Stop vivisection, use relatives... [Rant warning!]

I'm doing some SIL testing, as I'm curious to know what is the trigger of her interest towards my life. It seems to me that her tolerance is getting better (tolerance being not being interested of every single male related thing in my life (though fact is that I haven't been online since last Friday (28th of July) so it "may" affect)), but there is certain point when she gets interested...
Anyway, fact is that I seem to keep my family updated on this sort of issues nowadays (family forums come always handy) and my SIL is very aware of the fact that I haven't moved to monastery... and I'm anxiously awaiting her first "Tell me everything! Is he gorgeous?!" attack (I don't do non-gorgeous males, btw (Just my unbiased opinion, though I admit that my aspect of 'gorgeous' may be different from general view) *grin*). Not that there were anything to tell or that I'd tell that much even there were, but the fun lies in revealing, but not revealing method.

Actually I've been thinking of something which has to do with my SIL's apparent fetish for non-Finnish males and my father's apparent dislike for the fact that I'm not dating males with Finnish passport (Finnish males seem to avoid me quite well, and in my opinion there's too wide cultural and mental canyon between average Finn and me so I'm not that disappointed (I think I'd be categorized as non-patriotic *chuckle*))... If this thing evolves to somewhere it's rather easy not to reveal counterparts ethnicity as long as his native language doesn't pop out as topic. And being mean, mean thing my intention is to avoid such topics as much as possible (though bits_2_whole knows, but I think she won't reveal it).
I'm not rushing into things, but I also deal with the possibilities - and my mind likes to meddle with scenarios... It'd be interesting to just refer to person X with his name and make my father do his assumptions. And if there comes the day when my father meets person X it'd be interesting to see my father's reactions... as I'm quite positive that his assumptions would proved to be wrong. *devilish giggling*
And when it comes to SIL's apparent fetish it seems to me that she has different levels in her fetish, and she seems to have the thing for males who are ethnically from certain area in Asia... (I have this odd connection with Asia, have you noticed?) Even it does have no importance what-so-ever it's interesting - and fact is that males who are ethnically from certain part of Asia seem to have this natural fondness towards certain snowprincipessa, but maybe we blame those few drops of blood in me which originate from that certain part of Asia...

When it comes to my father's apparent dislike for the fact I haven't been in a relationship with a man with Finnish passport since I separated Dan (actually he's (ethnically) half Russian)... I've my theories about that, but I really don't want to believe in any of them even I know I may be correct with one or all of them.

1. He's intolerant (some would use word racist, but as there are no actual races (IMO and according to researches) I don't use the word) a-hole who despises the possibility that his "Aryan" little daughter (who's actually very far from actual Aryan) would get dirty (Urgh, doesn't this possibility sound wonderful? (But I know my father and honestly nothing wouldn't surprise me anymore (Do we sense loving daughter here?)))...
2. He despises the idea that I am actually 27, adult, and am able to decide it myself who I want to be with...
3. He despises the possibility that his grandchildren will be mutts... (Who gives a damn?)
4. I'm too good to any man...
5. I'm no worthy of any man...
6. He feels inferior towards non-Finn because of  insert reason here ...

Ah well, at least I know that my mom has no issues with the men I date and get involved with, even she may not be the most tolerant person on Earth. And when it comes to grandkids I know that she'll love my kids even they were purple with pink dots because they're my children.
And when it comes to everything else... my happiness counts.

(Btw, I do still wonder how my parents ended up together in the first place, and how they could be married over twenty years, as they're like night and day in most things.)

Dreams, offline life and random thoughts

Couple of nights I've seen dreams in which I'm in Bangkok, but leaving from there. And last night I made it to the plane. It was a close call, but I made it.
I think my mind is saying something to me, I think it's really letting go.

Watched Lion King last night while stitching (telly is finally in the bedroom so I can sit on my bed, watch old videos (picture quality is dreadful after you get used to DVD quality) and stitch - with cats, of course), and old monkey said something to Simba which caught my ear... "Past hurts, but it's up to you do you end up learning from it or forgetting it" (very faintly based on memory, it may not be correct (it's translated from Finnish anyway), but that was the idea in it).

ISP

Gave another angry call to my ISP, waiting the customer service guy to call me back. I'm in the phase where I'd like to whack someone, not because of not having 'net, but because they try to claim that they have piles of things to do and it may delay preparing... It's summer, for crying out loud! And they have never had any difficulties to fix what ever has been broken in hours or few days. This is first black out of over a week.

Something I thought about last night

It's kind of somber thought, but yesterday, while watching movies and stitching I had this haunting thought... I begun to think how I was after Sol and how I am after Wolfie...
Difference being that after Sol I was practically dead emotionally and physically for months. I had no need to be close to anyone, had no need to be touched, had no need for intimacy... before I met Wolfie. And after him I seem to be more alive than I've bee in ages. I miss being touched, intimacy... I miss the whole scale of it.

They say love can break you, it can. They also say that love can heal you, I agree.
But I also say that it scars you always, no matter what, and sometimes I wonder what's the point.