Abandonment

I don't think that it would matter much to me that my brother acts like three- year old if there wasn't someone else involved: Tiny.
Because by doing his thing my brother is the second man in Tiny's life who has left him before he turned two.

It hurts me when Tiny mentions "Unke Pampa" because I know that he remembers his uncle, even I wished he didn't - but I have learned that little children have terrifyingly good memory.... at least Tiny does.
And it makes me wish that I could hit that guy, hard. Because he is so fu*king blind or stupid or bitter that he fails to see what he is because he is what he is. Because he hurts my son.

Brotherly Things

As time passes one learns things and it seems that the fallout of my brother and I is a sum of multiple things, all as... stupid.

First is that my father promised to buy, Tiny and me, a flat from our future hometown which he would rent to us, and of course he had mentioned it to my brother. He just failed to mention that he backed off from his promise less than two months later.
Luckily I know my father so I was not surprised at the least. What surprises me is that my brother does not realise that. Despite being told the truth.
And anyway, had our father bought the flat it had not been under my name so it had been his and his only.

Secondly he considers that his kids were and have been treated worse than Tiny. At least by our mother.
Something one could understand if his family had not kept distance to the rest of the family since the beginning.
My mother did knit and buy tons of clothes for his kids, gave them gifts etc., but after it turned out that they were not appreciated at all and my mother stopped.
She has various things she has bought wishing that my brother's kids would visit her and could use, things that now have been given to us as we actually have use for them and we do use them.
He also seems to fail to understand that his situation was and is completely different even if we look at the basic level of me being a single parent with no support from Tiny's biofather.

It makes me wonder is he really that dim? Or has it been intentional? (Let's not get into how childish it would be to cut your sister from your life just because you think that you have been mistreated by your parent(s..).

Still, it's just so weird.

I Just Can't Understand Some People

Well, most people... But I digress.

After my brother separated his ex-wife and ended living in Metropolitan area we started to get closer again, slowwwwly, but surely.
Less than 18 months ago we were talking about living in a commune... and how lucky I feel now that it never got into fruition thanks to his then SO and him getting an apartment not big enough for all of us. And shortly after Tiny and I moved here.

He got along well with Tiny (and I was happy that Tiny had a man in his life, someone he could look up to, someone to do "manly" stuff with), and even lived with us little while last year, before moving back to North.

And even after he moved I thought that we were good.

Then I realized that he had actually unfriended me at FB. With no explanation. No heated arguments, nothing.
Had anyone else done that I had just accepted it and gone forth, but he is my brother. And naïve me had thought that we were in good terms.
Turns out he had done the same to my mother, for unbeknownst reason. And apparently he does not reply when my mother tries to contact him. And this is where it gets interesting.

If it were just me one would think that he's just mad at me for some reason, but... My mother and I are close and she spends a lot of time here as she's "doing gigs" at her old workplace (she retired last year, but works to save money for her house's necessary expansion (toilet, sauna, shower, laundry management) so that she doesn't need as big loan as she otherwise would need) and we live conveniently close by.
My brother owes her money, lots of it. He has several monthly payments (loans and so forth) under my mom's name and despite having good income hasn't paid a dime in last eight months (I have certain financial arrangements with my mother too and I pay my share monthly even I am on low income), not even when he slept on our couch.

So, this sounds a bit like someone was avoiding certain people because he knows he's a slacker, because he knows my mom would be in financial hardship is she wasn't working... But it also makes one wonder is he really that thick? Or just have few important screws too loose?

I know I haven't actually been a model citizen when it comes to personal finances, but when you owe money to your mother it kind of changes things. She's not a corporation, and she has been there taking care of your sorry ass since you were born and is willing to take a marathon worth of extra miles for you despite you being a responsible adult.
And if she trusts you enough to let you make debt under her name it should also mean that you don't run away like a coward and trust that she pays it because she HAS to. She will, but she'll never ever trust you again.
And maybe I am just old-fashioned, but to me it's very important that my mom trusts me. Even more financially as, no matter how hard I want to avoid such thing, there may be a day when I need her to guarantee a loan. Or need her to back me up on some matter related to it.

And if someone helps you out of the goodness of their heart... it takes a lot of negative balls to be willing to break that trust.

