Sometimes...

....it'd be so much easier just to hate him.

Well, I'm not exactly a easy person either... I just hate this situation so much...

In fact it looks like that if he's not here soon I'll find myself depressed. I don't want that.
I've been even more oversensitive lately than I'm usually... It doesn't promise anything good.
What else can this be if I don't sleep well, I don't eat regularly in any sense (for example I've ate last time about 12 hours ago... and nothing much when I ate), my memory fails me, I've lost even that little amount of concentration I've had... But this has never happened to me before. I've been able to sleep and eat even when I've been depressed.

Is this why they say that love is torment?

Because it injures your physical and mental health... At least when it's long-distance floating without any exact dates. Currently I just try to keep end of September in my mind. "Then he may be -and hopefully is- in here and everything will be fine."

And I can't understand myself. This is frigging exhausting, but I wouldn't change a day. I wouldn't change anything (Of course there are few disagreements I could take away but...). And even I sometimes do wonder how the hell I can take day after another, I hang on.
And every day I hope that he says "Everything is clear now." and gives me date and flight number... Every day. ~233 everydays, and still counting.

This isn't good even to my menstrual cycle. It's irregular (or non-existent) because of my PCOS, but this situation seems to ruin that little I've from healthy female's life. Haven't got periods since.... June. And it makes me even more unstabile and sensitive.
My hormonal levels seem to have stucked to that bad phase of my cycle when everything sucks.
It's hard to tolerate this feeling even in my normal cycle when it lasts about 2-3 days and now...

It also seems that I'm getting my childhood skin problem back....