mondaysabitch; National Pride

National Pride

1. Do you do anything special to celebrate your national holiday?
   Personally no, usually I don't. Our independence day is in middle of winter (6th of December) and it's not very cheerful celebration.
   Mostly it seems to be concentrated always on same thing: WWII and veterans who are still alive. Quite somber holiday in my opinion.

2. Would you go to war to fight for your country?
   No. I'm pacifist.

3. What's your ethnic background?
   Matters?
   And it depends on how you define it. Seemingly Finnish; European, 'white'. According to my surname Middle Eastern or Asian.

4. Which iconic figure do you think best represents your country?
   Ok, I read ironic... Hmmm, bear, our national animal AFAIK.

5. If I was visiting your hometown, what place or activity would you recommend to me?
   Geez, that's difficult. I'd recommend Suomenlinna in summer. Problem is that it's in Helsinki and not in city where I live. But it's almost the same anyway... In winter... I don't know. Really.

I want my solitude

I've said it before, but now I'm quite sure of it: my ADD symptoms have gotten more visible after living alone for two years. Actually they're getting more into AS direction...

Maybe it's just my inner quirkyalone, but I really miss solitude. I'd have never believed it some time ago, but I do.

And while I was hanging my laundry today I realised that being in Bangkok, this crowded city without silence enhances my homebodiness. Then... I've company at 'home'.
Even I've quite some time on my own it's not enough. At least it feels like it, though I realise this situation may affect to it in certain extent.

This just raises a question of how and what when I really am in situation where I want to share same space with someone, and that someone wants to share it with me, out of love. (Will there ever be such a situation when I grow more and more fond of my solitude?)
Is love enough? How I manage to get my solitude? Can I compromise over it without losing my sanity? And most important question: will it be accepted? (I know it's not love if one doesn't accept it or isn't willing to accept it... Which makes it even more complicated.)

During my lifetime I've heard more than once that I should be more social. But why I should? I'm not good with people, I hurt those I care of, and social situations drain my energy. That's why I chose to become a hermit.
And to make it even more difficult to understand: I'm social, I like to spend time with people. Those few who are worth it, those few who don't drain me completely. Those few who have something to give.
I just don't see the idea behind being social because it's how it's supposed to be.

I feel like exploding. I need my solitude. I need my peaceful, boring life.

Self-praise

Your Body Image is 8% Unhealthy, 92% Healthy

You have a great body image. You know that no one looks perfect, and you're happy the way you are. Also, you don't judge other people on their looks... and it helps them feel better about their own bodies!

How's Your Body Image?

Goal check

Nothing much to check for, but goals for June were:

1. One medal from Stitching World Cup with Alter Echo (though AE will be part of July goals also).
2. Stitch Recipe Exchange item.
3. Fulfill my non-stitching goals.

   And in case I've time/ inspiration

4. Jaffa from Silhouettes
5. The Greatest Treasure

Well?

1. Not even close.
2. Almost there.
3. Did all of those. *grin*
4. Not even with me.
5. Not even with me.

July goals - stitchy and non-stitchy

1. Getting a year older (this one is easy).
2. Finish and send Recipe Exchange item in time.
3. Get back home in one piece. *grin*

I think it's better to keep that list short. Maybe I'll overdo myself this time.

Wanderings

I think I'm getting old and mushy, but this did bring tears into my eyes - and smile on my face. And someone dares to say that online friends aren't as good as real ones?
Anyway, I think I just realised why I prefer to turn comments off from post like my previous one was. Too much emotion for my little head to cope with.

Actually I'm wondering one thing... how in Earth I can take this sort of things that easily?
Ok, I am a realist, but I'm also a dreamer and I'm not very well connected to reality even in the best of times, and I hate changes in my life... Maybe that's why? Everything is a dream for me, and as dreams are just dreams..?

Sometimes I wonder am I really as sane as I claim myself to be.

Though, I know that I've very loose associations which may be sign of having a personality disorder or just sign of ADD or AS - in other words, being a bit autistic.

But why?

Maybe it's just teflon coating which I've developed during years, maybe it really is all about being realistic and seeing the light in the end of the tunnel even it seems to be so far away sometimes.

Human heart is surprising thing, and it never ceases to amaze me.

I would rather have had...

... one breath of his hair, one kiss from his mouth, one touch of his hand, than eternity without one. One.

Sometimes...

You dare to dream, and you crash into some twist of Universe.

We did.

Yes, we jumped and we crashed. Wolfie and I.

It just didn't work. After glorious start it just went... not stale, or bad... it just wasn't meant to be, it seems.
At this moment we just hope we won't learn to hate each others during these two weeks, as that's not what we want. We both remember why we fell in love with each others, how we lost our hearts so madly, so fast... And because we remember why, we don't want to end up hating each others.

You know, he is a wonderful person. And I want to keep that wonderful person around, to know that he exists.

And even I can't deny that my heart aches, for some reason it's not that difficult to let go. Let the love change it's way.
To be honest, knowing myself it has been surprisingly easy to accept the facts. Though I think that one reason for easiness of acceptance is that I know he wanted it to work as much as I did, and I know he's disappointed. We both are, but what can we do about it?

Sad? Yes, I am. Of course. But for some reason I'm also happy.Happy for the opportunity, that we took the leap of faith.
It'd have been much harder not to take the risk, and live with what ifs for the rest of our lives. At least for me it'd had been.

