Confessions of a bibliophile

You just got to love Finnish library system. After I checked my emails in library I happened to pass their books for sale stall (selling old and/or non-interesting (for general public) books is habit in local libraries, and sometimes you can find really good deals as they usually ask tops 1€ per book) and found two books (Spies by Michael Frayn and Half Broken Things by Morag Joss) in whopping price of 0.2€ per piece.
So, two new old books (they're barely opened deducing from their appearance) for me and 0.4€ to local library. I think I'm on the winning side in this deal.

Btw, I seem to get perverted pleasure from 'jumping' on the yard in my favourite skimpish (few cms above knees, quite giving collar and nice cut) home dress. (This makes my life much cooler so I'm just victim of weather and not having an air conditioning.)
I foresee angry glances from local female population as male population seems to like it...

Offline *sob*

Greetings peeps. Missing me?

My connection is not working (haven't been working since sevenish am (GMT+3) Friday, 28th) due some hardware problems in my ISP's end... and I don't know when I'll be back again, but when ever that happens there'll be tons of backdated entries so do hope that I'm back in business quite soon. *grin*

See you then!

P.S. I enjyed the coffee I was having in Friday even it wasn't that long due previous engagement from his side.

When past and future embrace

I got SMS few days ago from old class mate of mine, and it's possible that my lower grade (from 3rd to 6th (from 9 to 12 years of age) grade) class is having class reunion in non-definitive future. And it brings up interesting question... Am I an asshole when I'm going there (if it's actually arranged) just to prove that ugly ducklings can turn out to be swans?
Even there are only few to whom I want to prove that. But then, I think it's just humane to want to prove, to those who bullied you, that they were so wrong (ok, they kind of were right back then, but it's not an excuse for lack of empathy).
I don't believe in revenge in general, but maybe this once... (And they won't even notice it, it's all for me.)

Maybe I've been praised a bit too much in last years, it's getting me. I've begun to believe being intelligent and beautiful.
Gosh, what have those few men done to me and my self-esteem?! (Ok, mostly men... though my ego kind of likes the thought that one friend of mine has confessed crush on me half-officially (we don't count it because I overheard it and we were 'under influence') - though I've been suspecting it for quite some time. Anything which is good for my ego is good. )

Anyway, most of those people haven't seen me in 12 to 15 years, and as you may believe I've changed quite much since then (I realise that they've changed too): as a person and as a physical being. It'll be extremely interesting.

Thingies from offline land

It seems to me that I've strained my right bicep when moving monitor couple of days back. There's bruise on the skin over my bicep, and I'm sure its origin is internal. There's another one in my elbow and I'm sure they're connected to each others.
Mostly the question is how? I've been carrying that monitor around before and never strained my muscles because of it...

In stitching front

I've 'surprisingly' been stitching quite much (in addition of doing laundry and cleaning+reorganizing (I seem to reorganize almost all the time...)) and the first quarter of bamboo border is now officially finished. It's about 12,5% of whole design.

And

Tomorrow is second anniversary of my separation, third year living alone begins. Time really flies when you're enjoying yourself (even I've to pay whole rent on my own, but who cares when you're happy?).

Btw

I'm actually quite surprised... I'm not having that much withdrawals from 'net (fortunately I use Semagic so I can blog even I can't update ), though I still have difficulties with my morning coffee because I'm used to read forums and blogs while sipping my coffee.

Disconnection continues. Been offline since sevenish (am) yesterday, and as it seems to me that my ISP has been unable to repair what ever is wrong with the 'router' I'll be offline some more days. At least I've time for cleaning up and stitching.

Friday

8 dl of decaf latté spiced up with 2½ hours' worth of good conversation with 46 XY karyotype equals one very pleased snowprincipessa. (I'll keep you updated on this matter when/if there's reason for it. According to his opinion (of course I had to ask) I'm not (that) scary and (apparently) he enjoyed meeting me. *grin* (And I proved how easy it's make my day: "You look even more beautiful in person." (Yes, I'm good at meeting people trough 'net)*blush*(Though I enjoyed the conversation too. *grin*))

And when I was on my way to have that enjoyable 2½ hours friend of mine called and asked am I around in Helsinki... and after I told I was sitting in the train as we spoke I was invited to have a pint - in case my date won't take forever.
Well, I went "Just for one..." and came back about half an hour ago.
Met some new people, played chess, had fun and... got hydrated.

Long Lost Meme... and WIP picture

Booking Through Thursday

"We noticed last week what a disproportionate number of participants had Tolkien's Lord of the Rings either in their list of "most tattered" books or featured in the photos. So...
1. Have you read Lord of the Rings?
   No, I haven't.

2. If so, how many times have you read it? Just once? Or so many you can't count?
   See previous.

3. If not, why not? Not your cup of tea?
   Never had the opportunity or craving to read it. It's on my to-read-someday list though.

4. And, while we're on the subject, did you see the Oscar-winning movie(s)? What did you think?
   I've seen them all, and very possible twice - I have a hunch of such happening, but I'm not sure.
   They weren't bad. (Mr. Tolkien is rolling frantically in his grave.*grin*)

Panda

Note to self: never stitch in the middle of night, it causes frog attacks.

