Abandonment

I don't think that it would matter much to me that my brother acts like three- year old if there wasn't someone else involved: Tiny.
Because by doing his thing my brother is the second man in Tiny's life who has left him before he turned two.

It hurts me when Tiny mentions "Unke Pampa" because I know that he remembers his uncle, even I wished he didn't - but I have learned that little children have terrifyingly good memory.... at least Tiny does.
And it makes me wish that I could hit that guy, hard. Because he is so fu*king blind or stupid or bitter that he fails to see what he is because he is what he is. Because he hurts my son.

Brotherly Things

As time passes one learns things and it seems that the fallout of my brother and I is a sum of multiple things, all as... stupid.

First is that my father promised to buy, Tiny and me, a flat from our future hometown which he would rent to us, and of course he had mentioned it to my brother. He just failed to mention that he backed off from his promise less than two months later.
Luckily I know my father so I was not surprised at the least. What surprises me is that my brother does not realise that. Despite being told the truth.
And anyway, had our father bought the flat it had not been under my name so it had been his and his only.

Secondly he considers that his kids were and have been treated worse than Tiny. At least by our mother.
Something one could understand if his family had not kept distance to the rest of the family since the beginning.
My mother did knit and buy tons of clothes for his kids, gave them gifts etc., but after it turned out that they were not appreciated at all and my mother stopped.
She has various things she has bought wishing that my brother's kids would visit her and could use, things that now have been given to us as we actually have use for them and we do use them.
He also seems to fail to understand that his situation was and is completely different even if we look at the basic level of me being a single parent with no support from Tiny's biofather.

It makes me wonder is he really that dim? Or has it been intentional? (Let's not get into how childish it would be to cut your sister from your life just because you think that you have been mistreated by your parent(s..).

Still, it's just so weird.

Little Grey Cells Are Moving Too

It's funny how your mind processes things. Little by little, and then continues chewing the same thing later until it's small enough to digest without problems.

While packing I have had few moments of "What the heck was I thinking?!" regarding past with mr. W., but it has also proved that I have come far in last two years.
Now I just find things tragicomic rather than sad or depressing. Even the fact that mr. W. was and is full of c*ap.

But still, out of all that was bad came out the best thing in my life: Tiny.

Maybe it's karmic in its way that out of huge pile of smelly stuff comes out so much joy.
And truth to be told I am convinced that mr. W. gets his share of Big Bad Karma sooner or later. If he hasn't already been hit with it. (If I have understood correctly it may be the case, may have been even before I kicked him out. (See, he was big fan of telling things to me... not. I just tend to read between the lines.))

It has been 25 months and in 18 days we leave this halfway home (I have considered this flat a halfway home for a long time, we needed to move here to give me distance and time to figure out who I am and what I want). It's scary, but changes always are.
If things go as planned 2015 will be so very different. In a good way.

Unexpected moves

It turns out that we don't need to live without certain stuff for two months as we were offered a place in late August... starting from October 1st.
I have accepted it (after having it inspected by my mom) and next week we'll be traveling to sign the lease (thank G-d for "Local Greyhound" selling 5 euro tickets to their less popular buses). And before it there's still heaps of stuff to do regarding the move, in addition of some packing, packing and more packing.
I am thanking myself for packing most books, DVDs, CDs and craft stash before summer. Less to pack is always less when you got have everything settled before the move. And this time it's mandatory as I am using a company to do it, for the first time ever, as I rather have someone else carry all those heavy things like my 100 kilo bookshelves and so on.

And before you ask: 74 square meters, 2 bedrooms, 2nd floor. It's an old apartment (well, 32 years old), but looks very well maintained.

We'll be moving on second of October, which is in its way a good thing as the material for admission exam is published on 1st (I applied to study BBA) and I can use my free time to study. General unpacking can be done when Tiny's awake - and after the exam.