Long time, no see

I have thought about writing an entry for about bazillion times. But to no avail as life has been overwhelming and my head has been even greater mess than it usually is.

But I talked to Someone Very Dear about my blogging recently and he wondered why I have ceased to do it because I was good at it... Back in the day when we got acquainted. 12 years ago.

No, there's no Mr. Right Now.
Someone Very Dear to me is that missing piece of my soul, Mr. Wolf from aeons ago.
It's funny really. It has been years since last time and when we talk (well, type) it's like those years never existed. I never get that with people. Never. Time gets between me and my ability to act normally. Usually.

Which probably has something to do with the fact that I may have inattentive ADHD and it causes me to have problems with social interaction. among other things (like life). It's not official, but it would explain a lot (a WHOLE lot). and preliminary testing points heavily to that direction. It would also explain why Tiny has ADHD too (and vice versa). This is recent addition from this summer, but it was not a surprise to anyone who is in contact with him. And hopefully there will be medication trial this year as Tiny goes to preschool (today!) and needs to amp up his concentration.

Maybe I am back, who knows. Let's see.

He is a special child, indeed.

In his four year checkup Tiny's public health nurse recommended us an evaluation at special needs child health centre as Tiny did not wield age specific tests. Six months and two evaluations later Tiny's special friend got a name: SID, sensory integration disorder. Which explains a great deal of him.

And a great deal of me...

It also makes it easier for both of us as now his special friend has got a name and it's easier to understand Tiny's sometimes really difficult behaviour (meltdowns). And now I see why he did not manage those tests: he clearly doesn't trust his nurse and as I had to leave the room for his testing Tiny blocked the lady out and started to do his own things. He has huge issues with having to be close to strangers if he doesn't initiate the contact - he panics if he has to sit next to someone he doesn't know in a bus, even if I am next to him. You can imagine how it must be for him to be alone in a closed room with someone he has met twice. (On the other hand Tiny was really smitten about that occupational therapist who evaluated him. We may have to keep her even she's not specialized in SID kids.)

Funnily enough daycare was worried about Tiny's linguistic development and it turned out to be only thing there are no worries about. He just needs some speech therapy, like I did, but his linguistic abilities are completely normal. SID just makes him seem like he doesn't always understand. And my family is full of people just like him.

So... Bumpy ride goes on and on.

I got SRTD from noise and spent summer with a burnout and was stupid enough to go back to school like nothing. Then I got sick and was too sick or tired to do anything 1,5 months. So, fall semester went to dogs.

We relaxed whole holiday period, it was tons of fun for both Tiny and me, and in January I started studying with goals.

Tiny got sick. Apparently he is more or less allergic to milk, fish and bell peppers. At least. And he reacts with his intestines. So, he has been at home a lot because his tummy hurts and he has reflux symptoms. Based on his blood work and check-up he is a healthy lad. At the moment we are waiting to get an appointment with allergy specialist. Until then I get to hear "mom, my tummy hurts" almost daily. And it sucks.

Then my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with several metastasis in his liver. It's unoperable as long as he has them. And life expectancy isn't great even at its best: 10 % of PC patients are alive after one year, 2-3 % after five years.
And I worry already how Tiny will take it when his grandpa dies. "Luckily" he is no stranger to death: my sister's older cat died of cancer some time ago and Tiny helped our mother to bury her. He has been asking lots of questions about dying since. And he still thinks everyone will be buried at granny's yard when they die. *grin*

So. This is how it has been. I am hoping this would be enough for next ten years or so...

Signs of life with a child

Which are two stomach bugs and a nasty head cold within last month. So our schedule has been filled with being sick... and exhausted.
Tiny has always been relatively healthy child and apparently he decided it's time to shake things up a bit... I just hope this would be enough for a while as it has been really exhausting. Today was the first day in last month when we didn't both take 3-4 hour nap. But that's probably because we actually got out after 10 am, which is like first thing in the morning in our household. At least within last month. If we have done a grocery run we have left around 3 pm... because I have been too tired to function properly before that. And then it is not easy to get ready to go out when you have a sick child wanting to be hold 24/7...