Can of worms

I have had certain thought for a while..

This move has been a good move (har har) as it has given me space to think and process things and face some ugly possibilities.

To be honest I am not at all certain did Tiny's father, ex-to-be, want Tiny after all, despite what he said when we met and discussed about the matter.
He probably was lulled into the thought that I really was barren, even I had told him I didn't believe it would impossible for me to get pregnant. And he was wrong, he hated to be wrong...

First of all: when I found out I was pregnant I was in a different city so I called him. And let's say he wasn't exactly thrilled. Or happy. Or positively surprised.
And you would imagine that if your wife tells you appr. two years after you skip birth control because kids would be nice that she is pregnant you would be thrilled. At least I would.
But then again I am a bit odd.

He wanted to skip first sonogram because "it is so early in the morning!". It was as early for me. And I was the one who was exhausted 24/7 and had all-the-day-sickness.
And again, you would imagine that a man who has waited for the good news for TWO years would be joining his wife happily, regardless how early he have to wake up.
Regardless, I dragged him there. And he moped the whole time.

And the second sonogram... we got the appointment with the invitation to the first one AND I reminded him appr. 1½ weeks before it was and still he "forgot" and rather went to see his buddy - no way he would have cancelled it, it was "too important". Yeah...

He never asked during the pregnancy how the baby is doing, or commented when I told him the antenatal visit news. Nor he reacted in any way when I told him that Tiny's kicking already (he started 12+5 and you can tell: he has STRONG legs) or when I told him that I had seen the first kick.

He never asked do we need something for the baby. Only when I was full-term he started bitching have I bought everything!
So, everything Tiny had when he was born was bought by me or my parents.

He has, mind you, bought few items of clothing last summer, but naturally he didn't listen to me when I told him that Tiny is a big boy and it would be better to buy 80 cm and up as he was already using 74 cm (1 year) clothes. So, he got 74 cm clothes, which meant, of course, that Tiny has used one shirt and one sweater jacket. Once.

Since I left him he hasn't asked once how Tiny's doing. And as I see it he would be interested of his child IF he had really wanted to have him

He has never assisted me financially or even asked do I need money. And naturally after I left him there hasn't been any sign of child support. Even, once again, one would imagine otherwise if the child was wanted. That he would want to do the right thing for his own son's benefit.
Fun thing in this is that as child support will eventually be paid by SII he will be in debt to SII, something he hates. As he apparently does not realize that thanks to EU SII can and will go after their money and it will haunt him as long as he resides in EU area.

And oh... Tiny was never our son, he was your son and in one occasion, I think, my son.

39+5

Everything was well in the control.

Placenta is clean and bears no signs whatsoever of being calcified due high blood pressure and umbilical cord has completely normal blood flow. And actually placenta seems to be working very well: estimated weight on Monday was 3,5 kilos (I was 3,6 kg when I was born 42+something).

And we are indeed having a boy - or should we say that the doc saw testicles while checking the measurements and stuff.

As my pressure was still under 150/100 and lady parts weren't matured a bit since last doctor's appointment (35+ something) inducing labor wasn't considered, BUT when they get free slot (next week) they will call me and I'll go there again for another check-up where they do reconsider inducing labor. Now we are just waiting for some maturing to happen and doctor's orders were that it'd be preferred to come there to give birth before next control...

So, I've done some acupressing and hope that it would at least make my body more ready - preferably it would induce labor. Let's see.

And we are ready to go!

Today I got my first maternity allowance and spent part of it at Ikea (and over half of it went for bills - goodness)... Now we have a bed for Baby Wonder and we are ready to roll!

They had really cheap one (39,95€) which I had considered earlier, but decided to get the more expensive one (99€ which is not insane) because you can remove the other side and make it a regular bed when BW is older. Of course not much older, but in any case, he can get out of bed by himself when he is old enough.

This also felt sturdier and looks better with our changing table...

...which I got for free in excellent condition from a friend of a friend.

Health wise... my blood pressure elevated above my normal levels last week and it stays (I check it daily now) around alarm level (140/90) so on Monday I'm heading to hospital for an ultrasound to define the flow in umbilical cord and it is possible that labor will be induced around 40+0 (due date), which would mean... next week!

So now I am just busy resting and trying to clean and so on before next week, just in case they won't let me out of the hospital without Baby Wonder outside of the womb. (I'm cleaning because, thanks to bureaucracy again, Husband is not in the country at the moment. And it looks very much so that he can't make it here before BW has born.)