So, not very much to show, but I blame on frog rain... getting there anyway, and that matters.

The fabric doesn't show very well in picture, but I've to say that Desert Sky was really good choice. That light blue really brings those colours out, and I can't wait on the effect on the whites in actual panda.

I just can't help wondering why Cross Stitch Collection seems to have this addiction of using white fabrics with almost every single project. For example Panda was done on white, and in my opinion it makes this kind of designs flat...

SBQ; Never run with scissors

This week's

Stitching Bloggers Question

is dedicated to Toothy

and suggested by Von.

"Many of us have a few pairs of embroidery scissors and some even have a "collection". How many pairs of scissors do you have? Feel free to share a photo of your favorite pair or pairs with us!"

In theory I've two pairs, but I don't have slightest idea where the other pair is.
Anyhow, my favourite ones are quite new addition to my stash, and they came from Yuko with a gorgeous biscornu.
They're perfect: sharp as h*** (I just cut my finger to their blades while taking picture), small, black(ish) and their blades are short enough to be accepted by most airline companies.

Oh, you want the picture too? Tadaa!

Cute, aren't they? ^^

And first progress picture of the Panda tomorrowish. Until then: Sweet dreams everyone, ta-ta.

My babies are coming to momma!
I think I can give Silkweaver a second change. Our relationship shouldn't suffer from little thing like them reducing their fabric selection... and I love them way too much to leave them. In sickness and in health or how was it..?

Sign of addiction..?

I've noticed that I refresh my invoices from Silkweaver about every ten minutes to see is there any progress...

On blue

I found something interesting after writing my previous entry... Last depression medication prescription written to me. It's over 3½ years old. Time to celebrate, I'd say. ^^
In January 2008 I can say that I've beaten that bad, bad depression completely. Then it's five years, and that's usually the time limit (to be diagnosed completely healthy) with mental disorders.
Gosh, I begin to feel so... normal.

Yadda, yadda and bleh...

My back aches, I nauseate, my head disagrees with me and I'm blue. What a lovely way to spend a night.

Being anxious makes me anxious (merry-go-round anyone?) and it makes me wonder how the heck I survived those years I felt like this all the time..? Nowadays even few hours of this blackness is enough to make me insane. Even I know I'm better in the morning after good night sleep, and if not in the morning after few days, as all these aches are just there because of this extremely silly way to keep human female's womb in shape... It still bothers me.

But then, I got email from Silkweaver and my order is in process. And I was apologized by one person. It feels good - even I wasn't actually upset of the conversation we had earlier today, but the thought matters.

Some more rooibos and may even be able to sleep.

RAK

I'm not worthy!

Rósa has birthday today, and she gave me a present! Gift certificate for Silkweaver's so I can get the Atlantic Storm!

What can I say? I'm speechless.

And to let you understand how over the moon I am... I ordered it trough returning customer login, without realising that it uses different email. I emailed them, and asked does it matter. And if it does, I'll reorder it, this time with correct email... *ahem*

But isn't she wonderful?

It's a cruel world...

It's so wrong! I found the perfect fabric for Ezmeralda's House, but it's limited edition, and as I just placed a small order *coughs* I can't afford to order Atlantic Storm. (I love this emoticon, it's so overdramatic. Just like me. *grin*)
Maybe I've to hope that it stays in stock some time... *fingers crossed*

Note to self:

Renew my Last.FM subscription before 30th of September.

In other news: It seems that I'm going for a coffee in Friday with a 46 XY karyotype.

mondaysabitch

Random Joy

1. How much do the things you’re willing to discuss with your friends vary from things you’d discuss with a romantic partner? Which ends to be the closer relationship intellectually?
   It depends on a friendship, but it doesn't need to vary - though friendships rarely have those state of a relationship conversations romantic relationships have now and then. Otherwise I can talk about everything with a friend, like I can with romantic partner. Mostly because I have no sense of decency.
   My romantic relationships are intellectually closer just because I tend to get involved men who are intelligent (Those few who can actually keep me interested longer than five minutes) and able to use it. When I get involved I take the possibility it takes my lifetime and I don't want to spend lifetime with someone who's not able to satisfy me mentally. I demand certain sort of perfectionism from my partner, as one has to be better than others as I love one and chose to be with one.
   I'm much less meticulous with friends.

2. When shopping, do you believe that generally things that cost more are of better quality?
   In general no.

3. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' house? Or if you haven't yet, at what age could you see yourself moving out for the first time?
   I was 16 years, one month and few days.

4. Do you think that voting is important? Why or why not?
   As I say: if you don't vote you're not allowed to complain.
   Importance of voting to me personally depends on elections in question.

5. Do you keep a dream journal?
   Not regularly, sometimes I blog about my dreams. My luck is that I remember most significant dreams I've had.

Back to our regular blogging pace...

Or so it seems. Third entry for this day.

Greetings from customs

Firstly: customs postal office (where my parcel was waiting) is very well hidden, and airport area doesn't have the best of guidance... Got there anyway, after travelling around city.
And oh so wonderful customs officer tried to sound nice "I won't charge you this time..." even she knew very well that customs and VAT were under ten euros, which means that there was nothing to pay anyway.
(And for some reason it feels that my general appearance (black, black, black, crimson nails... all that) did it again... she looked a bit dazzled when I opened the parcel on her request. One person shocked, day's good deed done. )

Btw, JSC ornament issue (2005) is worth drooling... I want more of those!

