Life carries on - and so on

I have learned something this year. There's one thing harder than death of a loved one: waiting for their death.

Life between February and August was difficult because you did know that he was going to die, despite what he said, but you didn't know when and how long the palliative care period would be. As, despite all our confrontations, no one wanted that he had to suffer.
Last days of August were the hardest as we knew he had it bad after they sent him back to hospital instead of keeping him at local health centre waiting to be released back home. And the worst in whole thing was that I knew that one of those days I had to tell Tiny some really bad news. There's nothing more heartbreaking than having to tell your child that someone they love dearly has died.

But life carries on. My father's estate inventory is done and his possessions shared, on a paper at least. Bureaucracy takes time. (And I do foresee some butt hurt from our brother, poor thing gets his share as sole cash.)

And surprisingly....
It seems that my bad credit has cleared - or clearing. At least SII has given me student loan guaranty as a holiday season surprise and they do require clean credit history (clean-ish, they may discard your bad credit if you have only few soon-to-be-cleared markings). As much as I hate having to take a loan to support us it frees me to have outside income.

Life is kind of odd. But odd is not bad, as long as it would remain calm from now on.

28 days later

He passed away after a short period in hospital in late August, less than two months before his 70th birthday. You could say he was your average Joe when it came to this cancer: average patient diagnosed with pancreatic cancer is 70 year old male and they live 6 months on average.

He didn't get much more than that. And even it has come obvious that he knew he was going to die rather sooner than later his subconcious mind denied it. I am quite sure that I am not lying when I say that severity of his illness was not clear to any of us, not even his partner.
I got to read his death certificate: he had several metastasis all around his body and this he knew over a month before he passed. Knowing this confirmed my earlier suspicions about his condition based on his behaviour. (Yeah, it's hard to be always right. Or something. *grin*) Human beings are odd things, but still, I know and you know why he did it.

Tiny took it better than I had expected, regardless he does miss his grandpa a lot. But the process seems to help him. One day he told me that it was nice to see grandpa's white box, in other words going to his memorial service. There's still urn burial (my father's ash will be buried in his parents' grave (which is a positive thing as said cemetery is reasonably close)), I hope it goes as well as memorial service did...

The relativity of time has struck me, it seems like forever, but it has been only four weeks.

Well, four weeks and a aday.

Things that happened before it seem like aeons ago and things that happened after it... well, have just kind of passed.

6 x 9 = 42

Life's dragging along. I am eagerly waiting for that day when it becomes normal again, without constant obstacles thrown on our way.

Tiny's tummy ache was diagnosed as food allergy (as I suspected) after few dozens of blood tests to opt out all kinds of nice things like colitis, celiac disease, amebas and other funny parasites. He is now off dairy, eggs and fish and has become more like his old self.
It turns out he may have been allergic last two years, if not his whole life... he just hasn't been able to communicate it and haven't realised that it is not normal to have nausea and tummy ache until now.
This and my father's cancer cause enough stress to make my system more unstable and it seems that my allergies (and my thyroid) may be worsening again. Yay. It would make life really interesting, though luckily Tiny is at day care so he gets diverse diet even if ours were more restricted.

But on the bright side, it's Mother's Day and we have cake!

So... Bumpy ride goes on and on.

I got SRTD from noise and spent summer with a burnout and was stupid enough to go back to school like nothing. Then I got sick and was too sick or tired to do anything 1,5 months. So, fall semester went to dogs.

We relaxed whole holiday period, it was tons of fun for both Tiny and me, and in January I started studying with goals.

Tiny got sick. Apparently he is more or less allergic to milk, fish and bell peppers. At least. And he reacts with his intestines. So, he has been at home a lot because his tummy hurts and he has reflux symptoms. Based on his blood work and check-up he is a healthy lad. At the moment we are waiting to get an appointment with allergy specialist. Until then I get to hear "mom, my tummy hurts" almost daily. And it sucks.

Then my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with several metastasis in his liver. It's unoperable as long as he has them. And life expectancy isn't great even at its best: 10 % of PC patients are alive after one year, 2-3 % after five years.
And I worry already how Tiny will take it when his grandpa dies. "Luckily" he is no stranger to death: my sister's older cat died of cancer some time ago and Tiny helped our mother to bury her. He has been asking lots of questions about dying since. And he still thinks everyone will be buried at granny's yard when they die. *grin*

So. This is how it has been. I am hoping this would be enough for next ten years or so...

