Dusk thoughts

Why it can't be always like this?


Dusk time, it has rained hour or so ago and it's so quiet. No sun torturing my little eyes and yelling neighbours have gone to sleep. Air is like bird's milk, soft as baby's skin...

This is why I like summer. This is one reason why I like summer - other one is possibility to walk barefooted.

Oh, happy day

Tonight was "official" Sonnenschein's online night. It's odd how you learn to appreciate those few hours you get after you're used to blabber with him almost every night.

Things changed a bit when he got that job of his, but not that much in the end. To be honest I was bit afraid of what will happen but things are still like they used to be. Almost unbelievable. (Though I have nothing against it. )

14 weeks to go. Fortunately those weeks are summer weeks, it's easier to handle when you're basically in good mood. Excess amount of sunlight is sometimes almost good thing, even it causes migraines.

Cross stitching, forums and women

As someone who has androgyne brains I'm quite surprised that I enjoy "blabbering" with other women (Cross stitching is mostly feminine hobby -for some odd reason) in one cross stitch forum. Of course there are people in there who have no sense of netiquette but you can't get everything...

Usually I dislike large groups of women because I usually don't fit in and for some reason it seems that women have this bad habit of gossiping and stabbing backs of others - usually those who disagree with them. And -of course- I've been that one who has been stabbed. It has been me who's too different to fit in... Why? Because I'm "too masculine" ->I'm honest, my sense of humour is twisted and I dare to love facts and dislike "girly" stuff.

Sex vs. gender

In theory I shouldn't even talk about other women as a female and a woman are different aspects. In general they're synonyms, in general in that world which has only two sexes... I live in that world and rebel against it, as fact is that there are at least three physical sexes - in fact only sky is a limit when you start to categorize.

Then sex and gender... like night and day but unfortunately it's too difficult for most to understand it.

"But you look like a woman!"

...is quite familiar sentence for me... It's friggin' hard to get some people understand that sex is what you're but gender is who you're. And then there's

"So, you hate your body then?"

No, I don't hate my body. I like it very much, thank you for asking.

I understand that it is bit hard to understand why I have no problems with living in a female body when half of my brains/ personality live in completely different sex as they should live in. I've wondered it myself. It may be just getting used to this carnal entity, it may be my sense of aesthetics (Yes, I think that in theory female body is more beautiful - even I am straight (I could talk about sexual orientation and gender but not now... maybe later, if I'm in the mood some day)) or something I can't even think of. I like male body but I wouldn't like to live in one.