I have been absent again as I sought solitude, I needed to calm down.

I don't know where it started exactly, but I guess part of it was the relief of getting things settled regarding Tiny's custody and the divorce - and frustration for the bureaucracy after I tried to apply for child support from the government (as mr. X haven't and won't pay it). And other things.
I was in the verge of imploding for weeks, but after almost a month at the country I start to feel like myself again. And it also makes me more confident about my decision to move here, as soon as we get a place to call home.
It's quiet here, soothing. The sky is wide, highest building in the vicinity has only six stories.
It's beautiful and cozy in here, regardless of being "in the middle of nowhere" (there's ok public transport and health services seem to be good too, at least for children*).

I haven't even had the energy to think of stitching, let alone actually make stitches.
Admittedly I have had energy to have irresponsible S.E.X. to celebrate and to get my mojo back. And it has helped. Shopping. Now I at least think of stitching.

I have found Casa Cenina again after I realized that they ship with DHL when your order is over 35 euros. In layman's terms: they deliver it to your hand and usually within 24 hours after it has been shipped.
/me likey and this probably keeps me away from Sewandso from now on. (Which basically means I will be much better, right? Having one less ONS to spend my money at? )

But even I think of stitching it seems that my free time will be spent listing stuff on local auction site and it should all be listed (and preferably sold) before the material for the admission exam is published, around the end of September.
That is also the deadline for packing all the things we can live without for two months (I write like we had a place to live here already )... I think I am going to be busy for a while.

*Tiny got a 2nd degree burn on the back of his hand ~week ago and we have visited local health center twice because of it. Third time is on Monday.

This mountaintop is solitary, but cozy...

I love the random quote panel I installed on PD's community, I find great quotes from it all the time (though, over half of the quotes there are added by me - not to mention the amount of typos of the original quote list I had to fix before it was usable *rolls eyes until they fall off*):

"Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves."
--Blaise Pascal

In general I have spent last few days by thinking, wondering, pondering, thinking... and playing online chess - when I haven't slept like a mummy (I sleep 12 - 16 h/d, simply because I can't open my eyes and get up).

All the symptoms point to depression...

I am bored: [X] Yes, [ ] No
I have problems being generally interested of anything: [X] Yes, [ ] No *
I "lose hours" every day: [X] Yes, [ ] No **
I sleep too much: [X] Yes, [ ] No
I am socially withdrawn: [X] Yes, [ ] No

... the main point just is... that I am not.
My state of mind is completely normal, though more thoughtful than usually (i.e. I really process things).
One factor may be that due my odd rhythm I haven't took all of my daily cortisone inhalations which leads my asthma worsening which leads to tiredness and general exhaustion.

It may be that my body is simply exhausted and depressed due all the strain it has been under last years with all the health problems. Which leads to interesting situation: I am mentally healthy enough to work, but my physics probably couldn't take it in the long run. (This was sort of proved during those three months I worked in the $COMPANY: 1st month was fine, but I was on a sick leave continuously during 2nd and 3rd month, and after the period was over I was sick for two weeks (admittedly it was a mild influenza, but still - I rarely get those).)

If it is so, I may be in deep $*** as I am so dreadfully good at looking healthy (that was why the GP didn't diagnose the hyperventilation attack as one and sent me to hospital for the second opinion..) which practically means that I am never diagnosed as sick as I am.... damn, I'd say.

Anyway, I'm off to shower. All this concentrating on one thing hurts my brain.

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*: I haven't read blogs in three days, and I check only the necessary email accounts (i.e. blogging email, PD's Gmail and TSS').
**: You know, that is actually a symptom of schizophrenia.