Administration.

I must be crazy. I took one forum in my control. I'm only admin in there so...
Though it's small one so it shouldn't be a burden. I just may have to get one co-moderator, just in case (because there are moments when I don't get into net in days - few of them but anyway...).

Disadvantages of peer groups.

I have been in Finnish PCOs-mailing list since it begun years ago (in fact I was in that original e-mail list from where it all begun...) and I really appreciate that support I get from there.
Just read one mail from there and I realized something: it has it disadvantages too.

Everything is great as long as there isn't loads (Yeah, sure. 'Loads' in a list which has about 200 members...) of pregnant women. At this moment there's enough of them... and it doesn't help my life at all.

I'm happy because of those pregnancies, because I know how hard their way has been, but I can't help getting a feeling of being stabbed. Continuously and violently straight to my soul.

My oldest child could be 4 years without this friggin' syndrome... (though I have to admit that it was good that we never got any kids. That divorce was hard enough for me to survive alone, it'd been disaster with kids...)

Blogging and other things.

Haa! Sis got an infection from me. Bloggerism is catchy.

Btw, why am I awake? Had to write something, so I got up. I don't know will I ever send it, but I have to write...
Projects code name could be In-laws.

For some reason it seems to me that no matter what, there's always some clashes between in-laws and my relationships. Could someone tell me why it is so?

:)

-10 kg since May.

After eating (almost) well few days...

Hidden meanings...

..aka. International Jewish Conspiracy... (And in case someone wonders... no, I'm not anti-semite, I'm more like pro-semite. And that is more or less brutal inside "joke"...)

I subscribe to Beliefnet's Religious Joke of a Day newsletter and this came few days back, but I just read it first time.

Working By Results A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Maybe just a coincidence or maybe there was some meaning behind cab driver's name...

*yawn*

Despite my migraine I finished my SP's gift and I have to say that it came out well. (At least I'm pleased to it.)
It included few things I've never done and still it looks good. In fact I'm surprised - though I'm way too tired to be happy because of it.

Well, I can be happy if she likes it - when ever she receives it (As it takes few days before I afford to sent it).

Blog, part 2.

My sis found this - finally. (I've had link to my blog in my home page... since... July.)

Well, it doesn't bother me. Only one who may have something really negative to say about this is my SIL...

Oh joy...

First migraine in ages so I can't sleep... at least not before that painkiller dozes me off.

How great excuse to stitch...

Thingies.

Sonnenschein is (/seems to be) back to normal, which is great. We talked quite much today, which is good also.

And he referred sligthly to his life in here... first time in days.

Exchanges.

Got my Fall Secret Pal info yesterday and already shopped online 'til I dropped. (Now I'm poor as rat, but who cares.)

I'm also doing little something for my SP. I just have to see how it turns out. If it'll be catastrophy I wont send it - "surprisingly". Otherwise it should be something she could even like.
IMO it's more like a gift, as it's ment to be in a way, when there's something hand-made in it.

Blog.

I've lurkers. Which means that some people actually read my blog. (And some actually visit my home page (I have my little elf who tells me that...).)

Apparently this isn't even that dull as I have always thought. Which is nice.

Why is it so?

Because it means that my life isn't as boring as I sometimes doubt it may seem to be, and my thoughts aren't that odd to majority as I think - or maybe only minorities read this..?

My dear readers, you can also comment entries if you want to.

Sis.

She's moving together with her bf -after two months of dating. They're so cute.

And I'm glad that her life seems to get better, at least in this important area.

Scent memory

My scent memory seems to be something interesting.

I bought some incenses today. Normal habit, it's sign of coming autumn. I seem to do this almost every year.
Anyway, I like sandalwood so I bought one packet of sandalwood incense sticks... light it up at home and...

It reminded me of A.. I didn't even remember that he smelled like sandalwood (his apartment smelled like sandalwood too) before now.

I don't miss him. It's not about that, but things came into my mind from last year.
It's almost year since I met A.. It's odd how time passes...

And still no sign of Sonnenschein in here.

Started to wonder how A. is nowadays. Haven't heard from him since May.

Spices as dyes.

Well, they came out great.

   

   

   

:)

It was good to complain. I'm hungry.

Blaah...

I don't like this. I think I'm anemic as everything annoys me and I'm just so friggin' tired all the time. Everything feels so lame and I couldn't care less.

Of course it'd be better for my possible anemia if I could still remember why people eat... as it seems that I've really forgot it.
I ran around the city 5 hours with two apples and cup of coffee as my energy sources. Those were only things I consumed in first ten hours of this day.
When I came home I ate little bit of fish, as I knew I had to. I was not hungry. I haven't been hungry in ages. Nor I have felt need to eat in ages.
When I eat, I eat because I have to eat to keep myself going.

Basically I'm powered by caffeine, H2O, magnesium and vitamin pills. Any other vitamin, energy and micronutrient source doesn't get that often into my body.
OK, I do eat 2-3 apples every day (at least I try to).

I could almost doubt that I'm bit anorectic.
Not physically as I have enough weight to get rid of, at this moment, but mentally... And to be honest, it's quite scary.

I just hope that I can keep myself in good enough shape not to get arhytmias again...

And I really do hope that I'll find my eating skills again. I know I'm not very nice person currently because my brains are lacking almost everything... (Fortunately I eat magnesium. Without it I'd be raving lunatic.)

