother, though I would say I am actually quite good mix of both.

5. Do you relate to the characteristics associated with your place in the birth order? (ie. Only children are regarded as being typically selfish and youngest children are often babied. Check out the Wikipedia article on birth order for further info).
   None. I am youngest of three, but I was never babied. Admittedly I have sensed that I am always that kid because I am youngest of us, but I won't let it bother.

About Wolves and Demons

I saw my kindred soul online earlier today (actually yesterday) and initiated chat with him. It was first time in ages, but it felt like it had been yesterday when we met last time (15th of July, 2006 ~21:20).
We had a chance to say many things we haven't said, and admit few things we both still carry with us (after admitting it to him I can admit it openly: I still think of him, often, and he "returns" the favour). I dare to say that we both still love each other, and will always love. Sometimes kindred souls just can't be together because they are too alike.

I have been thinking about it since I came back from Bangkok and today I found words for it. The reason why we could not be is that we are parts of one soul which has been divided, and because of that we are, as Finns put it, like shirt and butt. We think same things on the same time, we get what other one means from half a word, and we adore each other... because we are so alike. Because we see, despite the difference of age/ origin/ sex/ history/etc. which should make us so different ([redneck] European woman in her twenties and Southern American man in his very late thirties can't possibly have anything else in common but sex... [/redneck]), ourselves in other. Because in each other we have someone who understands and does not judge.
Being so alike has probably been the reason why we fell in love (anyone remember this?). Our souls found their half and they wanted to stay, but this soul of ours consists of two alike power fields and in core level they can't be together. Or, to put it how it is, they can love each other only from distance.

That is the curse of some kindred souls. That is also our blessing in certain way.

Then, to the fatalist view: we met because we had to.
The thing is that I had just got over a breakdown after Sol dumped me in not-so-very-brave manner and W. had been broken by someone he had loved. (Something I can never understand: how someone dares to hurt someone so kind? Though, that may be the reason...)
As I have say he changed me to better way, he changed my viewpoints to certain things or broadened them. And Wolf... well, it took Hellfire, one Demon and couple of months of Demon's fiery love to get him back to the land of the living. To unfroze him, as he put it.
We met because we had to melt each other. To show each others that there is still hope in human kind. (You may have noticed that I don't call myself a misanthrope anymore?)

This connection between us will probably be threat to many, and it may cause problems whenever either of us finds a relationship. It takes a strong person to accept that two lovers can evolve to be friends who still love, adore and respect each other deeply.

On related, but slightly lighter note: I also heard that I am living proof of that beauty and intellect can appear simultaneously in one person. Though, it also makes me a paradox, I heard.
Nevertheless I can't help, but smile to that. We have to remember that he lived with me a month and he has seen more of me than most people will ever see... He also saw that person I was last year. If you ask from me I have matured to better since...

 

It was a good evening.

P.S. It seems to me that my Portuguese lessons may actually continue some day (beware, I will be fluent in Brazilian Portuguese any day now *grin*).

Itsy bitsy teeney weeney little pol... Happy dance

Exactly 3,4 cm x 3,4 cm (1.35'' x1.35'') worth of secret happy dance.

You will meet this little thing soon, so stay tuned.
Silly thing in that project was that I accidentally stitched it with two strands on 40 count, which I have never done before (used two strands, that is) and it is not too bulky. It actually looks good: stitches are full and pop out wonderfully from the fabric.

In other news: I noticed that I had started my Monochromatic Exchange piece from wrong place so I had to restart it, but despite that "minor" mishap I am about half done with it after only one evening's stitching. I think it will turn out beautiful (and very springy/ summery, which is very appropriate noticing its send out date (May 14th)) unless I manage to mess up with its finishing.

Periphaeria is now almost ready for May launch, designs (four) are ready and sent to print couple of days ago. Now I only need to write them their individual pages, make a sketch of May newsletter and... we are ready to roll.

Now... I should prepare my RR logbook, pack the dragon with it and prepare my Mystery Exchange partner's parcel to go tomorrow. I am sure she will love it, I am very happy with how it turned out.

ETA 21:05 :

1., 4., 6. and 10. ^^

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 219

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Freeze :: Winter
2. Naturally :: Naked
3. Painting :: Stitch-A-Painting
4. Merits :: Credits
5. Ironic :: Life
6. Survival :: ...of the fittest
7. Cow :: Milk
8. Anchor :: DMC
9. Sisters :: bits_2_whole
10. 70 :: Miles per hour

DIY: Make your fears come true

A bit more on negative thinking.

Last night SIL came to our family's IRC channel and begun to, honestly, complain how nastily my brother had treated her and how he is running away with his ex, ex with whom he hasn't been in 14-15 years. (Ex he probably does not miss even in his worst dreams, knowing thing or two about their relationship.)
In the end the issue was that his ex had contacted him (note: she contacted him, he did not contact her), nothing else. (Ok, my brother was, according to hearsay, pleasantly surprised.)