Though it is also possible that despite my high risk for pre-eclampsia (first born, overweight, family history) they decide that we are ok despite my higher blood pressure and then we'll wait... but I have to admit that I am not at all against inducing at this point. Not because of how I feel as I am feeling good, but because I have gotten this need to meet this little fella.

37+0

And today we are full term!

Though there are still things to do so I hope Baby Wonder is a good statistical first born and stays in the womb for 2-3 more weeks i.e. until due date or few days over it (leap day would be nice DOB though *grin*).
Though if BW comes after me it's more like 5+ weeks, but I hope he is smarter than mommy and decides to born before 42+ weeks.

My antenatal nurse said that she is quite sure that we won't get that far as I have had practise contractions since... before 20th week. (Something my mother never had and she has three kids... all induced and all deliveries were assisted whole way with oxytocin because otherwise it just stopped.)

And, to my surprise, my father promised a while ago to pay for our pram (everyone was shocked about that, I must say) and after some research they are here now!



If we had to pay them ourselves it had been either used (which are also dreadfully expensive if you want relatively good looking ones) or El Cheapo ones from Germany, but eventually I decided upon Ora Taiga as they are at least designed to local weather (which is anything between +35C and -35C and two metres of snow) and have all the essentials I wanted (which wasn't much: big tyres, adjustable/ throw shaft).

It just feels so funny that there is a pram in our home waiting for an user. And said user will be here soon, no later than six weeks from now.

I guess I won't believe it before Baby Wonder actually is here waking me up in the middle of the night...

34+2

... and my maternity leave has officially begun!

Actually it started 10th of this month when doc at antenatal care unit put me on sick leave for no obvious reason - except that my job was quite physical and my cervix was shorter than in last check up, but that could have been just different doc measuring it.

It's just insane to think that if Baby Wonder decides to born now he wont be stopped. As insane is that in three weeks we are full term and I will be in delivery room eight weeks from now if Baby Wonder refuses to born before that.
EIGHT weeks from now we will have a baby - or he is on his merry way out!

It feels like it was only yesterday when I had those two lines in pregnancy test.

And it still feels quite unreal that after all the pain of infertility and all the opinions from doctors I am pregnant, that those funny moves in my tummy is little human being and that soon I will be a mother. Without any treatments, as a result of a cycle where even the most fertile women might not have got pregnant (we had sex once in that whole cycle and I had ovulated week previously... but apparently when I saw Husband again my body decided to produce a good egg cell out of the blue. This is one reason why I call little one Baby Wonder).

I just keep on being amazed. Last night I sat over an hour on the sofa and just watched my tummy move.

Alive and well: 31st week!

I've just been extremely tired and lacking interest towards anything basically because my thyroid values plummeted again last month. It got so bad that I even got two weeks of sick leave because of it (and in here it is extremely difficult to get sick leave based on hypothyroidism). Also put the leave to good use and had otits (media) while at it...

On brighter side of things the Baby Pack arrived in the beginning of this month and just before Christmas I was granted maternity and parenting leaves and allowances, starting from 23rd of January.

It's actually funny that those customers to whom I have mentioned that I am leaving next month have been surprised to hear that I am pregnant... or rather tragicomic because by no means I look this big normally...

My waist is "only" +26cm to where it started from so one could imagine that they would notice at least something, noticing that they see me all the time (and my belly grows forward, it's not spreading elsewhere)...

Now that I have few days off I have finally started a project I've been planning since I got pregnant: I'm stitching Baby W. a play blanket using Ellen Maurer-Stroh's Zoo Baby Book motifs. I'm doing it one square at the time which means that it will be finished as a quilt.
I'll post progress pictures of it to public entries, but won't mention whose baby I am stitching it for...

Good and bad results

Because I am overweight, have PCOs diagnose, have genetic tendency and I am over 25 I had sugar stress test last week to check if I have developed gestational diabetes. (Actually I have had two of them, first in first trimester, because of my weight.)
I was certain that I would because my fast levels were barely in healthy level in the first test, but was proven wrong today: to my great surprise my sugar balance has basically improved since first trimester despite having sleep problems last two weeks! 

Though this means I won't get size evaluation at 36 weeks and that birth won't be induced unless we go two weeks over due date... but on the other hand: no blood sugar tests several times a day, less restricted diet, smaller probability for a big baby (well, I was 3,6 kgs back in 1979 ) and smaller risk to develop DM II at later age.

But I also got explanation to my sleep disorder and other issues: my thyroid levels are seriously out of whack, again.   And I missed my endo's call today which means he's out of touch for a while, or so I understood when I talked with the receptionist, and decided to be a BAD patient: I just adjust my dose with same done my endo has used lately and get new test done next month.
He'll kill me, but so what?

