[insert lousy topic here]

[whine]
I had interesting walk home. I spent my time thinking about things (as usual) and realized that it's no wonder I'm bit tense. If there were only one thing 'wrong' in my life, but as things seem to pile up at this moment I get anxiety attacks of some sort (In fact I've diagnosed anxiety disorder, to make it interesting - though I really don't believe in it anymore as it'd mean that I am anxious all the time - which I'm not. (Though I've been whining a lot lately )). Things which really bother me: being dependant on welfare (That bugs me now as they're not consistent with their ways to act, which affects to my income and ability to pay bills) which leads to anxiety of being more or less broke in regular basis (says person who just purchased laptop... but it's different story - I'll need it if I get to university)... and, if I weren't highly allergic to several grains I'd be working at this moment. I got job offer last week, but as I can't work in environment with any grain molecules (just to avoid health hazards - it wouldn't be nice to find oneself from ICU) in air here I am sitting at home and whining. And this is what really begun to bother me when I realized it... It's not feeling worse person because I'm unemployed, I just hate being dependant on others and not being able to be completely self-sufficient money wise.
It's not a problem if everything goes smoothly but any change destroy my finances for months in bad case.

Someone could say that I should stop stash shopping in that case... but my excuse is that cross stitching is my therapy, and I happen to need it to stay sane (or less insane).
[/whine]

And to nicer things.... When it comes to Dan I've said this before and I'll say it now:

I've done one thing extremely well and it was who I chose to be my ex-husband.

I know that it's quite unorthodox view, but he's one of the best I've ever met - even some people think that he's "a bit" odd (). Well, he has to be, otherwise he wouldn't have survived with me - and enjoyed that time.
There has been (and will be) times when we fight like cat and dog, but still... we get along great. To be honest we're better friends than we were as married couple, even our relationship was mostly great.
Our competitive personalities (enneagram types 5 and 3) just happen to clash drastically sometimes. (We either get along perfectly or fight with each others, to heighten things)

I'd say that my past marriage taught me many things about myself and what I want from a relationship to be happy in it.
I've to say that there are two things I occasionally miss as things: our naps and staying awake until early hours of morning talking about things.
It was great as long as it lasted. And I got my best friend from it.