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One more reason to dislike spring... It seems to me that every spring my body prepares to make a copy of itself, or at least it has an urge to do so.
About a month and a half (or a bit longer, I really can't recall) I've had this odd thought of making something for a child. To a child I don't have, and who I wont have in years with latest odds.

In certain sense I'm afraid that if I stitch something it'll be bad omen. And what if I never get kids?
To be honest that thought is much more scary than thought of not finding lasting relationship - which is really odd when you're talking about me as I'm so called relationship person (Even I'm QA) - hard to guess from a person who got married when she was 19?

I don't know have my (apparently) stabilized hormones something to do with this (I'd say it's very likely so), but it has never felt like I feel now. I've had similar feelings years ago when I left birth control pills, but after it nothing even close to it, and it was not this intense feeling...

I've to say that idea of being a single mother has never been very fascinating, but lately my opinions have changed. Who says that I can't enjoy family life if I don't have a man on my side? I don't really want to give that much power to anyone when it comes to my life and my dreams.
If there aren't males who can take me as I am does it have to mean that I've to live childless life? I don't really think so.

But the problem is... my PCOs. And fact of wanting relatively good genes for the child so I just can't pick up some random bystander... Not to mention it'd be against my principles anyway.