Now, based on what I know about my brother he has probably told SIL that she's overly jealous, which is true.
Friend of mine once said: Those who have cheated or have tendency to do so are those who are most jealous of you. And SIL has cheated my brother. I know it since she has told it to me.
She also happens to be those people who have a fit if my brother happens to look at some woman a bit longer, and still she should be allowed to drool after strange men (as mentioned before). In other words she's being hypocritical.

Anyway, that was for base, allow me to begun with the real issue...
They may have problems in their relationship, and one of the major problems is surely her lack of self-esteem. She has no self-esteem and therefore she can't see why my brother is with her. She has always been worried of not being good enough, even she's extremely good at hiding it. It shows when she's drunk (she really shouldn't drink). I know this is not the first time, and it won't be the last time.
I know her problem is in her slight handicap and being somewhat overweight, but she has not sense of realism... My brother chose to marry her, out of all the women out there, and have kids with her. Doesn't that mean anything to her? Doesn't that ring a bell?

And then, when I and my sister told her that if she really thinks he will leave he will, if she really thinks he doesn't love her in the end he won't as that kind of fears tend to actualize sooner or later because no one can love someone who tells you can't love them. In the end self-pity will kill that love there once was and all her fears will come true. (At the moment she probably thinks we are unempathetic b*tches, but she's entitled to her opinion.)
They have been in brink of divorce once (which was right after I separated) and I think they are getting there again... because you can't love me because I am [ ]/ you are [ ]...

Think about it yourself: would you rather be with someone who constantly asks how can you love me because I am so [excuse]? or with someone who thinks that you love one because one is the best there is (despite one's flaws)? Would you rather be contradicted or trusted? Would you rather be with someone who thinks that world will end if you are no more or with someone who prefers to be with you, but whose world won't end if you are not there - even if they love you? Would you rather be with someone who thinks you will cheat them because you are so weak you can't resist the temptation or because one is not good enough for you, or would you rather be with someone who thinks that you won't cheat them because you are strong enough, because one you love is all you need and then some?

Personally I would rather be with someone who is strong enough to stand on their own two feet if necessary, someone who is strong enough to love me as I deserve. Don't you?
So, take a moment and think which one you would like to have as a partner and then spend another moment being completely honest with yourself... which one you are in a relationship? Are you the one who makes one's fears come true?

No matter how much losing someone dear hurts we should realise that there is no other end of the world than the end of the world itself (and not even then if you happen to find suitable parallel universe). Bad things may happen, but world will keep on going and storms will change to sunshine if you just believe they will.

Stash

Fabric!

That reddish one is Silkweaver's Inferno (32 count Belfast, 13''x18'') sent by Dorothy who was my sender in Hand-Dyed Fabric Exchange at LBBB. Extremely suitable choice of name for a person who goes in several forums under ID of a female demon - and whose surname has to do with fallen angels.

And that white is 55 count (yes, 55!) Kingston linen, Act of Kindness (I knew this was coming so not so Random, even it is still as great) from Leena, my fellow over one addict.
I know she has plans for her piece, and now that I saw the fabric I think she can manage it. Heck, after seeing that fabric I think, too, that stitching over one on 55 count sounds like a great idea! (Did I mention that I stitched a bit over one on 40 count today? Only problem was that my needle was a bit thick, otherwise it was sheer bliss.)
Must... resist... temptation...

And... just to shock you all: I have been stitching! Someone else's design for a change. Which made me think... is it just my depraved mind or does this look a bit "questionable"?

(Maybe I just need a relationship, or a good FWB... or life, or... I think I could settle with relationship - having all advantages of FWB and some more.)

Speaking of which

...relationships that is.
It's night and air is smelling like summer (I am sitting on the dock of the bay balcony door (got to love laptops) and that always reminds me of those little things I miss.
At nights like this Dan and I used to go out for a walk and talk, talk and talk. Before the end those were probably the best moments we had.
Don't get me wrong, I don't miss him or our marriage, I miss those nightly walks with someone I love, with someone who gets me.

Sometimes the need of being understood, being adored and loved as I am, overwhelms me, and it is also a scary thing... as I know that I have a "bad" habit to fall for about every intelligent man who gets what I say, those ones with opinions and nowadays even mental strength (my flaw in past was to love weak men). Or maybe I am just scared the fact that I give every single one of them equal opportunity, because in the end I believe in goodness in human kind.
As someone once said: ...your problem is that you are too kind, sweet and soft-hearted for human beings to understand. Which is not your fault, but theirs.

*sigh* Diamonds in world of pebbles...

When it comes to music

David D'Or, man with a voice of an angel (and eyes to (almost) die for). Don't believe me? Click and try.

