I'm Easy/ Easy Like Sunday Morning....

I decided to sacrifice this evening's stitching and pile up my 2014 Crazy January Challenge designs.

"Excuse me, didn't she say she would continue with her 2013 projects?!"

Yes, it was my intention, but the organizer talked me over... well, you know me: I am easy. *grin*

So, here it comes!

 

1. "St. Basil's Cathedral" by Dimples Designs (Transferred from 2013 as unstarted.)
2. "Snowman Stocking" by Bent Creek (Transferred from 2013. Restarting.)
3. "EduCATed" by Bent Creek (Transferred from 2013 as unstarted.)
4. "Christmas Sampler" by Lizzie*Kate (Exclusive Limited Edition design for CasaCenina.)
5. "Must Be Santa" by The Prairie Schooler (Limited Edition 2009.)
6. "A Winter's Nap"" by Erica Michaels
7. "Comfort" by LHN
8. "Courage"" by LHN
9. "Peace"" by LHN
10. "Simplicity" by LHN
11. "Hope" by LHN
12. "The Earth Laughs in Flowers" by The Sweetheart Tree
13. "2013 Holiday Treat" by Dragon Dreams
14. "Evening Dragon" by Dragon Dreams
15. "Coffee Is Magic" by Dragon Dreams

Awful lot of LHN, I must say, but there is a good reason to that: many LHN designs I own come with floss so it's a cheap option (and I chose designs that have their own message as I'll need encouragement this year (there will be changes in my life, but more about that later)) to kit. That's also why I have three full kits on my list. And three complimentary designs.

Of course there is another reason for those complimentary designs: my little dragon boy.
I am planning to stitch both dragon designs for Tiny - and the coffee one is obviously for me. *grin*

And now some more tea and few more stitches on my Flora. I may have another finish before 2014 if I am lucky!

Crazy Finish!

As shocking as it is I actually have a FINISH!
Yes, you read it right.

I. Have. Stitched.

Despite Tiny's best efforts to keep me entertained during the night (he has slept badly last two nights - or rather has not slept, but woken up at night and then stayed up for hours).

I am participating 9 Days Christmas Challenge at Facebook and decided to pick San-Man Original's "Kisses From Heaven" as my challenge piece (started from this)... and three days later it was finished!

• Design by: San-Man Originals
• Design: Kisses From Heaven (OOP)
• Fabric: Silkweaver's "Midnight Fantasy", opalescent 28 count Cashel linen.
• Floss: misc. DMC and Anchor.
• Notes: colours are not as charted. This was first Crazy January 2013 piece I finished.

Yes, I am proud of myself.

Heart for Circus Hearts aka. Cirque des Coeurs

It was supposed to be a SAL piece for this year, and most likely the group is still there on FB and most likely there are people like me who haven't even started... That aside CdC has been calling my name last few days and this time its siren song has changed as now I am actually happy with the floss and fabric I have for it.

It would look fab in my bedroom.

When ever it's done.

(The fabric is dark grey linen.)

Yes, my bedroom will be reds and black, just because I have this terribly expensive unique hand-woven bed cover in said colours.
Did I mention it's my own design and I did it (designed, wove(sp?) and finished) with my own little hands?
I guess I did. *grin* (It's made of velour floss and weighs a ton. *grin* We also had to create an interior design for the room it was targeted to. Mine was burgundy and black: I called it my brothel theme.... *grin*)

Another attempt aka. Stitching Goals 2014

I plan of having stitching goals for next year. Hope springs eternal, at least, and that should be a good starting point on my record breaking attempt to make some stitches. *grin*

I am not going to set huge goals for coming year, just try to stitch something, if it's just one project and few stitches, every month.
My Crazy January Challenge 2013 projects will also become my CJC 2014 goals as I managed to start most of them, but then... thyroid and personal issues took my mojo, concentration and such away.

My thyroid medication's dosage is now lower than it was this time last year, so I can see the reason behind being in fog last 2 years: rapid changes in thyroid hormone levels. First upupup and then they started to go down all the sudden and it took time for me to realize that.

And I must admit that all this breaking up, leaving my child's father, moving, dating and trying to suppress my feelings in order to survive has been quite hard.
But all things take their time... now I have plans for years to come, though I have to admit that I still need to figure out practical problems related to wanting to have more kids... as I am not quite sure do I really want a relationship, or need one. But kids... life's sometimes rather complicated.

