Odd thoughts about...

...kids.

I had odd experience earlier today (Ok, in fact it was yesterday but as I'm still awake...), I had this sudden "I want to have kids" feeling.

Yes, I know that there's nothing odd in that but I've succesfully buried that feeling over a year ago - not because I didn't want to have them back then but I want to raise my kids in a family with two adults.

History/ herstory

In fact I've wanted to have kids since I was 18 and got PCOs diagnose. Without that diagnose it's possible that I wouldn't have even thought about having kids. Before those words from endocrinologist I never understood why people were hypeing about kids all the time. Since then I've knew why.

So?

PCOs or not, it would be great to use some birth control, but nowadays I have this kind of twisted situation:

1. I'm allergic to latex -> I can't use regular condoms.
2. Non-latex condoms are friggin' expensive.(IMO it's not very wise to spend ~100 €/month to condoms...)
3. I can't eat most birth control pills because I can't stand corn in any form.
4. Hormonal birth control in general messes my head big time.

So, it seems that when my beloved little celibacy comes to it's end there's only one long-term solution: Just accept that fact that I may become pregnant - or may not, which is quite probable with this friggin' syndrome.

Anyway, as I see it, this situation is bit odd. And awfully akward, for both of us.

The point in this

I don't know were there any. I was just bit surprised of that feeling. Maybe my mind just fools itself so I wouldn't feel as bitchy I sometimes feel... because in a way I'll force my poor Sonnenschein* to take that risk with me. Risk of my body working for once... and on the other hand it would be almost a miracle...

Life's odd, but I think that is why it's so interesting.

Nightless night

Seems to be curse to me nowadays. It's almost 5 a.m. and I'm not tired. How can you be when there's no night? No darkness, just more or less daylight. Freaky. And my system dislikes it.

Ok, my system likes it in it's freaky way but it's impossible to combine modern society and Finnish summer. This is really one twisted place to live.

Fairies

As we all know my surname is fairy in Turkish (More about "us" in here.) and I had this idea while I was cross stitching... Maybe I should get addicted to fairies as they're me?
To be honest there's one HK design I have to do because it's all about my name: Forest Fairy... (Yes, it's me. It just depends on what languages you misuse...)

This has nothing to do with anything, it just popped to my sick little mind.

* Sonnenschein is a nickname of his which I gave to him last fall, as he was the light of my life even back then. Nowadays he's even more.