Abandonment

I don't think that it would matter much to me that my brother acts like three- year old if there wasn't someone else involved: Tiny.
Because by doing his thing my brother is the second man in Tiny's life who has left him before he turned two.

It hurts me when Tiny mentions "Unke Pampa" because I know that he remembers his uncle, even I wished he didn't - but I have learned that little children have terrifyingly good memory.... at least Tiny does.
And it makes me wish that I could hit that guy, hard. Because he is so fu*king blind or stupid or bitter that he fails to see what he is because he is what he is. Because he hurts my son.

Brotherly Things

As time passes one learns things and it seems that the fallout of my brother and I is a sum of multiple things, all as... stupid.

First is that my father promised to buy, Tiny and me, a flat from our future hometown which he would rent to us, and of course he had mentioned it to my brother. He just failed to mention that he backed off from his promise less than two months later.
Luckily I know my father so I was not surprised at the least. What surprises me is that my brother does not realise that. Despite being told the truth.
And anyway, had our father bought the flat it had not been under my name so it had been his and his only.

Secondly he considers that his kids were and have been treated worse than Tiny. At least by our mother.
Something one could understand if his family had not kept distance to the rest of the family since the beginning.
My mother did knit and buy tons of clothes for his kids, gave them gifts etc., but after it turned out that they were not appreciated at all and my mother stopped.
She has various things she has bought wishing that my brother's kids would visit her and could use, things that now have been given to us as we actually have use for them and we do use them.
He also seems to fail to understand that his situation was and is completely different even if we look at the basic level of me being a single parent with no support from Tiny's biofather.

It makes me wonder is he really that dim? Or has it been intentional? (Let's not get into how childish it would be to cut your sister from your life just because you think that you have been mistreated by your parent(s..).

Still, it's just so weird.

I Just Can't Understand Some People

Well, most people... But I digress.

After my brother separated his ex-wife and ended living in Metropolitan area we started to get closer again, slowwwwly, but surely.
Less than 18 months ago we were talking about living in a commune... and how lucky I feel now that it never got into fruition thanks to his then SO and him getting an apartment not big enough for all of us. And shortly after Tiny and I moved here.

He got along well with Tiny (and I was happy that Tiny had a man in his life, someone he could look up to, someone to do "manly" stuff with), and even lived with us little while last year, before moving back to North.

And even after he moved I thought that we were good.

Then I realized that he had actually unfriended me at FB. With no explanation. No heated arguments, nothing.
Had anyone else done that I had just accepted it and gone forth, but he is my brother. And naïve me had thought that we were in good terms.
Turns out he had done the same to my mother, for unbeknownst reason. And apparently he does not reply when my mother tries to contact him. And this is where it gets interesting.

If it were just me one would think that he's just mad at me for some reason, but... My mother and I are close and she spends a lot of time here as she's "doing gigs" at her old workplace (she retired last year, but works to save money for her house's necessary expansion (toilet, sauna, shower, laundry management) so that she doesn't need as big loan as she otherwise would need) and we live conveniently close by.
My brother owes her money, lots of it. He has several monthly payments (loans and so forth) under my mom's name and despite having good income hasn't paid a dime in last eight months (I have certain financial arrangements with my mother too and I pay my share monthly even I am on low income), not even when he slept on our couch.

So, this sounds a bit like someone was avoiding certain people because he knows he's a slacker, because he knows my mom would be in financial hardship is she wasn't working... But it also makes one wonder is he really that thick? Or just have few important screws too loose?

I know I haven't actually been a model citizen when it comes to personal finances, but when you owe money to your mother it kind of changes things. She's not a corporation, and she has been there taking care of your sorry ass since you were born and is willing to take a marathon worth of extra miles for you despite you being a responsible adult.
And if she trusts you enough to let you make debt under her name it should also mean that you don't run away like a coward and trust that she pays it because she HAS to. She will, but she'll never ever trust you again.
And maybe I am just old-fashioned, but to me it's very important that my mom trusts me. Even more financially as, no matter how hard I want to avoid such thing, there may be a day when I need her to guarantee a loan. Or need her to back me up on some matter related to it.