Trying to stitch my WIPs away is also a goal of mine as at this moment, at least six months I am on REALLY tight budget. Shortly put I grew up and started to pay off the stupidity of youth (cost of love for a naïve idiot like me, I might say).

If I have learned something it is that one should never let love go before fiscal sensibility or responsibilities. (And being nasty b**ch I also say that if Ex-the-2nd would pay me all he owes me, I'd be in no trouble as I could pay myself free right there. Yup.)

Not like we are living like kings here, but it's surprising how little money you really need on necessities when you make a budget. Or how much extra there is in small income. (To give some perspective we live in poverty by local definition. And I find it kind of hilarious.)

But that's that.

So, my stitching goals for 2014 are

• Stitch something every month, even it is just few stitches.
• Work on my Crazy January Challenge pieces.
• If possible, reduce the amount of WIPs I have.
• Arrange my stitching stash.

Four goals and quite manageable I think. Let's see how it all goes.

Angels unawares

I had the weirdest dream last night. Not in a bad way mind, but it was those rare "good things will be coming your way" kind of dreams.

Maybe one could call them angelic dreams, if one had a thing for angels.

Regardless, I have felt happy and balanced ever since I woke up. Like I was filled with light...

I know how it sounds, but then everything that helps one through the day helps, right?

There was a crowded diner, all the sudden most people just vanished. They were referred as ghosts, but not in the sense of dead human, but as people of past times. They were referred as ghosts by a drop dead gorgeous androgynous man who I had a conversation with. And even I don't remember what he said I know deep within what he said: and it was all good.
And he shone. Like a ray of light.

And for some reason I think I need to tweak my blog's colour scheme. It's too.... dark. Nevermore, or summin'. *grin*

Signs of crafting

As shocking as it is I have been crafting.

Even more shocking is that I have actually finished something!

I wanted to do a Yule calendar for Tiny and when I noticed that Ikea had this spruce wall hanging (it glows in the dark! *grin*) it was obvious that I will use one as the base and use plastic rings for the gifts - and for the decorations. That way the calendar would be versatile, functional and decorative.

Thanks to clarithromycin I failed the deadline (it makes me awfully tired. That and waking up every night because of this nasty cough that sinusitis also gave me), but luckily Tiny's too young to understand that.

And first gift is waiting for tomorrow morning...

Second hand toy cars etc. is what his calendar is made of. But he wont mind, he loves his toy cars (and the movie!).

In other news

I have two additional kids nowadays. Furry, smelly and meowy kids. Cats, that is. *grin*

Vikke and Vilma are siblings, age approximately 7 months. (Which means that Vikke is going to get neutered VERY soon...)

Tiny entry

I have started writing an entry so, so many times last months. And as many times I have skipped them as idiotic. Don't know why.

Hence I decided to break the dry season with a tiny post: about Tiny, of course. *grin*

Young sir turned 18 months earlier this month and is a strapping young lad, big boy with the biggest smile, growing like weed and feet like canoes (according to size charts his current size is appr. 5-6 year old size..).
He is a skilled young man (taking shower by himself at the moment) who loves to clean (and suck those rags..) and needs his own rolling pin, he is that eager to help with baking.

And he has recently learned to chew xylitol gum. I just take it as a good thing as I don't like giving him xylitol pastilles as they mess up his tummy and remind candy, whereas gum doesn't.
He chews it a little while and then gives his gum to mom. If he just that good at cleaning after himself when it comes to toys.... *grin*

In old days I used to somewhat enjoy verbal conflicts, challenging people's opinions and ideas, but I have come to realize that those days are over. When someone starts to pick up a fight, I just vanish as I simply don't see the point in engaging to one.
And somehow it seems that some people consider it cowardly that I do choose... no, I don't choose my battles. I simply avoid them.

To be honest I just don't give a damn. Even if I know that I actually had some real input on the matter. And I do miss having heated conversations, I just don't want to have them with someone I don't know or trust.

