Gingerbread houses and other stashy things

Late birthday gifts are always the best, I think.

 

1-2-3 Stitch! accidentally doubled my other order and I received two accessory packs and 2 x two skeins of Orange Charcoal Valdani and since I haven't heard anything from them after emailing them on Saturday I am beginning to imagine that I can keep the things *knocks on wood*, which is, of course, more than ok with me, free stash (even more when we are talking of pricey accessory pack) is always good.

I actually got these few days ago, but then fell sick (for the first time ever Hubby got sick before me, hence I got the cold from Him) and lost my will to live blog (and stitch). Luckily only for three days, which was surprisingly short cold in my standards.

Last week of my vacation is slowly coming to an end and I am starting to panick as I haven't done even half the things I imagined I have time for. Though I also tend to demand too much of myself, as I (should have) know(n) that there is still over a week in every month when I regress despite the medication - and lately I have been in regression anyway as, no matter that I take 50% higher dose than I should, the thyroid medication level is still far from optimal.
I am beginning to think that I have once again proved that one should be careful what one wishes for as I have a nasty feeling that my thyroid really is quite close of actually "dying". Or maybe it is just the change of season as when it was +35°C I was feeling (almost) completely fine, whereas now that it is under +20°C my basal temperature has dropped over .5 degrees in one month and all the nasty symptoms are getting back - I am not saying that the medication hasn't been good, it has and in general I feel better than I did before the medication, but after tasting the life of a person with functional thyroid all the symptoms seem much worse when they return, basically just because the regression itself is a bit depressing (even I knew it was coming).
And now I have started to worry about the doc's appointment next week, even I know that my bloodwork was far away for being hyper or even good and even I know that my endocrinologist is known to prioritize symptoms before bloodwork.
The question is will he believe my view about the ideal dose for the winter or not.

Only good things

Surprising as it is - or maybe I just imagine that I have been companing quite a bit last year or so.

The most important good thing, is that today is/ was our 2nd anniversary as a couple!
Admittedly it is not surprising as for some reason it has always felt that we are us, period (if anyone undertands what I am trying to say).
But I have come to realise that I have really been found by a really great Man, much greater than I thought even I have always thought very highly of Him. (Admittedly He is sometimes somewhat frustrating, but no one is perfect, I guess.)

Secondly: recently I have come to see the light after years of darkness.
I would have never imagined that my life was so dark, muted, dull than I have now realised it was. And all just because one wise doctor gave me prescription for little white pills. Those little pills are like candles, they are bringing light to the ultimate darkness I used to call "life", and now I see how dark it was and still is.
But I know it is only getting better from now on and I know there will be more and more candles. Some day my life will be filled with light, even occasionally some candles become dimmer.

I don't know am I exorcising evil spirits as I am beginning to hope that my thyroid would just turn off completely as it would make life much easier in the end. Even though it would also mean that in case I do not have access to thyroxine I will fade away fast.
I just hate not being able to eat nectarines. I hate seeing my thyroid grow and shrink on daily basis. I hate those dim days because my thyroid has decided to take a day off causing the glass jar dose being too small.

Thirdly: I have finished (stitching and finishing wise) six (6) stiching smalls within last month!

I am soon beginning to think that the medication has had some kind of an effect on me!

Blaah: ankle, thyroxine, D3 and yadda yadda.

Well, my ankle was completely ok for a month after starting thyroxine...

Then it wasn't and on Monday I had to see a doctor about it...

The result was: inflamed tendon (which is, based on the doc, quite common issue even months after ankle injury), ton of pain killers and week off - in forced rest.

So - *not* - cool (even though I have now had the advantage of being able to lay next to a fan 24/7 as it has been over +30°C for last week or so (coming to think of it the heatwave started when Mr. Wonderful traveled to Lagos)), as I am dead sure that my thyroid dislikes naproxen even it should not affect to thyroid function in any way (like I would believe that?!) as I don't feel very good.
Well, I upped my thyroxin dose two days ago and quit The N today. Let's see what my thyroid says about it.

