Friends know...

... how to cheer you up.
I came back home cranky because I had lost my travel card, which still has 16 days unused, prepaid, period left (fortunately the driver knows me (by face, you know) and let me take the bus home without paying).

I knew that Leena was to send little something to me, but this load of beautiful, new stash was totally unexpected!

As the image ia not very good I am evil and advertise a bit (as you know that I never do that *coughs innocently*)... Leena sent me Mains & Merveilles' issue 60 (it has two jazz related patterns, which are must do for someone like me (I have always loved jazz)), Sampler & Antique Needlework Quarterly's Summer 2007 issue (the project on the cover is a must do too), three Atalie's silks (Beaune, Grenade and Vancouver) and one skein of Atalie's cotton (Passion).

Based on the floss colours you could almost imagine that she knows something about my colour preferences... (ETA: Ok, she has a red phase, according to her. But, isn't that a sign of a great artist? All those phases with certain shades? *grin)

Fang

Jenn L., you are welcome. That is why I posted about the Fang as I knew some people may miss it otherwise - I have been waiting for this design since she launched her new site so I was well prepared.

Fangs...

Jennifer Aikman- Smith from the Dragon Dreams has done it again and launched the cutest little vampire dragon! He's available for limited time (around midnight November 1st, 2007) only so get Fang while stocks last!

Yet another design added to my to-do pile for this weekend. (Though he's so minute that I might actually stitch him tomorrow...)

Good day!

Firstly to the main thing: my latest order from One Star's Light arrived! (And I managed to hide the Spook-A-Boo under Dragonfly Jewels while photoshooting....)

 

Jenna always packs the things you buy in the loveliest way so buying some more stash for myself Lady P. is like having lovely gifts from someone else. ^^ (It makes a great excuse... "I didn't buy these! It is wrapped so it has to be a gift... ")

All the floss is from Crescent Colours because they seem to have about the best selection of colours (as does Atalie). I got four cottons (Fallen Leaves, Ruby Slippers, Bandana and Bejeweled (which is BEAUTIFUL deep blue. Note that I am not very much into blue in general)) and three silks - which are, oh, so soft (3 Alarm Fire, Cranberry and Grape Juice).
The floss colours are WAY more beautiful in real life, but as it is dark outside (daylight? What is that?) the light isn't best there is.

The reason for all the reds was that I was looking for The Red Overdyed for one design and I am quite sure that I have it in Grape Juice - which is wonderful as I LOVE CC's silks (CC silk is honestly the softest silk floss I have ever used).

Secondly I am getting into my Hebrew flow: I can read it, I even translated most of our next chapter beforehand while sitting in the bus.

Thirdly I stitched my secret over one gift at the Jewish school's hallway and my fellow Hebrew students admired the piece - which is my design. ^^

And fourtly I have got very interesting new task at work: self-audits, which basically means that I make quality control reports of the $UNIT of the $COMPANY.
Remember that I am not in an employment relationship with the company and that I don't have any kind of formal education suitable for the field I am currently working on... I think I should be proud of myself.

Cats have the darndest expressions...

Is he cute or what?!

Places to go, people to eat...

...and too much House M.D..

• Péri, Montjoie-en-Couserans, France
• Peri, Corsica, France
• Peri, Dolcè VR, Italy
• Peri, Sierra Leone

...and of course: Peri, and the Coat of Arms.

The relativity of time

I was reading my old entries and realised something:

1. Exactly three years ago I was with A. (it was Friday, so I probably was at his place).
2. Exactly two years ago I was still with Sol.
3. Exactly 1½ years ago I was madly and happily in love with Wolfinho.
4. Exactly one year ago I spent time with N. (Sunday and I know that I was at his place.)

Those two years feel like forever. And in some twisted way I miss them all, some more than others, some with more devotion than others...

• I miss A. for those little things he did, even though he was too weak to stand against his family for the love he had for me.
• In some weird way I miss Sonnenschein, even he was too weak to be happy.
• I miss Wolfie for those months of pure happiness, for the feeling of being understood.
• I miss N. for all the good times we had, for all the nights we slept entwined.

I am just curious to know what next 365 days will bring.

Humans are so very disappointing creatures. Or maybe I shouldn't try to believe in human race as it would make life much easier.

The Hole

Honestly speaking... there is a huge hole in my life and the hole is called Love, or rather lack f it.

