Angels unawares

I had the weirdest dream last night. Not in a bad way mind, but it was those rare "good things will be coming your way" kind of dreams.

Maybe one could call them angelic dreams, if one had a thing for angels.

Regardless, I have felt happy and balanced ever since I woke up. Like I was filled with light...

I know how it sounds, but then everything that helps one through the day helps, right?

There was a crowded diner, all the sudden most people just vanished. They were referred as ghosts, but not in the sense of dead human, but as people of past times. They were referred as ghosts by a drop dead gorgeous androgynous man who I had a conversation with. And even I don't remember what he said I know deep within what he said: and it was all good.
And he shone. Like a ray of light.

And for some reason I think I need to tweak my blog's colour scheme. It's too.... dark. Nevermore, or summin'. *grin*

Dreams...

are not called "dreams" for nothing.

Last night I had a dream where Tiny's dad actually wanted to meet his son and where he admitted that he misses me AND was willing to behave like every man should do: try to make amends, open up, talk and fix what is broken.

I woke up sad, because it was just a dream and because I know he is so stubborn that no matter what he won't admit that he misses me even if he does. Or that he misses his son.

One door closes...

This is one of my "None one knows except you guys" entries. The exception being my mom. So... keep your mouths shut elsewhere. It's not official yet. (Editorial note: since the divorce has gone through I made some of separation related entries public.

I have always said that I am marrying type, but I am beginning to think that I am not that type that stays married - despite her idealised wishes.

You probably see where this is going.

My camel broke its back and I have asked Husband to pack his bags. Something I though I'd never do, something I wasn't actively considering before his latest tirade, but never say never should obviously be my motto.

In certain sense this is not a surprising move, as, even no one knows, I did ponder about leaving just before I got pregnant with Boy as I was feeling that my needs weren't listened to and I was increasingly unhappy with my life. Then I found out I was expecting and all the happy pregnancy hormones started to do their magic.

I was alone since about 21st week of pregnancy, first for a reason, then for a reason unbeknownst to me. Even I asked he didn't tell it.
When Boy was about 2 months old I had a dream where he left for some insanely childish reason. I am known to have premonitions about my relationships, they foresee the fail. Still, I decided it was only a dream and that's it (and I couldn't have told Mr. W. (let him carry that name from now on) about it as he had said I was calling bad spirits and I shouldn't talk about things like that).

Then I tell you that I haven't seen him since mid-pregnancy. He hasn't met his son, Boy hasn't met his father. They were deemed to meet, but this evil woman prevented it.
Because of Mr. W.'s latest tirade.

He has this annoying habit of controlling me. It was sweet and all when we met and so on, but it had a nasty side effect: threats of leaving me right there and then when I missed his call(s). Sometimes I was accused of cheating, as he knew that part of my history.
And since Boy was born I have missed many calls because I have been with Boy (playing/ feeding/ changing/ all those things you do with babies) and my cell phone hasn't. Or we have been out and I haven't heard. Or we have been sleeping and my phone has been on silent - to let Boy to sleep. And even I explained and have told him that he was not my first priority anymore as there is a small baby who needs me more than he does. Still I was told that I have changed.

No shit Sherlock! I became a mother in March in case you missed that.

And for a long, long time I have felt there is no room for me when he was here. That I had to be somewhere playing as small and quiet as possible. And if I happened to glance his laptop's screen it was something dreadful.
I felt that it wasn't my home even it was and is. But if I tried to talk with him about it or anything else considering us or my wishes or feelings it ended up me feeling even worse and we never talked.

Not feeling comfortable at my own home also meant no stitching as I need a comfortable place for it.

There are thousand things... like always noticing and being nasty about it if I had gained a little weight, but never encouraging when I lost weight. Or telling that I was just basically lazy and hypocondriac when I tried to explain that my lack of doing stuff was all about my thyroid.

Things were piling up in my little head. Understandably. But love makes us blind.

Well, his last tirade was about me not picking up a phone or returning his call. "That call came from an anonymous number, how did you expect I know it was you?" And he knows that I never answer to anonymous numbers if I am not expecting a call from one. Because usually they are telesalesmen.
He got frantic and while at it denied his own son, in my eyes, and me, threatened with leaving for good and made me understand that it can't go on. Not anymore. Not with Boy around. That it had to stop.

