Home Chemistry i.e. Laundry Detergent (Borax Free)

As commercial laundry detergents tend to smell gros... funny or cause itchiness or rash in our family I decided to try to make my own some time ago.

First I dived into Pinterest, but you know how it goes... Either there was borax, which is forbidden in EU, or there was soap which blocks certain fabrics and they won't work as they should. This is important factor as PUL and it's buddies are used in outdoor garments and I wash Tiny's outdoor garments quite often. Soap also tends to develop build-up, but it's not an issue in our case because I use so little detergent.

But I digress, as usual. Then I happened to stumble upon Limepop's recipe (in Finnish) and decided to try. I left epsom salt out though (and added tiny bit of citric acid), but still this thing works wonders! It works with dry blood and sweat stains and you can use it as stain remover too. Being able to get rid of dried blood stains has become important factor since Tiny has developed (pollen allergy related) tendency to have nose bleeds. 
It also leaves clothes feeling soft without softeners.

I have used this detergent for few months and have nothing but good things to say.

My saving grace

350 ml bicarbonate of soda (baking soda) (~11.83 US fl oz)
350 ml washing soda (~11.83 US fl oz)
 10 ml salt (~0.34 US fl oz)
7,5 ml citric acid (~0.25 US lf oz)

You just mix these in where ever you plan to store it in (I have huge mason jar) and if you wish you can add few drops of essential oils. (And if you have those little silica gel bags you get with anything you buy just place one or two of them in your storage jar to prevent possible lumping.)

I use 15 ml (1 tbs) per wash and use 60 C (140 F) program as it does kill germs and detergents in general work better in higher temperatures. And despite I use so little of detergent our clothes are clean, actually they look better because there is no build-up.

Long time, no see

I have thought about writing an entry for about bazillion times. But to no avail as life has been overwhelming and my head has been even greater mess than it usually is.

But I talked to Someone Very Dear about my blogging recently and he wondered why I have ceased to do it because I was good at it... Back in the day when we got acquainted. 12 years ago.

No, there's no Mr. Right Now.
Someone Very Dear to me is that missing piece of my soul, Mr. Wolf from aeons ago.
It's funny really. It has been years since last time and when we talk (well, type) it's like those years never existed. I never get that with people. Never. Time gets between me and my ability to act normally. Usually.

Which probably has something to do with the fact that I may have inattentive ADHD and it causes me to have problems with social interaction. among other things (like life). It's not official, but it would explain a lot (a WHOLE lot). and preliminary testing points heavily to that direction. It would also explain why Tiny has ADHD too (and vice versa). This is recent addition from this summer, but it was not a surprise to anyone who is in contact with him. And hopefully there will be medication trial this year as Tiny goes to preschool (today!) and needs to amp up his concentration.

Maybe I am back, who knows. Let's see.

He is a special child, indeed.

In his four year checkup Tiny's public health nurse recommended us an evaluation at special needs child health centre as Tiny did not wield age specific tests. Six months and two evaluations later Tiny's special friend got a name: SID, sensory integration disorder. Which explains a great deal of him.

And a great deal of me...

It also makes it easier for both of us as now his special friend has got a name and it's easier to understand Tiny's sometimes really difficult behaviour (meltdowns). And now I see why he did not manage those tests: he clearly doesn't trust his nurse and as I had to leave the room for his testing Tiny blocked the lady out and started to do his own things. He has huge issues with having to be close to strangers if he doesn't initiate the contact - he panics if he has to sit next to someone he doesn't know in a bus, even if I am next to him. You can imagine how it must be for him to be alone in a closed room with someone he has met twice. (On the other hand Tiny was really smitten about that occupational therapist who evaluated him. We may have to keep her even she's not specialized in SID kids.)

Funnily enough daycare was worried about Tiny's linguistic development and it turned out to be only thing there are no worries about. He just needs some speech therapy, like I did, but his linguistic abilities are completely normal. SID just makes him seem like he doesn't always understand. And my family is full of people just like him.

Lazy or just lacking that extra 24 hours?