After I have fell into this so called normal life I have had the feeling of having one piece missing from the puzzle. That piece which has the detail that makes the image whole, even the lack of it doesn't distort the image enough to make it unrecognisable. You just know that there is something missing.

Hence I am getting back to the dating scene. On that threatening, stormy sea which has the paradise island in it, somewhere - I just have lost the map.

I can live alone, but I don't want to. I have no problems to live in celibacy, but I can't say that it does not bother me as sexuality and sensuality, even they are different aspects, walk hand in hand and someone as overflowingly sensual like I am can't stand the situation where she can't be who she is.
I want to be loved, I want to love... even more important: I want to know that there is someone whose company I love no matter how much time I spend with him. I want to have someone to have heated discussions with, someone with whom to be just as childishly silly as I can be.
I want someone to touch...

But still I don't want to end up in a relationship just to be normal or just to prevent being alone/ in celibacy/ unloved (and then, there are people who love me, but who have chosen not to be with me).

Life is really so very odd sometimes.

If I were a cookie..

Snatched from chanda_m.

You are a gingersnap!

You're sweet and kind, but never dull. Your flavorful personality and snappy style make a memorable first impression. Some people don't appreciate your spicy sense of humor, but your friends can't get enough of those witty wisecracks. You're smart, fresh, and totally tasty. Everyone wants a bite of you.

20% of the people who took this quiz got the same evaluation.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 247

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Inaugural :: Never heard (note: I am not a native English speaker *grin* -> checked from the dictionary)
2. Pledge :: Pain of Salvation
3. String :: -s
4. Trot :: ... on a mine.
5. Fitness :: A word
6. Cinder :: -ella
7. Edge :: Living on the Edge
8. 31 :: 3rd of July, 2010
9. Blue :: Eyes (mine)
10. Leather ::

I think I am addicted...

...to Pamela Kellogg's designs.
After considering for a while I went and purchased Winter Into Spring (scroll down) series because it was so cheap (4 x $4 = $16 = ~11.12 €) and I just had to get it.

They just spoke to me...(Words of a truly insane person.)

Halloween SAL competition is up!

Do you want to have a chance to win some new stash?

Good. Then I recommend that you read this article at the Independent Needlework News and take your chance by voting.

...You ask what there is to win…? Loads of lovely stash, more details in this entry.

Ship ahoy!

When I woke up yesterday I heard that Deb has received my payment for Freddy: Auspicious Argosy.
It took three weeks for the parcel to get from UK to US, but it finally got there - just in time as I'd have emailed Sewandso regarding it in Monday.

And when it comes to Frederick the Literate... Leena and I have reached a preliminary agreement upon SALling with Freddy in next year (we haven't set any dates yet, just the startng year - as we a re both loaded with projects at the moment) (I think I need to designate one weekend of every month as a SAL Weekend as I seem to need some control over myself... one day for Egyptian Sampler, one day for Freddy) if anyone has the design in their to-do list we'd love to have you stitching with us! Just email me.

Close to an end

As unbelievable as it is I have only three days of my traineeship left... though it is only the first training period. I have few "proximity days" (those will be sheer bliss: six hour days of leisure after actually working my ass off for eight hours a day) and then I am back to the $COMPANY for seven weeks - and who knows, maybe they notice that they simply can't function without me during that time...

SBQ: Railroads

This week's

Stiching Bloggers' Question

is:

Do you railroad?

Tchoo! Tchoo! (In English: yes, I do.)

Isn't it odd...?

Why it seems to me that I stitch faster when I stitch over one? Even when I stitch 1/1 on black...
Maybe it is just the tiny stitches, but for some reason I don't believe that theory.

Stashy goodness!

Coming soon to a mailbox near me!
As Lady had some excess money in her Paypal account and she needed some new floss for future models (I bought various reds because I need to find a suitable one for a model I have wanted to stitch for ages) and because I decided that she wants to pay some model stitching wage to me I went crazy over at the One Star's Light Needlework Supplies and bought selection of Crescent Colours silks and cottons and The Cat's Whiskers' Spook-A-Boo and Dragonfly Jewels.

One of the reasons to have some S.E.X. was my current condition though, I needed some cheering up.

Other "things" to cheer me up ^^

She lives in a cave of Futon Sofa...

Damnit you!

Family portrait... (Neko loves to show his tummy. ^^)

Off to stitch a secret gift over one to a $FRIEND. ^^

Resting...

