Crazy January Challenge 2015 - and a Happy Dance!

I have learned something about CJC: better to have smaller designs on your list *grin*, therefore next year's list is mix of WIPs(/ UFOs) and new projects.

1. WIP: Neil Degrasse Tyson (worked from pixel art I found from his FB fan group).
2. WIP: Mirabilia's "Madonna of the Garden".
3. WIP: Brightneedle's "Ezmeralda's House".
4. WIP: PINN's "Loy Krathong".
5. WIP: Brown House Studio's "Internet in Heaven".
6. WIP: Blue Ribbon Designs' "With All Your Heart".
7. WIP: The Prairie Schooler's "Must Be Santa".
8. WIP: San- Man Originals' "Snow Ice Cream".
9. WIP: Vervaco's "Lightning McQueen".
10. WIP: My Big Toe Designs' "For This Child".
11. WIP: My Big Toe Designs' "This Too Shall Pass".
12. NEW: Anchor Maia "Usiku", using 28 count navy linen.
13. NEW: Plum Street Sampler's "Coffin Buzz".
14. NEW: La Comtesse "Dreaming is Free".
15. NEW: Ink Circles' "Holiday Magick".

 

And There I Was, Dancing...

• Design: Holiday Magick
• Designer: Tracy Horner of Ink Circles.
• Fabric: random 28 count "raw" linen
• Floss: "School House Red" from GAST.
• Other notions: Stitched over one.

Beautiful, furry stand is our Vilma. (She looks eerily like Seiichi, I know.)

It's a GOOOOOOOOAAAAL!

Well, let's say it is not as I did not reach any of the goals I set for this year, BUT I did have two finishes and I have stitched a bit on most months. (And as a special bonus we did move and I did apply to Uni. That took 2½ months out of my time.)
Could have been better, could have been worse.

So, goals for 2015... I think I will settle with one:

stitch.

Sounds doable.

When it comes to projects I try to work on my WIPs/ UFOs, but if I feel like it I am allowed to start new ones. You know, just for mojo lifting purposes. *grin*

Let's list Projects That Scream i.e. 2- Do:

• "Mother Maya" by Ink Circles.
• "Usiku" by Anchor (Maia Collection)
• "Buon Natale" by La Comtesse.
• "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" by La Comtesse.
• "Dreaming Is Free" by La Comtesse.
• "Le Paon" by Corinne (her site seems to be offline nowadays).
• "Cerfs Oval" by Corinne.
• "Paon Majestueux" by Corinne.
• "Queen For Today" by Tempting Tangles.
• "Halloween Quaker" by San-Man Creations.
• "Quaker 31" by San-Man Creations.
• "Russian Alphabet" by Aliolka (one of these - or all).
• "Tiger Stocking" by Aliolka.
• "Africa" by Aliolka.

I probably should add this list to my sidebar for easy reference....

And oh, I should photoshoot my WIP pile(s) before January, which also means counting them! Eeeek!

Those Little Things

... that make you grateful: wrapping your child's presents in the middle of the night.

Those little things that were once so unlikely.

It is a.... Happy Dance!

OhMiGerd, my second (2nd) finish for this year! I am on the roll!

• Design: Christmas Wishlist
• Designer: La Comtesse
• Fabric: 32 count "Tobacco" Belfast linen
• Floss: "Bush Christmas" from Dinky Dyes
• Other notions: complimentary design. Stitched over one.

I am rather pleased with my somewhat forced choice of colours.
And, despite the lack of absolute symmetry in alphabets (which seemed to be the most difficult thing for me in this), there are few other La Comtesse's designs on my 2-do list.

December Blogging Challenge: part 1

I decided to take part to a blogging challenge given at local cross stitching Facebook group, albeit I stretch the challenge a bit.
Instead of blogging every day and sharing season themed stitchings I try to blog regularly during December - if nothing else my progress of two stitches on the project that is screaming the loudest. *grin*

I have to confess that I started a new project couple of days ago as we are having a mini SAL at previously mentioned cross stitch group.
Mini as the project is not that big or time consuming: Christmas Wishlist by La Comtesse.

I chose a bit less seasonal colours: 32 count "Tobacco" Belfast linen (as it was at hand) and Dinky Dyes' "Bush Christmas" silk.

