Few bits

Still alive, nothing much to tell, only few interesting tidbits:

1. I filled the follow-up forms for depression and anxiety day before yesterday. My BDI score has plummeted from 15 to 7 in about 1½ months.
2. I was visiting my mother yesterday and after taking bronchodilator (it was an extremely dry day, very bad for my lungs) I decided to use her meter and measure my peak flow. It was majestic 700 litres/ minute! Remember that I have an obstructive, chronic lung disease and the median for a woman of my age and height is 440.
   Therefore my lung capacity is 159%. (This probably means that my lung function is recovering.)
3. I have found an excellent combination for workout: goth metal and Stephen King's books.
   If I only watch DVDs or listen only music I can't train more than 20- 30 minutes because I begin to feel too exhausted... when I listen to goth metal and read I can do as much as 64 minutes.
4. My pulse rate bothers me: it seems to be almost impossible to keep it over 140, even less at 160 which should be the best pulse rate for excercise.
5. It seems that caffeine blocks the effect of sertraline: when I drink decaf I am much more energetic than when I drink regular coffee and the meds seem to work better.

The blue scheme? I noticed one day that eLJay's trademark colour scheme was quite nice and soothing so I figured out the colour codes and edited my template.

I had an interesting discussion with my mother over late lunch yesterday. She has had her doubts about me having asthma when I was a kid (because I was so cranky), and, noticing how low my air flow has always been (it has never been measured officially) I'm surprised if I don't get the diagnose.
Lately (non-allergic) shortness of breath has been daily (it happens even if I sit on a bus) and I realised yesterday that I have had last two months all the symptoms of an asthma related mood disorder (i.e. general exhaustion and signs of depression without being depressed).

If I have asthma it may also exlplain my concentration issues, at least partly, because my brains don't get enough oxygen. It could lead me sleeping less and waking up cheerier.
As you see, I am cranky at mornings and only thing to cure it is a healthy dose of *caffeinated* coffee. Caffeine is a weak bronchodilator and it also reduces respiratory muscle fatigue... hmm... it's also chemically related to theophylline which is used to treat asthma. Hmm^2.
This kind of leads to the conclusion of 1 + 1+ 1 being three.

(And, thanks to summer, doctor's appointment is 23rd of July...)

For us coffee addicts...

...Frequently Asked Questions about Coffee

EDIT 20:06:

And chanda_m found this: Tea FAQ

Entry no. 295; various.

There's something seriously odd in my brains. And in Mozart.

I went to sleep about 4 hours ago and woke up (once again) completely sweaty, dieing of thirst and complete messed up. Don't remember dreams I saw that well, but I know they have been very scattered and without any sense (I usually have some sense in my dreams). Woke up totally confused and very cranky, just like I've used to wake up before I found out what influence that CD I mentioned has on me.
Last night I didn't listen it. I was too lazy and way too relaxed when I realized that CD player is not on and decided to play with my fate. Apparently I shouldn't have done it.

I'm in here now because I was unable to fall asleep again.

This has nothing to do with coffee consumption. I drank my last cup in about 6 hours before I went to bed, and I've been known as a person who has needed coffee to fall asleep.
Neither have I drank tea or anything with caffeine in it. Music doesn't affect to my sleeping either.

Unless it's Mozart. At least it really begins to look like it.

Anyway, while laying in bed I came to conclusion that my brains are so overactive during nighttime that it goes far above normal activity, and that causes sweating and thirst. Apparently I use quite much energy while sleeping... It'd be nice to know how restlessly I sleep without my daily Mozart fix.

Health.

Throat ache went away and is here again, so I think that in the end it's all about.. *tadaa*.... central heating, in other words air in this apartment is too dry for my tubes. I've to remember put my air humidifier on.

And after about five weeks stable phase it seems to me that my weight is going down again.

Blogging and some serious nerdiness.

I've developed a perverted dream... I've had this server project going on about year and a half (yes, I'm fast) and lately I've been dreaming about it again. Just because I've reached new level in my bloggerism: I want to have an independent blog. (Livejournal isn't actually "an independent blog" if you ask from me)
Software is free, but it needs server which runs PHP+MySLQ (freeware too, AFAIK). And that would mean that I should learn about gazillion things and after it we could ask "Why not study that stuff then as you seem to be so friggin' interested of it?".