Well, at least I started well by sleeping 16 hours which, of course, lead to an head ache. And less surprisingly my sugars are down... not just because I slept so long, but because I didn't get to eat or drink anything before I got back from the hospital yesterday and then I was so hungry that I almost ate a horse (literally speaking) filled with white carbs. Yuck.

So the plan™ is: make some strong coffee (this headache may also be caused by the fact that I didn't got any yesterday), eat something unhealthy and stitch the headache away...

Actually I find it funny in a gorish way that I honoured bits_2_whole's operation (it went well as far as I know) by spending the whole day in a hospital - though in a different hospital. It would have got interesting if there had been something more wrong with me and I had been admitted.

1600

Morning notes:
So fun. Not.
I'm having the worst asthma attack ever. Bad enough for me to get an emergency appointment with doctor another than my favourite... but breathing is so much fun, you know, at least opposed to wheezing (this is first time I wheeze. I didn't wheeze even when I wasn't on the meds..).

Evening notes:
I ended up in local hospital's follow-up room for seven hours. I also got to know the joys of being dizzy enough to be taken to thorax X-Ray with a wheelchair and having laborant to visit your bed because you are not fit enough to go to the laboratory...

1. I wheezed when breathing in, opposed to breathing out which is, based on the GP's opinion, The Right Way™ with asthma attacks.
2. I hyperventilated when I got to the GP (tachycardia and 100% of oxygen in my blood) - based on the GP asthmatics shouldn't be able to hyperventilate... and anyway I looked WAY too healty and sane to hyperventilate. (Sounds soothing, doesn't it?)
3. Which lead him to get a bit afraid and he sent me to hospital for tests and check-up...
4. Which confused the GP even more was that my peak flow was 550, which is WAY good for an asthmatic person (my all time best is 620), but it also means that my asthma medication is working...
5. All my tests came out clear: no growths or shadows in my thorax, no infections... my blood acids and alcaloids were a bit out of whack, but that is most likely caused by the hyperventilation.

The result is that I either had an asthma attack with hyperventilation or just an occult asthma attack.

But, I got tomorrow off. Doctor's orders are: Relax and that is what I am going to do... stitch!

SAT

My goals (even I forgot to post them) were:

1. Stitch remaining few motifs on a model and finish it.
2. Stitch rest of Loy's page four.

Well... I managed to stitch the model, but decided to concentrate on finishing it in Sunday. That kind of failed as I was busy with other things whole Sunday - and I can't finish it because I don't have suitable ribbon... before tomorrow.
That also means that I didn't made that many stitches on Loy... though I started a new complimentary design for Periphaeria Designs in Saturday, but as it's not done yet no pictures of it either.
...so, Loy it is. Those few stitches I managed...

(Click for Before picture...)

Disappointing progress, but still closer to the ultimate finish.

Stash!

My order from One Star's Light arrived - accompanied with three four complimentary designs from various designers! (OMG! I got to get this! ... and I will, right after Lady has paid the hosting for next 14 months. *evil grin*)

After reading from several blogs that latest JCS Ornament Issue was a flop I was even more curious to see it... and I don't get the disappointment. There are several designs I could stitch and my absolute favourite is The Victoria Sampler's Sugar and Lace Ornament, but in addition I loved, as usual, Dragon Dreams' Checking It Twice, The Sweetheart Tree™'s Noel Christmas Bellpull, Julia Lucas Designs' Deck of The Halls, SamSarah Design Studio's Winter Love and Val's Stuff's A Merry Kitty Klaws.
So, at least six loved, few more liked very much... not bad for a magazine costing mere $6.99 - noticing that I don't celebrate the said holiday.

What else is new?

How evil are you?

Human beings are egocentric mammals. We strive for our own good and survival. So?

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 246

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Las Vegas :: Viva Las Vegas
2. Linus :: Linus Torvalds
3. Struck :: Hit
4. Movie :: Scary Movie
5. Anxious :: ...to know
6. Bandit :: Smokey and the Bandit
7. Picks :: Choices
8. Lasso :: Lucky Luke
9. Dinner :: Food
10. Bargain :: Cheap

N.

That man really confuses me. And what makes me even more confused is that in a way I like the way he confuses me... But then, one of the reasons why I enjoy him (that's best way to express it, I think) is that he makes me think.

Sometimes life is so very odd.

Halloween Exchange: Ezmeralda's Welcome

I just got an email from Vonna telling me that she had received a parcel from me so it's picture time!

