Few bits

Still alive, nothing much to tell, only few interesting tidbits:

1. I filled the follow-up forms for depression and anxiety day before yesterday. My BDI score has plummeted from 15 to 7 in about 1½ months.
2. I was visiting my mother yesterday and after taking bronchodilator (it was an extremely dry day, very bad for my lungs) I decided to use her meter and measure my peak flow. It was majestic 700 litres/ minute! Remember that I have an obstructive, chronic lung disease and the median for a woman of my age and height is 440.
   Therefore my lung capacity is 159%. (This probably means that my lung function is recovering.)
3. I have found an excellent combination for workout: goth metal and Stephen King's books.
   If I only watch DVDs or listen only music I can't train more than 20- 30 minutes because I begin to feel too exhausted... when I listen to goth metal and read I can do as much as 64 minutes.
4. My pulse rate bothers me: it seems to be almost impossible to keep it over 140, even less at 160 which should be the best pulse rate for excercise.
5. It seems that caffeine blocks the effect of sertraline: when I drink decaf I am much more energetic than when I drink regular coffee and the meds seem to work better.

The blue scheme? I noticed one day that eLJay's trademark colour scheme was quite nice and soothing so I figured out the colour codes and edited my template.

I had an interesting discussion with my mother over late lunch yesterday. She has had her doubts about me having asthma when I was a kid (because I was so cranky), and, noticing how low my air flow has always been (it has never been measured officially) I'm surprised if I don't get the diagnose.
Lately (non-allergic) shortness of breath has been daily (it happens even if I sit on a bus) and I realised yesterday that I have had last two months all the symptoms of an asthma related mood disorder (i.e. general exhaustion and signs of depression without being depressed).

If I have asthma it may also exlplain my concentration issues, at least partly, because my brains don't get enough oxygen. It could lead me sleeping less and waking up cheerier.
As you see, I am cranky at mornings and only thing to cure it is a healthy dose of *caffeinated* coffee. Caffeine is a weak bronchodilator and it also reduces respiratory muscle fatigue... hmm... it's also chemically related to theophylline which is used to treat asthma. Hmm^2.
This kind of leads to the conclusion of 1 + 1+ 1 being three.

(And, thanks to summer, doctor's appointment is 23rd of July...)

WIP with wings

Not much of a progress as I *gasp* had social life *gasp*. Went for a coffee with someone (46XY as you want to know it anyway *grin*).
Before anyone asks: yes, I had a good time. And I noticed that you can get drunk from drinking too many lattes (they had no decaffeinated today so I had to (yeah, right) overcaffeinate myself).

I also updated my pattern stash (*.xls file) as I realised that I've got quite a few designs after I updated it last time (and I can't help drooling over A Dragon's Tea Party, it's just so... cute! ^^). (Note to self: plastic pockets.)

Health-related blabber

It seems to me that I should reduce my coffee consumption drastically, and preferably try to survive few days without it (dreadful thought). My poor heart is erratic again, and even it bothers me to feel my heart beating what bothers me more is being tired.
It happens every time when I've any sign of arrhythmia. Natural reaction of course, my body tries to recover, but I have to run some errands today, so it bothers me.
And I foresee migraine because my blood pressure may be bit high at this moment (though when I had those bad arrhythmias some years back my BP was actually only slightly risen) - and having irregular sleeping rhythm doesn't make it any less likely to have another migraine attack, nor it helps with my heart.
And I'm quite sure that my heart doesn't like my anemia very much - though lower hemoglobin levels are one reason why females have less heart problems than males.

I've nothing against having body which actually seems to work like it's supposed to, hormone wise, but I've noticed that it causes problems for my activity levels... when you bleed twice-thrice as often you used to only about year or two ago it does affect and it affects so much you can really notice it.
I should try some extra iron, but then... I should get enough from my daily multivitamin pill(s), and as I eat meat nowadays I should have no problems what-so-ever with my iron levels (or so they say..).
But as said, I am not complaining in the end. On the contrary.

On other things, I'd like to thank for encouraging comments considering my SAT, and, of course, congratulations for our ESC success.
I meant to say this before, but you can't always remember everything, can you?

Morning coffee in the evening

I was reading Christine's blog and confronted Coffee Cup Challenge which evolved to be also Coaster Challenge, and here comes my share....(I can hear you guys screaming: No! No more memes!)

   

That mug is almost as old/ young as I am. That's other of my first mugs (too big to be cup in local terms), other one is one with Holly Hobbie.
Anyway, that mug is not my official morning coffee mug. In fact I've so many mugs in different shapes and sizes that I usually use different one every day.

Surprisingly I've coasters with cat and coffee... I think that doesn't surprise anyone.

Which leads me to introduce my favourite tea mug. I found it (and if I'm not completely wrong, it's pair) from flea market about 10 years ago.

In those times I also found great pair of skull mugs from flea market. (I should really try to find them from my storage room.)

For us coffee addicts...