When it comes to me I have more or less given up on him. I am too old for this on-off sibling relationship game, and it so happens that I don't consider him suitable as a male role model anymore. Which hurts me most in this. Not my loss, but Tiny's... well, it's not Tiny's loss really, but it's sad that men in his life seem to be somewhat, how would I put it.... idiots.

It boggles one's mind.

Commune?

We have had what-if discussions with my brother how cool it would be to live in a shared apartment, or as neighbours, and now that things turned how they did we started to talk about that again, this time we were thinking of the advantages of commune living.

My brother and his SO are planning to buy an apartment from Metropolitan area and it wouldn't be much trouble to buy a bigger one (4-5 bedrooms instead of 2-3) (and in most cases it even wouldn't make it much more expensive), sublet 2 rooms to Tiny and me and enjoy all the good sides of commune: there would always be someone to look after Tiny when I need to go somewhere (this would be lovely as I would love to study while I am at home) and when I am sick I didn't have to worry about Tiny's wellbeing.
We could share household duties, we could buy food in bulk, there would always be food even if someone was short of cash before payday and there would always be someone to talk to - and when one would want to be alone there would be one's room.

I know it would be annoying at times, I have lived in communes when I have studied, but the advantage in this would be that I know 2/3 well: my brother I have known since birth and his son last 13 years. And brother's SO seems to be a person of reason from what I have deduced from those couple of times we have met. She's shy though, but it is never a bad thing.

And I would rather pay few hundred euros to my brother as it would be cheaper to live with them than in a regular rented apartment. And no need for rent deposits which means saving anything from 0€ to ~2500€ (or rather not needing to ask deposit from social services due low income).
Also it would mean that Tiny would get his own room and I mine as at some point he needs his own space - and us both being such restless sleepers it would make us both sleep better.

That Rant...

The gossip of ex SIL dating my ex boyfriend was just a gossip (if it originates from SIL's mother I don't wonder), but I kind of hope at this moment that it was true.

Brother's kids were here over New Year and Brother took them back home 5th of this month. My mother and I started to wonder in following day why he hasn't come back here yet...
I went to see our father in 6th and heard from him that Brother is coming back in that day - he indeed came and with a rather interesting, and very distressing, story.
Long story short: kids had asked my brother to stay over there for a night (he confirmed it with both his ex and her BH before staying) and at some point of the evening, when kids were already in bed and adults were spending time together former SIL's new "better" half assaulted my brother because of a childish misunderstanding ("B"H was also very drunk, I was told) and my brother took refuge at local police station - after being taken to ER for a medical check.

While spending the night at police station Brother heard from the officers that the guy his ex wife is involved with is not just an ex convict (which isn't an issue as such), but has history of violence and drugs and apparently also present with at least with violence (I heard that his way to "train" dogs contains... hitting, hitting and some more hitting) and alcohol - it's also possible that he is already abusing ex SIL and we are quite afraid of when he broadens his horizons to the kids...

Ex SIL thinks her BH is "a REAL™ man" because he is controlling and abusive... and I really don't mind about her, but that "real" man of hers is a danger to her kids - but that "real" man can also be the reason why Brother will get sole custody.

He's out at the moment, apparently reporting BH to police and filing a case against him.

There's so much more to this, but I am just too pissed with the situation to think about them.

Yup, I am insane...

...but I guess that wasn't a surprise to anyone?

My mother mentioned that one of my brother's kids would love to have their own "copy" of The Panda and as I also heard that my brother has the Panda with him I apparently gave up and have since been thinking "Maybe I could do again it anyway...".
Though if I do I will surely tweak the design somewhat to look more like a panda and be more pleasant to my eyes.

On the other news I finally paid the first part of Stitching Weekend, bought some snowman stash from 1-2-3 Stitch! for the Frosty Friends exchange and realised today that I need some pink fabric for one model... so, I also placed an order at Silkweaver.
It seems that you always lack some stash, no matter how hard you try...

It's starting to sound more an more like a bad soap opera... (Friends Only)

... not that there was such thing as a good soap opera.

As you know my brother is divorcing (from what I know they can actually be divorced by now, the consideration period has, in my opinion, ended some time ago) from his wife. And everything we thought has proven to be true - and then some more.