At times like this I almost feel pity for Sonnenschein. He have to listen my stupidities and moping. But what wouldn't man do for love?

Anyway: Graah.

*note to self: learn to eat.*

Spices.

I played with my paprika (what ever it's in English?) supply and dyed some aida and little amount of floss with it.
Now I just have to wash them... and see how well that colour stays.

Official Useless Link.

Could You Pass 8th-Grade Math?

I do that later, now I'm way too tired and... flegmatic.

Btw, I'm anemic because I'm menstruating and I'm quite good at imitating Niagara falls...

Kids, once again.

Few neighbourhood's kids are playing down below on the yard, I saw them from window while I was going to kitchen to make my morning coffee, and I noticed interesting thing in me.
They made me smile. This warm sensation came into my heart, this knowledge that I want to have a family. (And of course I've been thinking about Sonnenschein since... even I promised myself not to think about him today. Yes, I mope. )

Not today, but sooner or later.

This is quite odd in that sense that it doesn't hurt to think about kids. I haven't got happy thoughts about kids since... I don't even remember. Usually they have to do with "*sigh* I'd like to become a mom but this friggin' syndrome..."

\o/

Maybe most women wouldn't be happy but... my periods came once again.
Though my cycle was 76 days (once again) but at least my body is able to do something without extra hormones. And I will be almost an angel next few days.
These are fine moments (though my body is sore....).

Desperation.

I've got addicted to one pic I got few days back. Normal pic, but why I've got addicted to it is...

That smile. Sonnenschein's smile.

Yes, I'm teen, but who cares?

*sigh*

I just miss him so.

Exchangeholism

Yes, it seems that I'm exchange-a-holic.

I'm currently in three forthcoming exchanges, one of them doesn't have to include stitched piece but I think I'll do something small to my 'secret pal' in that exchange too...

I know it sounds crazy, but I've always liked giving and getting gifts and this is great way to give, get and have a good reason (or excuse) to spend my time stitching.

Relationship update.

After almost moping to eachothers about two hours online we had quite nice time in the end.

Crisis is not over, but I feel quite good.

I think (and really hope) that we'll survive.

And I've to work with certain personal issues of mine...

It seems that my estrogen levels are down. I've been freezing since I woke up. (Maybe I just shouldn't jump around naked whole day....) And I've been bit blue.
I'm just living in hope that my periods are coming, it'd be great for a change.

About Sonnenschein.

He has this odd personality trait, which I've noticed earlier and verified yesterday: he tries to protect good things in his life so fiercely that he takes risks of losing those good things.
In a way I can understand it, it has it's own logic, but my logic just doesn't get it.

Hmm....

I heard something quite odd about him today. It doesn't affect to anything but I have to admit that it takes time to get that.

We had quite severe fight because of it. It was good anyway, as it helped me to see what I want.

Things have changed but I want to be with him anyway.

Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm not. Don't know.

Nagging and misc.

Nag, nag, nag. Once again my ovaries try to kill me and I don't like this at all. Two painkillers and still it feels like someone stabbing me... Thanks to my PCOs.

Something good.

Well, we talked about my PCOs yesterday. And we had good conversation, which is something great.
It seems to me that Sonnenschein understands more than he lets me see. Fortunately he showed yesterday that side who understands my feelings about PCOs trough his own 'hate' to it (He seems to hate it because it may ruin, and ruins more or less, my health). And in some odd level he may even understand how I feel about it - of course he can't get it completely because it's not in him, but he tries and that matters most.

And what felt quite good was:

 "If you take me as I'm I'll take you as you're." (After he asked am I aware of that fact that quite many men could run away because of this... Odd question to make now, as he has knew about my PCOS for months.)

Ok, that is, or it should be, basic thing in relationship but I know this guy and that sentence had so much in between the words...

Once again I remember why I love that man.
He has some personality traits which I don't have words for, I only feel them when I notice them... quite unbelievable he is.

Even more...

I finished these so fast that I can't believe it.

   

Some day they'll be keychains, and I've one more Yule gift ready - which is great, and they're something receiver wanted to have (odd or not).
And I got some more experience of variegated threads. They're quite nice things to play with.

Btw, Sloe Fairy is finished too.

   

I like this kind of days. I've been quite tired though, but this has been a good day in the end.

I showed Sonneschein's newest pic to my sis and her comment will be good for Sonnenschein's ego. "He does look like Spaniard... not. That guy could be from anywhere..."

Currently I feel almost invincible. Relationship is going quite well, aka. Sonnenschein is talking about us and about moving more than he usually does.
Though he's worrying (For once it's he who worries about everything) about certain things, but fact is that we just can't know certain things before we get together. And then there are certain things he can't handle before he moves, or at least it would be sheer madness to try to take care of them from there.

Have I ever mentioned that he's cute? Physically and mentally.

...and he loves me, me.

Not to mention that I have lost my mind...

Btw,

The Sloe Fairy is soon finished. I got bored to it few weeks back because of those colour shadings -which is main reason why I like Flower Fairies... I just seem to be those ones who are never pleased.

And...

More 'statistics': -7 cm from waist since May. And I just realized that I can feel bones in my shoulders better.
Unfortunately my muscles get more visible too... Woman does not need biceps that big...