It seems that the knowitallness of youth is becoming the settled universal wisdom of nearing middle age. Though, I still do know it all and better than anyone else. You can't take ass away from smart ass. *grin*

Happy Mothers' Day to me

It has been like any other day: we have done laundry (Tiny has helped by throwing wet laundry on the floor), picked up Tiny's Duplo giraffe up from under our balcony (he has invented a new "fun" game: he throws stuff over the railing - we live on second floor), played, made some yeastless focaccia for Tiny (admittedly I ate A LOT of it) and practised falling asleep without his bottle.

He is such a precious little lad and such a big boy already, he even wiped the floor today (with our dishcloth). *grin*

We have a good life together, Tiny and I, and even I am not perfect Tiny seems to think that I am the best. And that's all I need.

Off to court we go

To my surprise Tiny's other parent replied to one of my emails last month. Being an annoying bitch I asked him to contact the embassy to sign the papers regarding Tiny's custody, allowance and meetings... he declined to sign (one of his amazing justifications for being an ass was that he has no official income and no Spanish court would make him to pay. Well, it's all the same what Spanish courts would do as it is Finnish law which is in action here...) and forced me to let that courteous role go and bring in the bitch that I am.

We are going to court. I am meeting my lawyer on Wednesday for the first time and will ask him/ her to try to petition the court to speed up the process for understandable reasons.

Such fun.

Signs of life with a child

Which are two stomach bugs and a nasty head cold within last month. So our schedule has been filled with being sick... and exhausted.
Tiny has always been relatively healthy child and apparently he decided it's time to shake things up a bit... I just hope this would be enough for a while as it has been really exhausting. Today was the first day in last month when we didn't both take 3-4 hour nap. But that's probably because we actually got out after 10 am, which is like first thing in the morning in our household. At least within last month. If we have done a grocery run we have left around 3 pm... because I have been too tired to function properly before that. And then it is not easy to get ready to go out when you have a sick child wanting to be hold 24/7...

Year ago today...

I became a mother to this adorable little boy.

Happy birthday my dear Tiny!

And to celebrate Tiny's birthday and International Women's Day my alter ego decided to put "Women Are Angels" on sale!

Anti-compromise act: the fine print

There is a limit to compromises to remain faithful to yourself, but the question is how you know you have compromised too often?

There is no way to say that "X times is too many" as in a relationship based on love, understanding, respect and trust you should not have to question anything.
Even less you should be questioning is your partner worth of all the compromises or which one of you compromises more than the other. As it is not a competition, it's supposed to be all about love. All about wishing the best for the one you love, all about helping them and all about not being selfish.

And still you should remain selfish to stay honest to yourself, keep your vision clear to see when you are beginning to lose yourself or when you are being bossed around.

What about us silly folks you have raised up to help others, to walk that extra mile for people? We have been raised up to be emphathetic, but does it need to mean we keep losing ourselves? Or do we just choose the wrong people? Do wrong people just choose us?

In my case the question is how the heck I have ended ending two marriages if I am as good as I am told I am? Or is it just like 1st husband said after we broke up, that I am too kind and good and people will use me because of that?

Do I have the "Good Guy Syndrome"? Or am I, as said before, a half-broken thing?

Anti- compromise act

I've come to understand why some men I've met during my life have stated that they are sick of compromising.
Turns out that they weren't immature and selfish, or if they were I've become immature and selfish - which I don't really believe.

It just dawned to me that my problem, one of them, in relationships is my ability and willingness to compromise. Which is a good trait, but one should also be faithful to herself.

Which is something I've failed to do.

I've been unfaithful to myself by being the one who always compromises, understands, forgets without even the simplest "sorry dear", and the one who forgets herself in order to be a good partner.

And today I realized that somehow I've happily accepted things I didn't ever realize I had accepted, before now.
And somehow I didn't stand up when things that were completely normal things in a relationship were told being somehow wrong, or wicked as he so often judged things that weren't like he thought things should be.
I can emphatise as I think I know why he saw world as he does, and I feel sorry for him because he loses so much of life's beauty.

ETA (as my phone didn't want to edit):

But remember dearest me that if you are not accepted as you are, nor your habits or your likings then he is not worth it.
No matter how much you care for that person he is not worth it if he doesn't show that you are worth your weight in gold.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

I don't know how to start this or what I should say, but I need to talk about it.

Turns out that he has a mental block, which makes him vomit after sex. Repeatedly.
And now I don't know why I am crying.

