Since when sedatives made you sleepy?

I was listing my cross stitch WIPs (41 and counting...) and found an old photograph of Ronja from one drawer:

This was taken when she was young (before coming to me at the age of ~seven).

Beautiful little lady she was. ^^

And now I am off to create a full inventory of my floss and embellishments... yes, I know it's almost 2 am and I should be sleeping.
I am not tired and Hubby is away for few days so it's a great opportunity to list everything I have without letting Him know how much I have exactly.

November, designs and thyroid

November isn't my kind of month, I guess. I have been on sick leave last week with varying diagnoses. It started with viral infection and asthma, then went to asthma and now we are back to viral infection and asthma... but I think I am finally getting better, at least I am coughing less, now that I was prescribed HC cough syrup to stop the cough (ethylene morphine hydrochloride and rum, sounds like fun, right?).
Which is nice actually, I haven't been able to talk normally since I got sick because I have been out of breath. In addition to that I haven't slept much and have coughed too much.

Apparently it was a viral infection making my asthma go worse, that cramping my bronchi and cramps causing me to keep on coughing (and panting if I had to talk) even though my bronchi are ok. (And "funnily" my asthma was once again questioned by a doctor. It's fun to have abnormal levels of normal in so many things.)

Funny thing is that this is third year in a row when I have prolonged sick leave in the beginning of November. Last year it was that crazy three weeks fever...

But there is silver lining in everything

Because I have been tied to bed/ sofa whole week lacking energy and inability to have much social contact with anyone I have stitched a bit and designed a lot. (The best way to deal with insomnia is to forget it and spend the time not spent sleeping well.)

Actually stitching a bit is the reason for why I have been designing a lot as I fell in love with the colour scheme I used with the ornament exchange item and things kind of evolved from there to a point where I have now designed two, gorgeous (even I say so myself), complementing samplers.
And I have to admit that I have a plan for the smaller one, a SAL plan. (Actually only thing I need to do it to decide when...)

Did I forgot to mention?

I got great news regarding my thyroid in October: we have medicational balance!

Officially I am slightly hyper, but as I am feeling good (no jitters) my endo said it's not an issue.

What surprised me was that it took only 4,5 months to get there. (Actually I think my endo was surprised too as my bloodwork really crashed in six weeks, from TSH 2.7 + T4 18.3 to "whopping" TSH 0.19 (0.4 - 4) + T4 21.4 (11-21).)

Now it finally feels that my hormone levels are really getting where they should be as this is really the first time when my ankles aren't swollen after standing on my feet whole day and when my throat actually looks something like normal person's throat... and sometimes I even feel attached to things happening around me. That hasn't happened in quite a while.

On a negative side my wedding ring is getting loose and I hate the thought of having to have it made smaller as it would ruin the carvings inside. And I am emotionally attached to that lovely piece of jewelry, I don't want to lose a bit of it.

But now, after being awake for 20 hours I think it is time to start another day and hope that when the time comes later today I could actually sleep at night.

Ta-ta.

Halloween Ornament Exchange, meeting online folks, earrings and life

I have been in a blogging mood for few days already, but for some reason I have felt like I couldn't say what I am thinking so I have let it be. I am still not sure, but there is one beautiful biscofleur to show so I can not delay this longer even though my brains have vanished somewhere (I apologize about the appalling "quality" of this entry).

EMS Halloween Ornament Exchange

After a long, long absence I returned to EMS Cross Stitch Forum and participated Halloween Ornament Exchange as I have sorely missed exchanges (and the excuse they give to disregard housework and stitch).

Few days ago I received the prettiest little Halloween biscofleur from Samantha! See and drool!

Beautiful! Thank you Samantha for bringing this loveliness into my life!

Samantha told me that she wanted to try (yes, this is her first if I understood correctly!) this finishing method and maybe *ahem* inspire my dear alter ego to design some pretty biscofleur patterns (cunning woman I must say - Samantha, not my alter ego. Lady P. is just a bit cooky).

Meeting people

I thought of tens of different ways to sound smart, but I guess it's better that I stick to my usual style... what ever that is.