I thought about it for two days and went through his words over and over again to find what I missed, that I was wrong. Never found it. And then I asked him to pack.

Understandably in his opinion I had misunderstood him grossly and was lying (ah, again. I am SUCH a liar, you know. If you listen to him.... and then he claims he never said so), but still he didn't make a single move to try to convince me otherwise, even I gave the opportunity to him on a silver platter... and I don't know a single person who hadn't even tried to change my mind had they been in that situation. Which does, in my sick mind at least, that he wasn't much opposed to leaving, he just wanted that I do the dirty job.

It is slowly sinking in that there is a big, dark forest of custody arguments and bureaucracy ahead of me, but at least I can ensure Boy balanced environment.

It's funny really... some time ago I found myself thinking that if I wasn't married and didn't want kids I would be completely happy without a relationship screwing up my life.
The problem lies in wanting kids. I still want more of them... but that's not this year's thing, no the following one's (Luckily I still have time). Now I'll concentrate on practical things and try to find Boy and me a bigger apartment and start life all over again.

To dream, to sleep

First time in almost two months my dreams are rather logical (I have to say that sertraline has very entertaining effect on one's dreams), but I am not completely sure is it a good thing.
Because the dreams are so logical, you live them more and when you wake up you fall off of your cloud.

It makes me moody. To be dragged off from the place I was happy at.

Though, I believe that this was yet another sign of progress.

Basically the dream went like this:

I had just had a home warming party. (Silly thing was that I know it was my own apartment, even it looked different inside (the front door and the like were the same).)
One of my guests hadn't left yet. I didn't know the guy, but I didn't mind him being around because I felt comfortable with him. The previous residents had left the place dusty and some of their belongings in the kitchen: there were glasses in the cupboards and the fridge was filled with food, food I couldn't eat (marinated meat) - this we found out when we went to check is there any food for us (it was Saturday evening and all the stores were closed until Monday) and I recall myself explaining to him (his arm around my waist) that I can't eat any of the stuff in the fridge as they have MSG in them and it gives me migraine.

"Well, I can always eat you though..." was my last comment on the fridge issue.
You can deduce from this that even we didn't knew each other we had a thing growing between us, making us us.

I woke up when we were walking to somewhere and he hugged me...

Firstly: getting over one's past, obviously. Leaving the people who I can't find nutrition from any more in the cold fridge and concentrating on finer things of life.
Cleaning the apartment and enjoying the finer things of life with someone I feel comfortable with. Maybe there was also a realization that such a person can be found only accidentally.

Still, I am rather blue because I was taken away from that dream by alarm clock.

Well, at least I am not completely blunt emotionally like I have been last two months - I am adjusting to the medication, finally.

I have had dreams about going to some of my old schools and finding out that I never actually graduated - or to go to that school I actually never graduated from... - about two years... Last night I graduated, actually before the official date and with excellent grades.

Graduation Dream Symbols:

completing the goal at hand. Moving on to new and better things in your life.

I would just like to know what the goal was... but despite of that, this was a very good sign, /methinks.

Yellow...

I had a distinctively yellow dream last night. We, who had either yellow shirts or weapons of sorts, fought against the mindless human drones, almost like zombies. They were after a guy who apparently was some sort of a hope of human kind - and only way to protect him from the drones was to clothe him in yellow clothes...
But still we had to fight the drones to save the world.

I remember vividly only one part of the dream, the part where I slashed the saw one of the drones used in half with my yellow one...

I googled and found this:

Yellow: Intellect

Meaning: Mental activity, intellect. Ability to rationalize.

If brought by healing agent it means the dreamer has difficulty rationalizing. Muddy or mustard yellow has the same meaning.
If guide wears or brings pure bright yellow, i.e. Yellow (intellect) plus White (Enlightenment) then dreamer as an intuitive or enlightened intellect.

Yellow may represent dreamer’s usual reaction to the subject matter.

It was bright yellow. And no one is surprised by this, I hope.

Shortly put...

21st:

• I had a dream that I was about to get married. My wedding dress was sky blue satin... I woke up before it happened.
• I am hibernating: my basal body temperature was 35,2° C.
• And, I was zombified so long that I never made it to health centre.

22nd:

• I don't get the idea of HC closing at 2 pm in Fridays... I went there, was too late. *shrug*
• My heart is showing signs of physical exhaustion: it's wobbles.
• My digestion could manage wheat, but my asthma doesn't.

