Let me quote myself:

""Head, say Hello to the wall."

I am afraid that in addition to everything else, my depression has returned.

I have been off of meds for about 5 years and two months, officially I am considered being cured from it because I have been able to function without any help from anyone or anything those five years.

And now... I am disappointed and afraid. Afraid that I really suffer from depression, and that if it has now came back I will never get rid of it completely. I am disappointed because I have tried everything I can imagine to avoid stressing myself too much in order to avoid the depression returning.
I would like to hit someone because one of the possible causes is my asthma, or rather the medication. Like it wouldn't be enough to have load of physical stuff which can kill me untreated, or just for the sake of it, and that now the medication which should keep me well may have caused my depression to return.

I have never been good in asking help from anyone, and now I may have to do it and get into yet another vicious circle of being dependent on chemicals to keep myself going.
Even though I know that it would be beneficiary for me (I would probably get a long sick leave (paid by government) quite easily) to walk to the doctor's I am reluctant to do so.

I don't want to be weak. But I have to be... because at this moment it feels that I am close to the point where my mind just makes nice little snap sound and all hell breaks loose.

I just hate even the thought of getting back to that dark hole I once was in and I am afraid that it ruins everything I have managed to accomplish since the last time."

Asthmatics are 3-4 times more likely to suffer from depression. PCOs women are more likely to suffer from depression and panic attacks than their healthy comparisons. People with prolonged health issues have higher probability to suffer from depression. Cortisone can cause depression. Difficult life situations can cause depression...

What of those does not apply?

I have suffered from memory problems for about a month, I have suffered from loss of interest about the same period of time. I have been more sensitive to any kind of negativity coming from outside world, I have had trouble waking up and/ or feeling awake. I don't have an appetite, but I eat because I am hungry or when my blood sugar goes too low to be tolerated. I have drank excessive amounts of coffee/ day for last month or so.

Either my cortisone dose is too high, which would cause troubles in planning the medication, or then my mind has finally decided to get tired with being physically ill.
Neither sounds like a nice choice. Both will be considered as the cause... if, or, whenever I am able to admit myself that I am not ok, that this is not normal anymore and make the appointment...