Sometimes

... few words make your day. I think that one person has actually made my week with his words.
Yesterday I was worn off, stressed... today I feel refreshed and I am on my way to move some mountains.

R., if you see this... thank you.

Stitching, allergy and everything

1. I have decided not to participate SAT this month. I need to rest and stitch if I feel like it.
2. I noticed that I despise 28 count linen. It's not dense enough to my taste and stitches look huge on it. Whereas 40 count linen is pure love.
3. I was supposed to stitch Monochromatic Exchange piece, but I ended up stitching something completely different... on previously mentioned 40 count linen.
4. I am still reducing my exchanges. It really has to hit me with 16 ton weight before I let myself participate. And anyway, I need to concentrate on Angi's birthday gift as July is soon (Gawd, I will be 28 soon!), not to mention those PIF gifts and few very belated gifts - and I can always RAK people if I wish to.

4. comes mainly from the fact that there's no sense to burn midnight oil all the time. I get enough of it per deadline.
Another reason is that Periphaeria's designs seem to get bigger which means that I need more time to stitch them. Not to mention that it would be nice to actually have some personal stitching time every once in a while.

Pollen season

What you do when you have doubt that part of your migraine is caused by your blocked sinuses? Stay awake half night and look up your allergy medicine's lethal dose.
Apparently in my case my tolerance for Levocetirizine is a bit too good or I am more allergic to alder pollen than I thought (or than the tests thought) as I after I practised some quackery and raised my daily dose up with 5mg... And guess what? I got rid of those back and hip pains which had haunted me for few days and it seems that my right feet is finally getting its tactile sense back.

I think I know why that doctor prescribed 5-10 mg/ d (for allergy medicine which LD50 is 70mg/kg<). It's once again all about the fact that I am heavier than I look. I am quite sure that 5mg/d would be just the dose for person who weighs what I seem to weigh, but not for a person who weighs as much as I actually do - that 20-or-so kilos worth of optic illusion can be interesting sometimes. Sometimes it leads to insufficient medicine prescriptions.

Yup...

"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."
-- Alanis Morissette

The Glass Tower

I don't understand why people are so fond of closing me in glass tower of adoration and sing me songs of my uniqueness and wonderfulness from down below. They seem to think that that is what I want, they think that life is great in glass tower, being worshipped by them. I tell you, it is not.
This seems to have become problem of my existence, only few really want to know me and respect me as a human who I really am. For some odd reason people don't want that, they want a guru from who to gain, gain, gain and never give, and for some odd reason I do as one. I don't want that. I rather am alone than surrounded by leeches. I rather have only few people in my life if I know that those people are not in my life to gain, but because they want to share and receive - because they really see who I am.

"Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
-- Unknown

Power of thought

Sometimes people who make you think cross your path.
Which has happened just lately, and his latest blog entry made me think about something. The power of your mind and how your way of thinking affects to your life. Negative vs. Positive.

As I may have mentioned I suffered from chronic, rather severe depression in my previous life. Most people would have explained it with all the bad things which have happened in my life and think that that depression was completely normal consequence.
Allow me to disagree a bit. I admit that when my depression begun it had a reason, small child has no tools to understand adult world and my depression was normal reaction for stress. (I was extremely good at hiding it, which may also prove my mental strength.) And admittedly I had several major stress factors in my life when it started and while it lasted.

I remember those times, and I remember the weight of my past. I remember how much it weighed on my whole being, on my heart, soul and mind. I also remember how no depression drug seemed to work on me...
Then I take my current self and look at her past. She has bucket loads of maneur in there, pain, darkness... but this person has no need for depression medication. She is able to look at the darkest parts of her past with no pain or distress.

I am she. She is I. And I know what made the difference.

Some years ago I realised that my past is just what it is, past, and I can't change it. I realised that it has caused me pain, but I am the one who allows it to ruin my life. I asked myself what are my options and I had only two: either to die or to teach myself to accept things as they are, let my dear pain go and learn to love myself. Let my past be what it is: past. Which meant learning to think positive sides of everything, living for today and for the future, not for the past.
As you may deduce I chose to live (I don't believe in suicide and I have never been suicidal (which actually baffled few shrinks)) and learn to accept. I chose future. And on the way I have learnt that nothing is as bad as it looks like and tomorrow is usually better day even if today it sleets.

My way has taught me my value, it made me make some difficult decisions (divorce), it has meant leaving most people from my past behind because they couldn't accept that I grew and they could not accept what I became because I became different than they are or different from what they wanted me to be.

You may understand by now why I sometimes refer to my previous life. It was my previous life in sense of being alive. This life is one worth living.

And the stitchy post...

Firstly, Lady got new stash from Violarium today. (I'm She's quite happy that I she have has found Finnish ONS with good customer service. It's always nice to place an order and get your things next day (in this case mailing notification came three hours after placing order). )

Two skeins of Atalie's silks (Djerba (blue) and Lhassa (yellow/orange)) and piece of 40 count linen. You may meet these beauties later in some models of mine hers...