24th:

• I am beginning to think that I have sinusitis - though without pain. It is also possible that I have got the sinusitis from decluttering the living room bookshelf and I also have other underlying condition which started this all...
• The assumed sinusitis may be heading to my lungs.
• My basal temperature has risen, but now I suffer from hypersomnia.

During my absence I also heard that my brother and his wife have filed for a divorce - maybe he now understands that being a divorcee doesn't make me any less worthy than he is... hope springs eternally.

Oh my gosh, I finally seem to be getting better even my fever peaked yesterday and I felt generally as, or maybe more, lousy as I have felt for few days.
Maybe the cortisone started finally kick in as I slept like dead last night (i.e. one of those nights when I don't seem to move almost at all during the night, which also means waking up with a very sore body) and saw very disturbing dreams (blood and death, lots of both (I never see that kind of dreams.... o_O)).

Cats

The Boss has behaved quite oddly lately, fortunately his behaviour has been odd in a good sense. Today he came to lay on my lap (obviously I have a blanket on my lap *grin*) and wanted to be pampered - something he never does...:

 
 

Those white patches in his fur? He is an oddball: a black cat with white skin, that's why he usually looks brown in pictures. (Look at his paws, they are more like dirty pink than black - like they should be in a completely black cat.)

And this is not only thing out of character he has done lately, the list is long... but it's all good as it also means that he is getting more courageous and social (he has always been very reserved and shy - he's a thinker, I think).

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 243

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Crook :: Professor Moriarty (How so I have been listening to Sherlock Holmes audio books whole weekend?)
2. Career :: Change
3. Freckles :: Redhead
4. Scramble :: Eggs
5. Mistake :: Error
6. Telephone :: Cell
7. Thank you :: You're welcome
8. Obstruction :: Hinderance
9. 24/7 :: All the time
10. SciFi ::

Dreams

Last two nights I have been seeing dreams of my ex-partners and I find it VERY confusing. What makes it even more confusing is that they are not consistent i.e. for example with some I am back to the good old days (or in some cases even better) and with some I argue, some ask for forgiveness and some don't...
I can understand that part of the dreams where I met Dan - I had met him for the first time in ages in the previous day. I can understand the sweetness with Wolf because I miss him and what we had (I am bothered by the fact that cats woke me up before the dream got into its end and I don't know how it ended ).
I can't understand my dream of Sol because everything was so much better than it ever was, because, once again, he said he is sorry. I can't understand the dream of someone from the past as I claimed to him that I had had someone else with his name in my life prior to him and that guy had committed suicide. That is not true (none of my exes has committed suicide, as far as I know), and the guy before the guy was actually the guy, even in the dream...

What confuses me is also about the fact that I don't generally see dreams of most of these people... and my dreams of Wolf have gone to very innocently friendly level. I have dreams of Dan, but it's simply because he was around so long (six years of 28 is still quite much).
I'd really love to know what my head is up to.

Happydancing dragon and on Round Robins

What do I do when I am having a fever, my joints kill me and I need to blow my nose every ten minutes? Watch movies with comment track on and stitch dragons.

(Fear not Jenna, I have cleaned my hands with fresh-up towels before getting back to stitching! *grin*)

1. I absolutely adore the colours, but I am not fan of the fact that due constant colour changes with cotton+filament mix the back does not look too nice. But then, no one won't look in the back (except Christine, who gets this next, and Jenna).

2. Spite of loving stitching on black the backstitching phase was rather difficult as 3371 just doesn't contrast with black that well (aren't we surprised?!). Nevertheless, I managed it too, and as said these draggies look gorgeous on black.

Based on two previous dragons and the chart of fourth I have to say that Autumn Fall probably is the most difficult of these. At least it takes more time than the previous dragons did.

(Cross posted to Solarium Sublime.)

On Round Robins

While stitching on Jenna's piece I was thinking of round robins and I think that Teresa Wenztler themed RR would be nice to participate to. I have seen some RRs which consist from different borders of designs of TW and they look great.

One of the advantages of such RR would be the fact that it had to be stitched on plainweave so no aida stitching there, and, people who stitch TWs are usually rather skilled stitchers which would lessen the worry over the quality of work on the piece.

Though I have also played with the idea of having RR consisting of Dragon Dreams' Elemental Dragons.