Since my brother moved out following things have happened:

• SIL had promised to take kids with her when she went to enjoy Midsummer... but my brother received a phone call from SIL when she had packed the kids (all four) into car and SIL announced that she won't take their son with her.
  In other words she disowned her own child. Which, in my not so humble opinion, is a disgrace.
• SIL has been drinking heavily ever since my brother moved out.
• There has been six complaints about mistreating of children to social services regarding SIL: only two of them are by my brother. This implies that even other people are worried...
• SIL is unable to take care of her daughters (their son lives with my brother, who, as far as I know, has whole custody for the boy): we heard that their eldest (who's not even eleven yet) has been taking care of her siblings. She has been the one who has taken care of the hygiene of the youngest ones and the kids have had to steal food to be fed. In addition to this the house is a real mess.
• Some time ago the girls called to my brother in one night because they were afraid: turns out that mommy was drinking, there was also other people in the house, and my brother called police and social services. When the police came they tested SIL with alcometer: she was drunk, her blood alcohol levels were close to 2 &permil - the kids would have been taken into custody if there had been any place to take them to (my brother lives on the other side of the country at current as he had to "escape" the whole mess to protect my nephew (poor kid has asthma and it doesn't like the stress at all) so he couldn't take them). So, cops emptied the house and ordered SIL to sleep herself sober.

  Her mother claims she isn't an alcoholic - well, maybe not in her mother's opinion as she is an alcoholic herself.

• Girls and SIL are now customers of social services, which doesn't bode good for SIL's maternal rights in future - I really hope my brother could get the kids. Based on everything he has been single father of four minors and one adult (SIL) so he could manage with all the kids - as his SO is good with the kids, we know.

In addition to this we have to keep our brother's SO's identity secret from SIL as brother's SO is... our cousin. At least we know the family already!
And honestly, the kids seem to like her and she's quite good handling them, so it's all good.

And yesterday I heard something which really stunned me... SIL is in relationship with my first boyfriend!

Let me tell few things about the issue of my ex (I am not bitter, these are unfortunate facts (I'm just happy M. left me back in... 1996)):

• He's really not the brightest bulb. (You know, really.)
• He's very unyielding, intolerant and he has the hidden side of uncontrolled rage. (During the six months we were together he was physically abusive once, not much, but still. (The story behind it is that when I was 16 I wasn't over my childhood, and in addition to that I have VERY overactive sense of self-protection, so one day he came into a room I thought was empty (I was facing the window, doing something) and he scared me. I kicked him, instinctually, which, of course means that I didn't mean it, I was just so used to be prepared to protect myself back then. And that is when he got mad, even I explained the issue to him, even he know about my past... he didn't leave any marks, so maybe we can't say he was physically abusive, but the situation was very threatening.)
• He's LOUSY lover and in addition to that not that well equipped - they say that size does not matter... it does when man is equipped poorly enough... (Admittedly it's handy when the said guy is the one who takes your virginity: hurts less. *grin*)
  He also thinks that woman should give him oral sex, but he won't give it back because female genitalia is dirty... oh, yeah.
• He is either still living at home (you know, with his mother) or has only recently moved on his own: he's 34.
• Personal hygiene is completely unbeknownst aspect to him. (Ok, he does brush his teeth daily, but that's all... I had to teach him to use deodorant back in stone age.)

And I remember my SIL thinking that he is actually rather pitiful excuse of a man. That is when she was "happily" married to my brother.
In addition to this I know that M. hasn't dated before this since he left me, 12 years ago, so I think he's just plain desperate - as I think is she as I can't see any other reason for her mind to change that fast (as I know she knows all the listed things about him).

Maybe they deserve each other...

Anyway, what else can I say that the happenings of late make life sound like a soap opera. I am just waiting to find out that Mr. Wonderful is actually related to us (not very likely though, he's Brit with afro-caribbean roots, but you never know..).

But, at least you can't say that life has been boring lately...

I have been stitching, but as they are models I can't show you anything, except the regular teaser.

As I have been commuting around lately they have been great projects to take with me as they are small and monochromatic - though I have to get another needle minder, I managed to lose yet another needle while I was sitting in the bus in Thursday.

My brother and his kids (they had been travelling all around Southern Finland to see both our parents' cabins, see some relatives etc. - obviously he's enjoying his life now that they are separated with his soon-to-be-ex-wife) came to visit my parents this week and when they came to my mother (in Wednesday) I decided to go to see them (it was also a great excuse to go to Helsinki and find myself new cafetiére (I broke the jug of the old one)). Surprisingly it was not a disaster so I ended up staying over night at my mother's.