Monday Madness

This week's questions...

1. I won't eat past _____ o'clock in the evening.
   I don't restrict my eating. I can't. If my blood sugar is low I can't sleep... so I eat when I need to.

2. My favorite subject for photographing is _____.
   Being a cross stitcher and cat slave... my WIPs and my cats.

3. I use _____ most often to edit my photographs.
   "Digital pictures". I use Irfanview.

4. If I'm having trouble sleeping, I usually _____.
   Stay awake? That's what I do if I can't sleep.

5. When I'm hungry for a snack, I usually eat ____
   What ever I feel like eating or have in fridge or generally around.

On sleeping

[Insert imitation of a zombie here]
My inner clock is not meant for Finnish summer.

When I was in Bangkok my day was approximately 24 hours, as it's supposed to be, but after my return my clock has gotten twisted - again - and now my day is 26-28 hours.
Reason for it? Sunset in Bangkok was approximately sevenish, in here bit before eleven. Which leads to us interesting result... I need at least four hours of darkness before I fall asleep. Proof? I sleep very well during winter, and my day is shorter...

So, I ended up sleeping 3½ hours last night (or actually this morning). Though the good side in it is that it's quite likely that I'll doze off before 3 am tomorrow, but I don't put my hopes high. I know how skilled I am at staying awake when I shouldn't.

Well, at least I can do something productive if I can't sleep. That is reorganizing.
Got this idea of moving kitchen table to living room and sofa to kitchen. So, kitchen table serves as crafting table and my sofa will serve as cat bed (as it has done before).
Actually this idea of mine is proving to be great even sofa is still on it's way between living room and kitchen. I may get all my stash located neatly and nicely next to my crafting table and that means that I'm able to free some space from living room bookshelf.
Though TV is still problematic, but I think it may end up in bedroom, where I store everything unnecessary... like my bed (or mattress to be exact).

Joys of living alone: you are only one who has one's word to say in issues like this.

Epilogue

KLM: Great service, rather inexpensive tickets (for me they were very inexpensive, as you know), good food and gorgeous stewards.

Bangkok: You either hate it or love it. And it seems to me that I fell in love that city, despite of it's noisiness and crowds - or maybe that was the actual reason, I don't know.
I could have lived there.

Food: was great and I was able to consume most fruits and vegetables I can't eat in Finland.
Actually I had less food related worries during that month than I've in here during one month. We process our processed food too much (what's the idea of cornstarch in yoghurt for instance?).
And seriously, I had less allergic symptoms in Bangkok than I have in Finland... I even ate food which was soaked in sesame oil and I had no problems. I don't even dare to try that in here...

We talked about it few times... "You really should make a business out of this, you know? Wolfie's holidays for allergic people: 'Come to Wolfie's and eat what you can't eat at home.' You could make good bucks with that."
I still have dirty dreams of those fruits...

Pictures: In here.
There is one set of pictures I haven't blogged of yet... I popped by in Wat Pho one day. (Pictures in here.)

I dislike taking pictures of 'things' which are sacred to people (don't ask me why. Out of respect, I guess, even I'm this rude being I am), but I made one exception when it came to Reclining Buddha

"The highly impressive gold plated reclining Buddha is 46 meters long and 15 meters high, and is designed to illustrate the passing of the Buddha into nirvana.
The feet and the eyes are engraved with mother-of-pearl decoration, and the feet also show the 108 auspicious characteristics of the true Buddha."

It really is stunning. And huge.

Wonderfully peaceful place, I recommend. And I also recommend to reserve whole day in case any of you ever visits there. You'll easily lost sense of time when strolling around.

Shoes: Were almost new when I landed, now they're in pieces.

Was it worth it?: Yes, absolutely.

Life, odd tests, 2-do, stash and RR

Jet lag has got better day by day and left room for a migraine...
Haven't been in pain actually, but sleepy as h*** and my hands have been shaking enough to do some whipped cream without moving my hands...
(Though now the pain is on it's way.)

Mood swings

snowprincipessa, your mood tends to swing between Calm & Happy.

Most of the time you feel calm. Your positive outlook on life is paired with a fairly low energy level. Although you might not realize it, your lower energy level is a positive attribute — it allows you to fully experience and appreciate your feelings of optimism.When you feel happy, you no doubt experience feelings of satisfaction and contentment as well as a positive outlook on life.
When you experience the ups and downs of mood swings, the most important thing to remember is that you're not alone. Everyone — even the calmest individual — is liable to fly off the handle now and again.

Scary... as it fits.

Stitchy to-do ASAP:

1. MSAL
2. Panda
3. Alter Echo
4. Crazy Cat Lady Exchange
5. Silhouettes (three to go)
6. Morning Wizard

And in other news, my ABSST parcel is in Finland, but it's having short holiday at customs.
What makes it annoying is the fact that when you convert its value to euros and calculate VAT and customs it will be under 10 € which means... nothing to pay. Except buss fares, as it's too far away to walk (it's close to airport (not so surprisingly), so not that far from here, but over ten kilometers anyway).