Shawl

My mother kind of promised to knit me a shawl in December because since my asthma broke down my outer body temperature has been incredibly low. This means that I have, for example, used my winter clothes since beginning of September (it still is ~+16 °C during days) because it has been so cold...

Anyway, I promised to provide my mother a link if I find some shawl pattern I'd like, and latest Knitty had it: Muir.

And I have to get these! And THIS!

Things that disturb the disturbed

Part gazillion and one.

I had a dream about one of my course mates... it was nothing drastic, in general at one phase of one dream he wrapped his arms around me after I fell asleep (in the dream - silly really: one sleeps in a dream), but it disturbs me for some reason. Maybe because it felt good and he is so *not* my type. Maybe because I actually have a reason (or rather reasons) to believe that he has a thing for me, a thing called crush.

Which is very understandable, noticing how absolutely adorable I am...

Nevertheless, it's very confusing (Finnish men just do not usually have a thing for me, unless they are unhappily married or otherwise desperately lonely - which kind of explains why I haven't been on too many dates (read: none) with men of Finnish origin last three years).

I don't know why, but I have had a flashback phase lately. In theory I have nothing to complain about, they are flashbacks of happy moments, but I'm not sure do I want to have them because those moments are from past relationships... things I had already forgot (yet things that made me happy, and which in a way make me happy even now).
Interesting thing is that none of the flashs is older than three years. It's soon three years from the day when Dan, finally, moved out and a bit less from the day when I got hooked up with Abhi.

I have also had some odd dreams, which, thinking of it now, probably share the origin with flashs.
Firstly the basic pattern of the dreams, then an explanation... I go back to school, the teacher is some of my past teachers (so I assume that the idea is behind the teacher, not the person). The thing is that in every dream of this brand I have been out of school since last August/ September and the teacher always nag why I haven't been at school and how you are not allowed to do so without an extremely good reason. My answer is always the same: you didn't seem to miss me though, you might have wanted to contact me or someone close to me...

My conclusion is that either the school of hard hits wants me back or I want back in it. I have been out of the relationship game since last summer, firstly because losing Wolfie hurted - badly (he's still a sore spot), and secondly, because I met N. who kind of freed me from looking for a relationship as he provided most things you ger from a romantic relationship - excluding the romance part...
Anyway, the school of life, timeline of my disappearance, flashbacks... someone wants to go back to school, someone wants to find someone wonderful, right? (Admittedly my family nerve has been tickling lately, so if I just blame my loudly ticking biological clock and forget the facts?)

But I also acknowledge the facts: at this moment I couldn't concentrate on a relationship (who am I fooling? I could, I would just prioritize) because all the energy I have goes on breathing... literally.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream...

Lately I have had a phase of disturbing, but good, dreams and I am not sure how much I like it in the end.
I am completely contended with the dreams where I move to a new apartment as now the apartment I am moving in is new, spacious, well designed and has good amount of natural daylight (I love those parquet floors it has), though there's still something missing from the kitchen, but not as much there used to - I am quite sure I still don't have a stove in my kitchen.

In dream symbolism kitchen represents our heart, our emotional life. And if it really is a stove I am missing from my kitchen the message is quite clear: I miss warmth, something to nourish my heart. (I think we can conclude from this that I miss being loved by someone wonderful.)

Last night I had a dream of someone I haven't met in ten years, someone I haven't heard of in years - someone who I once loved, someone who confessed his love for me too late (I was married when I heard about it).
He had changed, he had found his balance, but still he was the person I had feelings for (he even looked like himself, though ten years older). And in that dream everything continued from where we left it, ten years ago, even though it was ten times better than it was back then.

This has caused lots of confusion today, as I can't fathom why I saw a dream about him. Maybe he just has been thinking of that odd lady who treated him as a human being when most didn't.

But isn't this one of the reasons why I keep dating-free summer? To clarify myself. I think this is just one part of the path.

Braaaaaiinnnnsssss....

I think I will concentrate on vegetating for the rest of the evening... Those designs would have been stitched and filed ages ago without that nasty fact that I had issues with my stitching mojo some time.
But, it's done, I am free (for a while at least)!

Odd dreams

I don't know why one dream I saw last night bothers me, but it does.
Or maybe it was all about the fact that in that dream Sol came back... and he actually said that he was sorry for what he did and that he knows how much of an a$$ he is, and that he still loves me and wants me back... It wasn't a bad dream, which is actually rather odd, but his sudden confession visit in my dream world was confusing. (I haven't even been thinking of him in ages.)

