I don't know how to start this or what I should say, but I need to talk about it.

Turns out that he has a mental block, which makes him vomit after sex. Repeatedly.
And now I don't know why I am crying.

I admit. It *is* really sad as, well, he's a nice guy and we actually has quite much fun until... you know.

And he had to leave as he'll spend the night with his nausea meds and a bucket. Which probably is part of why I am sad. I had wanted him to stay overnight, as did he. He had hoped it had passed. Obviously it hadn't.

Someone might say that this is what you get from dating divorced men. But honestly... divorced man with kids has higher probability to understand where I am standing.
It just happens that I had met that man whose body is a very clear mirror of his soul.

He is seeking help. Interestingly he did it now, after three years and after meeting me... just a coincidence probably regardless..

And I don't like the feeling that I am kind of left hanging. Not by him, but me. But, call me crazy, there's something in that man I am no ready to give up just yet.

As I said I know I am crazy. I just have this feeling about him.

And now I am sad.

Remember this?

Well, it seems that if nothing else we'll have something in common: adult play dates at my place. *grin*

We have been talking at Facebook occasionally as we have both been incredibly busy, but last two nights our conversations have been such that physical relationship between us can't be avoided. And well, why should it?

I have started to feel amazingly amazing thanks to our conversations - and that's a lot after all that complaining and bitching Mr. Formerly Wonderful did. Not to mention how incredibly unsexy and insane he made me feel...

And all the sudden I am called sexy, hot, intelligent, good mother and so on. By someone who has met me. By someone who has followed me on FB for couple of months.

It doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but after everything Mr. Ex-W. said, did, left unsaid and undone it is a lot.
All the sudden I am not that lazy ass, fat, lying, messy and unreasonable bitch, but someone who has brains and soul, and a body to desire. Body with all that excess fat and drooping breasts, with stretch marks and dry skin. Body that is beautiful regardless.

And I am taking the leap of faith again, because I need that now. Even if nothing comes out of it, but reminding me how wonderful I am.

And my body needs to be touched again, after such a long time.

Yes, I am unconditional

Some time ago I was thinking could I ever, in that highly unlikely eventuality that pigs would fly, take Mr. To-Be-Ex back and realized that no I couldn't, never ever.
I can forgive a lot, but there is one thing I could never forgive: father willingly abandoning his own child.

I can never understand that, nor I can never respect that person again.