Tiny Things and CJC

Where did my little man go? He had his first (two!) teeth day before yesterday and will soon be crawling on all fours... not to mention that he wears 1-2 year old's clothes already. An average 6 month old, yes.

This morning he took his toothbrush and put it in his mouth. I just needed to move it.
And he wanted that I brushed his gums too before he let me take the brush out of his mouth... Attaboy!

2013 Crazy January Challenge

I started a list of designs to my sidebar to keep track of my own thoughts. It's not carved in stone yet, but one needs to start from somewhere.

Dreams...

are not called "dreams" for nothing.

Last night I had a dream where Tiny's dad actually wanted to meet his son and where he admitted that he misses me AND was willing to behave like every man should do: try to make amends, open up, talk and fix what is broken.

I woke up sad, because it was just a dream and because I know he is so stubborn that no matter what he won't admit that he misses me even if he does. Or that he misses his son.

And There Was an Envelope-load of SEX

One load from One Star's Light is in! PRETTY! OOOOOH!

Yes, I live a dull life. *grin*

At least one of thise Little House Needleworks' charts goes to my CJC list. Either "Acorns" or "Comfort". Or maybe both...

Christmas Quaker II - Songs of the Season

Dyes found. I got Dylon's "Flamingo Pink" and black as they didn't have turquoise and that pink is so pink that it hurts.

Options at the moment in my twisted mind are:

1. black 40 count fabric, pink floss
2. black'n'pink 40 count fabric, white floss
3. natural 40 count fabric, black'n'pink floss

Happy Dance! \o/

As unbelievable as it is we have a finish! Yes, a F-I-N-I-S-H!

• Designer: Lizzie* Kate
• Design: 1st Christmas
• Fabric: one of my own hand-dyeds, apparently32 count opalescent Jobelan(?).
• Floss: White Madeira silk, two HDF's silks.

I am not yet sure which its shape will be so I skipped confetti stitches and will stitch them when I have decided upon the shape, taking that there is room for any.

But, I think this is my FIRST cross stitch finish this year.

Yeah, that is how pathetic it has been.

Tiny and His Amazing Technicolor Dreammittens

Fall has come and Tiny needs mittens so I decided to steal borrow some yarn from my mother (same she used to knit woolly socks for Tiny) and knit tiny mittens.

Other one looks bigger as it has been tried on.
The designs and counts are completely out of my head. I just went along according to what was needed: long enough wrist to keep his wrists warm and flexibility as Mr. Tiny has big hands.

To Be Afraid

To be afraid that you are damaged for life. That you have been damaged since the day of your conception.

To fear that everyone lies to you, that everyone keeps things from you. That those who matter, or would matter, have a secret life you are not aware of.
To fear that everyone just uses you like you have been used.

To be afraid that you are too demanding, that wanting 110% trust and openness is too much, too egoistic. Being afraid of voicing your demands just that people wouldn't think you are an impossible, demanding, egoistic bitch.

To fear that all your relationships are doomed to fail. That if you don't leave him, he will leave you.

To be afraid. To be paranoid.

To fear being broken again, of losing yourself because you love someone. To fear that when you love your love is not appreciated and cherished the way it should be.

To be afraid of having to cry alone, to sleep alone, to feel joy alone. Despite of being one of two.

To fear you are not accepted as you are, with all your flaws and quirks. Not to be loved as who you are, that your stupid jokes are not understood, that the things you love the most are considered stupid and unnecessary.

To be afraid of having to live behind facades again. When it should not be important how things look like, but how they really are. To have to hide your love, happiness and life from everyone else because the one you love has something to hide from you and from someone else.

To fear being controlled. Being watched. Being blamed for what you don't do and what he does.

To be afraid of repeating your mistakes over and over again. Never learning anything, being blind.

To fear loving as it overwhelms you and blurs your sensibility. Exposes you to hurt, sorrow, pain. Takes away healthy criticism and makes you blind to everything.

To be afraid of not being praised, of not being attractive. Or losing attractiveness.

To fear of hurting your child with your choices. To fear that you are ruining his life because of what you want and decide.

To be afraid of being too afraid.

Remember Alter Echo?

That thing I stitched in Bangkok?

I have been thinking about it for quite a while... Alter Echo and what I should do with it. I have decided that I will start it over as this version of it has too heavy baggage. I just couldn't finish this version and hang it on my wall as it would always remind me of those days after my world crumbled

Alter Echo v.2.0a has, most likely, changed colour scheme, either a bit or a lot, haven't decided yet. And most likely I'll change the fabric too, or at least dye the current one after I have done some serious frogging.

Actually I have been thinking of using various colours for this. Maybe some pretty GASTs and left-over what-evers and then tea dye the fabby... though I think I want 40 count for this, and then tea, or coffee, dye the fabby to give it that aged look. Maybe even soak the floss in beverage-of-my-choice to give it some patina...

2013 Crazy January Challenge aka. "Startitis, it is a serious illness"

(© CCN)

I have found an excuse reason to start from 10 to 15 new projects in the month of January!
Country Cottage Needlework's "Beach Cottage" is surely one of them as this just strikes my fancy at the moment and the design only takes 4-5 hand-dyed flosses and some more basic DMC so this is an easy peasy el cheapo project.

Actually I already eyed few designs couple of days ago and noticed that I will have a HUGE problem... I only browsed through one magazine box and already found 15 of them - and I still have 5-6 times more. Excluding books, magazines and all digital patterns - and some designs which are in the storage room. And my own designs.
And some more on the way from One Star's Light sale... ooops.