...Frequently Asked Questions about Coffee

EDIT 20:06:

And chanda_m found this: Tea FAQ

Greetings from the fridge

I've more or less browsed trough half(!) of the upper part of the fridge, just to get the image what there is and what I can eat. I also like to know what there really is for Yule (24th).

Anyway, after that I needed allergy medication, so here I am bit irritated sipping coffee and blogging about it. Great life, huh?

And allergic rections or not, I've to explore rest of the fridge today as tomorrow I need to do few things, like some candies for myself as I can't eat bought ones because there's more or less nuts or something related in every single Yule chocolate brand there is...
And in case I want to keep Shabbat I've to wake up early so I can finish everything before 6 o'clock. Living in a family with several ways of belief, or lack of it, is quite cumbersome.

But hey, I've done some stitching today and I feel much better about myself again. It's really odd what's the difference between stitching me and non-stitching me.
I like this stitchy self more.

Btw, I think it goes like this...

• All things kawaii!
• Kawaii!
• ^^

equals

Entry no. 295; various.

There's something seriously odd in my brains. And in Mozart.

I went to sleep about 4 hours ago and woke up (once again) completely sweaty, dieing of thirst and complete messed up. Don't remember dreams I saw that well, but I know they have been very scattered and without any sense (I usually have some sense in my dreams). Woke up totally confused and very cranky, just like I've used to wake up before I found out what influence that CD I mentioned has on me.
Last night I didn't listen it. I was too lazy and way too relaxed when I realized that CD player is not on and decided to play with my fate. Apparently I shouldn't have done it.

I'm in here now because I was unable to fall asleep again.

This has nothing to do with coffee consumption. I drank my last cup in about 6 hours before I went to bed, and I've been known as a person who has needed coffee to fall asleep.
Neither have I drank tea or anything with caffeine in it. Music doesn't affect to my sleeping either.

Unless it's Mozart. At least it really begins to look like it.

Anyway, while laying in bed I came to conclusion that my brains are so overactive during nighttime that it goes far above normal activity, and that causes sweating and thirst. Apparently I use quite much energy while sleeping... It'd be nice to know how restlessly I sleep without my daily Mozart fix.

Health.

Throat ache went away and is here again, so I think that in the end it's all about.. *tadaa*.... central heating, in other words air in this apartment is too dry for my tubes. I've to remember put my air humidifier on.

And after about five weeks stable phase it seems to me that my weight is going down again.

Blogging and some serious nerdiness.

I've developed a perverted dream... I've had this server project going on about year and a half (yes, I'm fast) and lately I've been dreaming about it again. Just because I've reached new level in my bloggerism: I want to have an independent blog. (Livejournal isn't actually "an independent blog" if you ask from me)
Software is free, but it needs server which runs PHP+MySLQ (freeware too, AFAIK). And that would mean that I should learn about gazillion things and after it we could ask "Why not study that stuff then as you seem to be so friggin' interested of it?".

Interesting issues indeed.

SOLAK.

I became familiar with aspect of "charity stitching" some months ago when I really begun to find my place in cross stitching communities around internet. As a known tree-hugger I liked the idea of it, but was very disappointed because most charities seem to be flooded with religious views (and quite fundamentalistic even (in my eyes at least)) and they're focused only to one place and to small groups of individuals (and when we mix charity and religious views it easily gets ugly and leads to discriminating of individuals with "wrong" beliefs....).
But then I was reading one previously mentioned blog and found link to SOLAK's site...

Nowadays I'm a member, so I think we all know what happened after I got to their site?

Much better now.

Feel bit woozy still, but at least I'm not nauseating and my stomach feels quite ok. I even slept quite well, though only few hours - but only because I had my cell phone waking me up (in the end I woke up when Sonneschein came online, I think he just came to check his emails as he just popped by before going to help his sister (assumingly with her move thingies)). Even coffee is option now, oh joy.

Blogs.

Sometimes I doubt I'm way too nice. I modified my ex's blog voluntarily. Though fact is that it was best option: fast and I didn't lost my nerves, which would have happen if my ex would have done it with my online tech support. And anyway, I know what goes where. It's just odd that we both have blue blog.

But his blog has only one post currently so have to see does he get blogging addiction or not. I suggested it to him as a way to improve his English skills. At least he could get some practise of thinking in English. (Though Sonnenschein has promised to help him. In a way it's obvious... if my ex visits us, he have to use English because Sol doesn't speak Finnish... yet.)

Ornies.

I made another one last night, this time I used variegated DMC 51 (I think it's that, have lost it's info band) and Mill Hill's petite seed beads on black aida. It looks great.

Human beings.

I was sipping my morning coffee and thinking about something I've been wondering for years and years but still I haven't understood it.

Could someone tell me why majority of humans seems to be unable to think, or why they lack common curiosity towards life and it's wonders? For example when it comes to broken links people just don't bother to check for example main page. It can't be that difficult to use backspace?

And this was just an example. In general that matter is small (and I can act like someone wise, even though solution is usually so easy) but when it comes to almost everything in this world... *sigh*.
And we're supposed to be intelligent lifeform. To be honest, most days I don't feel like it at all. In fact I feel like it very seldom. (Does anyone guess why I like my cats so much? And why I am a misanthrope?)

