This sadness is sometimes very scary.. no, not sadness. I feel like a prisoner. I know I will get out from here some day but now it feels like it would never happen. For some odd reason my freedom comes when my husband moves away from here - from my home I was saying... Well, this feels more like my home nowadays. I can not wait to get him out... that man I was madly in love with. I do not even know when I lost my love.
Maybe it all ended when he confessed that he cheated me when we started dating. Confession came after we got married. I was fool and I forgive. I was fool and stand next to him when he felt guilty. I was that fool who thought there was something wrong in me when I felt bad for what he did.
As I was the one who made him feel guilty, I was hideous. Sometimes it felt like I was the one that started that all....
I tried to talk with my husband, I tried to say that I was sad, that I felt bad... I tried to tell him that I just loved him like a madman but it seemed to me that he was not loving me.
Well, after 1½ years of suffering I had my revenge. I had an affair, I maybe even loved that man... we had one thing in common: our souls were broken. In a way he saved me.
This happened little over two years ago... and now I am getting out from my prison - aka love.

I was highly faithful person who believed eternal love and devotion. Now I am cheating bastard. And I just hope that I can finally forgive myself. And learn how to love again, learn to be faithful again.
I think that it is not that hard thing to do. I believe in me. I believe in Love.

...some day....