Anyway, few days ago I spent a lovely morning with tamaraland and her boys here (or rather there as I don't live there) in Helsinki.
We went to the Natural History Museum to see... dinosaurs!
It was great fun (I may be a bit geeky, though the company was very good) and it was really great to meet tamaraland (and the boys) in person.

Jewellery

I have always been and I still am very picky about my jewellery, and I have wanted to learn how to make them for quite a some time, because of my pickiness, and therefore I headed to a jewellery course yesterday.

It was for learning "twisted links", which proved to be easier than it sounded even though my links are really twisted due lack of practise: see for youself.

Yes, turquoise is the new black, at least in jewellery. Though I am still looking for the perfect shade.

And yes, I really need yet another addictive and expensive hobby.

I was planning to blabber much more, but as I mistype half of the words and can't think straight (when I have been able to do that?!) I guess it's time to drag myself to bed and continue about other things later.

Life, cross stitching and everything

Actually I am still alive, even though I haven't blogged in whole month. It all started with a cold, which, even after I "got better" continued keeping my energy levels somewhere (way) down below and... then I caught bacterial infection (IIRC the latter sick leave paper I got says something about laryngitis and sinus (sinus sphenoidalis was doctor's guess as it wasn't visible in the sonar thing they use) infection)... you know how it goes.

But on a brighter note my last course of antibiotics was almost six months ago! Houston, we seem to have improvement!

Somebody stop me!

I was updating my badly outdated freebie library at Be Courtadet's blog, saw a beautiful house at the sidebar, stumbled upon the album page and found these (charts can be found here - and the rest are in here).
And after seeing this and this (small world, I think she's one of my FB friends) I was sold (that's how Finns would say it, being "sold" over something absolutely wonderful) and now I am trying to remind myself of those two drawers etc. full of WIPs. (If someone suggests SAL promise to stab you with tapestry needles as you know how *weak* I am! (Please do, I need an excuse to increase my stash! *slaps herself*)

And signs of improvement

After being a zombie for few weeks and sleeping most of the weekend after the illness got me I have actually had energy to design new winter freebie and start to stitch it (when I have actually been awake... which is not much *grin*)!
Of course I can't share it with you yet, but here are the supplies (I am thinking one with beads and one without) for you to drool:

Fabrics in question are 32 count Belfast linen - for once I was able to find two different colours suitable for the theme, and I still have that Millenium Blue which I might want to use too...

Stitching, stitching, stitching

Oh, stitching, you are haunting me. Or rather, I am getting back to my normal addiction levels (isn't thyroxine wonderful thing?).

Yesterday I found myself thinking about rotation to get rid of some WIPs I have!

I guess that is a healthy thing, wanting to 1. stitch and 2. get rid of those about thousand WIPs I have at the moment. Maybe I mention this next time when I talk to my endo, could he understand it (probably he would look at it from the "energy level and organizational abilities" point of view and would see it as a good thing)?

Even more shocking I have been preparing design files for publishing! Gosh!

I was checking my cycle data at Fertilityfriend earlier this evening because I wanted to know did I had any recorded ovulations before I got thyroxine.

I had, one, in the beginning of April 2009.

Wth my newly acquired knowledge about temperature change patterns in menstrual cycle I found something from that chart, something that surprised me.
There was a triphasic pattern in it. Which can indicate pregnancy (I know it always doesn't).

Otherwise I would have just thought that I just had that kind of a pattern, but I remember that cycle well as I felt after the ovulation that there is something different in this cycle, and had increasing feeling of maybe even being pregnant. I just didn't buy the test because I knew they wouldn't say anything about it after just few days. I decided to wait until few days after my menses should begin.

Only couple of days before menstruation I fell quite badly (slipped) and the day after that I spotted. For one day. That same day my temperature dropped drastically. And shortly after that my menses started.

What ifs and maybes, yes, but it's odd and not all pleasant feeling. If it was so the good thing is that I can actually get pregnant (though based on that it's other thing to stay pregnant), but it also means that I miscarried. And I can't help to think that if I was pregnant and if everything had went differently our baby would be eight months by now.