When I heard that she will be my exchange partner in SBEBB's Halloween Exchange I felt happy: I have been sneaking in her blog for quite a while and the design I had in mind fell just into her category (though having Vonna as my partner made me also nervous as she really has a knack for finishing), so the pairing couldn't have be better.

 

Pieces of info:

• Design: Bits and pieces from Brightneedle's ''Ezmeralda's House'' rearranged (and sligthly modified) by me.
• Fabric: Hand-dyed 32 count Jobelan - from my own dye pot.
• Fibers: Miscellaneous DMCs and GAST's Fragnant Cloves (my absolute favourite of orange hand-dyes around).

I have had this layout in my mind since forever and I am glad how it turned out (it was really hard to send it away, but as I knew it will get a good home I was able to let it go).
In addition of this ornament I send some hand-dyed floss, by Atalie and myself, and piece of my Halloweeny hand-dyed Jobelan.

It was a successful exchange: I loved making it for her and she loved it.

SBQ: Relations

This week's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

was suggested by Jennifer and is:

What proportion of your stitching is for your own personal use versus gifts?

Let's see... out of 36 stitchy finishes during this year seven have been gifts/exchanges which makes it around 20% (one of them got lost in transit though: Angi has never received this) - I exclude Lumikukkia from the count even though it was a PIF.

I am intentionally reducing the amount of gifts, charity stitching and exchanges as I don't have as much time I used to and therefore I see it best to concentrate on my personal stitching, whether it is model stitching or stitching designs of others.

Propaganda goes cross stitch...

What else the first four are?

Extremely evil cross posting...

I have just released Halloween Ornaments for sale!

Click here for more info!

Casual business

That's The Dresscode at the $COMPANY, which has also meant that I have only one pair of suitable trousers (as jeans don't apply) which equals laundering all the time... but today I decided to let the Heck break loose and do something I hate: shop for clothes.

First store, a chain where I usually can find suitable clothes was disappointment, to put it mildly, as they seem to think that women with bigger hip size than 44 do not need clothes (ref: clothing sizes@Wikipedia). I was getting panicky as clock was ticking and I needed to be on my Hebrew class soon, but I also needed new trousers...

Then I remembered that one chain used to have a collection for curvaceous women, and there I went... five minutes later I had found black, straight-legged pants and black pullower with white fake collar and cuffs (you know those shirts which look like you had collared shirt underneath even you don't?) - which weren't too expensive (though for me 60€ is a lot) and look friggin' good on me.

I'm dead tired, having a migraine and I know that I still need to adjust the leg height of the trousers when they are washed and dry - which means that I won't get to bed before midnight - but I am rather pleased. I could almost get to enjoy shopping for clothes... I used to when I was studying, and interestingly enough I used the $CHAIN even then... they had the best underwear I have ever used (I think that I still have one pair of knickers from those times - I graduated almost ten years ago).

Now I only need to find some shoe store which sells good looking, affordable shoes in my size and I am happy (I want boots with heels! ).

mondaysabitch

As I am getting too tired to concentrate on my Hebrew homework (it's mostly done anyway) it's meme time.

Last, but not least

When was the last time you...

1. Cleaned out your closet?
   Which one?

2. Went to a concert?
   Aeons ago... it was Placido Domingo's concert.

3. Had a milkshake?
   Last summer, I guess.

4. Got all dressed up?
   I wear clothes daily... har har. That really doesn't apply as I don't have clothes fancy enough.

5. Went grocery shopping?
   Today.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The-person-formerly-known-as-my-brother has done it again... this time his opinion seems to be that me and my sister are two lazy ass bitches who don't give a damn of their health. Individuals who rather "spend their time 'tasting' wines than taking care of their health"... (Editor's note: last time I drank any wine was when N. was still around... over a year ago. My alcohol consumption during ast 12 months has been about 6 dosages, tops.)
With that opinion he proved not to know anything about either of us. (He also denies his own bad habits, as he does use more alcohol than either of us, and he does smoke too - which either of us don't do...)

