If it has "Deepak Chopra" written on it...

... it will definitely melt me. At least this seems to be the case. My latest case of core meltdown happened when I heard this:

Looking for your face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to calll this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstacy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you

Your efflugence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer.

(Snatched from here. (As far as I know this is based on a poem by Rumi.)

*deep sigh*

SBQ: When it rains frogs, it pours

What should I call this happy madness that I feel inside of me
---
I feel that I've gone back to childhood and I'm skipping through the wildwood
So excited that I don't know what to do
What do I care if I'm a juvenile I smile my secret little smile
---
What should I call this happy madness all this unexpected joy
That turned the world into a baby's bouncing toy

No, I am not in love, but I was listening Antonio Carlos Jobim yesterday and this kind of hit the nerve. That is how I feel. Now.

And to business...

Today's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

is:

Do you use your needle, a seam ripper, or something else when you have to frog stitches? Why do you use the method that you do?

It depends on the amount of stitches I need to frog. If it's just few stitches I use needle to save the floss, but if it is bigger area I am cruel and use seam ripper as it is very effective method to get rid of that nasty frog.
If I have one mislaid stitch which I notice later I usually snip it with scissors and secure its ends on the other side.

For some reason this is one of the best lyrics snips ever: "...You can't break my spirit/ it's my dreams you take..." (James Blunt: Goodbye My Lover)

Anyway, as I'm sure that you're dying to know what I've been up to lately I'll share a little teaser. Can't show all as it's an exchange item.

Colours are off: the fabric is pale lavender and floss is light blue (some old "gift" from Cross Stitcher so no numbers).
When it grows up it'll be a biscornu.

Mutilating lyrics

What level of addiction it is when you begin to change lyrics of songs' to suit for your stash-a-holism?

"Where there's gold stash you'll find a way to justify the loss
Where there's gold stash you'll find your way
Maybe soon you'll realize with wine stash there comes a cost
Time to pay, time to pay
---
When there's nothing left to buy
---
When you need to have that feeling once again
---
You can lift your head and
Pray that you will find the strength to keep you going on
---
Only lies stash can make it go away
---

Sorry Seal.

The Persistence of Memory

Once again I remember why I ceased to listen any music in last autumn. Because it hurt so much, everything reminded me of someone I knew I'd never have in my life for real, even I had to live in hope out of love for him.

Alegría is not a sad song, but it brings tears to my eyes. It reminds me of the happiness I (/we) had (not so long ago), it reminds me everything I (/we) lost. It reminds me of love I was able to feel, an the courage it gave me.
And I can't get one sentence out of my mind: "When will my dear Princess cry her cute eyes out because of me?"

On a less teary note: I was actually thinking connection between music and memories last night when I was listening Pain Of Salvation.
Second Love is song which connects to two different individuals in my personal history. Sonnenschein introduced that song to me, and Wolfie... well, listens PoS too.
I've always loved that song because of its melancholy, because of the lost love and the pain it brings.

Lost love has always attracted me, maybe that is why I seem to be unable to have steady relationship with anyone. Maybe my unconscious self is driven by melancholy and sorrow, maybe I'm not meant for lasting happiness.
It might explain my love for black, it might explain my attraction towards horror and darker side of human mind. I get my satisfaction from there where it feels like home...

But I digress...

Every time I hear Undertow I have the same image in my mind... His phone waking him up in the morning with that tune. It's sunny outside, I lay on my (right) side, wrapped in blanket and I see that phone (orange and white) on the chest of drawers. I even remember the scent of that room...

Love is frail, but memories are persistent. And sometimes memories give you strength, sometimes they make you want to bury yourself under blankets and never come out.
Actually I'd like to bury myself in someone's arms at the moment and just be there. But it's just me and cats - and the music. Some day I can listen this song with smile on my face, but that day is not this one.