And if someone helps you out of the goodness of their heart... it takes a lot of negative balls to be willing to break that trust.

When it comes to me I have more or less given up on him. I am too old for this on-off sibling relationship game, and it so happens that I don't consider him suitable as a male role model anymore. Which hurts me most in this. Not my loss, but Tiny's... well, it's not Tiny's loss really, but it's sad that men in his life seem to be somewhat, how would I put it.... idiots.

It boggles one's mind.

Commune?

We have had what-if discussions with my brother how cool it would be to live in a shared apartment, or as neighbours, and now that things turned how they did we started to talk about that again, this time we were thinking of the advantages of commune living.

My brother and his SO are planning to buy an apartment from Metropolitan area and it wouldn't be much trouble to buy a bigger one (4-5 bedrooms instead of 2-3) (and in most cases it even wouldn't make it much more expensive), sublet 2 rooms to Tiny and me and enjoy all the good sides of commune: there would always be someone to look after Tiny when I need to go somewhere (this would be lovely as I would love to study while I am at home) and when I am sick I didn't have to worry about Tiny's wellbeing.
We could share household duties, we could buy food in bulk, there would always be food even if someone was short of cash before payday and there would always be someone to talk to - and when one would want to be alone there would be one's room.

I know it would be annoying at times, I have lived in communes when I have studied, but the advantage in this would be that I know 2/3 well: my brother I have known since birth and his son last 13 years. And brother's SO seems to be a person of reason from what I have deduced from those couple of times we have met. She's shy though, but it is never a bad thing.

And I would rather pay few hundred euros to my brother as it would be cheaper to live with them than in a regular rented apartment. And no need for rent deposits which means saving anything from 0€ to ~2500€ (or rather not needing to ask deposit from social services due low income).
Also it would mean that Tiny would get his own room and I mine as at some point he needs his own space - and us both being such restless sleepers it would make us both sleep better.

Stash Overload: My Oh My, This Isn't All Of It...

I am an addict. That is my excuse and I stick with it.

Well, honestly from now on my stash shopping will happen about once in a blue moon as I am at home with Boy and it affects to our income level even though maternity and parenting grants are tied to one's income level. At least higher income leaves are relatively long. (Honestly I don't get it how you folks in short maternity leave countries do it... work and baby. Boy is easy and content child 99% of the time and still I don't have time and I don't even want to think how tired I'd be if I had to work...)
When my parenting leave ends and "caretaking" leave begins it'll be nothing extra. Nada. But, that's around New Year and in any case it's all the same income wise am I home with Boy or go back to work so the decision isn't hard. I rather have time for the little guy.

Anyhow... Click for a bigger pic.



Ton of OOPs, some nice stuff from ABC Stitch Therapy's and 1-2-3 Stitch's Clearance bin, pretties from Silkweaver, silks from 1-2-3 Stitch etc... *sigh*

And this wasn't all.

Oh yeah, Ovi Share will be closed so I had to change place... If anyone has any good suggestions for free and unlimited image hosting please tell. (Of course I have unlimited server space and bandwidth at Servage which I could use, it just would mean setting up a gallery and I don't kind of have time now... rather I hate adjusting file and folder rights even at my best.)

Boy Wonder aka. Miracles, They Do Happen

Most people got surprised few days ago at Facebook when I announced the birth of our baby boy. And I don't blame you. It was a surprise to me too, even though I had nine months to get used to the idea.

Actually I still look at that boy and wonder is he really ours...

I guess he is as he's becoming a spitting image of his daddy and I do remember being there when he was born...

Had anyone said me last year this time that our first child is nine days old 366 days later I probably had thought they were crazy. But I had been happily wrong about that matter - and I was.
Last year I got the best birthday gift ever and last week there was all the Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries etc. at once when I heard his cough for the first time. Our son, my long-awaited miracle child.

Miracles, they do happen.

Things, they are a-changing... SECRETS!

The reason for my absence from online world is small, but still great.