Let's see if I can get enough done today to show off... as I am not good at stitching when I am overly stressed.
I am worrying about my letter of reference as it has been mailed to me on Friday (or Monday, if they have been slow) and I should provide that and my diploma to application services by the end of 9th of December... I know, I still have almost a week left, but if it has been lost in the mail for some reason I need to call my boss by Thursday to get the new one sent to me asap (and preferably get them scan it and email it to me first).

AAAARGH!

Ms. BBA, Student

I am still waiting for the letter of acceptance, but the national online service has told me that I was accepted!!!

Tick tock

That's the sound of my biological clock and I am beginning to be more and more fond of the idea of having another child on my own... I just have noticed that, when thinking about the options (gay man/ couple versus "anonymous donor"), my cynicism - or maybe it's my OCD - is sky high: I would actually rather use "anonymous donor" as it would be more straight forward. I could make all the decisions, there would be no nasty surprises from the father front (as I have noticed that some people turn out idiots after their child is born *ahem*) - even though there is always that possibility.

I know I would be judged, frowned upon even, but it would be my decision. I can not say it would be a reasonable decision, but having children never is.

Life with a small baby and an active toddler sounds scary, but also something I could survive and something I want. We would fit into this apartment. I still have most of Tiny's clothes left despite my best attempts to sell them.
Hell, I still have Tiny's combo stroller/ high chair/ you name it! And a pushchair and another stroller...
And we would survive nicely financially even if I studied. Admittedly I would have to return back to my studies quite soon, but other babies have survived day care and grew up to be proper people.

It would be full of challenges, but other people have lived with alone with children with much smaller age difference and managed just fine.

And I could always say to "official people" that the pregnancy was a lucky accident.

Given that I can actually get pregnant. Statistically Tiny could have been the exception that makes the rule.

I have to confess that since the divorce went trough I have taken quite relaxed attitude towards keeping contact, i.e. sending pictures, with Mr. Biofather.
Actually I think I haven't sent any pictures since Tiny turned two.

I see no reason to do that because he seems rather disinterested. Or should I be honest and say he doesn't give a damn?

And you get what you give.

Abandonment

I don't think that it would matter much to me that my brother acts like three- year old if there wasn't someone else involved: Tiny.
Because by doing his thing my brother is the second man in Tiny's life who has left him before he turned two.

It hurts me when Tiny mentions "Unke Pampa" because I know that he remembers his uncle, even I wished he didn't - but I have learned that little children have terrifyingly good memory.... at least Tiny does.
And it makes me wish that I could hit that guy, hard. Because he is so fu*king blind or stupid or bitter that he fails to see what he is because he is what he is. Because he hurts my son.

Brotherly Things

As time passes one learns things and it seems that the fallout of my brother and I is a sum of multiple things, all as... stupid.

First is that my father promised to buy, Tiny and me, a flat from our future hometown which he would rent to us, and of course he had mentioned it to my brother. He just failed to mention that he backed off from his promise less than two months later.
Luckily I know my father so I was not surprised at the least. What surprises me is that my brother does not realise that. Despite being told the truth.
And anyway, had our father bought the flat it had not been under my name so it had been his and his only.

Secondly he considers that his kids were and have been treated worse than Tiny. At least by our mother.
Something one could understand if his family had not kept distance to the rest of the family since the beginning.
My mother did knit and buy tons of clothes for his kids, gave them gifts etc., but after it turned out that they were not appreciated at all and my mother stopped.
She has various things she has bought wishing that my brother's kids would visit her and could use, things that now have been given to us as we actually have use for them and we do use them.
He also seems to fail to understand that his situation was and is completely different even if we look at the basic level of me being a single parent with no support from Tiny's biofather.

It makes me wonder is he really that dim? Or has it been intentional? (Let's not get into how childish it would be to cut your sister from your life just because you think that you have been mistreated by your parent(s..).

Still, it's just so weird.

Little Grey Cells Are Moving Too

It's funny how your mind processes things. Little by little, and then continues chewing the same thing later until it's small enough to digest without problems.

While packing I have had few moments of "What the heck was I thinking?!" regarding past with mr. W., but it has also proved that I have come far in last two years.
Now I just find things tragicomic rather than sad or depressing. Even the fact that mr. W. was and is full of c*ap.

But still, out of all that was bad came out the best thing in my life: Tiny.

