1198: sort of X-rated thoughts - once again

Hereby I decide that I have been judged to be too depraved to be worth of being in contact with or even less to be considered as a possible partner anymore. (And there was much rejoicing. *grin*)
I have not heard from that person in almost a week now and even I am a bit simple I am able to draw a conclusion between my last email and his sudden disappearance.

I find it fascinating though how person who says that he's sexually open can find something so trivial to be too much... or maybe, maybe it was once again the fact that I am sweet and depraved. People seem to find it disturbing when someone is cute and sexy, and apparently it also applies with being sweet and depraved. It just provides too much of a contrast in one person.

In the end it's better this way, as he saved the bother of me ending it with the regular I think we are too different yadda-yadda.
Though that would have been true: I seem to be incompatible with men who aren't at least as non-vanilla I am (even though I don't find myself kinky in any way, which is rather odd based on facts). And based on experience it is even better in man is deeper in that swamp than I as they are less judgemental and I get to try new things.

Now... the problem is where to find one suitable (intelligent) example to have and to hold..? And who would actually want to/ could be with me.

Singledom is interesting form of art. Not to mention that it is awfully tiring and uninspiring.

Stitch-A-Thon

Firstly, there's nothing in wrong with me now that I have actually been able to create something again, but concern is much appreciated.
I even decided to confront my dislike towards yellow and begun to stitch one model on pale yellow fabric - and as I thought, yellow fabric+black floss combination actually seems to be just the thing for that design.

But back to business. It is SAT weekend again, and actually I am evil and participate to it in two boards (FG and TRN).

My piece is... Maestro, drum roll, please... Loy Krathong and this is what we have now (oh yes, I had to start it...)

I set a goal of first page excluding those colours I lack (I'm three greens short..).

Let the needles smoke!

Can you drown in suppressed creativity?

It is amazing how much having approximately two weeks' break in designing can depress you.
Not because of the lack of designs (I could stop designing right now for two years and still have bimonthly updates with few models...), but because of something you can't actually explain. It's like water gathering when someone builds a barrage in a river... For while it causes no problems, but in the end it causes nothing but destruction.

Creativity can be destructive, and fact is that during my life creativity has walked hand in hand with depression. Either depression has boosted my creativity or vice versa, it has always been there.
At the moment my situation is different: I can't design if I am down. Every single idea I may have is barred somewhere inside of me causing pain... until something changes, until little something comes out and breaks the barrier.
I am not in my most creative phases, but what makes me feel good is that those few "sketches" I have done is last two days are good, they are something I would (and, of course, will) stitch. They are something I'd love to receive as a stitched gift from someone.

And admittedly... if I can't control myself Angi (who is my Birthday Exchange partner, as mentioned before) will get real surprise in July when she receives her birthday gift from me... So, in the end everything is fine: I am having crazy ideas again, there's nothing wrong with me.

Friday's Feast

Feast One Hundred & Thirty One

Appetizer: What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Have you ever heard of cell phones?
My cells have nice variety of tunes so I can't think of anything.

Soup: Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Sunny, with occasional cloudiness. Lately... well, it has been raining, but I think it has been all about blockage in my creativity. (Someone stayed up until 3 am and designed, and feels much better now.)

Salad: What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
I am Jack of many trades, so I can't choose.

Main Course: Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
Bible, both parts. That would give me great weapon against all the fundamentalists who claim to know things better... Great book, but badly misread and understood.

Dessert: If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?
I don't eat enough candy to be able to answer...

Problem eater cooks: Crêpes

Rice flour crêpes a lá myself aka. Pamper your gluten intolerant friends and loved ones.

10-12 servings:

• 3 dl milk
• 1 dl natural yoghurt
• 2 dl rice flour
• 2 eggs
• 1 dl brown sugar
• ½- 1tsp salt
• 1 tbsp oil

Whisk, let the mixture set about 30 minutes and fry on pan.

Looks like a real thing and tastes ten times better than real thing.