Findings

I'm forced to use my laptop's music library at the moment, as I can't scrobble music from my desktop (and that is important, I love my statistics) before I get another (longer) cable (from bits_2_whole) to attach it to HP and move modem next to desktop etc... anyway, even it means radical reduce in my choices it can be also a good thing. I found something today.

Where There's Gold by Seal

Where there's cold you'll find a way to justify the loss
Where there's cold you'll find your way
Maybe soon you'll realize with what let comes a cause
Time to pay, time to pay

When there's nothing left to buy, it's only love that gets you high
When you need to have that feeling once again
When there's no place left to roam follow your heart to bring you home
If you've taken all and eaten you can take
You can lift your head

Pray that you will find the strength to keep you hanging on
Pray that you will help someone to find out what was wrong
Only lies can make it go away

All the things you think of now you know that you were wrong
All the things you have to say
Then, by chance, you find a message written on your phone
Clear your day, clear your day

When there's nothing left to buy, it's only love that gets you high
When you need to have that feeling once again
When there's no place left to roam follow your heart to bring you home
When you've taken all and eaten you can take
You can lift your head

Pray that you will find the strength to keep you hanging on
Pray that you will help someone to find out what is wrong
Only lies can make it go away

Roll up your head young girl
Come and said roll up your head young girl
Come and said have some fun and happiness in this world
For every man, woman, child and girl
While youz either fight or its over
***
Virtual ways

When there's nothing left to buy, it's only love that gets you high
When you need to have that feeling once again
When there's no place left to roam follow your heart to bring you home
If you've taken all and eaten you can take
You can lift your head and pray, pray

No, I'm not in love with anyone else than life itself, but I think this will become one of my 'power songs'.

S.E.X., music and ngh

I found saviour in my dark path of not having good Finnish ONS: Kirjokas.
First of all, DMC 0,80€/ skein (which is real bargain in this part of the World), no postages, fast and good customer service and good storage (just because they carry Dragon floss)... They also have English version of the store, so do pop by. (Like Moomins? Click.)

So, I spent few euros and got flosses for Alter Echo. It turned out that I want to do it with three colours, instead of two. I'll use those given 815 and 841, but I'll stitch text with 902.
309 is nice colour, but I was unable to find anything suitable to go with it, so I let it be.

...and as Kirjokas has minimum order of 10 euros I purchased some Dragon Floss to fill the gap...

      

I placed an order in Thursday, she got payment and posted them in Friday. They came today.

More chocolaty music...

Flying Carpet has a new buddy: Desire.

"...I desire you more than food or drink.
My body, my senses, my mind,
Hunger for your taste.
I can sense your presence in my heart.
Although you belong to all the world,
I wait in silent passion,
For one gesture, one glance."

This is chocolate to your ears, and other senses.

In other news

I don't feel good at all. Migraine, yes, but why are my muscles etc. aching? I'd almost live with exploding head, nausea, upset stomach, dizziness and tiredness, but sore muscles/ throat/ joints and unstable body temperature make it odd and really annoying.
With some luck I found summer cold in Saturday in my trip to grocery... it rained, and even I used umbrella I was soaking wet when I got back home. And first muscle aches came during that night...
Anyway, not my usual migraine. Usually I can at least stitch or write emails, but no... Wrote one email yesterday for about 12 hours as I lost my skills to understand what I had wrote (I do excessive amounts of proof reading, see), not to mention that half an hour writing three sentences took today (you don't want to know how long it took write this entry)... And can't even think of stitching. Or coffee.

Ngh.

Couple of lines

Sometimes you just got to check lyrics of a song you hear...

I don't know why
The sky is so blue

was why I wanted to know...

- - -
But somewhere dreams come true
- - -
But there will be a place for you
And every time you look that way
I would lay down my life for you
- - -
But some are going to make you cry
And I don't know how
But I will get you by, I will try
They're not trying to cause you pain
They're just afraid of loving you
- - -

What was my point? I know it, I know all of my points, but I'd win Nobel prize if I were as good with words as I'd like to be - lately I have had use for such talent, but I've to survive with this I've.