I know I am biased in this matter, but I still can't understand why it seems to be so incredibly difficult for people to understand what it means when someone is, as I call it, solo parent. (I don't know if there is a real English word for someone who is 100% single parent. In Finnish we are called "totally single parents" (totaaliyksinhuoltaja or totaaliyhäri) so I use "solo parent" as I think it should be figurative enough.)
Admittedly even people with shared custody call themselves single parents (well, in English it's more accurate, but in Finnish "yksinhuoltaja" (single parent) basically refers to someone who has sole custody and sole responsibility - or it should). What is even worse I have met people who call themselves "single parent" (remember that I use the word just because it translates like that) even they are only "weekend parent" with shared custody.

That confusion with terms apparently makes it really impossible for some, many, people to understand, or even try to understand, how life is when you are the only parent, or both parents in one.
Admittedly it's not that much different when it comes to basics, but the major, major difference lays in time: totaaliyhäri has only 24 hours a day to take care of things that are usually taken care of by two people who have 24 hours a day. And we do not have free weekends, ever, like most shared custody parents - or even single parents if meetings work.
What bugs me in this is that people seem to consider me lazy because I simply do not have time or energy for everything - even I have on average 8 hours of "free time" (which translates to Tiny's daycare day being 8 hours/ day on average) every weekday! I wonder has it ever passed their mind that being two people 24/7 is rather exhausting in the long run... so, when Tiny goes to daycare I walk home, eat breakfast, drink coffee (this takes about 2-3 hours depending do I go to grocery store when I walk home). Wash laundry. Study. Hang laundry. Eat. Study. And all the sudden it's afternoon and I need to go and pick up Tiny. So, in real world I have 4-5 hours tops to actually study.

I'm such a lazy ass b**tard. ^^

Those Little Things

... that make you grateful: wrapping your child's presents in the middle of the night.

Those little things that were once so unlikely.

I have to confess that since the divorce went trough I have taken quite relaxed attitude towards keeping contact, i.e. sending pictures, with Mr. Biofather.
Actually I think I haven't sent any pictures since Tiny turned two.

I see no reason to do that because he seems rather disinterested. Or should I be honest and say he doesn't give a damn?

And you get what you give.

Little Grey Cells Are Moving Too

It's funny how your mind processes things. Little by little, and then continues chewing the same thing later until it's small enough to digest without problems.

While packing I have had few moments of "What the heck was I thinking?!" regarding past with mr. W., but it has also proved that I have come far in last two years.
Now I just find things tragicomic rather than sad or depressing. Even the fact that mr. W. was and is full of c*ap.

But still, out of all that was bad came out the best thing in my life: Tiny.

Maybe it's karmic in its way that out of huge pile of smelly stuff comes out so much joy.
And truth to be told I am convinced that mr. W. gets his share of Big Bad Karma sooner or later. If he hasn't already been hit with it. (If I have understood correctly it may be the case, may have been even before I kicked him out. (See, he was big fan of telling things to me... not. I just tend to read between the lines.))

It has been 25 months and in 18 days we leave this halfway home (I have considered this flat a halfway home for a long time, we needed to move here to give me distance and time to figure out who I am and what I want). It's scary, but changes always are.
If things go as planned 2015 will be so very different. In a good way.

Tiny thoughts in the middle of the night

It makes one wonder, when watching that beautiful little boy sleep, does his biofather (not a father, just biological father, if you ask from me) even understand what he lost by disowning Tiny?
Does he ever even think of that little boy he swore he won't meet before he comes of age?

Having been set free has made me think and remember a lot of things that happened when I left Mr. Ex II, the whys of doing that. I had almost forgot he disowned that precious little boy, even before I told him it's over.
And my simple mind simply can not understand and for someone who strives to understand that is a huge problem.

But then, I am the one who knows what a loving, funny and smart little boy Tiny is. And I know that sometimes Tiny smiles because I am his mother.
That's all one needs to know. Nothing more.

March Recap

My goal postings seem to be rather erratic, but better occasionally than never, right?

I didn't set any goals for the month of March, but I have stitched. not every day, but when I have had energy.
And the project of choice has not been a current WIP, but a Vervaco kit my mother bought from Tallinn per my request.