One of the wonderful things in this challenge is that now I have a great reason to shop as I need to kit these babies up before January as I need to start all the projects in as many consecutive days as I have chosen projects.

Startitis, who needs a cure?

Commune?

We have had what-if discussions with my brother how cool it would be to live in a shared apartment, or as neighbours, and now that things turned how they did we started to talk about that again, this time we were thinking of the advantages of commune living.

My brother and his SO are planning to buy an apartment from Metropolitan area and it wouldn't be much trouble to buy a bigger one (4-5 bedrooms instead of 2-3) (and in most cases it even wouldn't make it much more expensive), sublet 2 rooms to Tiny and me and enjoy all the good sides of commune: there would always be someone to look after Tiny when I need to go somewhere (this would be lovely as I would love to study while I am at home) and when I am sick I didn't have to worry about Tiny's wellbeing.
We could share household duties, we could buy food in bulk, there would always be food even if someone was short of cash before payday and there would always be someone to talk to - and when one would want to be alone there would be one's room.

I know it would be annoying at times, I have lived in communes when I have studied, but the advantage in this would be that I know 2/3 well: my brother I have known since birth and his son last 13 years. And brother's SO seems to be a person of reason from what I have deduced from those couple of times we have met. She's shy though, but it is never a bad thing.

And I would rather pay few hundred euros to my brother as it would be cheaper to live with them than in a regular rented apartment. And no need for rent deposits which means saving anything from 0€ to ~2500€ (or rather not needing to ask deposit from social services due low income).
Also it would mean that Tiny would get his own room and I mine as at some point he needs his own space - and us both being such restless sleepers it would make us both sleep better.

It's really interesting how many oddities I have noticed in our relationship now...

He used to be very good with anniversary dates, this year he forgot our wedding anniversary, my birthday and our anniversary.

He used the marriage as an excuse, for example not to spend quality time on the sofa cuddling. "We are married!" Yeah, that has something to do with not touching each other?

I denied my sensuality and sexuality. Me. Depraved little thing started to live vanilla life 1-2 times a month. Who would have believed?

I can't remember him ever laughing at my jokes. Or actually even getting them for that matter.

I was a questionable cook because I like(d) to use other people's recipes! Oh yes. Cookbooks were the spawn of devil, or something.

Actually any my book was. "Too many of them!" Up yours.

Idiot.

September Weekend SAL: The End

Noticing that I only stitched one night whilst playing WoW and chatting I got tons done. If I had got the opportunity to stitch every night I had done two of these.

How cool is this:

A Blackwork Music Video?

Stash!

One of my mottos seems to be: "When in hiatus, buy stash."

Actually I haven't been in a stitching slump, or not that big at least. Well, ok, in a tiny slump. Life got on the way big time, even though funnily enough I do still have quite nice amount of free time in the evening when Tiny's in bed (why wouldn't I, I have been alone with him since he was born so I am used to this) - excluding last few days. He has a phase... my excellent sleeper has begun to wake up around 10 or 11 pm and can't get back to sleep without drastic measures. In this case he has started to sleep outdoors even in the evenings, well packed into his sleeping bag in a manner that makes me wonder how my hotblooded son doesn't feel uncomfortable in there. That same boy who started to protest against winter gear in April when it was still snow... and he was barely 2 months old.

Babies, you will never learn to understand them.

First, some non-stitchy craft stash: felt applique patterns I found from eBay.

Tiny loves cats and seems to like owls so I bought these in case I ever get into sewing them. You never know.

Gnome (in here they are not elves) design kind of stuck from one Finnish auction site and the mag is from Finnish stash group from Facebook.

Then some lovelies from Silkweaver.

Both fabrics reminded me of something I heard few days ago about Silkweaver's quality nowadays and I have to agree. Greenish one is almost ok, it has some blotches on the other end though, but the blue is almost even in colour and I am quite sure that is not what the picture has been as I only buy hand-dyed fabrics when they look like hand-dyed.

Then there's two envelopes of lovelies from 1-2-3 Stitch! ("Christmas to Remember" sampler is from eBay).

I am still waiting for meager 52 skeins of that white Sullivan's and when they arrive I'll have some floss dye fun here at Casa Insane.
And I have to admit that I didn't quite read the info on the WDW I bought and it turned out to be perle... oh well, you never know when you will need some.

Pretty, ain't?

And then to do some dishes and then bake a ton of cinnamon rolls, I promised to bake them and take with me to one meeting (for us odd people who use cloth diapers for their kids ) tomorrow morning. Woman's work is never done...

September Weekend Stitch-A-Long

My goal is to put some stitches on Lizzie*Kate's "1st Christmas" ornament.

I bought this design shortly after Tiny was born and my intention has been from the beginning to stitch him an ornament for this Yule.
This is a small and fun project to stitch and I am using leftover silks for it. The fabric is those ones I dyed... 2007 or 2008. I thought it would look nice with the silks I chose (and unfortunately I don't have bright pink fabric, which Tiny would love ).

There is also some stashy content to be blogged about, but I'll do that on better time. I am supposed to clean around a bit...

WTF?

It is really interesting... my 1st husband just sent me a friend request in Facebook. After unfriending me few years ago.
Don't take it as I was bitter, BUT why the heck I got oh so interesting all the sudden? Funny is that I recently unfriended my former SIL, her ex husband and their oldest daughter so if I was a nasty biatch I might jump to conclusions, but as I am asuch a darl I won't.

I was actually glad that he unfriended me back then as I have come to conclusion that he's bad luck for me... and hey look at what happened shortly after I met him for like five minutes! *grin*

Nah, he's just too intense to my taste nowadays. I'll let it hang and keep on wondering.