The reason has made my thyroid values to drop, drop, drop, regardless that I take higher doses than ever before.

But it is all worth it. Thousand times worth it.

Only few people can see this post. You are the ones who I trust to keep your mouths shut everywhere else as this is still a secret in FB or in the forums I frequent(ed). And probably will remain one few months.

Ground Control to Major Tom... (title in courtesy of David Bowie)

Yes, I am still alive, though I wonder where last month has disappeared. Time simply has been running away from me and I haven't been able to catch it yet.

Think of it: in my opinion DCLH came to Finland just yesterday, or day before it and actually he has been here for 6½ weeks already!
No, I am not complaining, vice versa, but still I am baffled. Though, I guess that I should have noticed time passing from the fact that my brother has seen DCLH and we have been eating lasagna for about six times already (He *loves* my lasagna ^^).

I guess I have become the White Rabbit from Alice in the Wonderland.

I just hope that I am soon getting back on track... well, I have my first holiday period in late May so maybe then. Here's for hoping.

Changes

There has been a major change in life, in addition to Mr. Wonderful moving in: cats moved (as it seems that He has somesort of an allergy - at least he's not sneezing as much now).

Boys went to live with my mother and they seem to love it there, which makes me feel good as I was worrying about them being separated from Her Highness - but apparently lack of Her Highness is not much of an issue because now they have three new buddies to live with. I have heard that even Seiichi, the Shy Cat, has got into good terms with my mother which is very much from him. ^^
Her Highness moved to live with my brother, because they love each other and my mother doesn't like her that much - if my brother hadn't took her she probably would have been put to sleep and that was not an option because, even though she's old and cranky, she's still relatively healthy for a Siamese of her age. Apparently she's enjoying it there with two younger cat ladies as I haven't heard anything opposite.

Work

Unlike so many others I am still working, actually slaving my butt off as our finances have been quite lousy lately - DCLH hasn't been able to find any kind of job yet (guy has B.Sc. and he speaks four languages) and all my sick leaves affected to my income and bills fell behind... it makes a nice merry-go-round. Hopefully things will clear out, financially, in May as it seems now.

I haven't even been stitching in months, before few days ago - and it's still few stitches now and then...

So, this is my story for now. I try to be around more, but you know where I am if I am not (at work ).

Ranting some more

Last Saturday I got an SMS from my mother when I was getting home from work: "The kids left home last night with police. $BOYFRIEND was locked up."

At the moment the kids are, as far as I know, with their mother's parents (who may not be the best choice even though probably safer than ex-sil)... and apparently local social workers still seem to think there's nothing alarming happening... If this happened in any other city in this country the kids would be living with their father by now.

It's rather suprising that $HILLBILLYVILLE's children's social services think that they can continue like that for very long as social workers from two other cities have voiced their concern about the incompetence of $HILLBILLYVILLE's social workers.

That is one odd city... I just hope that something good starts happening very soon in there and the kids get their lives back in track.

That Rant...

The gossip of ex SIL dating my ex boyfriend was just a gossip (if it originates from SIL's mother I don't wonder), but I kind of hope at this moment that it was true.

Brother's kids were here over New Year and Brother took them back home 5th of this month. My mother and I started to wonder in following day why he hasn't come back here yet...
I went to see our father in 6th and heard from him that Brother is coming back in that day - he indeed came and with a rather interesting, and very distressing, story.
Long story short: kids had asked my brother to stay over there for a night (he confirmed it with both his ex and her BH before staying) and at some point of the evening, when kids were already in bed and adults were spending time together former SIL's new "better" half assaulted my brother because of a childish misunderstanding ("B"H was also very drunk, I was told) and my brother took refuge at local police station - after being taken to ER for a medical check.

While spending the night at police station Brother heard from the officers that the guy his ex wife is involved with is not just an ex convict (which isn't an issue as such), but has history of violence and drugs and apparently also present with at least with violence (I heard that his way to "train" dogs contains... hitting, hitting and some more hitting) and alcohol - it's also possible that he is already abusing ex SIL and we are quite afraid of when he broadens his horizons to the kids...