MSAL part IV, and some music...

My stitching goal for today was to stitch MSAL's fourth part before tomorrow when 5th part will be emailed to us. Well, I made it but as it's evening there's not enough natural light and my desk light is not good enough so no pictures today. I try to remember to take that picture when ever it's sunny and I'm at home.

Next weekend is Stitch-A-Thon weekend and my project for this month is needleroll for Spring Needleroll Exchange. It's relatively simple and small design so with some luck I may finish stitching in a day and therefore have even time to finish it during SAT weekend. Which would be great, as it's deadline is 27th - and if I get it done I may concentrate on my Jaffa Orange silhouette and broadening my stitching horizon with Spring Surprise.

About Sounds

I used to hate Madonna when I was in my pre-teens. When I heard her Something to Remember album I knew I had been wrong. Short while after it I had my first break-up and this song was my 'power song' back then.
I listened Madonna today first time in ages (Heard Frozen (Great song!) from radio at work and I had to put her songs in my play list when I got home) and this song is still my power song...

"...You think that you are strong, but you are weak
You'll see,
It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat.
I have truth on my side,
You only have deceit
You'll see, somehow, someday

[Chorus2:]

All by myself
I don't need anyone at all
I know I'll survive
I know I'll stay alive,
I'll stand on my own
I won't need anyone this time
It will be mine
No one can take it from me
You'll see

You'll see, you'll see
You'll see, mmmm, mmmm"

Btw, when it comes to music... in case anyone is interested to know what kind of music I've listened in previous week (latest period was Sunday Mar 5 - Sunday Mar 12) I've this

in my profile page. It's updated approximately every Sunday evening.
And my current tracks can be found from my Last.fm profile (link is also in my blog's sidebar).

Like frozen leaves
We are falling
On to the soil so barren and cold

The rays of sun
No more warming
Our hearts now so cold

Through this field
Of the withered flowers
We go still one more time

The hidden beauty
Forever gone
The river's frozen once again

So came this time
When moonlight blackened my heart:
I can't stand this pain

The chain is broken
It's tearing open my scars:
I want to feel the flame...again

The shine behind
The frozen stream
Reminds me of your eyes

The spark of hope
Still in my heart
Shall dreams become true under the ice?

Sometimes melancholy is beautiful.

Kitty kisses and morning coffee

Handsome young man is sitting on my lap 'kissing' me and I've mug full of fresh coffee. Could you wish for more?

Stitcher's Alphabet

I got an idea when I woke up middle of the night... Wide linen stitch band. I just need to find place where they sell by meters/ yards/ what-evers.
I know that Silkweaver sells natural stitch band only as pre-cuts, and white per yard. But as I dislike white in certain sense (having white walls anyway) I'd prefer natural linen.
Of course I could buy white and dye it, but what would the colour be? Purple came into my mind right away, but would it look good?

Of course I could try to get wide basic linen from some fabric store and stitch on it using waste linen, but...

Decisions, decisions.

As mr. Gabriel sings at the moment:

"...I said life carries on and on...
And on
Life carries on in the people I meet
In every one that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...
Life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...
Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
As life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you

Patience

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
---
I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear

Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time...
---
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
---
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it...

What can I say? I promise to come back when I'm bit less depressed. Hormonal cycle and long-distance relationship aren't good mix.

Just blabbering...

When he graduated last fall he sent me a link to a video made of this song:

Send Me An Angel

---
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The passage out of the dark
---
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark

Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star
---

It was quite cruel in a way. I was dating (I just had been uncapable to tell it to him for certain reasons... ) and then he sends something like that... He was only two weeks late. And I was too honourable - and too afraid.

Nothing to do with anything though, "just" a memory. Memory which I cherish and which made me cry last night like I cried when I saw that video for the first time...

I still can't fully believe that he loves me. But though... he says he does, I can live with that.