On siblings

Sometimes I wonder what happened to me and my brother.

When I was a baby I was pampered by him (according to rumours), when we were kids he was my confidant and one to protect me.
And now, years later, I don't know him anymore. What happened to that intelligent, funny, caring person he was? Or did I just change too much to see that person in him anymore?

Mostly I wonder where that intelligent guy vanished... I don't know was it only my sisterly admiration towards him or what, but I can't help the thought that since he met his wife he's gotten mentally lazier. Maybe it's just over exhaustion, noticing that they have four kids between 5 and 8 (almost 9)... (Four in four years. I love kids, but that pace... you just can't help but wonder.)
But still... what happened to his mind? What happened to that boy who ran away with me on night to be safe and to make sure that I am safe..? (Sometimes I wonder is the past the reason why our relationship got colder.)

Or maybe we just grew apart. It happens even in the best of the families, why not in ours?

Sometimes it feels that he's playing some role, that he has to try to be that funny, and intellectually impaired, guy to keep his family together (or is it way to survive?).
See, I can still remember the boy with whom I had great conversations when I was in my pre-teens, and I don't understand what happened to him.

I miss him. But I can't accept the fact that he seems to be unable to accept certain things in me, and certain things he has said to me.
I can forgive, but I never forget. But still, I miss him. Maybe I just miss a mirage (it can't be about missing innocence of childhood as there's nothing much to miss in it), someone who never existed.

It seems to me that when one door closes, another one opens. When I was younger I was in good terms with my brother, and nowadays I'm in good terms with my sister. (Circumstances which brought me and bits_2_whole closer were/are interesting and in some sense also surprising.)
Anyway, maybe this is how it's supposed to be? When there's three only two have company and third one makes the crowd.