And that hurts like hell.

And I am probably slightly crazy... but still, even the what if is good enough for me. And even the slight possibility can make me sad.

He is getting old...

I heard that Neko has cancer. He had a lump in his ear and my sister (Neko lives with her) took him to the vet to remove it. The lump was analyzed and it was malign. In today's check-up there was another growth (small) in his another ear so there is probably is a tumor somewhere, at least cancerous cells roaming poor kitty's bloodstream.

Nothing intrusive will be done to ensure Neko as comfortable old age as possible and when the cancer proceeds far enough Neko will join Ronja, Mash-Mash and all the others.

Gingerbread houses and other stashy things

Late birthday gifts are always the best, I think.

 

1-2-3 Stitch! accidentally doubled my other order and I received two accessory packs and 2 x two skeins of Orange Charcoal Valdani and since I haven't heard anything from them after emailing them on Saturday I am beginning to imagine that I can keep the things *knocks on wood*, which is, of course, more than ok with me, free stash (even more when we are talking of pricey accessory pack) is always good.

I actually got these few days ago, but then fell sick (for the first time ever Hubby got sick before me, hence I got the cold from Him) and lost my will to live blog (and stitch). Luckily only for three days, which was surprisingly short cold in my standards.

Last week of my vacation is slowly coming to an end and I am starting to panick as I haven't done even half the things I imagined I have time for. Though I also tend to demand too much of myself, as I (should have) know(n) that there is still over a week in every month when I regress despite the medication - and lately I have been in regression anyway as, no matter that I take 50% higher dose than I should, the thyroid medication level is still far from optimal.
I am beginning to think that I have once again proved that one should be careful what one wishes for as I have a nasty feeling that my thyroid really is quite close of actually "dying". Or maybe it is just the change of season as when it was +35°C I was feeling (almost) completely fine, whereas now that it is under +20°C my basal temperature has dropped over .5 degrees in one month and all the nasty symptoms are getting back - I am not saying that the medication hasn't been good, it has and in general I feel better than I did before the medication, but after tasting the life of a person with functional thyroid all the symptoms seem much worse when they return, basically just because the regression itself is a bit depressing (even I knew it was coming).
And now I have started to worry about the doc's appointment next week, even I know that my bloodwork was far away for being hyper or even good and even I know that my endocrinologist is known to prioritize symptoms before bloodwork.
The question is will he believe my view about the ideal dose for the winter or not.

Only good things

Surprising as it is - or maybe I just imagine that I have been companing quite a bit last year or so.

The most important good thing, is that today is/ was our 2nd anniversary as a couple!
Admittedly it is not surprising as for some reason it has always felt that we are us, period (if anyone undertands what I am trying to say).
But I have come to realise that I have really been found by a really great Man, much greater than I thought even I have always thought very highly of Him. (Admittedly He is sometimes somewhat frustrating, but no one is perfect, I guess.)

Secondly: recently I have come to see the light after years of darkness.
I would have never imagined that my life was so dark, muted, dull than I have now realised it was. And all just because one wise doctor gave me prescription for little white pills. Those little pills are like candles, they are bringing light to the ultimate darkness I used to call "life", and now I see how dark it was and still is.
But I know it is only getting better from now on and I know there will be more and more candles. Some day my life will be filled with light, even occasionally some candles become dimmer.

I don't know am I exorcising evil spirits as I am beginning to hope that my thyroid would just turn off completely as it would make life much easier in the end. Even though it would also mean that in case I do not have access to thyroxine I will fade away fast.
I just hate not being able to eat nectarines. I hate seeing my thyroid grow and shrink on daily basis. I hate those dim days because my thyroid has decided to take a day off causing the glass jar dose being too small.

Thirdly: I have finished (stitching and finishing wise) six (6) stiching smalls within last month!

I am soon beginning to think that the medication has had some kind of an effect on me!

Rare OOP TWs just make your day.