Apparently he thinks that, for example I love to be chronically ill, that I want to be pitied because of it... neither of these assumptions are correct - and he can't be thick enough to actually believe that either.
No person in their right mind wants that, so if he really means what he says he thinks we are both loonies... I admit, I have seen few shrinks, but I have one, and only one, diagnose which doesn't say that I am crazy. I just had an anxiety disorder, which he should understand, he lived through the same things I did as we lived in the same household, we both went through the same Hell when we were kids - we all did. He should understand that even if I am a bit twisted I really have a reason to be so - or maybe that is what he can't stand: we are both as damaged, I just can live with it.
And when it comes to our sister... she can prove that she's completely sane - that is so not normal (being sane). *grin*

Not to mention his obvious need to try to prove that I am wrong with everything I say and supress every opinion I have - he should know by know that I am very stubborn life form and stand behind my opinions as have always been like that. Like I was still five years old... maybe someone should tell him that little /me grew up ages ago.

What bothers me in this is that he became a real ass since I separated. He had few issues with certain opinions of mine (veganism, religious preferences etc.) before that, but he usually kept his mouth shut. Something made him lose it, and no matter how obvious the answer seems to be I don't want to believe it.
How could someone be bitter to his little sister because his sister had the guts to leave her spouse when he didn't have the guts to leave the marriage which, according to him, was doomed. How could an adult dislike his little sister just because she chose other paths in her life?
It wouldn't bother me if everything hadn't changed after that summer, but everything did change.

Why? I still don't understand. I just know that I can't respect someone who doesn't respect me, someone who seems only to think the worst of me.

Maybe everything that happened in our family around 2003-2004 affected to him, maybe he couldn't understand anything anymore and his only way to survive has been becoming hostile towards those people who are, or were, closest to him.
I admit, it was a crazy period, but, in my opinion, it changed almost everything to better... except my brother.
Maybe I am just sad because I have lost a person I could look up to, because I lost an example how a good man behaves, because I can't respect him any more as he doesn't respect me...

(What also makes me wonder is that when it comes dark outside, he shows how much of an a$$ he can be... SAD anyone?)

SBQ: Mastering the needleart

This week's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

was suggested by Ternezia and is:

What for you means to achieve mastery as a stitcher?

To be honest I doubt that I will ever achieve that level of mastery as a stitcher that I could say that I have obtained the mastery.
Some could say that I am too harsh to myself, but as a person with pedantic character I am not pleased with anything else than perfect knowledge and as I am a mere human I know I will never know everything. (This reminds me of a short conversation I had with one elder gentleman from my Hebrew group after last Tuesday's class... others think better of me skill-wise than I do.)

But when it comes to the road to mastery the basic steps are these (in my opinion) - in no particular order:

• Ability to analyze the designs.
  
  
  1. Why is it aesthetically pleasing?
  2. Why I, as a stitcher, like it?
  3. What are the flaws in the design? (You can find flaws from any design, it doesn't make the design any less worthy.)
  4. What are the designing highlights (i.e. good sides) of the design?
• Ability to adapt the design.
  
  
  1. To have the skill to use parts of the design to create a unique piece of needleart.
  2. To have the knowledge to change the fabric and/or used (i.e. ability to calculate and eye for colours and materials).
• Constant "education" of the eye.
  
  
  1. Keep your sense of aesthetics in good working order by being curious.
  2. Visit art galleries, exhibitions, keep your eyes open in department stores, out in the country... everywhere you go and educate your eyes and mind to see and understand why you like/ dislike something.

• Be aware of what you do.
  
  
  1. Even if you stitch just for fun be aware of why you choose certain method of stitching, certain needle size, certain fabric, certain floss and a certain design - dare to compare the results and filter out the best ones.
  2. Strive to evolve your technique.
  3. Try different techniques.
  4. Never underestimate the path as it may be more important than your goal: the finished item.

As far as I am concerned the mastery in everything comes from the willingness to understand, from the willingess to evolve. Which actually means that I have already achieved the mastery, I am just being too harsh towards myself.

(Cross posted to Solarium Sublime.)

Halloween Exchange from Terry!

I had forgot to check my mailbox when I got home in Friday, but I did it today and what did I found?!
The cutest Halloween needleroll and lots of Halloweeny goodies from Terry!

(Click for bigger picture.)

Terry used a Whispered by the Wind compliementary design called Happy Halloween for the needleroll (I saw it for the first time just few days ago and loved it, so the choice of design was great!) and sent me all kinds of Halloweeny goodies with it. I am lost for words!

Thank you Terry!