Ex SIL thinks her BH is "a REAL™ man" because he is controlling and abusive... and I really don't mind about her, but that "real" man of hers is a danger to her kids - but that "real" man can also be the reason why Brother will get sole custody.

He's out at the moment, apparently reporting BH to police and filing a case against him.

There's so much more to this, but I am just too pissed with the situation to think about them.

Yup, I am insane...

...but I guess that wasn't a surprise to anyone?

My mother mentioned that one of my brother's kids would love to have their own "copy" of The Panda and as I also heard that my brother has the Panda with him I apparently gave up and have since been thinking "Maybe I could do again it anyway...".
Though if I do I will surely tweak the design somewhat to look more like a panda and be more pleasant to my eyes.

On the other news I finally paid the first part of Stitching Weekend, bought some snowman stash from 1-2-3 Stitch! for the Frosty Friends exchange and realised today that I need some pink fabric for one model... so, I also placed an order at Silkweaver.
It seems that you always lack some stash, no matter how hard you try...

The Man in my life

I am not quite sure which I should blame for not gushing about Mr.Wonderful all the time: superstition or the fact that I feel very peaceful nowadays. Or maybe it's partly both, probably I am just afraid somewhere deep in me that if I gush about him I invite bad luck and eventually lose my lovely state of mind.

And I really like this state of mind I am at: I feel balanced and hopeful. First time in long, long time I actually have a feeling of having a future and life seems easy, comfortable.
Though, fact is that we haven't had time to have real hardships (we have only knew each other since middle of July), but in my opinion living on opposite sides of Europe is a hardship - even though long distance relationship also has its advantages as we are able to appreciate the time we spend together more and we learn to communicate better as we base our communication mostly on emails.
Basically we are quite good communicators, but some extra practise never hurt anyone.

What really has surprised me is that this whole relationship feels so easy. I am not used to that so it is somewhat of a cultural shock, but I am not complaining, on the contrary. It just is difficult to understand that a relationship can actually be easy. o.O

Let me rephrase: this relationship is easy for both of us, but I am quite sure there's at least one person in my immediate family who will very likely have issues with it and therefore cause stress to me: our father. (Though, if so it's not relationship induced, it will be stupidity induced...)
Our father does know that he's British (by birth), but he may not have realized from my avatar in our family's forum (cut of our eyes from one couple picture we took before Mr.Wonderful left) that he's a man of colour (he's of Afro-Caribbean origin) and when our father realizes that... I am prepared to hear all kinds of [nasty word] from him when it eventually dawns on him.
Other possibility is that our father has realized that Mr.Wonderful is somewhat () darker than I am, but he (our father) may not realize that our relationship is serious (let me see: we love each other, it is obvious for both of us that we will get married some day, we are planning to move together soon-ish (before 2010), we are talking of kids etc. - all the things every couple is talking about after knowing each other barely two months ) despite the distance.
And when he does realize that we are intending to stay together and have that normal setting called a family he may go berzerk (I am rather surprised if he doesn't - and I know I wouldn't be the only surprised one) and let some huge, ugly frogs out of his mouth. (Though I doubt there is not enough man in our father to say what he thinks directly to Mr.Wonderful... big, muscular men, like Mr. Wonderful, tend to be scary.)

Luckily I know that those who matter wouldn't mind even if he was from Mars, had googly eyes and five legs - as long as he keeps me happy and treats me well.
It just boggles my mind how some people can be as ignorant as our father (I reserve the right to say that based on previous experiences with him): it's just pigment, not an illness.

Honestly speaking my father seems to be great inventing reasons why my partner isn't "suitable" regardless how perfect son-in-law they'd make, so it's not all about the skin... but it will give him "good" reason to dislike my SO.
But, he should also know that if he doesn't accept my better half he won't accept our kids either and therefore his changes to meet his grandkids from my side aren't very good... Though I am not quite sure is that an issue to him, as anyway, if Mr.Wonderful and I have children they are mixed and I am, unfortunately, quite sure that it's one of the things why he (our father) has had issues with my partners during last few years.

In the end it's not a problem as such. We can simply avoid dealing with him. What saddens me is that if my father is still idiot in that way he takes away the only grandfather our children will have - but I am not willing to be in good terms with him just because I want our children have grandfather: I rather stay and keep the kids away from him than give our kids grandfather who despises their father because of his ethnicity - and therefore our kids.