Most of my stitchy friends probably know how difficult Teresa Wentzler's "Fantasy Triptych" leaflet is to find and how incredibly expensive it usually gets at eBay, and how important essential to one's insanity it is to have the leaflets even if you have all the collections where the designs are...

Some time ago (ok, maybe a bit longer time ago, but that doesn't matter) I asked some help from Angela with an eBay seller who had FT available, but only for U.S. residents (like there is no life outside U.S. or ability to use Paypal - ok, I am sometimes just a bit peeved about that *evil grin*). So, being such a darling Angela got it for me in great price (I think it was like $10?) and long story short... it arrived yesterday (after being maimed by our mailman, poor pattern)!

SOOO pretty, isn't it?

And, Angela added BIG piece of lovely 32 count ivory linen with it! Thank you Angela, you have made one crazy stitcher VERY happy!

Beware: there are clay huts even in your own neighbourhood!

We were eating egusi soup yesterday (to make my point here clear: it's eaten by hand, with garri) and something popped to my head.

We were waiting for a bus home on the day when Mr. Wonderful came home and there came a woman with her little daughter in a pram; the little girl had icecream.
At some point the girl started to eat that icecream with her hands (well, as far as I know kids like to do that) and the mom started to nag to the girl about it, my favourite part (I may be sarcastic) of it being: "Why are you doing that?! We don't live in a clay hut. People in *clay huts* eat like that, but in *here* we use *tools*!"

I actually found it depressingly funny at that point, thinking myself that in that case those, oh so intimidating, clay huts are far closer than she thinks. And that occasion came into my mind yesterday as we were eating dinner.

The clays huts are in fact in their neighbourhood: they got off the same stop as we did...

Hypothyroidism: Never a dull moment

I am beginning to feel entertained by this.

Day before yesterday, after poorly slept night (which is a big no-no), I headed to the laboratory and gave some blood for science because I wanted the realistic result, not the post-vacation one, even though I should have got the bloodwork done later.

Rebellious, aren't I?

Well, I got the results and the reference between these and the previous tests is not the same so comparing them is a bit more complicated - add to that that sleeping poorly keeps your TSH levels down so basically I can add anything from zero to 1,5 mU/l to the result. Which basically means that my TSH levels have actually risen after the medication.
But so have my thyroxine levels, though just slightly.

The fun part is that this could mean that I have central hypothyroidism or autoimmune or both or something else.

Regardless, my real thyroid is a mess and that little glass jar (also know as my glass thyroid) in the kitchen cupboard is my saviour.
And my dosage will be upped. Probably quite a bit.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N! and... Stashy mail, part II

Actually my first ever full length summer vacation starts on Monday, but I took asked for few days off before it and therefore I am off starting from today until 29th of August!

Maybe I actually have some time to stitch during this month. *grin*

Stash p0rn

I have got some lovely mail from States during this week, one of my 1-2-3 Stitch! orders and one Clearance haul from Stitching Bits & Bobs (Good G-d, they have summer sale! Must control myself (vacation compensation is paid tomorrow and we are planning to buy some furniture with some of it (and after Augusth 15th's payday my next pay will come in the end of September) so I must be good..)! O.o).

Pretty pictures under the LJ cut:

I bought To Get To Heaven just because I found it cute, though if I start to think about the etymology any deeper it becomes kind of disturbing... still, I don't think it any deeper, hence it is cute.
Though the chart, even being made in 2007, is dreadfully small print and the symbols are much too alike to my liking so in future I have to avoid the charts made by this designer unless they are *must* haves - unless someone tells me this one is an exception.

My brain is asleep (didn't take my thyroxine in the evening, long story, and then took whole 125µg when I woke up... my body doesn't like it as such high doses, even less just after waking up, at least not yet) so... until next entry: behave!

Stashy mail, part I

For some odd reason I tend to have stash shopping spree always when Mr. Wonderful is not at home. Maybe it's that I want to keep my addiction secret or that I need something to improve my mood. I am inclined to think it would be latter one, I am not an addict or anything...

I am not!

Ok, I know no one believes me.

One day, when looking for a suitable over-dyed blue floss, I noticed one design from my wish list at 1-2-3 Stitch!'s Clearance section: Needlemania's "Fire Flower".