Is it sick to add designs not yet published to your wishlist? I am so on love with Teresa Wentzler's Illuminata based on one corner that I have to have it... O_o

Also, Brooke Nolan published the cutest Halloween complimentary design, Haunted Tea Party. I think I have to stitch this to myself around Samhain (I should have time as bits_2_whole is at the hospital for some days around that time and therefore I don't spend my evenings chatting with her over at our IRC channel).

Anyway, the Unconscious Mutterings, week 245:

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Illicit :: Illegal
2. Go :: Go, the game
3. Jacket :: Jack the Ripper (Jacket zipper? *grin*)
4. Blow :: --- job
5. Coach :: Tyrant
6. Effort :: Stake
7. Leadership :: Skills
8. Snore :: Sleep apnea
9. Fearless :: Sick
10. Network :: Peer group

Weekend! \o/

Not that I wouldn't like the work, but I am, mildly put, exhausted because I have been overloaded with information on daily basis. Not that I mind it that much and it's just normal when you are introduced to a completely new company and tasks, but it is exhausting in any case.
And as insane as I am I said to my supervisor, when she asked in Friday am I too overloaded with duties, that she can give some more because I rather do something than wiggle my thumbs and drink coffee half of the day. (I actually drink coffee whole day, but it is free and I get my things done anyway.)
The truth is that I have got quite well in to my current tasks and I have almost handled a box full of documents which have been "something extra to work with when/ if you have time" - I got the pile Wednesday.

Stitchy things

I realised yesterday that I have to send one model out ASAP as it should be in its destination soon... I haven't realised how fast time has flewn since summer as I planned to send it early. (The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, right? *grin*)

I treated myself with some lovely new stash as I heard from Jenna that One Star's Light now stocks Blue Ribbon Designs' "With All Your Heart" kits, which was something I have wanted to get since I first saw it (even though it is pink *grin*). So I merrily went and ordered one kit and added latest JCS ornament issue to the order (I'm still drooling over their "10th Anniversary Collection" and some day I will get it...) because even I have heard some bad feedback about it I need to get it into my collection.

I'm also going to have a secret happy dance very, very soon, which means that I can finally stitch that secret gift I goaled for this month and then it's... models! It feels good to get back to the normal track.

I still haven't got bits_2_whole's birthday/Yule gift for last year done (I am bad little younger sister) so I think that it will become my travel project (i.e. I will knit it while waiting for the Hebrew class to begin).

But, I think it's time to heat up the sauna and spend rest of the evening like I have spent the day: stitching and re-watching Dexter's first season.

Freddy came home!

Frederick The Literate, the design I have wanted to have, and stitch, since I started my stitching career has landed. ^^

(As you can see, Freddy already found a friend. ^^)

Deb and I had a little swap: Deb had finished the kit and offered the chart and left-overs to a good home. I merrily messaged her and we agreed upon an exchange, though our plan changed a bit, but in the end I went and ordered something nice for her from Sewandso (a design I have drooled after since... long time ago and which I probably have to buy for myself after Deb starts her project *grin*)... but I can't tell what as she hasn't received it yet.

I also learnt my lesson: I should get to bed ten latest during the weekdays if I don't want to be zombified in the end of the day. (/me very tired is.)

Boo.

Need a new look for your desktop? Click.

In general I haven't vanished from the face of the Earth, I was just rather tired yesterday after my first day. It was not the strain from the actual work, but the fact that I had only slept about 2½ h on the previous night...
But spite of that and the fact that I have been on the go since 7:30 (when I left from home) to 20:30 (when I got back from Hebrew class) I am not tired at all. O_o (Which is VERY unlike me.)

Though, I have a great reason to stay awake late, spite of my plan to get to bed early: FedEx guy visited my work place today (which was kind of funny as I am working at their competitor) and brought this:

A gift from the Wolf who does and will always think of me (I believe what he says, nothing else).
Though some evil minded person might say something about the choice of the series, but I know that he knows me and my taste - because it is eerily similar to his. Both unbelievably gore, yet, lovers of beauty and balance.

I opened the envelope while waiting for the bus after work and I smiled insanely my whole trip to Helsinki... He always does that. Touches me. And on the same time I am dreadfully happy that I have met him and kept him in my life spite of everything, and still I feel the sadness... because of not having that beauty all the time around me.

Sometimes I have the urge to call him my twin - I just happen to be 12 years younger than he is, but who cares about the details?

Anyway, off to clean the litter box and then some fun with Dexter.

What about those pleasant side effects?

