So much has happened lately.

I just realized today how fucked-up I have been. But there is nothing new, I just am quite sensitive to stress - especially emotional one. In fact it is somewhat odd that I am as well as I am now. No depression, I can even sleep nowadays and life has not lost its meaning..

Well, that is not that odd in fact. I have been preparing myself for this quite a long time if I stop to think. Question is just why now, why not earlier?
Maybe it is my optimism, maybe it is my naiveness. Foolish little girl just believed in love. And for some reason love won. It run away and opened my eyes. And I saw my future - it was not beautiful future. Only one sentence and my future was lot brighter. It is funny, even cruel but who understands life?

For some reason it feels like my husband has finally got that what I said to him two months ago, he has finally noticed that I have really lost my love for him.( Love in general never fades away. It is inside of us all, open to only few persons in this world. There is not that one and only as I see it, there is some good ones. Maybe out there somewhere is that best of good ones, maybe that person is the "only one".) I do love him in a way, he is still my dearest friend and I hope I will never ever learn to hate him. But that difference between friendship love and Love is small but big enough for me. I am emotional little thing, I just happen to need deep emotions. Nothing less is not good for me.

Finally I have peace in me. I am not a failure after all, wow.:)