 

On other news I decided to try "unhealthy" dose (at this moment 100µg/ day) of D3 (recommendation in here is 5-10µg/ day, which is way too low in a country with short summer, everyone knows it) as I have been told that it might actually boost thyroid function, but what really made me try it was this: Vitamin D Can Aid Fertility.

"A study has found a link between low levels of Vitamin D and problems with ovulation.- - - The team from Yale University School of Medicine studied 67 infertile women and took Vitamin D measures from them. Only 7 per cent of them had normal vitamin D levels and the rest had either insufficient levels or clinical deficiency.- - -

Dr Lubna Pal, from Yale, said: "Of note, not a single patient with either ovulatory disturbance or polycystic ovary syndrome demonstrated normal Vitamin D levels"
(Editorial note: Bolding by yours truly)

Now that's something.

Of course the thyroxine will also help with ovulation as it raises my desperately low basal temperature to normal levels and balances hormonal function: at the moment my basal temperature is about 0,5°C higher than it was pre-thyroxine - and I have only used it 6½ weeks.

I am a body yes...

You Are a Pond

You are modest, pleasant, and reliable. You are content and confident. You are harmonious and caring. You truly like other people for who they are. You are a very genuine, humble person. Because of this, you're very approachable. You are soft-spoken and a bit sensitive. Your mild personality is a refreshing change for people. What Body of Water Are You?

Ah well...

... or rather unwell. In midst of everything I managed to find sinusitis and otitis (in both ears!) and then I was lucky enough to find out that I was allergic to that antibiotic I was given for them... which means that now I am even bigger statistic oddity: allergic to three different antibiotics.

Yes, it's difficult to be this good, but I try to live up to my reputation.

I am getting better slowly, and hope that I am actually better by Tuesday when I am supposed to go to work again.

Alive, sick and waiting for January

I have suffered from mild URI from last week and being work-a-holic I have been working as I had no fever. Few days ago I jokingly said to one of my co-workers that I will surely get sick when I have my days off...
Well, unfortunately that was true and yesterday morning I went to see a doctor as I was coughing quite badly.

Result of that visit was sick leave to 22nd for viral upper and lower respiratory infections and course of antibiotics because I am asthmatic and in greater risk to catch bacterial infection, and because I was already coughing yellow sputum (sign of bacterial infection).

Getting suitable antibiotics was a quest itself: it took half an hour for the pharmacist and my doctor to find suitable one for me because of my allergies...

So, finally I have some time for finer things of life, but not the energy because those antibiotics make me sleepy.

Anyway, I am glad to announce you that I will be off from 9th to 12th (rather 13th as I come back late) of January because I go to Malaga to see Mr.Wonderful.

Yes, only for a weekend, but we thought it's better than not seeing at all for G-d knows how long period.

One down, one less to use

Well, it seems that that "nothing" was actually an allergic reaction to doxicyclin (an antibiotic I was prescribed for my bronchitis) as I feel lots better after only one dose (40mg) of cortisone prescribed to me by a nice doctor at private clinic (and employer pays ).

They say that allergy for several antibiotics (in my case two: penicillin and doxicyclin) is very, very rare condition, but oddly enough I am not only person in my family allergic to at least two different kind antibiotics. Maybe we are slightly odd then.

At least one thing is for sure: I will sleep like a baby next two weeks, because of that course of cortisone. (Taking that the reaction actually becomes milder within 24 hours, otherwise I have to run back to the clinic.)

Didn't I say something?

I saw a doctor in Monday... In his opinion there was nothing in wrong with me (despite my erratic breathing and high fever), but the doctor ordered some basic blood tests.

I called my results in Tuesday and even though my CRP was completely normal (keep this in mind for the rest of this entry) my white cell count and other infection indicator were up so the nurse thought that it might be an idea if a doctor calls me.
She called and because of my blood test results she wanted to listen my lungs and take my peak flow before prescribing anything.
So, in Wednesday morning I booked an acute appointment and despite my peak flow being 600l/ min (my normal is nowadays 650l/min) my lungs sang the song of infection which lead to a course of antibiotics and sick leave until 3rd of November (that is the last day off) because I have... bronchitis.