And in coming week we'll head to our mother's cabin with bits_2_whole, our mother and our altogether nine cats.
This means that there will be pictures after that and also short gap in blogging - one of those I have had lately - between 19th and 22nd of June.
It's Midsummer weekend and in here people often run away from the life to their cabins (or rented ones).

Before that I see some incoming stash and entries about that... I have three stash-y parcels on their way... as a birthday gift from myself for myself (aren't I so thoughtful? *grin*).

Shortly put...

21st:

• I had a dream that I was about to get married. My wedding dress was sky blue satin... I woke up before it happened.
• I am hibernating: my basal body temperature was 35,2° C.
• And, I was zombified so long that I never made it to health centre.

22nd:

• I don't get the idea of HC closing at 2 pm in Fridays... I went there, was too late. *shrug*
• My heart is showing signs of physical exhaustion: it's wobbles.
• My digestion could manage wheat, but my asthma doesn't.

24th:

• I am beginning to think that I have sinusitis - though without pain. It is also possible that I have got the sinusitis from decluttering the living room bookshelf and I also have other underlying condition which started this all...
• The assumed sinusitis may be heading to my lungs.
• My basal temperature has risen, but now I suffer from hypersomnia.

During my absence I also heard that my brother and his wife have filed for a divorce - maybe he now understands that being a divorcee doesn't make me any less worthy than he is... hope springs eternally.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The-person-formerly-known-as-my-brother has done it again... this time his opinion seems to be that me and my sister are two lazy ass bitches who don't give a damn of their health. Individuals who rather "spend their time 'tasting' wines than taking care of their health"... (Editor's note: last time I drank any wine was when N. was still around... over a year ago. My alcohol consumption during ast 12 months has been about 6 dosages, tops.)
With that opinion he proved not to know anything about either of us. (He also denies his own bad habits, as he does use more alcohol than either of us, and he does smoke too - which either of us don't do...)

Apparently he thinks that, for example I love to be chronically ill, that I want to be pitied because of it... neither of these assumptions are correct - and he can't be thick enough to actually believe that either.
No person in their right mind wants that, so if he really means what he says he thinks we are both loonies... I admit, I have seen few shrinks, but I have one, and only one, diagnose which doesn't say that I am crazy. I just had an anxiety disorder, which he should understand, he lived through the same things I did as we lived in the same household, we both went through the same Hell when we were kids - we all did. He should understand that even if I am a bit twisted I really have a reason to be so - or maybe that is what he can't stand: we are both as damaged, I just can live with it.
And when it comes to our sister... she can prove that she's completely sane - that is so not normal (being sane). *grin*

Not to mention his obvious need to try to prove that I am wrong with everything I say and supress every opinion I have - he should know by know that I am very stubborn life form and stand behind my opinions as have always been like that. Like I was still five years old... maybe someone should tell him that little /me grew up ages ago.

What bothers me in this is that he became a real ass since I separated. He had few issues with certain opinions of mine (veganism, religious preferences etc.) before that, but he usually kept his mouth shut. Something made him lose it, and no matter how obvious the answer seems to be I don't want to believe it.
How could someone be bitter to his little sister because his sister had the guts to leave her spouse when he didn't have the guts to leave the marriage which, according to him, was doomed. How could an adult dislike his little sister just because she chose other paths in her life?
It wouldn't bother me if everything hadn't changed after that summer, but everything did change.

Why? I still don't understand. I just know that I can't respect someone who doesn't respect me, someone who seems only to think the worst of me.

Maybe everything that happened in our family around 2003-2004 affected to him, maybe he couldn't understand anything anymore and his only way to survive has been becoming hostile towards those people who are, or were, closest to him.
I admit, it was a crazy period, but, in my opinion, it changed almost everything to better... except my brother.
Maybe I am just sad because I have lost a person I could look up to, because I lost an example how a good man behaves, because I can't respect him any more as he doesn't respect me...

(What also makes me wonder is that when it comes dark outside, he shows how much of an a$$ he can be... SAD anyone?)

Head, say 'hi' to a wall

Maybe he is right. Maybe I am egoistic, cold, little bastard, pampered no-do-good princess... but if I am, why it feels so bad? Why I can't sleep? Why I can't just close his words out of my mind?
Because they're true or because he insulted me, because he hurt me intentionally?