It came with aida so I dug a piece of light blue evenweave from my stash and am planning to buy a piece of Cars fabric to finish it as a pillow for Tiny.
Knowing how he is he'll go everywhere with it when it is done and pillow is a good item for carrying around. (And he gets a sofa of his own in his room as we get a new old sofa (and I thought the old old sofa would be good in Tiny's room) so he needs some pillows, right? *grin*)

The Plan

At the moment I am in a limbo regarding my, our life. The divorce (incl. custody etc.) is still in progress, thanks to slowness of our Ministry of Foreign Affairs: it took nine months from them to find out ("find out") that Spanish legislation prevents getting any real information about Ex's whereabouts without court order - but regardless they have an address. Ages old address, but it's none of my business.
It probably is my problem as the letter local court sent in the end of January may be hanging in there quite a while, even though I assume the court assumes that if there is no reply within few months he is not interested/ didn't get the letter (-> is not interested).
So, with luck I'd get out of limbo this summer.

The problem lays in us, Ex and me, having shared custody in the eyes of the law, thanks to having a child in wedlock. And basically he has his word to say regarding Tiny's whereabouts.

And I am planning to move cities this year. And in theory he could oppose it if things don't go as wanted or if we are still waiting for the verdict.

But, our constitution provides every person freedom to decide where they live, and constitution has priority over family laws.
And then there's the fact that Ex has never met Tiny nor has shown any actual interest to do so (not to mention he has never even wished him happy birthday or asked how Tiny's doing). So, my, our, city of residence bears no significance to him.

But still he can make things difficult to us just out of spite if he wishes to do so.

Anyway... in August I will apply to University of Applied Sciences, a new job and an apartment in the same city where my mom lives. Uni would be 15 kilometers from us, but granny, Tiny's most favourite person on this Earth, would be only 3 kilometers from us (or closer, if I decide to apply for an apartment from that side of the river). Which would ease our lives greatly.
One of my great worries has been that time when Tiny goes to school and I start full-time work again. He will be seven years old, has short-ish school days and in worst case scenario he has to spend a lot of time alone. And I don't want that.
This is where having granny close by makes all the difference: she can pick him up from school and look after him before I get home.

Cost of living is also a factor. I have done some research and we would pay considerably smaller rent - and real estate is far cheaper in there than it is here in Metropolitan area.
In here I could never even dream to own my home, even less to own a house whereas in there I could actually buy a house and pay it in reasonably short period of time (in comparison to house loans in here). Which is more or less necessary as my pension won't be too good and having low cost of living would help.

I sound so middle aged. *grin*

Mr. Murphy Was Here

As usual things tend to go awry when they are going well.

First I had nasty URI for over four weeks (and chances are that I got a sinusitis from it), then I shattered the screen of my phone (insurance covered 56 euros, initial bill roughly 202 euros...) and one of my teeth started acting up (its first root canal treatment visit is on Friday, oh joy!). And stress is not good for my mojo, or blogging. Or me.

But, I have been stitching a bit lately. My mom brought a Lightning McQueen cross stitch kit from Tallinn and I just had to start it, even Tiny knows nothing about it, and it is slowly beginning to look like a car (no pics as for now as I dislike my old sucky Nokia with passion).
I'll probably finish it as a small pillow or somesuch so Tiny can carry it around and adore it.

And on good news:

Mr. Tiny, also known as my little bundle of joy and/ or frustration (he is in *that* age, see), turned 2! Despite being born last week he did turn two... I guess he goes school in next month or so. *grin* (He'll start school 2019... but goes to kindergarten within a year. o.O)

So, here I am. Alive and more or less well. Just tired and stressed and so on. *grin*

Signs of crafting

As shocking as it is I have been crafting.

Even more shocking is that I have actually finished something!

I wanted to do a Yule calendar for Tiny and when I noticed that Ikea had this spruce wall hanging (it glows in the dark! *grin*) it was obvious that I will use one as the base and use plastic rings for the gifts - and for the decorations. That way the calendar would be versatile, functional and decorative.

Thanks to clarithromycin I failed the deadline (it makes me awfully tired. That and waking up every night because of this nasty cough that sinusitis also gave me), but luckily Tiny's too young to understand that.

And first gift is waiting for tomorrow morning...

Second hand toy cars etc. is what his calendar is made of. But he wont mind, he loves his toy cars (and the movie!).

In other news

I have two additional kids nowadays. Furry, smelly and meowy kids. Cats, that is. *grin*

Vikke and Vilma are siblings, age approximately 7 months. (Which means that Vikke is going to get neutered VERY soon...)

Tiny entry

I have started writing an entry so, so many times last months. And as many times I have skipped them as idiotic. Don't know why.

