Half-broken things, part II

I've had air pressure and sleep deprivation induced migraine today, and even I have done nothing to prove my existence (blogging doesn't count) my brains have processed information and experiences.

While I was putting my make-up on before going to grocery I glanced at the mirror and realised something... every time something hurts me I get more beautiful, in my own eyes if not anyone else's (though it seems to me that it works for general public too). It seems to me that I'll begin to bloom after my thirtieth birthday, and I'll age beautifully (good genes, thanks mom).
And what made me realise all that was that when I looked at myself I found myself beautiful even with those huge bags I've under my eyes at the moment. I looked older than I am, older than I look when I'm well rested, and still I liked what I saw.

Previous Eureka! came to me in Bangkok, during phase it maybe "shouldn't" have. Few days after that day I stood in front of bedroom mirror while adding moisturizer on my skin, saw myself from the mirror and saw myself in completely new light.
I've liked my body for years, but at that moment I realised that I really love every inch of it, every gram of it. And that I really have good body, no matter what general aspect of beauty is.
Though I still have to admit that there are few who have helped me to see myself as I am, as I see myself now, and I'm thankful for them. It has not been easy and it's not easy to be BBW in this world, or at least in Western world. (Fact: I never felt big in Bangkok even according to stereotypes I should have... I fit in.)

They call it...

FWB (Friend(s) With Benefits).

I admit it (again), I am not ready to have a relationship. I'm an emotional wreck (as there really is something broken in me, I need to find out what, when it broke and how to fix it) and I need to give time for myself. I need to find a focus for my life. I need to give some time for my soul to heal.
But, I am also a physical being with needs and that is when FWB marches in. Most who know me would never believe that I'd get into FWB, but it has happened before, and apparently it happens when there's (hidden) need for it and suitable (read: tempting) counterpart.

Joys of adulthood: as long as it's legal it's really up to you what you do with your life. And it seems to me that I've decided to sit on two chairs at the same time even it is something I don't usually do.
Honestly speaking, I like the idea, now. What I think about it tomorrow is different story, but... regret is not my thing.

Btw

It has been week of surprises, and they keep on coming: Wolfie IMed me today. (Though he still has connection problems so it was just a little while.) It made me smile as I realised I fell for him for all the right reasons. And the thought itself healed something in me.