Because I can't believe that the boy with whom I ran into the night when things got crazy is not that boy anymore? Because something or someone has changed too much to fit to the picture anymore..? Because the boy grew up to be just like his father even he swore he wouldn't..?

What I hate in this situation is that it affects to so many others. Our mother will worry her heart out when she finds out we have fought again with my brother... And even I don't agree with everything my mother has said or done or thinks, she's still my mother, and she has never judged my decisions in front of me (if she has judged them I've never found it out so..).
And even I've never told, and even she has never said anything I know she knows how difficult ends of my relationships have been to me.

Maybe it's something in November, but I seem to lose people at this time of the year...

Does he really think that I love getting in and out of love all the time? At this phase of my life I'd kill for a steady relationship...

RANT: 'Family isn't about whose blood you have'

On brother

He has proved that he either does not speak Finnish as we know it, or that he just is an as*hole. Maybe it's both, I really don't know. But I know that I can't stay in touch with him. My head is exploding, my heart is erratic... both of them are symptoms of stress, and that is not desired effect when you're in touch with any member of your immediate family...
He's my brother, but it's only genetic. We have nothing in common, and if we communicate we end up fighting. It just isn't worth it.

Few extracts from our (snowprincipessa= me, bits_2_whole= my sister and B= our brother) conversation in IRC (translated by yours truly) for reference, and to be honest, we have had similar "conversation" earlier, about two years ago.

• snowprincipessa: I've nothing against getting paired up, but I just won't get involved with anyone ;)
  - - -
  
• B: but you can't know about other one in advance... but life'll teach even snowprincipessa to understand and figure out things
• snowprincipessa: B: don't assume that you know anything about my issues
  - - -
  
• B: no one can be The One in a relationship and just Me
  - - -
  
• bits_2_whole: B: "but life'll teach even snowprincipessa to understand and figure out things"
  
• bits_2_whole: Good grief, if you don't understand what's insulting in that...
  
• B: that was from middle of the conversation.... doesn't apply
  - - -
  
• snowprincipessa: B: what if you just take your head out of your a*s? (Editor's note: I was quite irritated at this point...)
  
• bits_2_whole: that in particular does apply.
• bits_2_whole: and damned, whole line is pointed directly to you
• bits_2_whole: its beginning doesn't change it in any way
• B: neither of you have had long relationship and our thoughts just don't match...
• snowprincipessa: B: No?
• snowprincipessa: What was that six years of marriage then?
  - - -
  
• B: I understand that no one is to you, snowprincipessa, like you want and assume.... it's not like that to anyone
• B: snowprincipessa goes... and finds a meaning for her life... little sister =)
• snowprincipessa: you assume
• B: I know
• $TIME -!- $BROTHER was kicked from #$CHANNEL by snowprincipessa [$REASON]

I think you can deduce why camel's back broke and I kicked him out of the channel...

He thinks he knows enough about me to deduce why my life has been and is like it is. He thinks he knows enough about me to actually blame me and my faulty, egoistic personality on the fall of my relationships.
What should you think about that? Guy says I'm his dear little sister and still he treats me like shit and thinks I'm no good. That I can't keep a relationship because I run after excitement and bigger and better... Because, to put it mildly, I am cold bitch no one can possibly tolerate or love.
There's a conflict. At least in my mind those things conflict with the claimed love, badly.

Fact is that I'm enough of a heartless bitch to close him out of my life, so maybe he is right in the end? As Pink sings: "Shame on you if you fool once/ Shame on me if you fool me twice"
It was the second time, and as I've develop a habit to avoid destructive relationships it was enough. I don't need to be judged, even less without a reason, by anyone - not even by my brother. (What's worst in this, in my opinion, is that he reminds more and more our father... and that is not a compliment.)

I've been thinking lately how this year has taught me to say good bye because I've said/will say goodbyes to two, I never thought I'll say it thrice. I never thought the third one is my own brother. But what else one can do?

I know this sounds pompous, but in the end we are all responsible over one person: ourselves.

Be very, very afraid; It's rather silly

...but fact is that I don't stitch Panda as much I could/ should. And I know why.