Valentine's Day came day late!

...but it was well worth the wait, I got mail from two persons!

I have been a bit down lately (as you may have noticed) and this migraine is not making it any better, so both of the items really cheered me up (even I may not sound like it).

Firstly, I got Pay-It-Forward gift from Zalita. She stitched me the loveliest little sachet (with Rhodes hearts, which are on top of my favourite special stitches list):

(Colours are off, but it is winter and sun has set...)

By the way, my PIF receivers... I haven't forgot you, but as you may have noticed art has got a bit on the way... I am in process of creating them in my head and then actualize them. I do know exactly what every single one of you gets - though I may have to change the order or make you all wait a bit longer as I need to get some fabrics and yarn and... stuff. *grin*

Back to business... My Valentine's Exchange (at SBEBB) arrived from Leslie and in addition to stitching me this adorable tiny pillow she spoiled me rotten with goodies (two (fat?) quarters of fabric, Love Tree Ornament from M Designs and roll of ribbon). Without further ado, an exchange:

 

That red fabric is actually much deeper shade, but, as said before, it is dark and no matter what setting I used when taking the picture it doesn't get any redder than that...

Thank you both!

SBQ: Chart packs

Today's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

is:

Do you like to buy "chart packs" that include charms, buttons, and/or beads or do you prefer to gather all materials yourself?

I have only bought one chart pack in my life (Catnip Kitty Fob), so I have to base my answer on almost non-existent experience: it depends on the price of said chart pack, do I have any of the needed materials in my stash, how easy it is to acquire charms etc. separately and is it available as a chart-only.

Foto Pherrets

Week 59

Our word for this week is: Red

My frequent readers know about my chili farming... this is a close-up of my last haul of chili paprikas from last autumn.

Late night with ranting blogger

I have issues with the fact that people have issues with the fact that I am reserved.

What makes it worse is that they usually claim that they have no issues with it, but still they want me to relax, chill a bit...
Oh, how I hate dislike humankind sometimes...

I know why I am reserved, I know it makes me look anal, but I also know that I will never be able to remove it completely.
What makes it so friggin' wonderful is that those people who know me and my history never question my self-defense system. And they know it only because they took the time and were willing to accept the fact that I am reserved - and noticed that in the end I am not reserved at all. I just need time.

Sometimes I do understand Anton Szandor LaVey's idea of making humans for your own use. (Making Humans For Fun And Profit... *grin*)

Migraine stitching

It has been a while since previous Ezzy update... almost two months to be exact, but today it got a bit closer to finish.

(Once again the colours are bit off.)

This is just suitable project for migraine (had an allergic reaction (apples - it happens if I don't have any breaks in eating them every now and then) yesterday, and this probably came from that) days. Easy, but quite many colour changes (though those similar shades are a bit annoying).

Egypt's border in progress

SAL day, day for Egyptian Sampler with Christine.

There is one annoyance in the chart so far and that is right under the corner motif (square) from where sides begin. All the other gaps are four stitches, but first ones are only three.
You may guess who had to frog some "ladders" today because she thought that the chart is logical?
Yup, that was me ( Though it was my bad because I didn't look at the chart carefully enough, but anyway...) hence only minor progress.

There will be no update next week, I am going to Estonia with my mother in 19th.

Take a blog. Sprinkle some X-rated content over it...

One complains how she is single, but I am also getting the picture of my pickiness.
I really seem to demand a lot... but I can't help it that when man says that one form of penetration is out of the question because of his issues (if he is 100% straight let him be, but why I can't be that depraved pervert I am if I choose him?) it is a real turn off. I just don't want to eat oatmeal for the rest of my life... I don't want to make love just to have kids. If my soul and heart love I need to be able to enjoy also the physical form wholeheartedly.

Talking of men... I confessed my crush to mr. X yesterday, and even I thought it would have made things easier (though in certain way it did) it didn't as his answer was not really no nor yes, but something from between... and in light of recent incident he still has something to keep his status in my head: I do like a man who is not complete vanilla...
Though there are certain somewhat negative aspects in him too.