Interesting issues indeed.

SOLAK.

I became familiar with aspect of "charity stitching" some months ago when I really begun to find my place in cross stitching communities around internet. As a known tree-hugger I liked the idea of it, but was very disappointed because most charities seem to be flooded with religious views (and quite fundamentalistic even (in my eyes at least)) and they're focused only to one place and to small groups of individuals (and when we mix charity and religious views it easily gets ugly and leads to discriminating of individuals with "wrong" beliefs....).
But then I was reading one previously mentioned blog and found link to SOLAK's site...

Nowadays I'm a member, so I think we all know what happened after I got to their site?

[*insert topic here*]

- 12 kgs.

It seems that my body really needs more proteins than it needs carbohydrates, at least when it comes to weight loss without hunger etc.. (For example yesterday I ate like a horse, at least in my scale (which isn't much), mostly proteins and lost a kilo during night (From my morning weight, btw)). Though it isn't very good in a way as it affects to my sleeping.
I'm used to get tired after 12 hours awakeness, but nowadays it's at least 16 hours (which is 'normal', I do know that) and I just seem to be unable to get used to it. Other problem with that is that my normal night is ~10 hours (everything from 8-14 hours) , so... My day is 26 hours nowadays, and we do all know how well that fits to modern society....

In fact it's bit funny. I'm losing weight without actual dieting, after all those years when school doctors and my mom tried to get me lose weight. They just made few 'slight' mistakes:
1. Person under 18 years shouldn't be put on a 1200 kcal diet. Even adult shouldn't be put to that kind of diet.
2. I still wonder why no one never really doubted that I really can have some sickness which affects to my weight? Ok, once one doc put me in blood tests, but they only took thyroid gland hormone levels, blood sugar etc. I passed as healthy kid who has some kind of eating disorder. Funny part in this is... PCOs doesn't affect to those levels (To blood sugar only if you really get DM) they checked. Why the hell no one did nothing to it after that as they noticed that my weight just rose? Even when I ate normally my weight rose, which caused stress-based eating... nice merry-go-round.
3. Thanks to all those wonder diets, and insane watching over my eating, I have an eating disorder of a kind. I feel guilty because of eating, even I know that I have to eat and even I know that even in weight loss mode I need 1700 kcals/ day, if we want to calculate kcals - I don't.
4. I hope that they were just plain stupid and were unable to realize what they did to my self-esteem with all those hidden and showed doubts of my ways and commitment to lose weight. (I don't get it why they assumed that I wanted to be overweight? Most people don't want, some do, but sometimes it's not about personal choice whether you're under- or overweight.).

If this thing works and I'll be in my ideal weight some day (which is still 'slightly overweight' according to scales) I'll have my revenge. I knew what I need, but I was never allowed to eat what my body needed (and needs).

Caffeine.

Well, it seems that I'm officially caffeine/ coffee addicted. I didn't drank coffee yesterday as I hadn't slept well and my heart is very sensitive to get arhytmias (it's my stress detector), so I thought it might be better to stay away from coffee pot. (My heart had enough opinions about that lack of sleep part...) Anyway, when I woke up I had a headache. Not migraine, just normal frontal lobe headache.
I've drank mug of coffee since then and I feel almost alive. Headache is fading away, and I feel almost good.

Funny part in this is that I've drank coffee since I was a child (about 5 or something) and I never got headache when I didn't drank it, even I consumed huge amounts of coffee per day. I quitted coffee drinking when I was 19 and had 6 clean years.
Apparently I got old or my body got more sensitive, as after I got my bad habit back (I've to blame instant coffee. It's way too good.) I got addicted. But I've never had headache because of lack of caffeine - in fact lack of coffee, as tea doesn't help.

Misc.

Nah, I'm not going to PO today. I think I'll clean and organize things. I just realized that I can't take those pics I promised to *ahem* certain someone before this place looks better.

Oh, yes. I'm shallow even when it comes to my home.