Tidbits

I finally got stimulant medication in June last year and so much has changed since! 

I experienced silence for the first time in my life (I was 41, mind) when I took my first pill. The tornado that is my brain calmed down and all the sharks (Sharknado!) turned into little fishies whom I can easily catch and adore as long as I want to, and release them when I am done. In other words I can focus on a thought, think about it and release it when I am done with it.

What is even better is that I got back to University. And not just got in, my points were so high that I was literally among the best in the country applying to study BBA through admission exam. Last time, years before I was diagnosed and medicated, I barely got in to my alma mater that was, and is, much less popular. (Think of 2,95% of applicants versus 20% of applicants.) I did this while having a migraine and after not sleeping well due excitement.

And, to my surprise I have returned all my assignments on time! I can sit down and decide to study! I can study! My brain works (often)! And I don't need a week of rest after having to think. I feel like I can! And let me tell you... that is a new feeling to me. I have always known I am smart, I am not saying that, but I have always known that I can't perform to my level. And that does stuff to your self-esteem. Bad stuff. A lot of it.

I still have bad days as even the slightest changes can affect how the meds work. Gut is upset? Meds don't absorb, good luck with that. Menses? Low estrogen affects to how meds work. You don't feel like eating breakfast? You better do, and make no changes to it as your meds won't absorb correctly! 😁 It can be a challenge, but... even on a bad day my life is better than it was on a good day before I knew why I am so... unable.

Tiny got a nice new teacher and new meds in August, and he is striving in school and that makes me happy. He doesn't hate school anymore, but works to get as good grades as possible even I am not demanding As. I still remember that sad, hurting little boy he was before his diagnosis and it fills me with joy to see him so motivated and aware of his abilities.

And Wolfie is being as amazing and wonderful as ever. 💖 I am so blessed to have him as my partner. I have always felt blessed for having met someone so amazing, even when it hurt, and the volume of my gratitude is approximately the size of the Universe now that I have him again. 🥰

December Blogging Challenge: part 1

I decided to take part to a blogging challenge given at local cross stitching Facebook group, albeit I stretch the challenge a bit.
Instead of blogging every day and sharing season themed stitchings I try to blog regularly during December - if nothing else my progress of two stitches on the project that is screaming the loudest. *grin*

I have to confess that I started a new project couple of days ago as we are having a mini SAL at previously mentioned cross stitch group.
Mini as the project is not that big or time consuming: Christmas Wishlist by La Comtesse.

I chose a bit less seasonal colours: 32 count "Tobacco" Belfast linen (as it was at hand) and Dinky Dyes' "Bush Christmas" silk.

Let's see if I can get enough done today to show off... as I am not good at stitching when I am overly stressed.
I am worrying about my letter of reference as it has been mailed to me on Friday (or Monday, if they have been slow) and I should provide that and my diploma to application services by the end of 9th of December... I know, I still have almost a week left, but if it has been lost in the mail for some reason I need to call my boss by Thursday to get the new one sent to me asap (and preferably get them scan it and email it to me first).

AAAARGH!

Ms. BBA, Student

I am still waiting for the letter of acceptance, but the national online service has told me that I was accepted!!!

1994: Sigh

If Mr. Wonderful can't find less expensive tickets He won't be able to come home for holidays, so prayers, good thoughts, sacrifices and what ever makes you and your possible deity/-ies tick would be much appreciated.

The thing is that His friend would pay the ticket if it would be reasonably priced, but you can all imagine how it is in December... everything is about bazillion euros.

If He can't make it we have to be apart for another 1½ - 2 months... as around January He needs to travel to Nigeria to get His diplomas (He planned to immigrate there some years ago and left His diplomas and other important papers there while visiting relatives) to apply Uni in here to get another Bachelor's degree - and this is another thing for prayers etc. as His brother has promised to try arrange the ticket to Him, if he can and that depends on few other things... (Another logistics nightmare, too, as His brother lives in States.)