I just don't know why it is so hard to use your brains... I understand that everyone don't know everything (and of course it's kind of impossible), at least before someone tells things to them, but if you have to repeat simplest of things over and over again... what's the use of it?
I don't get that much perverted pleasure to be considered as all-knowing that it'd be satisfying in any way after some time. Of course I don't need to tell things or try to advice, but as I am odd and want to help if I can - especially when there's possibility that someone actually learns something new. (Anyway I'd be lousy teacher.)

Stop it Bob!

Weebl & Bob. Before clicking that... I just hope you know what happens to schoolgirls in Japanese cartoons.

Hair.

And last, but not least, nagging about hair.

I noticed few days ago that I really have to cut my hair once again as they're getting way too long (bit longer than they're in my profile pic) and my natural colour is getting too visible. Blonde hair just does not look good on me, period.

Anyway, it's kind of annoying when you have to cut your own hair. With this hair style it's relatively easy (if we don't count that 'nice' whirl I've in back of my head) just to take that machine and cut. Cumbersome part is trying to get your neck neat, and I'm pedantic when it comes to my hair. And I know it'll take from hour to hour and a half before I'm happy with my hair. In fact I'm never happy with my hair before I've dyed them. That blonde in mirror just is not me, but that dark haired person in mirror is me. Isn't it odd in a way?

In fact it'll be, once again, fun to see how much people stare me few days after this day, as it seems to me that they've problems to get that woman can have short hair (with short I mean hair lenght in the back of my head: ~1cm) so their sex cencors get messed: "Hmh?! Female build and facial features, but short hair?!". Personally I don't get why it's so odd. Is there some secret "Guide of Humanhood" which states that females got to have long hair and men short hair?

[*insert topic here*]

- 12 kgs.

It seems that my body really needs more proteins than it needs carbohydrates, at least when it comes to weight loss without hunger etc.. (For example yesterday I ate like a horse, at least in my scale (which isn't much), mostly proteins and lost a kilo during night (From my morning weight, btw)). Though it isn't very good in a way as it affects to my sleeping.
I'm used to get tired after 12 hours awakeness, but nowadays it's at least 16 hours (which is 'normal', I do know that) and I just seem to be unable to get used to it. Other problem with that is that my normal night is ~10 hours (everything from 8-14 hours) , so... My day is 26 hours nowadays, and we do all know how well that fits to modern society....

In fact it's bit funny. I'm losing weight without actual dieting, after all those years when school doctors and my mom tried to get me lose weight. They just made few 'slight' mistakes:
1. Person under 18 years shouldn't be put on a 1200 kcal diet. Even adult shouldn't be put to that kind of diet.
2. I still wonder why no one never really doubted that I really can have some sickness which affects to my weight? Ok, once one doc put me in blood tests, but they only took thyroid gland hormone levels, blood sugar etc. I passed as healthy kid who has some kind of eating disorder. Funny part in this is... PCOs doesn't affect to those levels (To blood sugar only if you really get DM) they checked. Why the hell no one did nothing to it after that as they noticed that my weight just rose? Even when I ate normally my weight rose, which caused stress-based eating... nice merry-go-round.
3. Thanks to all those wonder diets, and insane watching over my eating, I have an eating disorder of a kind. I feel guilty because of eating, even I know that I have to eat and even I know that even in weight loss mode I need 1700 kcals/ day, if we want to calculate kcals - I don't.
4. I hope that they were just plain stupid and were unable to realize what they did to my self-esteem with all those hidden and showed doubts of my ways and commitment to lose weight. (I don't get it why they assumed that I wanted to be overweight? Most people don't want, some do, but sometimes it's not about personal choice whether you're under- or overweight.).

If this thing works and I'll be in my ideal weight some day (which is still 'slightly overweight' according to scales) I'll have my revenge. I knew what I need, but I was never allowed to eat what my body needed (and needs).

Caffeine.

Well, it seems that I'm officially caffeine/ coffee addicted. I didn't drank coffee yesterday as I hadn't slept well and my heart is very sensitive to get arhytmias (it's my stress detector), so I thought it might be better to stay away from coffee pot. (My heart had enough opinions about that lack of sleep part...) Anyway, when I woke up I had a headache. Not migraine, just normal frontal lobe headache.
I've drank mug of coffee since then and I feel almost alive. Headache is fading away, and I feel almost good.

Funny part in this is that I've drank coffee since I was a child (about 5 or something) and I never got headache when I didn't drank it, even I consumed huge amounts of coffee per day. I quitted coffee drinking when I was 19 and had 6 clean years.
Apparently I got old or my body got more sensitive, as after I got my bad habit back (I've to blame instant coffee. It's way too good.) I got addicted. But I've never had headache because of lack of caffeine - in fact lack of coffee, as tea doesn't help.

Misc.

Nah, I'm not going to PO today. I think I'll clean and organize things. I just realized that I can't take those pics I promised to *ahem* certain someone before this place looks better.

Oh, yes. I'm shallow even when it comes to my home.