Why, oh why, do they put real value of shipment on their parcels?

Seasonal Dragons

It seems to me that I've to make a draw when it comes to Seasonal Dragons RR. But I'll ask it again when I actually purchase that pattern and decide the fabric, and finishing method (bell pull is what comes to mind).
I also have to warn you guys that I'm pedantic little thing and there are few little things I'll ask... actually one, and that is ability to stitch consistently 'lefty' (\\\ + ///),as that is how do it and general impression suffers if top leg is not consistently from upper right to lower left.
And anyway, I've to finish my brother's birthday gift before doing anything else.

Plans

It came out of the blue... idea for a RR design.

Seasonal Dragons by Sherrie Stepp-Aweau

Though I don't have the slightest idea how big those are, but they don't look any bigger than 60x60 or so.
Now... all I need is RR to participate in.

Brain blurb

Coming to think of it... I always say how I'm not good in getting involved because world is filled with mundane individuals who are unable to keep me interested over five minutes. But then I'm not good at staying single or uninvolved.
Since I separated I've spent only short periods without having relationship with a romantic twist. I met Abhi 7 weeks after Dan moved away, got involved with Sonnenschein about 5 minutes after Abhi left me and after it ended between me and Sol it took (only) five months to get back to business again (I kind of had promised to myself, during winter, not to get involved with anyone before autumn), with Wolfie.
And this is only after my marriage. Though before it I had similar pattern in my behaviour...

So, in this light I may be involved again before this year reaches it's end... It makes me wonder myself and that teflon coating I claim to have. As I seem to be right with it. And in a way it makes me sound so cold and calculating.
Though it may be just realism: if it doesn't work, it doesn't. End of case. Next!

And still I remember how I felt for them, I never forget the love I've felt for someone. It has always been true, deep and insane. And still I can let go surprisingly easily. What's the matter with me? Or am I really, as I say in my LJ profile, too sane?

<!--They say women don't like good guys, maybe men don't like good gals?
As in certain extent I can agree with women not liking good guys. For example I had some issues with myself because Wolfie has morals. I'm not used to it, I'm not used to meet someone who does not want to use me.
Guess why he made the difference? Yup, I found out that there really are men who are worth everything and bit more. There's still hope in humanity, there's still goodness.
(And when it comes to males I've noticed that they're surprisingly attracted to females who treat them bad. Apparently it's part of being human: adventure is thrilling and pain is just the price to pay... And I'm not saying it applies to everyone, and when it applies it applies to humans in general..)-->

Yes, I renovated my blog

Without even warning you in advance, aren't I nice?

Actually I should learn CSS and write some overrides to this layout...

Ravings of a victim of jet lag; This and that - and everything else

I should write one entry considering Bangkok, but I'm too tired to do it, so I'll concentrate on other things on my mind.

Firstly:

World is odd place. I just chatted few minutes with someone who was applying to be part of my life before I got involved with Wolfie... ("You're a beautiful woman. I'm sure you'll find your soul mate." If it'd be that easy... *sighs*)
I'm not sure, but it feels that mr.X thinks that I was playing with him because I chose to concentrate on Wolfie. In certain extent that thought bothers me.

Secondly...

I seem to be interesting to certain member(s) of my family only when I'm in the brink of a relationship... Yeah, one SIL related rant again.
Since I told to my family that Wolfie and I won't be 'us' she hasn't sent me any IMs or hasn't been around in our family's IRC channel.
When I went to Bangkok, and before I told them (we (W. and I) knew it in early stage so there was some delay), she contacted (or at least tried to) me regular basis and idled around in IRC. My life was so interesting... and now, nothing.

And what's worse I'm dead sure that she has certain fetish for ethnicity, aspect of exotic (what ever it is) and... males I'm involved with. Or maybe I just get involved with way too good looking males. You never know. (Ok, I have never been involved with an ugly man, and I've to admit that last ones have been very nice to look at... *blush*)
It makes me worried because I'm quite sure that I won't end up in a relationship with a Finn in near future - or ever. I just don't seem to have anything in common with Finnish 46 XY karyotypes. (Don't ask me why. I don't know.)
It's not about not being able to trust my possible partner, but lack of trust towards my SIL...

I know she's able to cheat, and even I can't judge her because of that (being guilty for such an act myself in past) it bothers me because she's my brother's wife. And she has a good husband in many ways: he's good looking, physically fit and a good father (I'd think like this even he wasn't my brother). And the thought that she has been drooling after every man I've been involved with in past eight years makes me shiver.
The thing is that she does it very clearly, even she seems to think she's able to hide it. And it's very clear that she doesn't respect her own marriage or me... Sometimes it feels that she can't understand how I find those good looking, intelligent males being this nasty, plumpy brainiac who I am. (They come into my life because they like my brains - and looks. Because I've things to give, because I'm able to challenge them.)

What makes me worry is that I hate the feeling that my possible partner is just piece of flesh, something to show around.... a status symbol, something exciting. A possession without any value as a human being.
It makes me shiver because I'm with a person, not the looks or ethnicity (nor wealth/ social status/ profession (I just find males with good jobs *whistling innocently*)/ etc.). (Though, I admit that lately I've gotten fond of males with darker skin tone. They look healthier for some reason. And it's partly all about the attraction between opposites.)
It'd also mean that possible children of me and possible partner would be only freak show stars to my 'dear' SIL...