Causality seems to be the theme of our lives at the moment. Just can't wait for the chain of causes to get into the point when we are able to continue our every day life together.

*gasp* Heaven and Earth Designs has freebies! O_o
I found it out by accident while looking for Sunfire (which I intend to buy in my next stash splurge). In addition to that I think I need few more from the Cats section: Sisters Under The Sun, Old King Cole, Two Of Wands and Fantavisions (though I'd probably stitch only the right side).

Anyway, I have spent my morning looking for interesting degree programmes to apply to and ended up digging out old application exams of business economics... which seem to be desperately easy (multiple choices (based on information acquired from reference material) mostly).
Easy is a real turn-off I must admit, though that is why I plan to study in English - to make it less easy, not to forget that it makes it easier to leave the country... You could kind of say that I am not very patriotic.

Afternoon was spent productively stitching personalization for Halloween Exchange item. It only lacks finishing which I can do on some slow evening.
And for your viewing pleasure, a teaser:

Those eyes look very disturbing on the shot for some odd reason... It's actually rather cute piece, though some people might disagree as it has quite a few spiders.

Round Happy Dance #34, stash and plans

But as it is a freebie for Periphaeria Designs' next launch I won't share a picture of it before 1st of September - and anyway it lacks finishing (which I'm intending to do during the evening, but noticing how zombified I have been today I'm not sure can I do it).

Stash!

I received the Blackwork Fruit Bellpull in the mail today and I have to say that it was really worth the about 11 euros I paid for it. I love it how it looks as a chart and the fact that the chart has big enough symbols to read without a magnifier - actually I could read it from other side of my bedroom without any problems *grin* - is a big plus.
I have been thinking that this design would probably look fabulous on black evenweave with golden (or metallic burgundy) blackwork. I know, that metallic part sounds insane, but it would look fabulous nevertheless.

And I can recommend doing business with Pam: she's very nice and answers to stupid questions of a new Etsy user patiently. And she ships fast. ^^

Career plans

One of the options I have came up with since the course started is an apprenticeship.
I would be a part-time student and I would study during my work hours (in sense of getting paid full wage for studying). From what I know I should be get the minimum wage, which is in this particular career ~1500 €/ month (and with some luck my employer could have some financial support from the government for my wage due my health and employement issues). After taxes and living expenses I would still have about 700 euros/ month (which is twice as much I have at the moment) for food, cats, clothes, stash and... I could finally pay my debts and therefore be debt free (and have almost three years worth of experience) when I'd get my degree. (I'd be approximately 32 when graduating and if I wish I could continue on higher level degree in the evenings.)

But, I have found out that I am afraid of commitment. It would take only three years, but I'm having all kinds of worst case scenarios... even though I know that this would be absolutely the best choice for me (I could study and live without working after the regular hours).
We will have a lecturer from local Apprenticeship Office in the end of September and I think I will have a little chat with her.
In the end I will grab this chance if I just can. (The issue is to find the work place.)

Marsipanry... erm... Artisanry

My latest entry in Tales from Periphaeria made me think about the question of why I am so fond of designing monochromatic designs. Or rather: why it is so natural form for me?

As you know, I am an artisan of Textile Designing and Manufacturing, which in my case means: a texture designer and a weaver in one package (not to forget batik artist, fabric printer, dyer...). And I think that explains it...
I design textures, I design weaves and not actual embroidery designs. I design those things I was not able to actualize in woven form because they would not have been practical or would have required too advanced technology (we were well equipped, but as it was a school there was this thing called budget..).
I loved to create textures instead of playing with colours or making anything realistic. I loved to see how different same weave was woven with different colours, how the thickness of fibre affected to the texture... all that.