Life would be easier if it was simple.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think it would be easier for me to be a man as apparently intelligent, overly sexual, extremely sensitive woman is not a being fit for living... she is just too perfect to live, or too depraved to live. Or too something to live.

/me dislikes the situation she is in.

Unconscious Mutterings

Week 210

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. The best thing :: Me (*grin*)
2. Hold :: To have and to hold
3. Rapture :: Rapture of Lust (For My Pain...)
4. Cover :: Beseech
5. Restrictive :: Limitation
6. Baker :: Ma'
7. Author :: Writer
8. Pill :: Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette)
9. Months :: Years
10. Valentine’s Day :: Depressing.

Construction manual...

Sometimes I could marry myself, or rather: sometimes it feels that I am only one I don't scare off with being me and hence I should marry myself.
Admittedly there are those I haven't scared off (actually I have been thinking of an entry about kindred souls and the other view(s) for those for some time... I just need to find the words to be able to write what I want to say), but still the problem remains... they may love me, respect me, and they, or some of them, may actually still think that I am like every woman should be (I have read these exact words not so long ago), but for reason or millionth we haven't been able to make it. Anyway...
In certain sense being single, pulling different doors gives me quite much. At least it makes me think... Excerpt from one email I wrote:

On building the houses...

Lately I have been thinking quite much about relationships, dos and don'ts, the differences, the similarities and what is the secret to make it work.
I am still looking for the answers (and probably won't never cease to look for them - it comes with my character), and admittedly I have confronted surprising things in me.

- - -

I read yesterday a sentence with which I agree: you don't fall in love, you grow in it.
Love, like relationships is/are like a house. Little things are the cement which keeps the tiles together. Those little things define will the house stay put when storms come or will it fall to pieces.
Roof maybe ripped off, windows may break, but if the walls are still up nothing is lost. If the residents are willing to take the time and fix the house they once built.

I want to build those walls to last. I want to build those walls sturdy. I want to know that they will stay put when storms hit.
I am tired of drama, I am tired of falling in and out of love, I am tired to have no one to share my life with.
I want to have it all, but I also want to have it good. I want to love the house after living in it 20 years, too.

G-d gives us the possibility to build houses which last, but he also gave us free will which leads to the fact that most people build their houses from sticks on bare ground.
Every day is a new sheet, everyday we have the chance, and every day we make the decisions which will affect on our future. I once built houses on bare ground, from sticks. Since then I have learnt that it does not work.

Nowadays I want to build the house on solid ground, mold good foundation and use only the best cement and tiles to build the walls. Sometimes I doubt myself, but I know it is the only way... sometimes it is lonely to be one of the few who want to build the house to last.
I have built and demolished too many houses during my lifetime and I would love to finally take the time to build the last house I will ever live in, build it with respect, patience, love, honesty and all the good things... I know there will be few hits to my fingers while hitting the nails and there will be some minor arguments on choosing the wallpaper, but it is life.

I just want to live silent, peaceful, everyday life in a house I have built with someone special.

Can you say that I am getting fed up with dating game? Or that I would love to have someone to gush about my artistic endeavours..? Or just to have the grey everyday life... And what's funny... it hasn't been even eight months and it feels like eight years.
I just can hope that it gets easier when spring comes... or that I get lucky. Really lucky.

Happy dancing on roses...

I think the word is addiction...

Information:

• Designer: Yours truly/ Periphaeria Designs
• Design Ring Of Roses #1
• Fabric: 28 count Mulberry Cashel Linen
• Floss: DMC 3689

Roses and hearts, what could be more suitable close to Valentine's day?

On dyeing

Thank you for the comments on my dyed thingies. There are some little details I'd like to let you know:

1. I am an artisan of textile designing and manufacturing (my 'major' was weaving (designing and manufacturing) though) by education and therefore dyeing was part of my education. I have spent good part of three years in the dye 'lab' (there was only one place I spent more time in and that was our 'weavery' (hall of looms)).