My honest opinion is that every single one of us should be involved with someone who's outside of our own cultural circle, just to broaden one's views of world and human race. (I can say that out of experience. Abhi taught me quite much without knowing it himself...) And to notice that no matter how we look we're all made of flesh and blood.

2½

And my father seems to think that Wolfie and I failed because of the cultural differences (in other words: It's no wonder that macho latino man can't get along with you... *SIGH* Just because he's South American by birth... ignorance is bliss, they say.).
If he only knew all the similarities we share in personal history, opinions etc.. (And my intellect wasn't a problem to him, as fact is that he fell in love with my brains.)

If my father just could get his head out of his a** for while.

Thirdly

I need to get decaffeinated from somewhere. My heart doesn't like regular coffee... after drinking decaf for a month.

Fourtly

This is not first time I hear this question in some form, but I can't stop wondering.... "What's your secret to speaking a foreign language with such exquisite beauty and poise and vocabulary that would shame 99% of people in the English speaking world?"
The thing is that I do survive with English, but I wouldn't say that my vocabulary is that good. (Though fact is that I'm able to have relationships in English and I survived last month speaking nothing else than English (and this wasn't even first time).) In my opinion I've dreadful black holes in that thing they call vocabulary....
But then.... maybe I should believe common opinion: it's not rare that people think I'm native English speaker. (Though I just don't get it. I'm not good at languages - or maybe I'm just too self-critical..)

Good morning

I intended to send an email to ABC Stitch Therapy today and ask where my order is, as it's been in progress three months... (In a way it's understandable as it has one hand-dyed from Silkweaver in it, and as we know Silkweaver moved recently which very probably has caused some delay in deliveries) Guess did I got email from them yesterday that my order has been shipped?

I'd say that the timing is perfect, nothing is as good for soothing sad soul than some new stash.

Sad soul? Well, yes. I was unpacking my bags yesterday when I got back home with cats (I went to my mother's from airport) and all the sudden I just begun to cry over what happened.
At least I have no need to worry about my sanity or becoming cold. I just can handle loss better, but I still have healthy emotions.
Though I blame on jet lag.

In other news

...cats were homesick and/or they missed me. Ronja's eyes were in awful condition and she was coughing when I saw her in Sunday, today her eyes are almost back to normal and she hasn't coughed since yesterday (she's sleeping happily under computer desk, accompanied with air filter and air humifidier).
Boys are seemingly happy also, even they apparently had better time at my mom's than Ronja. (I never knew that Ronja is this attached to me. The problem can't be my mother's home as Ronja has been there many times, with me, and there has been no problems what-so-ever before now)

On my way to make some coffee... Back later.

Monday Madness; Colour Association

"What comes to mind when you think of the following colors?

• RED:
  Cherries

• BLUE:
  Water

• GREEN:
  Grass

• YELLOW:
  Raincoat

• PURPLE:
  Velvet

• PINK:
  Hello Kitty

• ORANGE:
  Oranges (boring, aren't I?)

• BLACK:
  Me

• WHITE:
  Winter

Goodbye Wolfie, goodbye City of Angels

Wonders of laptop: I'm sitting at port 52 in Bangkok International Airport and writing an entry. Rather nice, I'd say. I'd like to ask one thing though, which would be internet connection, but you can't have all, I think. I'll post this when I get to Finland.

About half an hour ago Wolfie and I departed from each others. My luggage got checked in about two hours ago, and it's going directly to Helsinki- Vantaa so I won't have any worries in Amsterdam when I get there (which will be about 5:35 GMT), and probably I'll have some time to wander around and get something to eat before my flight to Helsinki departs.

We said goodbye after having nice dinner (my last tom yam ka in Thailand, fortunately I've recipe for it) - and piles of other things) at the airport.
What matters is that it was nice goodbye: Hugs and smiles, and we're friends (as said, we do remember why we fell in love with each others to begin with) which is more than most failed couples can achieve. (Aren't we so perfect? *grin*)

I have no regrets. (I hope he doesn't have them either.) These last four months have started a change in me, and even I don't know what I'll be. But I know it'll be on better direction. It'll mean I'll become even more the person I want to be. And that's more than I ever asked.

As an epilogue:

It was wonderful as long as it lasted, and I'm happy we got the chance even we failed.

I never thought that someone's love can fix so many cracks from my soul, even the love failed. As that is what really happened to me. At least I feel like it. (Big credits to give for a human, don't you think? But it's true.)

See you on the other side

This time it'll be Finland.

It's time for me to begin to start pack my bags, even though I'm not out of Thailand before Saturday evening (23:00 GMT+7).

And just to make sure you wont miss me too much, picture of lovely little creature I've met during my trip:

Blabberings to follow...

SBQ; Influence of blogging

This week''s

Stitching Bloggers Question

was suggested by Carol and is:

"Since you started blogging, have you noticed any difference in your stitching habits? Tell us about them."

Honestly speaking I feel I can't answer to this as, in my opinion, this question contains assumption that I became blogger because of cross stitching. I didn't, divorce got me into this, stitching blogger part came later.
So, my answer is no, I haven't.
There has been change in my stitching habits since I found world of stitching blogs, but it's not what was asked, was it?