So, when I am one step from pneumonia my CRP is completely normal. This is another oddity that runs in the family: my mother has the same interesting feature in her body (though it can be caused by asthma medication as cortisone is anti-inflammatory drug) and I am sure I will have some fun times in future because of this...

Anyway, 11 days after I first noticed being sick my fever is finally getting lower, albeit slowly. Today (or yesterday actually, but my circadian rhythm has suffered a bit from the medication as it (in addition to coughing my lungs out) makes me sleeeeeeeeepy) I haver actually felt almost alive again...

To dream, to sleep

First time in almost two months my dreams are rather logical (I have to say that sertraline has very entertaining effect on one's dreams), but I am not completely sure is it a good thing.
Because the dreams are so logical, you live them more and when you wake up you fall off of your cloud.

It makes me moody. To be dragged off from the place I was happy at.

Though, I believe that this was yet another sign of progress.

Basically the dream went like this:

I had just had a home warming party. (Silly thing was that I know it was my own apartment, even it looked different inside (the front door and the like were the same).)
One of my guests hadn't left yet. I didn't know the guy, but I didn't mind him being around because I felt comfortable with him. The previous residents had left the place dusty and some of their belongings in the kitchen: there were glasses in the cupboards and the fridge was filled with food, food I couldn't eat (marinated meat) - this we found out when we went to check is there any food for us (it was Saturday evening and all the stores were closed until Monday) and I recall myself explaining to him (his arm around my waist) that I can't eat any of the stuff in the fridge as they have MSG in them and it gives me migraine.

"Well, I can always eat you though..." was my last comment on the fridge issue.
You can deduce from this that even we didn't knew each other we had a thing growing between us, making us us.

I woke up when we were walking to somewhere and he hugged me...

Firstly: getting over one's past, obviously. Leaving the people who I can't find nutrition from any more in the cold fridge and concentrating on finer things of life.
Cleaning the apartment and enjoying the finer things of life with someone I feel comfortable with. Maybe there was also a realization that such a person can be found only accidentally.

Still, I am rather blue because I was taken away from that dream by alarm clock.

Well, at least I am not completely blunt emotionally like I have been last two months - I am adjusting to the medication, finally.

Few bits

Still alive, nothing much to tell, only few interesting tidbits:

1. I filled the follow-up forms for depression and anxiety day before yesterday. My BDI score has plummeted from 15 to 7 in about 1½ months.
2. I was visiting my mother yesterday and after taking bronchodilator (it was an extremely dry day, very bad for my lungs) I decided to use her meter and measure my peak flow. It was majestic 700 litres/ minute! Remember that I have an obstructive, chronic lung disease and the median for a woman of my age and height is 440.
   Therefore my lung capacity is 159%. (This probably means that my lung function is recovering.)
3. I have found an excellent combination for workout: goth metal and Stephen King's books.
   If I only watch DVDs or listen only music I can't train more than 20- 30 minutes because I begin to feel too exhausted... when I listen to goth metal and read I can do as much as 64 minutes.
4. My pulse rate bothers me: it seems to be almost impossible to keep it over 140, even less at 160 which should be the best pulse rate for excercise.
5. It seems that caffeine blocks the effect of sertraline: when I drink decaf I am much more energetic than when I drink regular coffee and the meds seem to work better.

The blue scheme? I noticed one day that eLJay's trademark colour scheme was quite nice and soothing so I figured out the colour codes and edited my template.

Sometimes you can be too tolerating

I think that my tolerance for sertraline has worsened and 150mg isn't enough... If I up the dosage to 200mg I have nothing left to rise if it's not enough and that means yet another month of side effects with new medication.