Maybe it's karmic in its way that out of huge pile of smelly stuff comes out so much joy.
And truth to be told I am convinced that mr. W. gets his share of Big Bad Karma sooner or later. If he hasn't already been hit with it. (If I have understood correctly it may be the case, may have been even before I kicked him out. (See, he was big fan of telling things to me... not. I just tend to read between the lines.))

It has been 25 months and in 18 days we leave this halfway home (I have considered this flat a halfway home for a long time, we needed to move here to give me distance and time to figure out who I am and what I want). It's scary, but changes always are.
If things go as planned 2015 will be so very different. In a good way.

Unexpected moves

It turns out that we don't need to live without certain stuff for two months as we were offered a place in late August... starting from October 1st.
I have accepted it (after having it inspected by my mom) and next week we'll be traveling to sign the lease (thank G-d for "Local Greyhound" selling 5 euro tickets to their less popular buses). And before it there's still heaps of stuff to do regarding the move, in addition of some packing, packing and more packing.
I am thanking myself for packing most books, DVDs, CDs and craft stash before summer. Less to pack is always less when you got have everything settled before the move. And this time it's mandatory as I am using a company to do it, for the first time ever, as I rather have someone else carry all those heavy things like my 100 kilo bookshelves and so on.

And before you ask: 74 square meters, 2 bedrooms, 2nd floor. It's an old apartment (well, 32 years old), but looks very well maintained.

We'll be moving on second of October, which is in its way a good thing as the material for admission exam is published on 1st (I applied to study BBA) and I can use my free time to study. General unpacking can be done when Tiny's awake - and after the exam.

Truth to be told

... one of the reasons mentioned in my earlier entry has to do mr. X. and his belongings.

When I told him to leave I also told him to take ALL his belongings with him when he goes.
When we came home with Tiny there was still huge amount of his stuff with a note, after badmouthing me, that he'd arrange pick-up for his things by early 2013. (What I have wondered is that why he couldn't leave his things with a friend who lives in Finland as he let me understand on several occasions that he has a ton of friends in here... )
When we moved his stuff followed and I sent an allusive email. And as you guess didn't get a reply.

And then, in 2014, before the divorce went through I asked my lawyer what to do with them she replied that if I send him a final notice with a date and he fails to comply it's up to me what to do with them... Well, I sent mr. X an email and gave him approximately three weeks to arrange the pick-up.

Less surprisingly he did not reply, but during those three weeks I waited I was under quite a lot of stress because I did not want to deal with him and all his negativity.
I had made it easier for myself by timing it so that Tiny and I were here at my mom's during that three week period and had mr. X. picked up his stuff he had met my mother, no one else.

You see, court did not decide on meetings as my lawyer did not add them in the demands when she wrote the divorce application. There was a fine reason: he can't take me to court for breach of contract if he doesn't get to meet Tiny. There is no contract so if we can not agree about meetings, there won't be any.
Not that he has ever inclined that he would want to meet his son... and if he did I would demand supervised meetings (based on kidnapping risk, lack of shared language and lack of any kind of relationship between Tiny and mr. X.) and that is completely another animal as there is bureaucracy and translator expenses, for him, before those can be started.

Anyway, my point in that is that I was afraid that he demands to meet Tiny. And as I wouldn't have agreed (as we are not at home - and because what I told in previous chapter) there would have been all kinds of lovely words.... and I am sick and tired to that kind of stuff, from anyone.

So... now I have three suitcases, one bag and two big trash bags of stuff to get rid of...
I'll give his printer to a friend whose family lives on tight budget and most of the rest will be sold to anyone who is willing to pay anything.

And continue waiting for that email when he claims that I am whatever-I-happen-to-be-at-that-moment-of-anger. And hope that he keeps his mouth shut as I did tell him that I have checked proper action regarding his things with my lawyer....

I have been absent again as I sought solitude, I needed to calm down.

I don't know where it started exactly, but I guess part of it was the relief of getting things settled regarding Tiny's custody and the divorce - and frustration for the bureaucracy after I tried to apply for child support from the government (as mr. X haven't and won't pay it). And other things.
I was in the verge of imploding for weeks, but after almost a month at the country I start to feel like myself again. And it also makes me more confident about my decision to move here, as soon as we get a place to call home.
It's quiet here, soothing. The sky is wide, highest building in the vicinity has only six stories.
It's beautiful and cozy in here, regardless of being "in the middle of nowhere" (there's ok public transport and health services seem to be good too, at least for children*).