26th week

...started today. Of course this depends on which due date you look at, but I go according to the first DD I got from my antenatal nurse (3rd of March). Official DD is 4th (based on last ultrasound it would actually be 3rd if they'd change the dates in latter one) and actual DD would be 7th or 8th... complicated much?

Honestly it's unbelievable that we are this far along already. Two weeks from now BW would have over 90% chance to survive if born. 12 weeks and he is officially full-term in local standards. Twelve! (And only eight weeks of work left!)

Health wise I have been better, though suffered of insomnia/ sleeping problems two weeks... after seeing a doc and getting some melatonin I slept last night like a baby - without even touching those pills. Strong stuff, eh?
What was really interesting was that the doc suggested antidepressants even he knows that I am pregnant and as far as I know most antidepressants are forbidden during pregnancy (and in my case certain ones are forbidden because I have thyroid illness). Maybe he forgot? I think he still has eyes on him...

(For comparison: 13+4 weeks when I had some growth, but MUCH less understandably.)

Yes, I am over 30 kgs overweight, but still I have never had that kind of stomach and that doc has seen me few times too often not to remember how I used to look like. (My waist has grown over 20 cm since July and all to front side.)
Not to mention that it is in their file that I am pregnant...
He has had some smart moments lately, but I guess he is not really a winter person then.

What actually bugs me somewhat is that people don't seem to recognize that as a pregnancy belly... even it's growing straight ahead! If it was all fat it would look different... On the other hand no one is trying to touch the belly without my permission.

Odd good sides

I think that having a firm infertility background makes person to enjoy pregnancy even more.
Being a member in one family forum I have noticed that many pregnant women can't sleep even on these weeks (22+2) when the baby is kicking, whereas I find it remarkably soothing, and on the evenings when Baby Wonder has his (yes, we have a boy guesstimation (midwife wasn't sure, but she thought she saw something in "there") and I have felt like having a boy since those two lines) kickboxing practises I fall asleep in no time. Though it seems that we are more morning person in there already...

And to my surpise the only thing I dislike in being pregant is this killer hunger I'm having nowadays. I could eat a cow when I have those hunger attacks... Heartburn, ligament pains and such are just minor things and don't actually even bother me (yes, I am insane).

Let's say that by now I enjoy this so immensely that I could do this again in near future .

Maternal instincts

Yesterday I had a stubborn bronchospam and I had to head to ER and my only worry was that Baby Wonder gets enough oxygen, no matter do I get enough of it after BW has taken his share.
Luckily my oxygen saturation was good when I arrived the ER and while waiting (3 hours) I was deliriously happy about that aerobics lesson taking place in my womb. I guess people looked at me a bit long, but let them look.

To my surprise I have bronchitis, again, despite lack of "real" symptoms. And even more sick leave (it started on Wedneday and now I'm off this week too). Maybe I find time and energy to finish one hat I started for BW.

Gosh, time is going SO fast!

First, thank you all!

Yet another antenatal appointment later (which went well, thank you for asking. Only my thyroid values are still low, but have risen with higher dosage so we are going to good direction)... I am now officially far along enough to apply for this:

Government gives every expecting mother maternity grant. It's either a BIG box full of baby stuff or 140 € of money. The box contains about 270€s worth of clothes and necessities (more pictures at SII webpage: here) so any guesses which one I am taking?

This grant was initiated after WWII to support poor families, but nowadays everyone residing here gets it after 154 days of pregnancy (mine is officially 154 days on Sunday) if they have taken care of their antenatal appointments (and got tested for HIV, tuberculosis and hepatitis). Many people dislike the clothes because they are so neutral... well, I like personal and colourful clothes, yes, but FREE high-quality stuff is something I won't say no to. And I can always dye those white and bland clothes anyway.

There's actually few things I have to apply for: maternity allowance (paid during maternity leave), parenting allowance (paid during parenting leave) and child allowance. So many allowances (and I still need to apply for caretaking allowance which will be paid after parenting one ends: this one is smaller, but still quite a good sum of money and I can basically stay at home three years, if our finances can stand it, that is).
First two basically mean that for the first ten(ish) months my income is only slightly lower than it is now, child allowance (appr. 100€/ mo. at the moment) is paid monthly until Baby Wonder is 17...

Sometimes I kind of like this Nordic welfare system thingy.

Less than three months from now and my maternity leave begins! Yay!