Greetings from last millenium

I found few writings of mine while bulldozing things to their rightful places and for some reason I had to (and as I tend to act on impulse...) translate part of one:

6th of November, 1999

"...Darkness of the night veils evil burrowing inside of me, like it'd want to forgive me.

Forgive what? That evil doesn't come from me. Unbeat* of my heart came with life, thereon there has only been silence. Like a ghost deep in my soul. Absorbing sounds into depths of eternity.

Nevertheless I love silence. I blend into truth like tears to the sea.
I'm real only for a moment, then I'll hide in myself, just to come back in following sleepless night."

Depression had it's advantages. Like being able to write. But then... I prefer to be me, who-I-am-now me.

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* Word which is impossible to translate with my English skills: lyömättömyys (...sydämeni lyömättömyys...). Lack of beating. Dead state, to be exact.