In old days I used to somewhat enjoy verbal conflicts, challenging people's opinions and ideas, but I have come to realize that those days are over. When someone starts to pick up a fight, I just vanish as I simply don't see the point in engaging to one.
And somehow it seems that some people consider it cowardly that I do choose... no, I don't choose my battles. I simply avoid them.

To be honest I just don't give a damn. Even if I know that I actually had some real input on the matter. And I do miss having heated conversations, I just don't want to have them with someone I don't know or trust.

It seems that the knowitallness of youth is becoming the settled universal wisdom of nearing middle age. Though, I still do know it all and better than anyone else. You can't take ass away from smart ass. *grin*

31 years

Yikes! I am old and grey!

Or maybe not, let's just say that I do not feel like 31 - but I guess not many actually do at this age, really. But, let's skip all that and get into business i.e. to lovely stash!

 

These here are the lovelies Jenna sent me: the design has been on my wsh list for ages, but Jenna, being the sweet person she is, sent me the whole kit! Thank you once again Jenna!

And of course I made a small stashy purchase today... for my birthday... And some floss for the Lady...

29! O.o

I heard yesterday that Laura received her EMS Staff Stitch N'Stash Exchange from me... but those pictures will follow tomorrow, this post is devoted for birthday stash.

I have had three envelopes waiting to be opened few days. They were waiting because they were my birthday cards from Jayne's Attic BB's Birthday Thread Exchange. What can I say, except it was worth the wait!

Thank you Lindsey, Jayne and Lisa for such lovely flosses!

Mailman brought also some more flossy goodness from One Star's Light Needlework Supplies! This is only part of the order as Jenna had to order some of the flosses from Gentle Art (mainly because I wanted so many skeins per colour *grin*).

The ones on the right are for Bless This House, the ones on the left were meant for Rose Sampler mini SAL (yet another, yes) with Linda. Mini SAL mainly because we both apparently stitch it over one, crazy as we are.
Ellen's (it would be odd to call her with her whole name as I work for her anyway *grin*) Rose Sampler is an interesting project as I am not very fond of roses, but as I have been following its progress in both in the RS' own gallery and Ellen's forum's gallery it has grew in me.

Anyway, to get the idea of how much birthday gifts I have given myself I took a picture of all the patterns I decided to give myself (some are still on their way). The little card on bottom right is a notification from PO that I have received a big envelope: I am quite sure (or hopeful) that it is finally the CMH order (I have one order coming from 1-2-3 Stitch! but it should be small enough to fit in my mailbox).

The Evilness of IRC

Couple of evenings ago our mother came to our family's IRC channel and mentioned that she has to move her computer desk to living room because she has not earth connected wall sockets anywhere else than in her kitchen - and as she obviously doesn't want to have her computer in the kitchen she went with the room closest to it as she can use an extension cord to get the earthed socket.
- "And anyway, then I have a real entertainment center with TV, DVD player and computer and the bedroom can be just a bedroom."

Of course I said that she's a real nerd now - and she agreed.
Anyway, I then recalled a design I had seen, linked it to her with a comment "this would suit you then"... and she agreed again.
The design in question is Internet in Heaven and it seems to me that I have to buy it now and stitch it. So sad, don't you think? *grin* (I even know when I will order it: I emailed 123 Stitch! and asked could they get Sacred Connection in their selection (because I cunningly deduced that it would be much cheaper bought from States - and it is: in UK it would be 46.83€ + shipping whereas the quote from US was 19.83€ + shipping. Even when I buy new fabric for it (as I won't use that aida it comes with) it will be cheaper than ordering the kit itself from UK) and they replied me with the price quote and estimated time it takes it to get there. Which means that I am going to order it when it arrives there. *evil grin*)

Few more additions to my to-be-bought list:

• ABC Bear
• Not Tonight
• Frosty Memories
• More Frosty Memories

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday...

... to me, happy birthday dear me-e, happy birthday to me!

And to the main thing, birthday goodies!