I haven't even had the energy to think of stitching, let alone actually make stitches.
Admittedly I have had energy to have irresponsible S.E.X. to celebrate and to get my mojo back. And it has helped. Shopping. Now I at least think of stitching.

I have found Casa Cenina again after I realized that they ship with DHL when your order is over 35 euros. In layman's terms: they deliver it to your hand and usually within 24 hours after it has been shipped.
/me likey and this probably keeps me away from Sewandso from now on. (Which basically means I will be much better, right? Having one less ONS to spend my money at? )

But even I think of stitching it seems that my free time will be spent listing stuff on local auction site and it should all be listed (and preferably sold) before the material for the admission exam is published, around the end of September.
That is also the deadline for packing all the things we can live without for two months (I write like we had a place to live here already )... I think I am going to be busy for a while.

*Tiny got a 2nd degree burn on the back of his hand ~week ago and we have visited local health center twice because of it. Third time is on Monday.

Tiny thoughts in the middle of the night

It makes one wonder, when watching that beautiful little boy sleep, does his biofather (not a father, just biological father, if you ask from me) even understand what he lost by disowning Tiny?
Does he ever even think of that little boy he swore he won't meet before he comes of age?

Having been set free has made me think and remember a lot of things that happened when I left Mr. Ex II, the whys of doing that. I had almost forgot he disowned that precious little boy, even before I told him it's over.
And my simple mind simply can not understand and for someone who strives to understand that is a huge problem.

But then, I am the one who knows what a loving, funny and smart little boy Tiny is. And I know that sometimes Tiny smiles because I am his mother.
That's all one needs to know. Nothing more.

The D Word

Yes, that one. Also two words starting with letters F and C regarding Tiny.

I am free!

Stash, stash, stash, lovely stash....

As it took forever to get Tiny to bed I decided to dedicate this evening for blogging (and maybe some stitching afterwards).

I got some extra money and went crazy in regard of stash... and came to a conclusion that less money I have the better. *grin*

I have received two lovely envelopes from Sewandso...

Then I simply had to save and order few things from one closing sale...

And then my regular auto ships (and irregular auto ships *grin*) from Crazy Annie's.

And this is not all, but let's not get there before they arrive... yet. *smirk*

April Recap

I did stitch. On the last day of April... but I did stitch and that is what matters when it comes to my goals. I also managed to update my cross stitch pattern inventory as I happily packed them for future mischief.

I have to say that it was wonderful to fondle all the pretty stash.
There is over 600 patterns... and I still have to inventory books, kits, WIPs and misplaced patterns (which I know I have). *grin* If I'd make a full inventory I think I'd be closer to full value of 10 000 euros (cross stitch stash only). Quite a shocking thought, don't you think? *grin*

But, I put some stitches to my MIP (Most Important Project): Tiny's Lightning McQueen.

Its getting to a phase where it's starting to look like what it should and it makes it nicer to work with.

March Recap

My goal postings seem to be rather erratic, but better occasionally than never, right?

I didn't set any goals for the month of March, but I have stitched. not every day, but when I have had energy.
And the project of choice has not been a current WIP, but a Vervaco kit my mother bought from Tallinn per my request.

It came with aida so I dug a piece of light blue evenweave from my stash and am planning to buy a piece of Cars fabric to finish it as a pillow for Tiny.
Knowing how he is he'll go everywhere with it when it is done and pillow is a good item for carrying around. (And he gets a sofa of his own in his room as we get a new old sofa (and I thought the old old sofa would be good in Tiny's room) so he needs some pillows, right? *grin*)

Progress

I got an email from my lawyer on Thursday saying that Spanish officials had informed court that they haven't been able to find mr. Ex.
This means court will make an announcement in our "Official Paper" for Ex to give his statement regarding the divorce, custody and child support within 14 days, after which it will be ruled regardless of his lack of action.

You know, they may give me an early birthday gift. I am not sure did the announcement make it on time to be published in April's first issue, but even if it didn't (then it's published in first May issue) I may be free woman with full custody in June.

I was thinking that I may be mean and not inform Ex about the divorce or child support or custody when it goes through... *grin* He'll find it out some day. And it may come as a negative surprise as Finnish SII can and will work to get their money from him as long as he stays in EU.