Official quote

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible."

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."
Oscar Wilde

Random blabbering

Sometimes I wonder should I change my blog's name a bit (again)... I seem to have tendency to read it as My wife with the polar bears...

And it seems to me that I may get back my habit of using nail polish. I got manicure and pedicure in Sunday (and foot massage - guess who paid (I think I've said something about he being a sweetheart) it all?), and as my nails look good and even better with the nail polish (even my teeny weeny toenails)... I want more of this!
I just need to figure out how not to ruin the looks of my nails in one day. (Yes, it seems to me that I use my fingers quite much as nail polish wears off fast. (note to self: nail polish remover and bottle of polish?))
Any ideas?

(Hmm... nail polish. Polish person with nails (in every meaning of the word)? Catch Polish? *grin*)

Something makes me wonder... Someone added me to their friends list in Last.FM and as I'm curious little thing I did some research. Person in question seems to friend only females in about my age whose location is Thailand. It makes you think, though I'm not saying one has no right to do so. It's just curious. (Or maybe I'm just too practical because I add only people I actually know (and most of them I've even met (some sort of record for me, I think))... Hey, it looks better if everyone in your friends list has befriended you. *grin*)

On siblings

Sometimes I wonder what happened to me and my brother.

When I was a baby I was pampered by him (according to rumours), when we were kids he was my confidant and one to protect me.
And now, years later, I don't know him anymore. What happened to that intelligent, funny, caring person he was? Or did I just change too much to see that person in him anymore?

Mostly I wonder where that intelligent guy vanished... I don't know was it only my sisterly admiration towards him or what, but I can't help the thought that since he met his wife he's gotten mentally lazier. Maybe it's just over exhaustion, noticing that they have four kids between 5 and 8 (almost 9)... (Four in four years. I love kids, but that pace... you just can't help but wonder.)
But still... what happened to his mind? What happened to that boy who ran away with me on night to be safe and to make sure that I am safe..? (Sometimes I wonder is the past the reason why our relationship got colder.)

Or maybe we just grew apart. It happens even in the best of the families, why not in ours?

Sometimes it feels that he's playing some role, that he has to try to be that funny, and intellectually impaired, guy to keep his family together (or is it way to survive?).
See, I can still remember the boy with whom I had great conversations when I was in my pre-teens, and I don't understand what happened to him.

I miss him. But I can't accept the fact that he seems to be unable to accept certain things in me, and certain things he has said to me.
I can forgive, but I never forget. But still, I miss him. Maybe I just miss a mirage (it can't be about missing innocence of childhood as there's nothing much to miss in it), someone who never existed.

It seems to me that when one door closes, another one opens. When I was younger I was in good terms with my brother, and nowadays I'm in good terms with my sister. (Circumstances which brought me and bits_2_whole closer were/are interesting and in some sense also surprising.)
Anyway, maybe this is how it's supposed to be? When there's three only two have company and third one makes the crowd.

On age; and quotes

Age is one of my favourite subjects, mostly age difference between partners in a relationship. As it has been under conversation in one forum I frequent I thought I could blog about a bit.

One of my characteristics has always been my obvious blindness for age. I realise differences between age X and age Y, but I fail to see those years which are in between them.
And that's why people seem to usually consider me a bit... well, if not odd at least naïve.
I think one of the reasons I dislike categorizing people by age is that I've heard few times in my life words ...but you're so young.
Or then I just have always been against all sort of discrimination by traits you can't affect yourself - age being one of them.

Age seems to play important role in relationships, some people wouldn't date someone noticeably older than they are and some of us, like me, don't see why age should matter.
Though I admit that lately it has become more important, but only for one reason: family. As I want to have kids, and I want to give them whole package (two parents and all that) I need to focus on age more than I'd like to.
I admit that other reason for it is that I think how young/old I'll be when counterpart is in one's 70s/80s. It's very likely that I'll be a widow in case I remarry, because I don't do young men (Dan was the youngest ever and even he was older than I am. Only six months, but anyway.), but you never know.

I can say that I've tendency to get involved (for example Wolfie is 12 years older than I'm (and we had some conversations over the issue), but he's not even close the biggest age difference I've experienced...) with so called 'older men', I don't know why. Maybe it's being air-headed little blonde or, as I've heard, me being matured over my years.
There's also practical fact, and that is why women are usually younger in heterosexual relationships. And that reason is status.
Older men have achieved things in their life, they already have the status younger males usually lack. They have bigger probability to be in financially good standings, which is important factor when it comes to survival of offspring.
And younger women have more years of fertility ahead of them, which means more children... which means that both counterparts can fulfill their task on Earth (spreading their genes and secure offspring's possibilities to survive to fertile age) more effectively.

Cruel, isn't it?

Anyway, what makes some of us blind to age and why someone are so aware of it?

Quotes

"The heart, like the grape,is prone to delivering its harvest in the same moment it appears to be crushed."
Roger Houseden

" Life is like a puzzle: amid these oddly shaped pieces there are two that fit each other. They don't fit because they're perfect, they just fit because they're perfect for each other. Apart, they are two pieces without definition; together they complement each other and take on meaning."
T. D. Jakes

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."
Virginia Satir, family therapist

On acceptance

Before I forget, thank you all for birthday wishes.