These lovelies are from Stitch & Stash's Birthday Thread Exchange and even though only one skein of special floss is required some participants seem to enjoy pampering other participants... not that I would mind.
These are the ones which have come to date and there's threads from the Ozark Sampler, The Dye is Cast, Kate's Kloths, Carrie's Creations, Needlepaints, Dragon Floss... and I'm swimming in purple floss! (Check this card, stylish or what?)
I also got a chart with Ozark Sampler threads which would be just the thing for a biscornu (actually I have already decided which Ozark's thread I'd use for it..).

Thank you Sheila, Jayne and Helen! And big thank you to everyone who has wished me a happy birthday!

To make it even better... I know there's more birthday related goodness to come!

Otherwise

I have got year older peacefully (with my current physical state (even sweeping the kitchen floor is too much...) that is the only way). I spent the morning by playing with colour combinations for the B1g S3kr1t D3s1gn, we got the futon assembled (it's already in use...) with my mother (it took four hours from two persons with years of furniture assembling experience and a fully equipped hardware store's selection of woodworking tools) and I fed her with turkey and rice noodles with coconut cream sauce (with bell pepper and ginger)) as a thank you - she's still alive and actually liked the stuff, so it wasn't too bad.

Siamese cats, strange breed

I noticed something yesterday: Her Highness is a tonal meower. Instead of using different meow in different situations (like most cats do) she uses same meow, but changes the tone.
It kind of makes sense, she's from Siam anyway... (Thai is a tonal language.)

Wild S.E.X., and 'Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me...'

Happy birthday to me.

I've to admit that it has been heart warming to receive whole bunch of birthday wishes (Thank you all. They mean very much ^^). First ones (actually Angela was the first one few days back) I got from Wolfie, just when day changed from 2nd to 3rd. And what surprises me is that my father remembered my birthday, it hasn't happened in years - ~14 years if I'm not mistaken. (As usually he remembers it only because I remind of him.)
Talked about this with Wolfie and he had an interesting theory: people learn to appreciate those things they're afraid to lose when they're in danger to lose them.

According to my mother it rained when I was born... it was supposed to rain today, but it didn't, and minutes before dusk it looked like this:

Rainy? Though it's possible that there'll be another thunderstorm during evening - or at least some rain.

And as I'm fond of memories... how was my life year ago? Hmm, even situation is what it is I'd like to say that my life has gotten, if not better, more balanced at least.

Then to this day. As we know my plan was to go to PINN's... Failed. Why?
Because they don't have store in former WTC anymore!
But fear not! I went to bookstore to sooth my nerves and guess what I found? Ten points, cross stitch patterns! So, I spent ~2000 BHTs (equals 41 € or $52.5) on S.E.X.. *ahem* But they're that kind I can't get from anywhere else, so I had to.
And you know, those 'magazines' and booklets contain unbelievably many HUGE projects so I just purchased opportunity to have something to do for next five years.

For example this project doesn't look that big when you look at the finished item, but as you see, the design takes two huge pieces of paper to fit in (that pink thing is A4 sized magazine for a comparison):

   

Size of that design is 'modest' 210x460.

And to my picture loving readers... My shopping spree.

As a curiosity I also seem to have few designs of king of Thailand. Which leads as nicely to... In addition being my birthday today is Monday, which is Yellow Day in Thailand.
Yellow is king's colour and as he was born in Monday... This is how streets look like (not everyone wears yellow in Mondays, but you can see surprisingly much of it in this spesific day) in Mondays (picture in question is from soi which goes behind this building)

Official quote of the day

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."

Latest addition to family

Actually Wolfie gave (he's a sweetheart) this to me few days ago: my new baby, external ~11GB hard disk. ^^

Btw

1. Exploding feeling is gone. I just needed time alone, and concentrate on what's important... In other words: stitch Alter Echo.
2. New fruit in my list:

   

   Wolfie brought some jackfruit when he came back from work today.
   It smells and tastes like wine gums. ^^ Though it's too sweet to be consumed in bigger amounts. But what's important is that I haven't had any allergic reactions here from things I've never tasted before this trip. (I've had two reactions: one from popcorn in movie theatre and other in Japanese restaurant for reason X.)

