I have thought about everything lately and remembered all kinds of things that just make me more confident about my choice...
I am restless sleeper, which in his head meant that I watched his every move... yes, you read it right. Which basically means that he probably thinks that I need no sleep whatsoever.
I also heard that I watched everything he ate (yeah, right, like I, for example, was the one who always nagged about margarine usage - guess again - and hello, I bought that stuff. It costs 1 € per 400g...). Where should I have put my eyes? Close them?
For some reason my apartment gathers dust quickly, and as everyone knows dust is human skin and such... no, you are wrong! It was all me! Yes...
Goodness.
When I was pregnant I lost a ton of hair. Long hair. And he was like I willingly dropped it everywhere and didn't clean them out just out of spite. It was just an excuse to tell him that I am pregnant and that can happen, I can't help it.
Mister, there is your hair still in the apartment and yours is short. And I just sweep it without complaining. Because it happens to everyone, hair does fall off even when out of bathroom and without notice. Yes, hair has no manners. Shame on it.
I had to drag him to our first sonogram. I went alone to the next one as he had "forgot" when it was (we just got the appt. time 2½ months previous and I reminded him about it 1½ weeks before it was). And the one after that, and the one after that.
Day after my c- section he called and wondered why I hadn't picked up his calls.
I was sick because of morphine for the first day - threw up on midwives when trying to get up. And maybe I had a newborn baby there beside me... and I was in a room of four, not in private room as I was there without support person, so I kind of had to thought about the other new, operated, mothers and keep the phone silent... And for Pete's sake, I sent him a message as first thing I did when I got out of recovery room, three hours after surgery. I could barely hold the phone...
Good enough for you?
And I recall that someone didn't call when I was few days on the ward because I had pre-eclampsia.
My hypothyroidism and relapses were just excuses. "You can't be feeling X!"
Oh yes, I look and act like a zombie because I think it's REALLY hot. And hey, it's just terminal illness when untreated, nothing as serious as your blood pressure... no, no.
And it had been WAY too difficult to Google what it is all about...
He claims he hasn't disowned his son, still his words tell different language. If not disown then he willingly abandons his son. By the sound of it. Or maybe I have suddenly lost my ability to completely understand English.
Oh, of course! It's because I am a liar... how I forgot that? It's one of my lies, you see, that, he has ever said anything like it.
I can emphatise his situation, but obviously he can't do the same when it comes to me. I am a bad, bad person and by the sound of it go to Hell because of this. At least it is warm in there. (Thank G-d that deity I believe in isn't such an asshole.)
He also said that he had been prepared to this (did I say that he just wanted me to do the dirty job?! Did I?!)... and still he accuses me of all the usual stuff bitter people usually do at this point.
I always thought that he would be more mature than that. That he wouldn't let his son suffer because he is angry to me, but it seems to me that he will let his innocent son suffer because I am so evil.
One would imagine that any person in their right mind would understand that if he doesn't stay in contact with Boy he won't have a son who is too fond of his father when Boy comes of age.
I admit, I am not flawless and I did leave him in a very tacky way, but I always thought he would be man enough to behave regardless of the situation (for Pete's sake, even Dan was able to behave even I left him the same way). Apparently I was wrong... really wrong.
Funny thing? Because of the situation I seem to be able to stay at home until Boy is three, without working part-time, as Boy and I, we get 200 euros more every month now. And housing allowance. We seem to have almost 1000€ between us every month. After rent. (After I apply for housing allowance.)