Secondly... it's a small world, and cyber space is even smaller it seems: Tracy, lady behind Ink Circles, who has also designed design I used for Linda's mini biscornu, had found my blog accidentally. How I know this? She left a note in my guest map. (And allow me to say that it still feels good when a designer whose style I like finds me accidentally. I think it is one of those things which never lose their glamour.)
By the way, while you are at it, check her new design 'I Still Do'.
/me likes. Now I just need to get married and stay married... Any volunteers around?

I have to admit that even most wedding samplers do not strike my fancy, that is something I could do - even it is outside "my style" in certain sense. Maybe it's just my mushy side revealing... (but then, I think I have said that I am marrying type in the end.)

Foto Pherrets

Week 67

Our word for the week is: Spring.

Spring Dragon, my latest finish.

B5 and hypocrisy

Lennier:What kind of drink is that?
Ambassador Vir Cotto:I'm not sure. The bartender called it a 'Shirley Temple'.
Lennier: Interesting. I've studied many Earth religions and I don't think I've ever heard of that particular temple.
Ambassador Vir Cotto: Me neither. But, it's real good.
Lennier: Well then. I shall make a point to visit it on my next trip to earth.

Anyway..

My "dear" SIL has one use: she gives me good rant topics.

Few days ago she was drooling over Finnish equivalent of Chippendales, Hunks. My brother knows one of them and he would have got VIP tickets from this guy, but, as my SIL had head to bed early that evening she missed the possibility. Which made her annoyed because those are just so absolutely gorgeous men, gawddamnit!...
Now, I am not commenting on function of this kind of groups, or the fact that she drools over other men even she has quite nice piece of body living with her (aka. my... what-was-it... brother) and she happens to be married. No, I am not in mood for moral lectures here, but what bothers me is that same women who drool after these so-called-gorgeous men (honestly, none of them strikes my physical fancy (I adore men with good muscular tone and broad backs, but there's something odd in these guys)) are the same women who have a fit if their spouse looks after anyone, and these same women are those who preach about how erotic/ porn industry degrades women. (I don't get into the issue does it or doesn't it.)
I find these women very hypocritical, and what is worst in that... they don't get it. It's sad really.

As I said during same conversation by me... I wouldn't mind my own personal gorgeous (half) naked man shaking his booty to me if he also had IQ of 160. That would be enough for me.
(But then I am odd in that way... if I am involved my partner is most gorgeous man in whole Universe and he's only one I drool after. I am dreadfully faithful and simple, I know.)

1300; Two things

Got kind of tagged by Angela:

Two Things...

... Names you go by: succubus/ succubia, Outi
...Wearing right now: Erm... do knickers count as two? It's plural....
... You must have in a relationship: Only two things? Trust (absolute trust, which, in my case is very difficult to obtain), acceptance.
... Favorite things to do: Dream, think
... You want very badly: my morning shower and coffee (I am politically correct here *ahem*)
... pets you had/have: you know my cats so less known... Santeri (aka. Santtu) and Vilperi (aka. Vili), my dear late rats.
... people who will fill this out: those two who do it.
... you did last night: floss tosses for Monochromatic Exchange, prepared few files for print.
... you ate yesterday: sour whole milk, crepes (I am excused, I blame my hormones).
... people you talked to last: As talk talk or type talk? Do cats count?
... Things you're doing today: laundry, 4 km walk
... longest car rides you have taken: Finland back and forth.
... Favorite holidays: at the moment... none.
... favorite beverages: strong, good coffee (I seem to like men men like I like my coffee) and raspberry mineral water.

Consider yourself tagged.

Egocentric blogging

I just have to brag about this: Another retailer!

Happy Dancing Dragon

Migraine hasn't left the building and I haven't got that fourth model finished (though I have added instructions to my current models - I should just send them out to Jenna), but... Do you happen know what this is?

There are gaps, I know. Those are for beads, which will be added when dragons return home in the end of this year. After that my plan is to stitch simple border around every dragon with some metallic and finish them either as bell pull with loads fancy beads all around or then I will go with framing.
I know there's not hat much fabric around the edges, but you can always cheat and sew some scrap fabric around the edges.

Otherwise... 3837 is bit too close to the fabric's colour, but in general I am quite pleased with how Spring turned out - even it is yellow.
Honestly speaking: these will look about bazillion times better in person dragon than in that preview picture.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 218

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Freak :: You called?
2. Open :: Open Source
3. Important :: Necessary
4. Magnetism :: Animal
5. Lap :: Dance
6. Anything :: Everything
7. Match :: Fit
8. Father :: Mother
9. Idea :: Thought
10. Mirror :: Mirror, mirror on the wall...