And then to topic of the day... this comment made me think and is reason for this entry.

As I see it it's better to cherish all that we had than stuck on everything we'll never have. It'd be disrespectful towards myself, him and all we had.
And we had it good for three months (or 2½, depending on the point of view). That's more happiness than some people will ever have. Personally those months have given me more than you could imagine - it's not just the opportunity to see country I never even thought I'll visit. He has given me more on mental level than most can ever give.

Love never dies, but it can change. Sometimes it has to change because of circumstances, sometimes it changes on itself. Love, or life, is not static, it's always changing and we just have to find the way to live in best possible way.
And acceptance is only way to survive. No matter how much it may hurt, how unfair it may feel you got to keep on living. It'll get easier trough practise: after one divorce and few general heartbreaks you learn to accept, because you know it's the right thing to do. The right thing to do for yourself as you owe it to yourself.

And the official quote..

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with."
Mark Twain

Gah, /me needs brains + AE update

I intended to go to bed almost early yesterday, but then friend of mine PM'd me in IRC and we begun to plan one forum meeting under Homecoming and falling from the walls theme, in honour of my homecoming, and it was almost two o'clock (am) when I got to bed finally. But it was nice. Actually we planned little something for autumn too... *grin*

I notice something odd here: I seem to have quite a few plans to be socially active (compared to my normal hermity self).
I've even offered to go with my mom when she goes to her lodge next time (in early August, I presume) as she needs some professional help. In other words: It's handy to have a weaver in family.
She bought loom (so she can weave carpets for her house) and she needs someone to teach her how to 'create warp' and how to 'build' the whole thing to phase where you just can weave - and of course she needs some tutoring in weaving too. (And there happens to be at least some parts of old loom in one of the storage rooms I need to figure out is there anything missing or is she proud owner of two looms.)
Anyway, it'll also mean that I'll see my relatives more or less (my aunt (my mom's sister) happens to live across the road), and I'll spend few days in same residence with my mother (not that we wouldn't like each others, but we both need quite much personal space).

So, what has happened to me? Am I getting extrovertish? (Maybe it's just temporary lunacy.)

Alter Echo

SBQ; Material mishaps

Today's

Stitching Bloggers Question

was suggested by Vash and is:

"What is the biggest mishap you have had with your stitching material (i.e. spillages)?"

Actually, I don't recall... I do! I was finishing needleroll for EMS BB's Spring Needleroll Exchange and I punctured a hole to my stitching... Fortunately stitching spirits were favourable to me and I was able to 'repair' it without traces (Click). In addition to that I don't have any, yet. *fingers crossed*

Thinking aloud, part II; crazy theories

Little something about diets.

According to many experts low-carb high-protein diets are bad for your health. I'd like to disagree a bit.
I've been thinking this quite some time and I've come to a conclusion that there is no such thing as one correct diet. I won't mix exercise in this theory now, so bear with me...

Have you ever noticed that there are people who have same diet, but person A stays/gets slim and person B gains/can't lose weight?
I've noticed that in myself. Every change in my diet has caused weight loss, that's for sure, but in the end none of them ever helped me to lose weight permanently. Or even keep in same weight for long.

Nutritionists recommend low-fat, high-carb diets as healthy. To everyone and that is where my thoughts get heretic.
When it comes to me I've noticed few things

1. I get arrhythmias when ever my diet is high-carb even for a day.
2. I get gout attacks for the same reason.
3. When I'm in high-carb diet I crave for sweetness, in other words I'm sugar rat when ever I'm 'healthy' diet which should provide me what my body needs.
4. I get depressed much more easily when I'm in high-carb diet.
5. I can't control my weight. If it decides to rise it'll, no matter what, and I can't keep my weight in balance.

I'm getting to a point, just wait a bit...

So, to me it seems that what is considered 'healthy' is not good for my body, or would you disagree? Now...
What if, and this is just one of my theories, there are people who benefit from high-carb diet and people who benefit from low-carb diet? And to high-carbers low-carbing would be as disastrous as high-carbing to low-carbers?

You know that disagreement of where first humans came from? Did they come from Asia or from Africa? What if... what if that explains the difference between suitable diets? Ethnicity may be the key. Just remember that we are all more all less mixed heritage.

Why I came to this conclusion? I've met quite a few persons who benefit from low-carb diet, myself being one of them. I've also met people who benefit from high-carb diet. And I can't believe that there's nothing behind that difference. I believe in reasons.

SIL related rant

Now, after swimming back home (or residency, anyway) from Tesco (it rained (to give you the picture: ~5cm in 30 minutes), rains still), and having nice warm shower (I've become shower addicted during this trip) I'd like to think aloud a bit. About my SIL.

I don't know how 'safe' it is to whine about relatives nowadays as I know they know where my blog is, though I also happen to know that their English skills aren't very good (exluding bits_2_whole and for some reason there's never anything worth ranting in her behaviour), so... Anyway, something has been bugging me for a while, but for some reason yesterday broke the camel's back.