2. I won't write a tutorial, even Angela asked for it, because the process differs between brands and between colour types (there are hot dyes, cold dyes, machine dyes..). Only advices I give you are: prewash the item and trust yourself. (The dye will attach the fiber even if you made a mistake. The result just may be something you never expected it to be - and sometimes it is a good thing.)

3. Dyeing is actually very, very easy, you just need the courage to try it. Dye packets contain very good instructions (at least Dylon dyes do) so if you know how to read you know how to dye.

At this moment I would love to experiment with painting the fabric with the dyes, but as it is winter and I don't have a backyard I can't. Some day...

 

Why I don't use subtitles?

Recently I have been watching DVDs while stitching, and today I realised once again why I disable subtitles every time... I do it because it seems to me that translators don't either speak Finnish or English fluently (and some of them don't seem to speak either..). For crying out loud even I could do better translations with my elementary school English... but then, they provide form of entertainment.

t3h fl0ss

Dyed, rinsed, soaked, washed, boiled, dried... and probably not running anymore.

All mine...

I have a cunning plan..

Now that I have fabric for Loy I itch to start it (can you guess that I am happy with the fabric? (No, not just happy, I am thrilled as it is exactly like I wanted it to be.)), and I had an idea: I could have it as my official Stitch-A-Thon piece...

This is how we justify new big projects before finishing any of the old ones...

Thoughts on diet and fertility

Today I 'ave mostly been... jumping for joy because my latest cycle was only 28 days and I have no swelling or pains.

As you may have guessed I have done some reading about gluten intolerance. It may cause, for example, (I won't even get into fatigue and lack of energy which I used to have all the time when I was still eating "like normal people") infertility.
Those of you who have been around since times of Sol may have noticed that since my diet got to what it is now I have been complaining less and less about my PCOs... because since I had to change the way of eating my beloved syndrome has got better, at least based on the signs my body is giving (for example my cycle is nowadays 28-32 days instead of 70-90 days it used to be and I live with much less pain (I don't get it how I was able to function in those times when I had abdominal pains (and we talk about pain in here) almost all the time)..).

Now, some, if not most, women with this syndrome find some help from low-carb diet, and therefore I would like to know how common gluten intolerance is among PCOs women compared to average... as low-carb also means less, if any, grains which contain gluten.

I also find it interesting that gluten intolerance can cause DM I... as PCOs predisposes you to DM II. I do know that DM I and DM II have different bases, but still they are both forms of diabetes. And in PCOs diabetes is actually somewhat caused by abnormal insulin production and not that much of the possible obesity (every PCOs woman is not obese, the official percentage is about 50%)...

Admittedly I may be seeing connections (I have said something about this before) in places where there is none, but still... it is interesting.

And after all this thinking I need some caffeine. Ta-ta for now.

SBQ: Retreats

This week's

Stitching Bloggers' Question

was suggested by Danielle and is:

Have you ever been to a stitching retreat?

No. I have been playing with the thought every once in a while and I am not quite how I would cope in such as I have issues with generic females (or rather the generic 46 XX has issues with me..).
If I could choose my company I would love one. Otherwise...

It was a colourful day

Pun intended.

I did some dyeing. Or should I say that I did quite much of it? Ten skeins of floss and over one square meter of fabric to be exact...

Misc. pieces (from left: two Kingfishers, two Arabian Nights and one Windsor Purple which has been soaked quickly in AN):

Fabric (it is actually a bit darker than in picture) for Loy:

And, last, but not least, fabric for Seasonal Dragons (though I think I may use the other side as main side, it is a bit darker):

I will get pictures of the flosses later as I need to soak them in vinegar and wait them to dry.
I also dyed the fabric for the exchange, but I won't show it just yet.

Now... I will head to bed... I am wasted.