I finally got stimulant medication in June last year and so much has changed since!
I experienced silence for the first time in my life (I was 41, mind) when I took my first pill. The tornado that is my brain calmed down and all the sharks (Sharknado!) turned into little fishies whom I can easily catch and adore as long as I want to, and release them when I am done. In other words I can focus on a thought, think about it and release it when I am done with it.
What is even better is that I got back to University. And not just got in, my points were so high that I was literally among the best in the country applying to study BBA through admission exam. Last time, years before I was diagnosed and medicated, I barely got in to my alma mater that was, and is, much less popular. (Think of 2,95% of applicants versus 20% of applicants.) I did this while having a migraine and after not sleeping well due excitement.
And, to my surprise I have returned all my assignments on time! I can sit down and decide to study! I can study! My brain works (often)! And I don't need a week of rest after having to think. I feel like I can! And let me tell you... that is a new feeling to me. I have always known I am smart, I am not saying that, but I have always known that I can't perform to my level. And that does stuff to your self-esteem. Bad stuff. A lot of it.
I still have bad days as even the slightest changes can affect how the meds work. Gut is upset? Meds don't absorb, good luck with that. Menses? Low estrogen affects to how meds work. You don't feel like eating breakfast? You better do, and make no changes to it as your meds won't absorb correctly! 😁 It can be a challenge, but... even on a bad day my life is better than it was on a good day before I knew why I am so... unable.
Tiny got a nice new teacher and new meds in August, and he is striving in school and that makes me happy. He doesn't hate school anymore, but works to get as good grades as possible even I am not demanding As. I still remember that sad, hurting little boy he was before his diagnosis and it fills me with joy to see him so motivated and aware of his abilities.
And Wolfie is being as amazing and wonderful as ever. 💖 I am so blessed to have him as my partner. I have always felt blessed for having met someone so amazing, even when it hurt, and the volume of my gratitude is approximately the size of the Universe now that I have him again. 🥰