#anonymous IRC channel@ 11 pm GMT+7 (7 pm in GMT+3) (Nicks changed to protect the ign... innocent)

[23:14] SIL: Is sun shining?
[23:14] snowprincipessa: No, it isn't...
[23:15] SIL: so, it begun to rain?
[23:15] bits_2_whole: it's night in there.
[23:15] snowprincipessa: Exactly.

I admit that it was about the smallest thing, but after mentioning about gazillion times before that I'm in GMT+7 and they're in GMT+3, and therefore I'm four hours ahead of them it really gets annoying...
I explain a bit:

1. My SIL is a person who seems to think that
   1. Sun shines always in warm countries
   2. It's also almost impossible to have bad weather of any kind in warm countries (I still remember her surprise when she realised that it can actually snow in Spain...), though it happens once in a blue moon.
2. It seems that she hasn't got the idea of time zones.
3. Apparently she has slept every geography lesson where equator has been mentioned. Shouldn't it be common knowledge, for someone who has spent 9 years in basic education, that when going closer to equator night comes earlier? You think it'd be clear... (I wonder does she also think that nightless night is common phenomenon all over the world...)

Now, it's not lack of knowledge which bothers me, but the pure ignorance.
I'm quite sure that if someone asked about this from her she'd answer in her normal style: I don't need that knowledge, even she does. (At least if she does want to look like a person with even basic general knowledge. Though, I don't know does she. It has always seemed to me that for her knowledge, hunger of knowledge and intellect are somewhat intimidating aspects - in a woman, at least. (I'd say something about pleasing males on the expense of being yourself, but I won't.))

Really, lack of knowledge is easily cured, but ignorance, unwillingness to broaden your views and knowledge base... It seems to be chronic in those individuals who suffer from it.

Someone could say that her views are what they are because she has never been abroad. I can understand that. She has no connections to world outside Finland, she has never seen world outside Finland...and in comparison I've been travelling, not much, but more than you'd think of someone who comes from my social class, and I've seen that humans are basically the same everywhere. I also have connections to world outside Finnish borders (actually I've more connections outside the borders than inside...).
And honestly, you don't need to even go abroad to realise that no matter where you come from you're just regular Jane/ John Doe. Even there aren't that many foreigners in Finland (worth laughing: 2% of whole population) you can meet people of non-Finnish origin daily - though they (my brother's family) do live in Peasantville...

You could think that in modern times when you have tools to look out for information there wouldn't be any ignorance... Well, at least I can say I have a dream even I know I'll never see that one fulfilled.

Hmmm...

Wild S.E.X., and 'Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me...'

Happy birthday to me.

I've to admit that it has been heart warming to receive whole bunch of birthday wishes (Thank you all. They mean very much ^^). First ones (actually Angela was the first one few days back) I got from Wolfie, just when day changed from 2nd to 3rd. And what surprises me is that my father remembered my birthday, it hasn't happened in years - ~14 years if I'm not mistaken. (As usually he remembers it only because I remind of him.)
Talked about this with Wolfie and he had an interesting theory: people learn to appreciate those things they're afraid to lose when they're in danger to lose them.

According to my mother it rained when I was born... it was supposed to rain today, but it didn't, and minutes before dusk it looked like this:

Rainy? Though it's possible that there'll be another thunderstorm during evening - or at least some rain.

And as I'm fond of memories... how was my life year ago? Hmm, even situation is what it is I'd like to say that my life has gotten, if not better, more balanced at least.

Then to this day. As we know my plan was to go to PINN's... Failed. Why?
Because they don't have store in former WTC anymore!
But fear not! I went to bookstore to sooth my nerves and guess what I found? Ten points, cross stitch patterns! So, I spent ~2000 BHTs (equals 41 € or $52.5) on S.E.X.. *ahem* But they're that kind I can't get from anywhere else, so I had to.
And you know, those 'magazines' and booklets contain unbelievably many HUGE projects so I just purchased opportunity to have something to do for next five years.

For example this project doesn't look that big when you look at the finished item, but as you see, the design takes two huge pieces of paper to fit in (that pink thing is A4 sized magazine for a comparison):

   

Size of that design is 'modest' 210x460.

And to my picture loving readers... My shopping spree.

As a curiosity I also seem to have few designs of king of Thailand. Which leads as nicely to... In addition being my birthday today is Monday, which is Yellow Day in Thailand.
Yellow is king's colour and as he was born in Monday... This is how streets look like (not everyone wears yellow in Mondays, but you can see surprisingly much of it in this spesific day) in Mondays (picture in question is from soi which goes behind this building)

Official quote of the day

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."

Latest addition to family

Actually Wolfie gave (he's a sweetheart) this to me few days ago: my new baby, external ~11GB hard disk. ^^

Btw

1. Exploding feeling is gone. I just needed time alone, and concentrate on what's important... In other words: stitch Alter Echo.
2. New fruit in my list:

   

   Wolfie brought some jackfruit when he came back from work today.
   It smells and tastes like wine gums. ^^ Though it's too sweet to be consumed in bigger amounts. But what's important is that I haven't had any allergic reactions here from things I've never tasted before this trip. (I've had two reactions: one from popcorn in movie theatre and other in Japanese restaurant for reason X.)

And now... maybe some coffee, maybe a DVD on a player and off I stitch. Is there better way to celebrate your 27th?