As a person who usually suffers through most of the side effects listed on the info sheets (and those ones not listed) whenever my body is introduced to a new chemical component my body has surprised me. After getting only half of those nasty side effects I am "suffering" from pleasant side effects like:

1. Decreased appetite.
2. Less problems with sleeping.
3. Less concentration problems.
4. Better mental balance (I can even tolerate Her Highnesses yapping and meowing - though I also think that she has calmed down after I started my medication, ergo she has been worrying over me).

...with a medication which should cause

1. Increased appetite.
2. Insomnia.
3. Mania.
4. Depression.

You could think that sleeping problems and mental balance would be explained with getting better, but that is not it. I compare the effects to pre-May me, and those of you who have been around longer have probably noticed that I have always had sleeping problems and that I am not maybe the most balanced insane person around.
Concentration issues have always been there, and as some of you may remember, I actually use cross stitching as a concentration therapy...

And, what really has surprised me is that my hormonal cycle seems to be what it has been (only) for last two years: stable.
To most of the females that wouldn't be anything odd, but for a woman with PCOs it is a small victory. Though, I might have scratched the truth when I said in Finnish PCOs peer support group that it seems to me that balanced PCOs makes your body so balanced that nothing affects to your cycle (one of us was diagnosed with cancer and she was surprised that she has her menses even she's on chemo).

Admittedly my hirsutism has got worse (not that it had been bad of late - I'm very lucky case amongst the PCOs women), but I am in hopes that it will get back to its normal state when I lower my cortisone dosage to maintenance dose (which is in ~Thursday as I decided to take the bigger dose for that 25 days one easyhaler lasts with the high dose and then see am I well enough to survive with the 0,8mg/d)).
Anyway, excess body hair in areas you usually hide under clothing is not the biggest problem in this world - and it can be shaved.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 244

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Cluster :: Information
2. Announcement :: Advisory
3. Respect :: "Respect my authoritah!"
4. Incident :: Innocent
5. Accordion :: Music
6. Drunk :: Idiot
7. If :: Conditional
8. Dexter :: Coming to mommy....
9. Wedding :: White Wedding
10. Gambling :: Addiction

What if I weren't myself?

I have probably wondered about this issue before, but it has been on my mind lately and a short chat with N. brought it so close to the surface that I can't stop thinking of it.

People often wonder why someone like me is single, I have heard that I am the ultimate woman (which is interesting knowing that he knew that I classify myself as a female androgyne - I believe what he said though and I know he meant it) and all that... I don't doubt a moment that they meant what they said. Which probably makes it even harder...

As I can't understand how someone who seems to be close to perfection (based on the peer feedback (I can list "few" flaws in myself very easily - I'm far from perfect)) in eyes of many just can't find what she's looking for - or when she finds it can't keep it.

Maybe it's the claimed perfection being too scary, maybe it's the claimed perfection which is so imperfect in me that I alienate even those I could love or who care for me.
It can't be the looks of me as I know that even I am not what is, acclaimedly, generally considered as hot I am it and much more... maybe it's the looks and intellect combo which intimidates people, but I can't change who I am - and I don't want to.
Maybe I am just too depraved to be actually be interesting even though I know that my level of kinkiness would keep most people entertained for the rest of their lives... that I am the dirty dream of most straight/bi/whatever men.

Thoughts have their own merry-go-round in my head and they make me dizzy. They also make me sad, because I can't find the answer to my questions, because things got blurrier the more I think of them.

Maybe there's nothing in wrong with me, maybe it is the world which is crazy. Maybe it's my karma or maybe I am just so absolutely impossible... I'd love to know what is in wrong with me or the Universe.

Virtual RR #1: Theme

Well, I went crazy while browsing my oh-so-small () collection of magazines and decided to chose one design which I have wanted to stitch since I saw it for the first time.

Let me introduce you Amy Adamses Flashes of Gold (Cross Stitch Collection, issue 134).

 
(As usual click for a better view.)

My choice is only one design, but I will divide the thing to nine parts, each part will be approximately 93 x 66 stitches (I will provide "pieced" and numbered image later).

Because this design uses Anchor colours (I'm too lazy to do the conversion ) and Kreiniks I can't start before middle of November because I need to get my finances back to even some kind of balance before stash shopping.
I also need to buy some dye and dye the fabric for this. (I may have enough white Jobelan, but not suitable dye... )

And yes, I do know that those black spots look a bit odd, but kois are like that.

(Cross posted to Solarium Sublime.)