It may be said that it is not possible to grow tolerance for depression medication, but I have proved claims of non-tolerance-growing medication bollocks before so this wouldn't be anything new. (Around 2003 I was prescribed with sleeping medication to which it should have been impossible to grow tolerance: I got on the highest allowed dose in two weeks and after that it just didn't help anymore...)

It's just very annoying.

The gazillionth entry for today

Why I don't like sertraline?

1. I have really odd dreams.
2. I remember tiniest things from years ago, things that I could have as well forgot as they are SO minor.
3. I have annoying case of dyslexia. I can't type or read right as well as I could without it. And my ability to write anything even seemingly coherent has gone out of the window.
4. I don't have the usual "edge" in my mind. (I.e. my mind has odd "blunt" spots.)
5. I think my social phobias are getting worse.
6. I have come to understand why SSRIs increase your risk to commit suicide: I feel lot worse mentally than I did before the medication. Admittedly it can be that the pre-medication exhaustion hid it. I foresee longer sick leave. *sigh*

On the other hand:

1. I have actually done laundry AND huge load of dishes today AND finished one biscornu, which is more than I have done last two, no wait... three, weeks... O_o
2. In their way odd dreams are fun: and who wouldn't like to wake up thinking how stupid idea the shutter on the door was in the Dawn of the Dead (you know, that scene where they send the dog to get some food for the gun shop guy and zombies get to him through the shutter when he lets the dog in).
3. I may be getting into a manic phase, which would be great thing regarding undone and piled household chores. (Yes, short mania phase would be nice. I am odd, I know. *grin*)

And oh, now I remember what I have missed! My FOURTH blogoversary was in Thursday! Happy birthday little blog!

Atypical in more than one way...

I am not sure is it me or is there something wrong with the world. I just found it extremely odd that I seemed to be only person around today who smiled - me, who have been prescribed high enough dose to determine that my GP thinks that this is moderately severe depression (I am still waiting for the actual depression part..). And this was before I had even bought the meds.

Yes, moderately severe as the highest allowed dose is 200mg and when my adjusting phase ends I can take as much as 150mg a day.
Though I doubt do I need to get that high, the 100mg is probably more than sufficient as my brain is so sensitive that, even it should not happen, I got the first symptoms from the medication 15 minutes after I took the first 30mg... now I am just feeling suitably high - I am very aware that depression medication should not affect this way, at least not this fast, but who am I to complain? (The cortisone shouldn't have affected this way either and it did. If it is not supposed to happen, it happens.)

I have been awake for 22 hours and I think my head will shut down soon. I am just curious to know how long this night lasts as I slept 20 hours in a row between Friday and Saturday...

Surprising advantages of asthma medication...

I happened to stumble upon this article while trying to find out is there some connection between cortisol levels and polycystic ovary syndrome.
My reason for the thought was that my cycle has got shorter and more balanced - and in addition to that I am almost PMS free, which, for a PCOs woman is a small wonder as we often have prolonged and worsened PMS - after I started cortisone inhalations.

Cortisol is an insulin antagonist, and according to the article (and the research) too low cortisol levels effect negatively to the testosterone production in ovaries... both problematic hormones for a PCOs woman.

Let me remind you why this all is such a good news: if the cycle is ~30 days or shorter it's likely that the woman ovulates regularly.
To most women it's obvious, even a nuisance, to some, like myself, it's something unbelievably great... For me it means that I may have the possibility to become a mother (even better: without any help from medical industry) some day.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 253

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Master:: ...of Puppets
2. Tour :: Journey
3. Input :: Opinion
4. Downtown :: Centre
5. Pricey :: Expensive
6. Acceptable :: Safe
7. Terrace ::Winter
8. Sunday :: Today
9. Payoff :: Money
10. Jack and Jill :: Jack & Jill

Cozy...

A Low Impact Woodland Home

And the quote

"When a habit begins to cost money, it's called a hobby."
- Jewish Proverb -

Didn't I say something?