Of course one thing lead to another, soon my cart was full of pretty colours and I had to seriously reduce the amount of floss I eventually bought ...

You know how it goes.

In need of recommendations

When I changed to my current photo hosting for my blogging needs Twango was all I wanted, but few years later, now that it has become Ovi, all the functionality has been lost and now I can't even tag the pictures as they have such stupid scripts that they jam my browser...
So, I need would like to find a better (free!) service for myself before I lose my mind totally.

Not Photobucket as it doesn't have the functionality I want and Webshots is a bit too... ermm... whatever to my taste.

Ooh!

Found this from strangeglitter's blog and I have to say that I would have never thought that I'd get this result. O.o

I write like
Daniel Defoe

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Ho Ho Ho

My mother smsed me yesterday that she had transferred little birthday gift to my bank account... my original plan was to buy clothes with the money, but as I have bought quite a few clothes lately and I had been drooling after certain design earlier that same day I decided to satisfy my stashy needs and bought this (and the accessory pack!) - to crown the day it is on sale at the moment:

And of course little something(s) to justify the postages as I had to place two orders to avoid the customs risk. For once I *love* customs.

Now I just need the fabric... yet another justified shopping spree! Ah, do I just love kitting or do I love it?!

Blaah: ankle, thyroxine, D3 and yadda yadda.

Well, my ankle was completely ok for a month after starting thyroxine...

Then it wasn't and on Monday I had to see a doctor about it...

The result was: inflamed tendon (which is, based on the doc, quite common issue even months after ankle injury), ton of pain killers and week off - in forced rest.

So - *not* - cool (even though I have now had the advantage of being able to lay next to a fan 24/7 as it has been over +30°C for last week or so (coming to think of it the heatwave started when Mr. Wonderful traveled to Lagos)), as I am dead sure that my thyroid dislikes naproxen even it should not affect to thyroid function in any way (like I would believe that?!) as I don't feel very good.
Well, I upped my thyroxin dose two days ago and quit The N today. Let's see what my thyroid says about it.

 

On other news I decided to try "unhealthy" dose (at this moment 100µg/ day) of D3 (recommendation in here is 5-10µg/ day, which is way too low in a country with short summer, everyone knows it) as I have been told that it might actually boost thyroid function, but what really made me try it was this: Vitamin D Can Aid Fertility.

"A study has found a link between low levels of Vitamin D and problems with ovulation.- - - The team from Yale University School of Medicine studied 67 infertile women and took Vitamin D measures from them. Only 7 per cent of them had normal vitamin D levels and the rest had either insufficient levels or clinical deficiency.- - -

Dr Lubna Pal, from Yale, said: "Of note, not a single patient with either ovulatory disturbance or polycystic ovary syndrome demonstrated normal Vitamin D levels"
(Editorial note: Bolding by yours truly)

Now that's something.

Of course the thyroxine will also help with ovulation as it raises my desperately low basal temperature to normal levels and balances hormonal function: at the moment my basal temperature is about 0,5°C higher than it was pre-thyroxine - and I have only used it 6½ weeks.

I am a body yes...

You Are a Pond

You are modest, pleasant, and reliable. You are content and confident. You are harmonious and caring. You truly like other people for who they are. You are a very genuine, humble person. Because of this, you're very approachable. You are soft-spoken and a bit sensitive. Your mild personality is a refreshing change for people. What Body of Water Are You?

Writer's Block: Capital offense

Ah, don't we all just love questions like this.

Coming from a country where there haven't been any executions during peace since 1825 (Capital punishment in Finland) there is the predisposal (sp?) that I am a liberal extremist.

I am, admittedly, in a sense that I see no sense, moral or legal, in death penalty. If you really want to punish someone take their freedom from them for the rest of their natural life, but there is no excuse to murder a murderer in name of justice.

It is not a surprise to anyone that innocent people are killed by their governments in the name of moral and justice because of corrupt and / or biased courts, even though the spirit of justice should be that an innocent man is never convicted, that even guilty person have be set free if there is reasonable doubt about one's guilt.
Still, every year several innocent people get into death rows because the reasonable doubt is forgotten.