I like the design, it has been in my 2-do pile since I first saw it. It's varying enough to keep my interest. I like the way it's coming along (even I disagree with designer with that huge area of white in panda's forehead), and I know I'll love it when it's finished

The problem, actually The Problem, originates from The Saga of The Fairy (Parts 1., 2. and 3. for your reading pleasure).
Honestly speaking I'm afraid that I'm right with this feeling I'm having... that poor little Panda will end up having same fate than Fairy had.

I was able to convince myself that it'll be appreciated, but since I'm detail oriented person, and even well-mannered to certain extent, I can't help but jump to conclusions from little episode with of my brother's birthday gift.
I may be exaggerating, but it kind of got me when our mother had to ask has the parcel actually arrived to them... They have her cell number, address, email... they have access to our family's forum, they know how to access our family's IRC channel... and nothing. Not a word of thank you before she asked...

I'm very, very worried.

Beauty of a stash and family issues

One Silkweaver at home, one to come. In other words... Atlantic Storm has arrived! (I really loved the value on the envelope.... $4. Yeah, right. I'm not complaining though.)
And it's so droolable! Is there anything more beautiful than hand-dyed 40 count Belfast linen?! Ok, there may be, but this one is on the top of the list anyway.

And while I'm here blabbering about cross stitch related things I'd keep on going a bit...

It seems to me that there's some trend in things I stitch as gifts for immediate family... Different shades of white which drive me crazy.
First there was Hello Kitty Chef apron I made for bits_2_whole (btw, guess did I brought HK stuff for her from Thailand? (I do still think there's something so wrong with HK whiskey glass) *grin*), and now there's Panda for our brother. Both have several shades of white... Not that I hadn't enjoyed or weren't enjoying stitching them, but you got to admit that huge blobs of white aren't good for your motivation.
Fortunate thing with Panda is that I've quarterly goals with it, so I know that after I've stitched that huge area of different shades of white I can concentrate on stitching bamboo border, and huge area with different shades of grey (Oh joy..).

And while talking of my brother... I've to admit that I'm tad worried of what will happen to Panda when it gets to my brother's family. As some of you may remember I've had my issues with them, or at least with my SIL, when it comes to cross stitched item (not to say that is only issue between us)...
Actually I'm stitching Panda just because my mother asked me to. I had promised not to stitch anything to that household ever again... and I also make solemn promise considering Panda: if anything happens to it, if it's not properly treated, it's last stitched thing ever for them, no matter who asks me and no matter how 'good' the reason is.
I just hope that my brother is wise enough to understand why I did it and how much work it has took. I can only hope that he's able to respect his younger sister that much, and I really hope he proves me wrong with all my doubts. But only time'll tell. And to be honest... I'm not expecting much.

On siblings

Sometimes I wonder what happened to me and my brother.

When I was a baby I was pampered by him (according to rumours), when we were kids he was my confidant and one to protect me.
And now, years later, I don't know him anymore. What happened to that intelligent, funny, caring person he was? Or did I just change too much to see that person in him anymore?

Mostly I wonder where that intelligent guy vanished... I don't know was it only my sisterly admiration towards him or what, but I can't help the thought that since he met his wife he's gotten mentally lazier. Maybe it's just over exhaustion, noticing that they have four kids between 5 and 8 (almost 9)... (Four in four years. I love kids, but that pace... you just can't help but wonder.)
But still... what happened to his mind? What happened to that boy who ran away with me on night to be safe and to make sure that I am safe..? (Sometimes I wonder is the past the reason why our relationship got colder.)

Or maybe we just grew apart. It happens even in the best of the families, why not in ours?

Sometimes it feels that he's playing some role, that he has to try to be that funny, and intellectually impaired, guy to keep his family together (or is it way to survive?).
See, I can still remember the boy with whom I had great conversations when I was in my pre-teens, and I don't understand what happened to him.

I miss him. But I can't accept the fact that he seems to be unable to accept certain things in me, and certain things he has said to me.
I can forgive, but I never forget. But still, I miss him. Maybe I just miss a mirage (it can't be about missing innocence of childhood as there's nothing much to miss in it), someone who never existed.

It seems to me that when one door closes, another one opens. When I was younger I was in good terms with my brother, and nowadays I'm in good terms with my sister. (Circumstances which brought me and bits_2_whole closer were/are interesting and in some sense also surprising.)
Anyway, maybe this is how it's supposed to be? When there's three only two have company and third one makes the crowd.