I got the flu shot Friday morning, and as usual felt quite woozy about an hour after it, but then I felt better than in ages so I was in hopes that this time my body wouldn't react too strongly with the viruses (ref: Hepatitis A vaccination)... Saturday morning I woke up with an aching head (which was temporarily cured by someone ^^) and when the morning turned to late afternoon I wasn't fit enough to sit for longer than 15 minutes at one time and had a fever. I also feel like quite wobbly, which probably means that I have to take a day off in Monday.

That also meant no stitching for yesterday, but I did manage to convert quite a few of my pre-PCStitch designs to *.pat format - once they are all converted I can get some more room onto my hard drive as I can just burn them on a CD and then delete the files.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 251

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Filthy :: Dirty
2. Therapist :: Yet another looney
3. Duck :: *ducks*
4. Slant :: -
5. Artist :: Dead
6. Lease :: Rent
7. Wish :: Upon a star
8. Doormat :: Person
9. Global :: Warming
10. Apartment :: Home

Things I learnt yesterday:

1. I am allergic to horses.
2. Suitable medications run in the family, i.e. what's good for one family member will probably work for another (in a family in which everything generally well tolerated doesn't work or isn't well tolerated).

1. My mom paid me in to a craft fair in Helsinki Fair Centre and I have to say that it was a disappointment, though the good side was the "countryside" and forestry fair held at the same time in same building... because there were animals (lambs, goats, cows (several types of native Finnish cows (Lapland cattle, Eastern Finland cattle, Western Finland cattle) in addition to those gigantic beef cows), dogs, cats (kitties! ^^) and so forth). ^^

We came to a conclusion that we are lousy fair visitors as we only paid one ticket (it was -50% evening), used whopping 6€ (my mom bought me a salt stone candle... erm... thingy (as I don't know the term for the thing - it's not a candelabra nor a candlestick) as salt stones should have a positive effect on asthmatic lungs) and got free tickets to be used in some of the spring's fairs just by filling a quality review form.

2. My GP gave me a free sample (120 doses, worth (without that 75% reimpursement officially diagnosed asthmatics get) ~75 €) of yet another bronchodilator when I met him in Wednesday and I think we have a winner: I get NO side effects whatsoever from it. My mother tried it too, having an astma and being curious (medication safety !ok *grin*), and it worked wonders on her lungs (and rest of her respiratory system), so she may ask a prescription for it from her GP.

Things learnt today...

Stitching a multi-colour design over one on 36 count linen is FUN!

Yet another wishlist addition

I was browsing Sewandso while drinking coffee and I found a design I got to get!: Catnap.
That is what Siamese cats are at their best, cute as heck. ^^

Poverty? Not really.

In Finland person whose income is less than 900 euros/ month is considered as a person living in poverty. That also means that I am considered as one (though during the course period I am not, as my income is whopping 910 euros/ month (I don't consider PD as a source of income yet as I don't withdraw the money on Paypal account on bank account to be used by me - I may buy some new stash with PD's money every once in a while, but I consider that as a stitching wage and a reimbursement from those supplies Lady still gets from me), thanks to the financial incentive from SII).

I find it questionable as poor is not a word I would use of myself. Think of it: I have two working computers, I have a broadband connection, I own three cell phones, two PDAs, two digital cameras, TV and all the "regular" devices, dishwasher and loads of other household appliances, multifunction laser printer, I live in a cozy apartment, I have food without begging or trusting food aid (and I couldn't use their stuff anyway: wheat, pork... you get the picture) because I have money to buy my food, my cats eat expensive pet store food... AND I can afford little creature comforts like new stash and visit to a hairdresser every now and then.

I can't see my poverty.
Admittedly I have problems with making the ends meet in case I need new clothes or shoes, but for me it's not a sign of poverty, but a sign of spending too much on unnecessary stuff. (Luckily my mother tends to give clothes-on-request gifts and my father, when he gives gifts, usually gives money - not much, but any extra money is good.)