Many reason death sentences with religion, how it is deathly sin to kill someone... but killing someone because they have committed a sin is brutal, and I am quite sure that G-d is not very fond of such practises either as in such cases humans raise themselves to have the undertanding and rights of G-d - and last time I checked that was blasphemy.
Basically human being has no right to judge anyone in such drastic manner - if we use religion and G-d as the basis.

And if we don't I do not see what kind of ethic code would give anyone right to kill someone else. If killing someone is a crime everyone taking someone's life should be judged to death and all the sudden there would be piles of dead bodies...

Sin or no, killing anyone for whatever reason is simply utterly wrong. Period.

Talking of past...

... why it seems to me that people from past are eagerly coming back to my life, or at least trying to, in growing numbers? It has been such a "Hiya, still remember me?!" month...

Blast from the past

Someone commented to the first entry of my little blog yesterday and that got me into reading my divorce related entries again (well, it was after 1 am and I didn't want to sleep because my Darling is not there by my side) and noticed interesting prediction: One thing seems to be sure for me. If I found someone someday, he wont be from this country. I do not know how I know it but I just do. For some reason..." (Editorial note: please excuse my appalling lack of grammar, my tenses suck even worse then than they do now.)

 

Since the separation I did not date one single Finn (went to a date with one Finnish man though (and even he had been born and raised elsewhere), didn't work - even I rather enjoyed it (some men just have so poor taste when it comes to women )), and then eventually was found by my Darling Husband and proved myself right for good.

I had fun while reading this entry: "I need someone stubborn enough, someone with his own free will. Someone strong and reliable, who keeps what he says... " as He really is like that. Two very stubborn parties in one relationship makes it sometimes quite interesting though.

And, of course, reading those old entries also made me appreciate the fact that ex-SIL is an ex as she would have harassed me SO badly about Mr. Wonderful (ref: this) and got into such levels with her questions which would have made me just feel plain disgusted and angry. (Remembering all the nauseating questions and comments she made when I was dating Abhi (who was/ is Indian) I would almost imagine that she would have got much worse about her questions and comments regarding my Wonderful (just knowing all the idiotic stereotypes some people have about black men..)).

Anyway I have been pleased to see that I really did achieve what I hoped for: I grew up, learned to love and appreaciate myself, and eventually found a good husband: Mr. Wonderful who is really a gift from G-d.

That's all folks, see you again some other day!

Kitties: The Boys a Decade Ago

These cute little kitties are Neko, Seiichi and Mash-Mash (R.I.P.; not to be confused with Masa) when they were still kitties.

 

Neko and Seiichi were watching early morning cartoons from television. (First of the pictures should be in phrase dictionaries under "Cute as a button".)

This guy was Mash-Mash. He grew up to be big and fat, before passing away just before his third birthday.

So this is how it feels...

Honestly I can't remember when I had a day like this one last time, but it has been around 2006 or beginning of 2007 (I started to loose "it" completely around that time): I have felt creative and, not energetic, but not tired either and what is most important is that I have had ability to concentrate on something and enough interest to do it.

In addition of designing I have stitched, chatted with an old friend over the phone for a long time, chatted with another one online, finished two biscorni etc. - and all this after a very poorly slept night!

This must be how normal people with functioning thyroids feel like.

I am jealous of you people.

I really am and I can only hope that my glass jar thyroid can keep get me where you are and keep me there. I like this feeling. A lot. (And G-d bless The Doc, he has given me back that person I never have really been before.)

31 years

Yikes! I am old and grey!

Or maybe not, let's just say that I do not feel like 31 - but I guess not many actually do at this age, really. But, let's skip all that and get into business i.e. to lovely stash!

 

These here are the lovelies Jenna sent me: the design has been on my wsh list for ages, but Jenna, being the sweet person she is, sent me the whole kit! Thank you once again Jenna!

And of course I made a small stashy purchase today... for my birthday... And some floss for the Lady...