And now... maybe some coffee, maybe a DVD on a player and off I stitch. Is there better way to celebrate your 27th?

/me is *so* bored

This one seems to be one of those migraines which actually try to get me spend time in my bed... Dizziness is not fun, and in addition to that my head begun to hurt as I, well, laughed my hiney off because of certain mail I got.
Nothing against that though - laughing (nor that mail, very much opposite to be honest). Anything which lifts up my mood in day like this is always very welcomed.

While laying in bed I read latest Cross Stitcher (came today; and btw, Angela: Silkweaver parcel came too. Now I just need to get those dyes, and maybe I'll send something some day... ) and I found something I can agree with:

"Dear Lord, so far today I'm doing ok.
I haven't gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.
I haven't whined, complained, cursed or eaten any chocolate.
But I'll be getting out of bed in a minute, I think I'll really need your help then!"

And while laying in bed getting bored I noticed something which I dislike: as I've lost weight (/me cheers) my arms are getting visibly muscular (at least my biceps have gotten smaller, they were problem last spring)...
I know they'll fade away sooner or later (at least I hope so), but I really dislike it anyway.

So, anyone in desperate need of some muscles? But then... it makes it easier, to actually have relatively good share of muscles in your body as

1. I wont look saggy
2. It means that part of that weight I have is actually weight of these 'Arnolds' of mine
3. And they'll get smaller during time -> decreases weight even more.

But then... I sense need to get new clothes soon. I also sense being even more "too femininely build" for designers (My waist is at least 6cms too narrow to "fit" with my hip, according to "fittings", even at this point. What will it be..?) which causes sense of panic.

Btw, three months from this moment I'm 27 years young/ old. Scary.

24th of Something.

I should be sleeping, but I'm not. My mind wandered away and here I am, in the middle of the night.

My father (well, "father") has his 59th birthday today, which means that in next year he'll have his 60th birthday and not that long after it (couple of years) he'll retire.
And I feel so desperately old. My father is almost sixty, I'm almost thirty... both of my siblings are thirty something. And what have I achieved in this world? Nothing.

My brother has kids who'll be in their teens when our father retires... and even youngest of my brother's children will be in school when our father retires. And I'll be 30-something. I'll be 34 in that year my mother retires. 8 years from now.

Hardest thought seems to be this: "My eldest could be (pre-)teen in 2013. My eldest could be in school after few years from now." So, it's not the aging I'm worrying of. I'm worrying of not knowing what future brings.
For G-d's sake, I don't even know what'll happen tomorrow... or next week. There's no past nor future. (I think I'm having early 30-something crisis...) I don't or can't know will I ever be even able to carry a child.

And even if I got pregnant now and here (don't ask me how) my eldest would be sevenish when I'm 34. Ok, 34 is not exactly decrepit, my mother had her 30th birthday after she gave birth to me, but... Well, this is one of my usual anxiety attacks. There just have been so much talk about kids and infertility lately that my mind just can't take it.
It's possible that my mind could take it, but I don't want to even think about those issues. It'd be just too hard - but still I can't avoid those topics. They jump to my face all the time. And living in area where most residents have families doesn't help. I can't even look at kids currently.
Everything is fine as long as I'm able to avoid families, children, women who get pregnant when they want to...

They say that you never get more than you can carry with you... sometimes I doubt that. Sometimes I wonder what kind of deed I've done in my past life to get this. (Ok, there are worse fates than this) And if this would only affect to my life, but this affects to life of others. And I can't understand how Sonnenschein thinks that I'm so good when I can be complete asshole even in best of days.

Yes, I'm bit messed up so it's very possible that there's no sense in this... It was just so much easier few years back when I was younger and apparently more stupid.

In the end I'm worried of only one thing and that is will I ever be able to deliver little human to this world. (Yeah, there's always adoption...) Image of us. As, to be honest, I'm not sure is there any thought more 'divine' than being able to feel part of Sol in me, even it's only nine months. I wish I had words for it, but I'm only human...

Yes, I'm delirious. In some parts of world they call it 'love'.