I admit. It *is* really sad as, well, he's a nice guy and we actually has quite much fun until... you know.

And he had to leave as he'll spend the night with his nausea meds and a bucket. Which probably is part of why I am sad. I had wanted him to stay overnight, as did he. He had hoped it had passed. Obviously it hadn't.

Someone might say that this is what you get from dating divorced men. But honestly... divorced man with kids has higher probability to understand where I am standing.
It just happens that I had met that man whose body is a very clear mirror of his soul.

He is seeking help. Interestingly he did it now, after three years and after meeting me... just a coincidence probably regardless..

And I don't like the feeling that I am kind of left hanging. Not by him, but me. But, call me crazy, there's something in that man I am no ready to give up just yet.

As I said I know I am crazy. I just have this feeling about him.

And now I am sad.

Remember this?

Well, it seems that if nothing else we'll have something in common: adult play dates at my place. *grin*

We have been talking at Facebook occasionally as we have both been incredibly busy, but last two nights our conversations have been such that physical relationship between us can't be avoided. And well, why should it?

I have started to feel amazingly amazing thanks to our conversations - and that's a lot after all that complaining and bitching Mr. Formerly Wonderful did. Not to mention how incredibly unsexy and insane he made me feel...

And all the sudden I am called sexy, hot, intelligent, good mother and so on. By someone who has met me. By someone who has followed me on FB for couple of months.

It doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but after everything Mr. Ex-W. said, did, left unsaid and undone it is a lot.
All the sudden I am not that lazy ass, fat, lying, messy and unreasonable bitch, but someone who has brains and soul, and a body to desire. Body with all that excess fat and drooping breasts, with stretch marks and dry skin. Body that is beautiful regardless.

And I am taking the leap of faith again, because I need that now. Even if nothing comes out of it, but reminding me how wonderful I am.

And my body needs to be touched again, after such a long time.

Yes, I am unconditional

Some time ago I was thinking could I ever, in that highly unlikely eventuality that pigs would fly, take Mr. To-Be-Ex back and realized that no I couldn't, never ever.
I can forgive a lot, but there is one thing I could never forgive: father willingly abandoning his own child.

I can never understand that, nor I can never respect that person again.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

The clock is ticking. I finally sent the divorce papers to court this morning. We should be able to pass the consideration period and get it sentenced without delay (unless they want to inform him, and that is another matter. Or rather another month or two) as we have never officially lived together.

Tick tock.

It ain't pretty, but ain't it the truth?

When I was contemplating on leaving Tiny's father I had a thought about changing Tiny's surname to protect him from his father (after getting full custody). Then I started to think that in the end it's not my decision, but if Tiny wants to change his own name when he is older I will let him do it...

But lately I have been re-thinking about it and I have come to conclusion that usually children don't carry sperm donor's surname... as that is all Tiny's father has been to him based on how things have been and how they seem to be.
If his father has no interest towards his son he is, in my opinion, nothing else but a sperm donor I am married to. If his father considers his own ego more important than his son's well being and happiness he is nothing but a sperm donor. And hence my son should, when I get full custody, have my surname.

Admittedly it would also be easier for us if we had same surname (as I am taking my maiden name back) and as my maiden name sounds European (vs. his Nigerian surname) it would help improve Tiny's possibilities in this country. Even though his first name and my maiden name make him sound Italian, but in here it isn't as bad as having an African surname - as let's face it: there are rotten eggs everywhere.

It would also make it easier when he goes to kindergarten and from there to school. There would hopefully be fewer preconceptions about things - even though fact is that there will be such as Tiny won't grow up looking like your average Finnish child, but then nothing about him is average (at least if you ask from me ).

I know Tiny's father will have some nasty opinions about me, but I can live with that. If he had one non-egoistic bone in him that would not happen, but you will sleep in the bed you make...

The Abundance of Stash, Part 1

There is SO much new stash that I haven't been able to blog because it's simply overwhelming... so, I think this entry is more about pretty stash and less about writing.

Actually there has been so much of incoming stash that I had to divide this entry anyway as it would have become WAY too picture heavy. Even though stash pictures are always pleasant I am afraid it might cause nausea and dizziness...

Phew!

The Secret Life of Tiny

I remember promising pictures AGES ago, so here he comes: Tiny.

Pictures are not in chronological order, as you may notice. *grin*