It's starting to sound more an more like a bad soap opera... (Friends Only)

... not that there was such thing as a good soap opera.

As you know my brother is divorcing (from what I know they can actually be divorced by now, the consideration period has, in my opinion, ended some time ago) from his wife. And everything we thought has proven to be true - and then some more.

Since my brother moved out following things have happened:

• SIL had promised to take kids with her when she went to enjoy Midsummer... but my brother received a phone call from SIL when she had packed the kids (all four) into car and SIL announced that she won't take their son with her.
  In other words she disowned her own child. Which, in my not so humble opinion, is a disgrace.
• SIL has been drinking heavily ever since my brother moved out.
• There has been six complaints about mistreating of children to social services regarding SIL: only two of them are by my brother. This implies that even other people are worried...
• SIL is unable to take care of her daughters (their son lives with my brother, who, as far as I know, has whole custody for the boy): we heard that their eldest (who's not even eleven yet) has been taking care of her siblings. She has been the one who has taken care of the hygiene of the youngest ones and the kids have had to steal food to be fed. In addition to this the house is a real mess.
• Some time ago the girls called to my brother in one night because they were afraid: turns out that mommy was drinking, there was also other people in the house, and my brother called police and social services. When the police came they tested SIL with alcometer: she was drunk, her blood alcohol levels were close to 2 &permil - the kids would have been taken into custody if there had been any place to take them to (my brother lives on the other side of the country at current as he had to "escape" the whole mess to protect my nephew (poor kid has asthma and it doesn't like the stress at all) so he couldn't take them). So, cops emptied the house and ordered SIL to sleep herself sober.

  Her mother claims she isn't an alcoholic - well, maybe not in her mother's opinion as she is an alcoholic herself.

• Girls and SIL are now customers of social services, which doesn't bode good for SIL's maternal rights in future - I really hope my brother could get the kids. Based on everything he has been single father of four minors and one adult (SIL) so he could manage with all the kids - as his SO is good with the kids, we know.

In addition to this we have to keep our brother's SO's identity secret from SIL as brother's SO is... our cousin. At least we know the family already!
And honestly, the kids seem to like her and she's quite good handling them, so it's all good.

And yesterday I heard something which really stunned me... SIL is in relationship with my first boyfriend!

Let me tell few things about the issue of my ex (I am not bitter, these are unfortunate facts (I'm just happy M. left me back in... 1996)):

• He's really not the brightest bulb. (You know, really.)
• He's very unyielding, intolerant and he has the hidden side of uncontrolled rage. (During the six months we were together he was physically abusive once, not much, but still. (The story behind it is that when I was 16 I wasn't over my childhood, and in addition to that I have VERY overactive sense of self-protection, so one day he came into a room I thought was empty (I was facing the window, doing something) and he scared me. I kicked him, instinctually, which, of course means that I didn't mean it, I was just so used to be prepared to protect myself back then. And that is when he got mad, even I explained the issue to him, even he know about my past... he didn't leave any marks, so maybe we can't say he was physically abusive, but the situation was very threatening.)
• He's LOUSY lover and in addition to that not that well equipped - they say that size does not matter... it does when man is equipped poorly enough... (Admittedly it's handy when the said guy is the one who takes your virginity: hurts less. *grin*)
  He also thinks that woman should give him oral sex, but he won't give it back because female genitalia is dirty... oh, yeah.
• He is either still living at home (you know, with his mother) or has only recently moved on his own: he's 34.
• Personal hygiene is completely unbeknownst aspect to him. (Ok, he does brush his teeth daily, but that's all... I had to teach him to use deodorant back in stone age.)

And I remember my SIL thinking that he is actually rather pitiful excuse of a man. That is when she was "happily" married to my brother.
In addition to this I know that M. hasn't dated before this since he left me, 12 years ago, so I think he's just plain desperate - as I think is she as I can't see any other reason for her mind to change that fast (as I know she knows all the listed things about him).

Maybe they deserve each other...

