Remember this?

Well, it seems that if nothing else we'll have something in common: adult play dates at my place. *grin*

We have been talking at Facebook occasionally as we have both been incredibly busy, but last two nights our conversations have been such that physical relationship between us can't be avoided. And well, why should it?

I have started to feel amazingly amazing thanks to our conversations - and that's a lot after all that complaining and bitching Mr. Formerly Wonderful did. Not to mention how incredibly unsexy and insane he made me feel...

And all the sudden I am called sexy, hot, intelligent, good mother and so on. By someone who has met me. By someone who has followed me on FB for couple of months.

It doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but after everything Mr. Ex-W. said, did, left unsaid and undone it is a lot.
All the sudden I am not that lazy ass, fat, lying, messy and unreasonable bitch, but someone who has brains and soul, and a body to desire. Body with all that excess fat and drooping breasts, with stretch marks and dry skin. Body that is beautiful regardless.

And I am taking the leap of faith again, because I need that now. Even if nothing comes out of it, but reminding me how wonderful I am.

And my body needs to be touched again, after such a long time.

Shrinkage

..of the better kind.

Since I quit Xyzal my weight has come down ten kilos (from the worst point) and I am now exactly from where I was after my weight loss stopped two years ago.
So, you could think that I would still be of the same size when it comes to clothes... I am not: my pant size has gone down over one size (not enough to be two sizes) since.
I don't do diets (my limited, forced diet is enough for me at the moment, thankyouverymuch) nor I don't exercise - excluding my walking obsession (or rather necessity: it saves money for new stash *grin*)... but for some reason I apparently burn some fat and transform it to muscles. Same goes to the effects of steroids (for asthma and allergy): many men would kill to get my biceps.
I have always had big biceps for a woman, even more for a woman who doesn't lift weights, but they have never been this well sculpted.
"Well", I thought, "as athletes use steroids to enhance their performance and grow their muscles, why don't I as these things apparently work well - and are completely legal and necessary in my case?"

My intention isn't to grow my muscles, but shape my lower body, burn some fat, have fun and keep my physical condition good as it's a necessity for a person with respiratory illness (less surprisingly being in good physical condition is beneficial to your health when you are not completely healthy).
Therefore, after I have paid my laptop (October is the first payment-free month), I will begin to save for... a cross trainer.

It's indoor sports, I have room for the elliptical in my living room, I can exercise when ever I want to, in long run it's cheap option, it saves time (I don't want to spend time commuting to the gym and back, I rather stitch *grin*) and I can walk/ run even if there's -30 °C outside.
It also allows me to use interval practises, which I love and which work very well with my system - because my muscles need some *real* challenge and because I am addicted to endorphine (who isn't?). I just need to figure out my blood sugar issue when having a rough exercise (that is why I stopped going to the gym...).

Somehow I do think that it is odd that my goal is not to lose any weight... not that I'd mind losing it, but I don't mind my current weight either - as when it comes to PCOs women there is The Right Weight and it may be surprisingly high (I know cases who are fertile only when their BMI is way over 30).