Ah well...

Greetings from the Land of Ouch

Monochromatic item is finished and ready to be mailed and my mother borrowed me some money so I can get HH to the vet if her ear looks bad tomorrow (if the vet has time - though there is another vet in the vicinity..). Money, which I will pay back when I can. Maybe I could transfer my ADSL bill to be paid in end of June instead of... whenever (it should come any day now) and pay some back to her.

Still, all this means that I have to think carefully every single thing I buy, every single thing I eat.

In the way it's good that I don't have much of an appetite at the moment. It's easier to eat cheap when you don't care of what you actually eat because you eat only just to keep on going.

On another matter

It's rather silly.
Few days ago I swore to myself that I won't be bothered by men before autumn and, of course, someone asked me out today.

No, I won't go. The guy was tediously boring. Which made it even worse was that he assumed that I can't see what he was after. I knew he'd ask me out sooner or later after his second sentence. (He also proved, once again, that most Finnish men just don't get me. They don't understand a word I say even we speak the same language.)

You know, this is the third time I swear I will stay away from men for some time... First time I met Dan two weeks after deciding staying single until I am 24 (I separated when I was still 24, by the way), and second time I met Wolfie about two weeks after swearing that I will stay single next six months. (Do you see a pattern here?)
Apparently I think that third time is a charm, and, it either proves my point or doesn't.

The reason which lead me to this is that dating game is too harsh for little me and I need some time to just sit at the bench and look at others playing it. Maybe gain few acquintances, maybe a friend or two on the way... And come back to the field when the evenings become chilly. Come back when I am sure, when I have strength. When I have lived whole summer alone, first one in a decade or so. (I am a habitual relationship person. I seem to always find someone when I really want, even if it's not good for me.)

This is also a decision of healing soul. I have got my monster dreams back, and in my case those are always a good sign. Last nights I have been hanging out with werewolves (I know where that leads to) and fighting with vampires. Vampires which aren't afraid of cross, but stumble away when you recite Shma. And I know what that is saying to me... (but, more about that elsewhere, later.)

But, I hadn't bought this if I didn't had no faith in remarrying some day. With whom and when is the open question.

Sometimes it'd be easier if not be able to interpret one's dreams. And thinking of the dream now, I think I know why I saw it...
Shortly, skip the dream and go straight to interpretation part: I want to be accepted "naked" ie. as I am, with all the good and bad things in me. All the scars, all the smoothness. And I want to touch someone's soul, mind as they touch mine... firstly by accident, then encouraging it. Being invited to someone's life... (It's odd what kind of interpretations you make from sauna, eh?)

And why?
I was thinking of something yesterday... I am so afraid of being hurt that I close myself. And when I close myself, I avoid being hurt, but I also avoid being 'touched'. Because some touch with knives and not with their fingertips. Because some worship the idol, not the idea.
If I stop by see me as a shimmering spirit, not an golden idol, and caress my soul with your fingertips... it takes a while, but before you know this tree bears the sweetest fruits you have ever tasted.

I just hate to wake up crying... hence this entry.

Dreams

Geeky, hidden HD and other things

Damdidam.
Another teaser...

Something more to my May launch. Something a bit... well, your inner geeks will love it.
Even my mom did and that is so far out of her range.

To dream, to heal?

Night before last I had a dream of a guy I once loved (as much as teen can love, nowadays I'd call it just a huge crush.... anyway) and his younger brother, who actually was a friend of mine aeons ago.
His (younger) brother was just a decoration in that dream though, for some reason the dream concentrated on me and this guy talking about something. I can't even recall what it was (only things I can recall were that, for some insane reason, we were in their country of origin and we were eating something Asianish, but not what you'd think it'd been in said country (the thing is that their native cuisine is too sweet to my taste and that wasn't sweet)), but I felt rejuvenated, cleansed, because of that dream.

This cleansing feeling continues and my dreams keep getting... well, if I say more normal, in sense of having dreams where I have a crush/ fall in love. I really liked sitting on someone dear's lap and kissing him, even he was just a dream.
As that is what I miss. Being close to that someone, having those butterflies in my stomach... one misses her pink clouds too.

They say pictures don't lie...