Anyway, what else can I say that the happenings of late make life sound like a soap opera. I am just waiting to find out that Mr. Wonderful is actually related to us (not very likely though, he's Brit with afro-caribbean roots, but you never know..).

But, at least you can't say that life has been boring lately...

I have been stitching, but as they are models I can't show you anything, except the regular teaser.

As I have been commuting around lately they have been great projects to take with me as they are small and monochromatic - though I have to get another needle minder, I managed to lose yet another needle while I was sitting in the bus in Thursday.

My brother and his kids (they had been travelling all around Southern Finland to see both our parents' cabins, see some relatives etc. - obviously he's enjoying his life now that they are separated with his soon-to-be-ex-wife) came to visit my parents this week and when they came to my mother (in Wednesday) I decided to go to see them (it was also a great excuse to go to Helsinki and find myself new cafetiére (I broke the jug of the old one)). Surprisingly it was not a disaster so I ended up staying over night at my mother's.

And in coming week we'll head to our mother's cabin with bits_2_whole, our mother and our altogether nine cats.
This means that there will be pictures after that and also short gap in blogging - one of those I have had lately - between 19th and 22nd of June.
It's Midsummer weekend and in here people often run away from the life to their cabins (or rented ones).

Before that I see some incoming stash and entries about that... I have three stash-y parcels on their way... as a birthday gift from myself for myself (aren't I so thoughtful? *grin*).

Ouch

I was on the go whole yesterday and now, after 13 hours of sleep and hours of being awake, I still feel like whole battalion of trucks had drove over me and now they are stomping in my sinuses...

It was nice day though. We, my mother and I, went to House & Garden fair - for free, as we got those free tickets - and hiked around the halls for two hours (and ate loads of candy offered by the exhibitors). My mother found what she wanted i.e. infomation on solar panels and all kinds of things she needs to consider when she begins to renovate her cabin around 2010 (she retires 2013 so she needs to get the house in condition to live in even in her retired years (which means: indoor toilet/ shower/ sauna which means that she has to expand her house a bit)).

Then we did some shopping, as she needed new cabin luggage trolley and had found a good offer - and eventually she bought one for me too as mine broke in Thailand and was trashed when I got back to Finland.

She paid the lunch, too, and after that we headed to see her aunt (my great aunt) (whom I hadn't seen in 11 years, I think).
It was nice as the Great Aunt is still very smart and cheery lady even she's 88 years old (of course she has some issues brought by old age, but taking that into account) - though just before we left she got a phone call and we got to hear that my mother's uncle's wife had passed away few days earlier... they can't bury her before May because there's nowhere to bury her (I think they have a family grave and they can't get anyone who has the right to reopen the grave before that). O_o

I was back at home around 22:30 (I left home 9:30 in the morning)...

In addition to everything there's one noteworthy thing: my great uncle is the youngest of the lot and he has just turned 77. My great aunt is 88 years young and she still lives on her own.
Even though my maternal grandmother (their sister) died in age of 48, she may not be taken into account when predicting our lifetime expectancy as it is possible she committed suicide.
Looking at these numbers it is very possible that our mother will live to be 90, as she has always said, which means that she'll be around for next 31 years - with luck she may even see her great grandchildren from my side.

Looking at the numbers, if I am lucky, I will have over sixty years to live from now if I take care of myself. That sounds quite good.

Shortly put...

21st:

• I had a dream that I was about to get married. My wedding dress was sky blue satin... I woke up before it happened.
• I am hibernating: my basal body temperature was 35,2° C.
• And, I was zombified so long that I never made it to health centre.

22nd:

• I don't get the idea of HC closing at 2 pm in Fridays... I went there, was too late. *shrug*
• My heart is showing signs of physical exhaustion: it's wobbles.
• My digestion could manage wheat, but my asthma doesn't.

24th:

• I am beginning to think that I have sinusitis - though without pain. It is also possible that I have got the sinusitis from decluttering the living room bookshelf and I also have other underlying condition which started this all...
• The assumed sinusitis may be heading to my lungs.
• My basal temperature has risen, but now I suffer from hypersomnia.

During my absence I also heard that my brother and his wife have filed for a divorce - maybe he now understands that being a divorcee doesn't make me any less worthy than he is... hope springs eternally.