I just noticed something.

We do not sleep together anymore. Nowadays he usually sleeps in the living-room and I sleep in the bedroom. It is a bit difficult for me as I do not like to sleep alone.

On the other hand it can be better for me... or maybe not, as I need lot of touching - and sleeping next to warm male body is the most wonderful thing there can be. *Sigh* I do not even miss having sex that much than I miss intimacy, cuddling...

There is nothing new in that: I have been like this always. Earlier I just used sex to get what I really needed. I have learned new things during my marriage, now I want to have touching and tenderness before having sex. Maybe even fall in love, as sex is not just sex anymore... it is making love now. You know, this happens when you taste something so sweet you could not never even believed that there is something like it....

...and that makes this so hard.

I know what I have lost and I do miss it. After all, when everything was fine it was really fine. And losing something that big and beautiful is like losing someone very dear.

Well, I lost very dear person. I lost that boy I married 5 years ago. And after he got lost, my love got lost too. Or maybe I just fell in love to some imaginary person. I can not say.