Firstly, let me remind that I have blue eyes. Then look at this, concentrate on the eyes. Your verdict? Same as mine? Brown.

Dangers of tram rides

I don't know was it all about sleep deprivation, but I found it a bit spooky to sit in a tram in between of two men: a man whose aftershave (rarely used brand (around here at least) - smells heavenly) reminded me of A. and a man whose neck and partial profile looked exactly like my late grandfather's... build, hair cut, that shade of grey in his hair, cheekbones, eyebrows, eye shape... It was rather spooky (as my grandfather didn't have very common face).

And the things you still remember after 12 years of one's death. Things which make you miss said person. Things which remind you that you haven't had any dreams of him recently - which refers to rather stress free life. (He usually comes to my dreams when I need someone to watch over me, when I need someone to believe in me. (Honestly, I have become to conclusion that he's my guardian spirit. (I reason this insane thought with several little things.)))

I know I am crazy...

In last few years I have learnt to believe in my dreams, though admittedly I don't always seem to believe them. In last few years I have noticed that if I can't see personalised dreams of someone (dreams in which I am absolutely sure who the person is) there is nothing real between us - or even if I have other party does not. Even I don't want always believe to my instincts.

And, to my horror, I have also noticed that if I see a dream of breaking up with someone, losing someone dear, it will happen... (I could tell a tale of a dream I saw during my first night in Bangkok... I never even told it to him even I woke up, shivering of fear, in his arms...)
Now, that is an ability I would gladly give away if I just could... but I digress.

Also, lately I have come to notice that it apparently is a good sign if you know when someone is thinking of you. I had those moments of knowing last spring (I think that was why the relationship between Wolfie and me got so deep so fast - we are connected in scary ways, and I dare to say we still are... I claim that I still know when he thinks of me) with Lobinho and I have signs of it now.

I saw a dream of someone last night, or actually it was just part of a dream, the end of it, but it was good, it was filled with sunlight and I was happy in that dream. And I knew with 100% certainty who that person in my dream was. And I know that he was the reason for me feeling good.

Hold your horses, I am not in love, but admittedly I have met (maybe I should not use the term met as he happens to live in States...) a man who is interesting enough, wants same basic things I do and actually shows active interest <!--(*cough* I think you may call it sign of interest that he has said that he is determined to marry me some day *cough*..)--> towards me. (Call me mad, but I do prefer a man who really seems to be interested. )
Things are just in the beginning so nothing is official (except the fact that he has asked do I have any suggestion on getting us to same space to see could it actually work) and there's always that chance that it goes down the drain.
But to my non-existent point... I know when he thinks of me, I can feel it. And if I really begin to have dreams of him it should be a good sign... but then, I still see dreams of W. and we crashed.

It sucks to be pragmatic person who has premonitions. It gets very confusing.

I have a dream...

... and... the light is green!

I had a chat with "rehabilitation counsellor" today (I had an appointment) and she said that as long as it is not an official business I can do it. I can do it if I am part-time freelance designer... You know... I can do it! Gosh, I feel so, so, so good!
The thing is that our legislation doesn't allow unemployed person to have any kind of official business, as in their books you are a business owner and therefore you have a job. End of case.

But, this is where "freelancing" comes in: if it's occasional, if it's not official business, if it doesn't prevent you taking a job if one's offered to you... you are allowed to do it. It falls in selling your own products at a market place category, according to her - and of course I agree.
Tax authorities don't give a d*mn as long my sales don't exceed 8?00 €/ a - and if they ever exceed that I should consider making it official as my income would be big enough to make it (with some help from SII (as my income would still be low enough to receive housing allowance))...

And to continue on good news, or positive possibilities... if I get official report from my doctor that I can't practise my profession SII will most likely pay me another degree. In second level (we have ~three levels: mandatory school, second level and third level (university and its kind)) though, but it's a start. It would mean housing allowance and rehabilitation allowance, plus, as far as I know, welfare officials shouldn't have any reason to nag about me applying for my monthly allowance from them...
In other words: my income wouldn't be any better it is now, but it would be enough as it would be secure. I would get the allowance from two to three full years without any questions.

I have my next appointment in April, but she recommended that I'll make an appointment with vocational guidance counsellor to clear few things - and according to the RC VGC's opinion is greatly appreciated when SII makes the decision will one get full government support for one's studies...

What can I say? Oh mi gosh! Things may get better... really.