Mania? What mania?

I realized last night (after shopping at Silkweaver's Odds & Ends ) what is behind my stash shopping mania: I am having a manic phase. I am not overly active, but I spend money uncontrollably, which is one of the symptoms of a manic phase.
Luckily my scheduled dosage decrease is after two weeks and now I realize the mania, which makes me quite sure of being able to control myself now.

Nicer things: designing

Since I started sertraline I have been completely uncreative, but I got a word play idea yesterday after browsing 1-2-3 Stitch! for hours (that is one of the reasons why I window shop: it gives indirect ideas) and to my surprise I remembered the idea when I woke up today.
So, after waking up I sat and played with my designing software and voilá! It came out as small-ish, cute Halloween design and with luck I have just the right fabric coming for it from Silkweaver (and coming to think of it I ordered load of GASTs from One Star's Light Needlework Supplies and I probably have most of the colours I need coming from there ).

And actual stitching...

Since Stitch-a-Thon I was bothered by the fact that The Mother only had half a face... so, I stitched her face enough to make her look like the beautiful woman she will be.

It's amazing how intricate her face is without any fractionals or backstitching (notice that there's still stitches lacking from her face).

1780

You know how it goes... there is a finishing method you have wanted to try for a while and then someone decides to organize an exchange for that spesific finish...
This means that I have now stitched one humbug on light fabric (I love how it came out) and am still to stitch another one, with the same design and same floss, on dark fabric.
And of course, being me, I have designed the design I use (actually I have also dyed one of the fabrics I use), and, just to make it fun, I have designed additional pieces while stitching the first one and it is becoming a series...

I see the series stitched with certain Crescent Colours' silk on flax Newcastle - just when I had swore to myself to stay away from flax linen for a while.
It's good to have my creativity back, but I'd rather transfer some of the energy to be used in the tasks of life, at least for a while as I am seriously lacking mental energy...

Though, I have surprised myself by doing some serious spring cleaning (it doesn't look like it yet as I have also reorganized my living room, again) and not suffering from it too badly - I still can't stand long time physical activities without straining myself somewhat, but I am doing way better than I was last year about this time (last year this time I couldn't lift one 20 kg pellet sack (hardware stores sell wooden pellet used for heating and grocery stores sell the same wooden pellet as kitty litter... guess which one is WAY cheaper? *grin*) and nowadays I have no problems to lift them up while cleaning the litter box).
Admittedly my lungs sound worse under physical stress than they did last year this time, but I think it may be because my lungs are better now. (As odd as it sounds one of the symptoms of severe asthma can be that you can't wheeze because your airways are so obstructed.)

If I just have enough energy tomorrow I may actually be able to clean the place up. Then there's only left reorganizing the bedroom, washing windows and pile of carpets - maybe I can finally use my carpets now that Masa is castrated.

And... as I can't show you my happy dance piece I will leave you with a picture from last summer:

And some stitchy content with SBQ

Happy dance №7

And as shocking it is I may have the designs ready to be emailed to Jenna day after tomorrow latest... O_o (Remember, the next launch is in Valentine's Day!)

And I still suffer from insomnia caused by creative activity, no matter how much I wanted to sleep - and it shows in my peak flows, last two mornings have been bad in comparison to the previous week. I wouldn't wonder if the doctor would want to check my medication and either up the dosage or change the cortisone completely.
Though, last night's streak was quite a pleasant one (started from one tiny motif I had in my head and evolved to a pile of sketches).

But to the regularly scheduled memesy: this week's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

was suggested by Kathryn and is:

Are there other crafts that you have tried and abandoned? Why do you like stitching better?

I used to be a knitter in my teens and I actually wanted to become a knitted garment designer when I was young. (Well, I became an artisan of textile designing and manufacturing, but majored in weaves and weaving techniques, and ten years later begun to use my skills for good in form of cross stitch designing...)
Nowadays my issue with knitting is that... I have became very easily bored and I always had issues with not being able to make anything too detailed with knitting needles, no matter how small.
In theory I do still like knitting and would like to do it more often, but those tiny crosses just seem to be more suitable to my anal character...

The insanity of creative mind

... also known as flow. Some would call it mania.

My luck is that my mania doesn't end with depression. My mania ended when I had an asthma attack while I slept. It was yesterday and now, even I slept last night quite well, I am exhausted to put it mildly.
All of me is exhausted, not just my mind, though it's no wonder... My mind was seven days in state which could be described as Energizer bunny on amphetamine.

I loved every second of it, now all I want to do is to drown into bowl of run chocolate/ rum raisin ice cream... which I am intending to do right about.... now.

(Well, it is a healthy sign, having enough energy to have creative mania.)

HD #5

Fourth model done!

I also surprised myself by having a long awaited inspiration to doodle with my designing software, which also lead me to actually accomplish something, something I'd love to publish this year, but I don't know can I stitch the models fast enough to be in time. There is, of course, always the next year.
The suprising thing in the design(s) is that the theme was based on a request I got about a year ago. I am not usually too good with requests on themes I don't know (almost) anything about.

Nevertheless, I am happy that I have got my creative streak back - at least to certain extent. It's a sign of health (as much as a chronically ill person can be healthy), which is, after almost year's worth of illness, a relief.

Tomorrow will be finishing day, I have four models and one exchange item to finish off (or actually two exchange items, but as the other one is a model..) so there probably won't be much stitching done.

My supervisors

(That blue thing is my thigh...)

Can you drown in suppressed creativity?

It is amazing how much having approximately two weeks' break in designing can depress you.
Not because of the lack of designs (I could stop designing right now for two years and still have bimonthly updates with few models...), but because of something you can't actually explain. It's like water gathering when someone builds a barrage in a river... For while it causes no problems, but in the end it causes nothing but destruction.

Creativity can be destructive, and fact is that during my life creativity has walked hand in hand with depression. Either depression has boosted my creativity or vice versa, it has always been there.
At the moment my situation is different: I can't design if I am down. Every single idea I may have is barred somewhere inside of me causing pain... until something changes, until little something comes out and breaks the barrier.
I am not in my most creative phases, but what makes me feel good is that those few "sketches" I have done is last two days are good, they are something I would (and, of course, will) stitch. They are something I'd love to receive as a stitched gift from someone.

And admittedly... if I can't control myself Angi (who is my Birthday Exchange partner, as mentioned before) will get real surprise in July when she receives her birthday gift from me... So, in the end everything is fine: I am having crazy ideas again, there's nothing wrong with me.