I was checking my cycle data at Fertilityfriend earlier this evening because I wanted to know did I had any recorded ovulations before I got thyroxine.

I had, one, in the beginning of April 2009.

Wth my newly acquired knowledge about temperature change patterns in menstrual cycle I found something from that chart, something that surprised me.
There was a triphasic pattern in it. Which can indicate pregnancy (I know it always doesn't).

Otherwise I would have just thought that I just had that kind of a pattern, but I remember that cycle well as I felt after the ovulation that there is something different in this cycle, and had increasing feeling of maybe even being pregnant. I just didn't buy the test because I knew they wouldn't say anything about it after just few days. I decided to wait until few days after my menses should begin.

Only couple of days before menstruation I fell quite badly (slipped) and the day after that I spotted. For one day. That same day my temperature dropped drastically. And shortly after that my menses started.

What ifs and maybes, yes, but it's odd and not all pleasant feeling. If it was so the good thing is that I can actually get pregnant (though based on that it's other thing to stay pregnant), but it also means that I miscarried. And I can't help to think that if I was pregnant and if everything had went differently our baby would be eight months by now.

And that hurts like hell.

And I am probably slightly crazy... but still, even the what if is good enough for me. And even the slight possibility can make me sad.