I was never very fond of 'free-form' woven items, for me it had to be strictly symmetric, uniform. And I loved professional technology (ie. theory of how to build a fabric/ design a good fabric/ how fabric builds up... you'd be surprised) classes... mathematics combined with creating textures... I know, I am an oddball. I was considered as one because I loved those classes most people hated - but I was good at it. It was mostly very easy for me and when it wasn't I loved the challenge. (As out teacher said: only mathematically gifted are good in this subject.)

Anyway, my point is that I have always had monochromatic mind. Even back in my teens when I desired to be a designer of knitted items I designed based on monochromatic motifs.
Which just proves that I am basically rather simple person, most people just don't get it.

Something positive dawned on me last night: if things keep on going at this pace, if Periphaeria Designs keeps on evolving and the sales grow in comparison with the growth of PD I could actually support myself financially if I get to study - though in 2008, but anyway - even if I don't get SII to finance my studies (they will pay me student- and student housing allowance anyway).

Freelancing and studying, it would be rough, but I could make it as I love my trade. (Honestly, if things keep on evolving at this pace I'm in danger of having to pay VAT within 1-2 years... o_O)

I have a dream...

... and... the light is green!

I had a chat with "rehabilitation counsellor" today (I had an appointment) and she said that as long as it is not an official business I can do it. I can do it if I am part-time freelance designer... You know... I can do it! Gosh, I feel so, so, so good!
The thing is that our legislation doesn't allow unemployed person to have any kind of official business, as in their books you are a business owner and therefore you have a job. End of case.

But, this is where "freelancing" comes in: if it's occasional, if it's not official business, if it doesn't prevent you taking a job if one's offered to you... you are allowed to do it. It falls in selling your own products at a market place category, according to her - and of course I agree.
Tax authorities don't give a d*mn as long my sales don't exceed 8?00 €/ a - and if they ever exceed that I should consider making it official as my income would be big enough to make it (with some help from SII (as my income would still be low enough to receive housing allowance))...

And to continue on good news, or positive possibilities... if I get official report from my doctor that I can't practise my profession SII will most likely pay me another degree. In second level (we have ~three levels: mandatory school, second level and third level (university and its kind)) though, but it's a start. It would mean housing allowance and rehabilitation allowance, plus, as far as I know, welfare officials shouldn't have any reason to nag about me applying for my monthly allowance from them...
In other words: my income wouldn't be any better it is now, but it would be enough as it would be secure. I would get the allowance from two to three full years without any questions.

I have my next appointment in April, but she recommended that I'll make an appointment with vocational guidance counsellor to clear few things - and according to the RC VGC's opinion is greatly appreciated when SII makes the decision will one get full government support for one's studies...

What can I say? Oh mi gosh! Things may get better... really.

Enrolling

Wonders of IRC channels: I got the info I needed without calling to EVTEK. So, actually that application form has little unclarity in it in it's last page. Know-how(tm).

Anyway, idea is eventually have B.Eng papers in my pocket, either in Industrial Management or IT (Do I hear deep sigh?).
Which means... I need to improve my math and physics skills for the entering exams.
Or not improve, but train myself and remember what I have forgot. Though it's possible that I have to actually learn few things, but then... /me likes.

And you guys want to laugh? With some luck, and few twists in Universe, bits_2_whole will be in same study group with me (because of same surname) - if I get in (she will get in anyway, I've no doubt of it) to my first option, and if she takes that place.
That could be interesting.

Oh my, I'd like to be G-d sometimes and remove our ability to have insecurities. We just hurt people who mean most with that stuff...
But who said that life is easy? *bangs her head to the wall for while*

Btw, for reason or another there's no warm water... It was nice surprise when I was going to shower myself.
Fortunately I have family-size "water cooker". Modern day kitchen utilies can be handy sometimes.

And to make it even... ah, well, normal, I've tried to call to student office of EVTEK about certain thing my application and they just don't answer. Great.
It just happens to be last possible day to enroll so I'd really like to get the answer... though I have sent my application, there's just this thing about my degree I'm applying with.