Hence I decided to break the dry season with a tiny post: about Tiny, of course. *grin*

Young sir turned 18 months earlier this month and is a strapping young lad, big boy with the biggest smile, growing like weed and feet like canoes (according to size charts his current size is appr. 5-6 year old size..).
He is a skilled young man (taking shower by himself at the moment) who loves to clean (and suck those rags..) and needs his own rolling pin, he is that eager to help with baking.

And he has recently learned to chew xylitol gum. I just take it as a good thing as I don't like giving him xylitol pastilles as they mess up his tummy and remind candy, whereas gum doesn't.
He chews it a little while and then gives his gum to mom. If he just that good at cleaning after himself when it comes to toys.... *grin*

Yes, I am unconditional

Some time ago I was thinking could I ever, in that highly unlikely eventuality that pigs would fly, take Mr. To-Be-Ex back and realized that no I couldn't, never ever.
I can forgive a lot, but there is one thing I could never forgive: father willingly abandoning his own child.

I can never understand that, nor I can never respect that person again.

It ain't pretty, but ain't it the truth?

When I was contemplating on leaving Tiny's father I had a thought about changing Tiny's surname to protect him from his father (after getting full custody). Then I started to think that in the end it's not my decision, but if Tiny wants to change his own name when he is older I will let him do it...

But lately I have been re-thinking about it and I have come to conclusion that usually children don't carry sperm donor's surname... as that is all Tiny's father has been to him based on how things have been and how they seem to be.
If his father has no interest towards his son he is, in my opinion, nothing else but a sperm donor I am married to. If his father considers his own ego more important than his son's well being and happiness he is nothing but a sperm donor. And hence my son should, when I get full custody, have my surname.

Admittedly it would also be easier for us if we had same surname (as I am taking my maiden name back) and as my maiden name sounds European (vs. his Nigerian surname) it would help improve Tiny's possibilities in this country. Even though his first name and my maiden name make him sound Italian, but in here it isn't as bad as having an African surname - as let's face it: there are rotten eggs everywhere.

It would also make it easier when he goes to kindergarten and from there to school. There would hopefully be fewer preconceptions about things - even though fact is that there will be such as Tiny won't grow up looking like your average Finnish child, but then nothing about him is average (at least if you ask from me ).

I know Tiny's father will have some nasty opinions about me, but I can live with that. If he had one non-egoistic bone in him that would not happen, but you will sleep in the bed you make...

The Secret Life of Tiny

I remember promising pictures AGES ago, so here he comes: Tiny.

Pictures are not in chronological order, as you may notice. *grin*

Today Tiny and I went to see a social worker to make custody arrangements. Or rather we pieced together a custody agreement suggestion (full custody, supervised meetings and so forth). It will be sent to Spain, to local embassy, and if Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the local embassy actually manage to find him they will do their best to get him to sign it.
If he doesn't accept it and sign it we go to court. If they can't find him we go to court. So basically the odds are that we go to court.

Luckily I can get free lawyer and free trial because I am on low income. Whereas Tiny's father can't... so, if he is smart, taking that he is found, he signs the paper. Otherwise it's court and I don't think he could afford a lawyer and even if he did... he could only try to make minor changes to meetings and so forth. And knowing local system his skin colour and nationality are against him, as is the fact that he has never seen Tiny. Or kept contact. Or supported Tiny financially. And that I have a proof where he states that he is not going to meet his son before he is an adult.

They'd eat him for breakfast.

Anyway, let's see does this take few months or few years.

Can of worms

I have had certain thought for a while..

This move has been a good move (har har) as it has given me space to think and process things and face some ugly possibilities.

To be honest I am not at all certain did Tiny's father, ex-to-be, want Tiny after all, despite what he said when we met and discussed about the matter.
He probably was lulled into the thought that I really was barren, even I had told him I didn't believe it would impossible for me to get pregnant. And he was wrong, he hated to be wrong...

First of all: when I found out I was pregnant I was in a different city so I called him. And let's say he wasn't exactly thrilled. Or happy. Or positively surprised.
And you would imagine that if your wife tells you appr. two years after you skip birth control because kids would be nice that she is pregnant you would be thrilled. At least I would.
But then again I am a bit odd.

He wanted to skip first sonogram because "it is so early in the morning!". It was as early for me. And I was the one who was exhausted 24/7 and had all-the-day-sickness.
And again, you would imagine that a man who has waited for the good news for TWO years would be joining his wife happily, regardless how early he have to wake up.
Regardless, I dragged him there. And he moped the whole time.