Partly my personal lack of poverty is thanks to our welfare system as if I had to pay for my medication, even the part left paid after SII pays their part, I would be poor as -100€/ month may not sound much, but with income this low it's 13,5% of my average monthly income (before rent)... But that is the reason for the system to exist: to prevent poverty and social problems related to it - and of course, in the long run it's way cheaper for social welfare to pay for the medication of us, financially less fortunate, than pay for the consequences (i.e. long hospitalizations and unecessary retirements - though I would end up suffocating to death, eventually, without my medication..).

I can't still see my poverty, and admittedly I can't understand how anyone in my situation can claim to be poor, even there are people who claim that they have no money to do anything - and still they find the money to buy tobacco and alcohol...

Though, I know that person in my situation should also be withdrawn from the society, sick, have drinking or drugging problem and be unable to do anything useful, due the hopelessness caused by a long period of unemployement and low income... I don't even drink and I try to take care of my physical and mental health and when my asthma gets under control I am able to work full-time.
Maybe I just need to always do what I love to do, prove them wrong. (I'm such a show off anyway.)

Too Much Information and stitching a dragon

I wonder how antibiotic can make you fall asleep, even if there's tiredness in its side effect list - as tiredness differs from passing out if you ask from me. (So, it was a good thing that I had fever and was put on sick leave as if I had got the meds and gone to work I'd have passed out on the keyboard...)
Though it does feel different now, like the stuff had started to work already (my sinuses feel different and something actually comes out when I blow my nose).

In addition to sleeping and eating like a horse (as for some odd reason I am menstruating AGAIN... TMI: either it is about the fact that I got sick in the middle of the bleeding week or then the extra cortisone messed my cycle completely and caused a 17 days cycle) I have been, surprise, surprise, stitching Winter Dragon.
It seems to me that being sick is a good incentive for stitching dragons as I stitched Fall when I was sick, too...

At this point it only lacks backstitching. ^^

Trusty sidekicks i.e. stitching with cats

Cats have, as usual, enjoyed my sickness and idled/ stitched with me...

 
 

The picture on left at the lower row is one of those which reveal Neko's true self™: little, cuddly, kitty who needs his mommy. (When the guys were young (Neko, Seiichi and their late brother) they used to sleep like that a lot.)

Nggggh

/me thinks that the cortisone lift-up has been bad for her concentration skills. I just can't stay put long enough to write a coherent sentence or stitch or... do anything fun - like get decent night's sleep... (my night was about 2½ hours). I know that cortisone causes mania, but with localized dose this small?
Another less nice symptom seems to be bleeding gums, which is really not fun - even less noticing that I do brush my teeth as a good asthmatic person on inhaled cortisone, twice a day (and I use the softest brush available as my gums are sensitive).

/me thinks it's time to decide that I am now well enough to lower the dose back to normal... even though I am afraid that I am not.

Actually I find this whole asthma thing very depressing at this point, as I have learned to hate winter, season I used to love, and I have started to count days to summer when the air should be warm enough to breathe. And when the summer comes I am kept indoors by the fact that there is pollen out there, lots of it.
Either I become a climate refuge and escape to somewhere close to the equator or become a complete indoor animal... Interestingly enough I have gained yet another reason to move out of the country some day.

The thing that annoys me... and UM

..with Budesonide is that I can't lower the dose even I should. This is the second time I tried and after three days my body temperature had dropped, again, to the level where I am freezing all the time.
This means that even I tolerate the drug well I can't use it in the long run - as when I get sick I should be able to double the dose and if I am already taking the higher dose it is not possible...

Fortunately it's about time to make the GP's appointment for the medication check. I also should ask about the flu vaccination (i.e. am I already classified as a person with a chronic lung dysfuncion and get it free of charge or do I have to pay for it) - and therefore be prepared to be sick for a week or two after getting it... but then, it means uninterrupted stitching time...

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 248

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Assets :: Qualities
2. Concern ::Worry
3. Over the top :: Over the hills and far away...
4. Supplies :: Thingies
5. Mustache :: Hercule Poirot
6. Doug :: Dawg
7. Coach :: Trainer
8. Bleachers :: -
9. Stripes :: Stars
10. Assortment :: Selection