And the second sonogram... we got the appointment with the invitation to the first one AND I reminded him appr. 1½ weeks before it was and still he "forgot" and rather went to see his buddy - no way he would have cancelled it, it was "too important". Yeah...

He never asked during the pregnancy how the baby is doing, or commented when I told him the antenatal visit news. Nor he reacted in any way when I told him that Tiny's kicking already (he started 12+5 and you can tell: he has STRONG legs) or when I told him that I had seen the first kick.

He never asked do we need something for the baby. Only when I was full-term he started bitching have I bought everything!
So, everything Tiny had when he was born was bought by me or my parents.

He has, mind you, bought few items of clothing last summer, but naturally he didn't listen to me when I told him that Tiny is a big boy and it would be better to buy 80 cm and up as he was already using 74 cm (1 year) clothes. So, he got 74 cm clothes, which meant, of course, that Tiny has used one shirt and one sweater jacket. Once.

Since I left him he hasn't asked once how Tiny's doing. And as I see it he would be interested of his child IF he had really wanted to have him

He has never assisted me financially or even asked do I need money. And naturally after I left him there hasn't been any sign of child support. Even, once again, one would imagine otherwise if the child was wanted. That he would want to do the right thing for his own son's benefit.
Fun thing in this is that as child support will eventually be paid by SII he will be in debt to SII, something he hates. As he apparently does not realize that thanks to EU SII can and will go after their money and it will haunt him as long as he resides in EU area.

And oh... Tiny was never our son, he was your son and in one occasion, I think, my son.

I know I am an evil bitch, but I really hope Tiny's father does not respond to my latest email. Which I sent yesterday requesting his address and phone number (and I did send pics and tell how Tiny's doing).

If he doesn't reply to it he makes it so much easier for me to get the sole custody. As in addition to us living in different countries his inability to communicate would weight heavily against shared custody.

I hope that he keeps his word in this and doesn't want to keep any contact with us before Tiny's an adult. Because, as cruel as it is, it makes it easier for me and Tiny.

Outsider parenting

As some of you know I have always felt more or less an outsider in this world. Sometimes the feeling goes away. Only to return at some point.

I have come to realize that that feeling is back. I don't feel like belonging to any peer groups regarding my parenthood and even though I can talk about people's interests and their topics I feel an outsider. Whether it is mother's with babies and partners or single parents.
Somehow I don't fit into either category. That I don't really know what they are talking about even we are more or less in same situation in life.

Or is it just that I don't share other people's problems, period? Or maybe I just have an amazingly easy child - which is not true.

Most likely it's all about the way I look at life and things. I seem to see goodness in everything (my mom heard that she has cataract and scarring in both eyes and I was immediately looking at the bright side: now she can afford to pay the surgery as she'll retire soon and her expenses decrease as she will only have one home to keep up) no matter what.
As I was overly optimistic.

Yes, Tiny keeps me awake at nights: he still drinks milk 1-4 times a night, he has very bad case of teething going on, housework is lagging behind, he is really a momma's boy and I basically can't have any hobbies outside home. Basically we are attached from the hip.
But so what? That is how it is with a baby. They grow, they learn, they are dependent. I am his only safe full-time adult, of course he wants my attention. I have been there for him since the moment he saw the hospital lights for the first time and if he wasn't so dependent I would be worried.

If I wanted I could sleep 12 hours a night (excl. feedings), if I wanted I would be able to take two showers every day. And I do, but it is my own damn fault that I don't get bed when Tiny does and it's my own damn fault that I don't shower when he sleeps. (I could shower when he is awake, but he loves our shower a bit too much to stay away from the water.)

Sometimes I do wonder how women with a partner and a healthy, average child can claim they are SOOOOO exhausted. How they can be if I, being alone and having a chronic illness that has negative effect on your energy levels, am not?
Or is the difference that I don't worry if there is some dirty laundry or dishes? I don't need to be THAT perfect, not now.
Maybe it is beneficiary for me to be alone with Tiny? No energy spent for social niceties and trying to be perfect. Tiny's happy lad as long as he has clean diaper, clean clothes, milk, food, his mommy and something to do/ play with. He doesn't care if there is dirty laundry or the flat is not spotless.