Sometimes the beautiful stories just aren't made to last. Sometimes beautiful stories have unhappy endings.
But what matters in beautiful stories with unhappy endings is that, in all their grimness, they give you hope. And human soul can't live without hope.

What can I say? I'm happy for the time it lasted. So... Thank you Wolf, for everything you are and for everything we had, even for that short period of time. You made the difference.

Amen to this - and this.

And no PINN yesterday, for two reasons

1. SII transferred those euros to welfare even they were supposed to only take June allowances back... I've to consult that 'verdict' when I get back home
2. As I thought, migraine. No headache before night though, but I was so dizzy... (read: laid on sofa whole day)

And that trip will be transferred to Monday, which happens to be my birthday, btw.
All those nice gifts I can give to myself...

Oh mi gosh, actually. I'm soon 27. I'm getting age crisis.

Yes, it's not that old, but... 27?! I'm almost thirty! I think I hear myself getting wrinkly. (I'm already cranky, and granniness won't happen in next few decades, it seems.)

And I really don't know what to do today. I've planned the temple tour for next week (I need to figure out how I get to there).
Maybe I should get to Tesco, buy that water and yoghurt we don't have (and some decaf instant coffee (oh yes, I drink decaf nowadays (wonderful way to drink coffee in the evening and still be able to sleep)). Instant just because cafetière's jug got broken for some reason and there's no replacement yet), and see about it then? (As it's very much possible that my head is not completely back in order yet...)

SBQ; Used charts

This week's

Stitching Bloggers Question

was suggested by Cheryl and is:

"What do you do with your charts once you've stitched them? Do you keep them or dispose of them? If you keep them, do you organize them in a way that is different from the way you keep your unstitched charts?"

I keep them. Should I say 'Of course I do!' as a natural born collector I just can't ditch parts of my collections, be it ditching broken coffee mug (ok, I do ditch those) or cross stitch pattern.
No, I don't organize them in separate place. I let them be with their old pals, in their old place - why confuse poor little charts when you have no need to?

Though... This opinion of mine may change during years, when once stitched charts are spreading around like a disease. But we'll see it then.

Quote of the day

"It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone."
Nick Hornby: 'How To Be Good'; page 111

Here fishie, fishie...

Activity for today was Siam Ocean World, aquarium in Bangkok (it's 'under' Siam Paragon shopping centre, right next to Siam BST station (Does this sound like an advertisement or something?) which is absolutely wonderful, as even clueless tourist, like myself, can't get lost *grin*).
Huge place, I think I may destroy tomorrow there - and... in case I really am getting money from SII... I'll pop by at PINN's. (In case this funny feeling in my head don't turn out to be a migraine...)

Anyway, little pictorial tour for your viewing pleasure - all pictures in here.

Garden eels. Cute little critters, aren't they?

Forbidden fruits? Sea apples look rather delicious, don't you think?

Straight out from some horror movie... Spider crab. Cute little fellas, aren't they?
      

When I become rich, in about next week, I want this spesific aquarium in my living room...
     &nbsp

This was disturbing... Headless fisherman sitting over your head...

And because I love odd little creatures...
         

This would look good in my mansion...when ever I get one. *grin*
      

Sharks, pictures from underwater tunnel and some of it
      

   

Jellyfishes ^^
      

But, off to bed. I'm dead tired.

Well?

Which one is better, or could they go as a pair?
I don't think they could, and in my opinion I should stitch another one with variegated floss.

Alter Echo and stitching dilemma

As I'm still on my way to Land of the Awaken Ones (and Blogger seems to be acting up which means I can't update my testing blog) I can spend some quality time with my blog instead of thinking what to do today (though I think I know).

Nothing much going on in Alter Echo front, as you can see

Colours are bit off, but it looks good, even I say so myself, and I'm quite sure I'll love it when ever it's finished.
Which raises scary thought: I may become addicted to samplers... though, as I may have said in other medias, I'm not sampler person in general as they aren't usually anywhere close to my style. (Hmm... crazy idea: I'd design a sampler to my mom's house... Shoosh /me, you're getting crazy! *thinks* She'll turn 60 in three years... *slaps herself*)

Don't get me wrong, I'm interested of history in general and history of my favourite addiction (it's also an occupational hazard), but as I prefer logical arrangements and symmetry in general most samplers just wont do it to me.

Anyway, I think I can say I wont make my SWC goal. Anyway, I try my best and we'll see.

The Dilemma

I was stitching Recipe Exchange item yesterday and now I've a problem.
I'm stitching a pair, and my intention is to make them bit different, but still similar, therefore I've stitched one with regular DMC and other one with variegated and now... I like the variegated one much better, and in my way of thinking that means that I've to stitch one more (though two previous ones aren't actually finished yet), but I'm not sure, so...
My readers with LJ account (as none of you is participating that exchange), I'll ask you a favour... After this entry will be one with pictures, please share your opinions with me.

Jim Thompson's House; aka. 'looking like a tourist'

So, guess where I visited yesterday?Yes, at the Jim Thompson's House. This will be picture heavy entry, even I use thumbnails... Most of the pictures are from the garden (it's not allowed to take pictures from inside the house), so in case anyone is planning to redo their garden here's few hints.

mondaysabitch; It's Called a Break-Up

It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken

In the following questions, "break-up" can refer to either the end of a romantic relationship, or of a close friendship.

1. After a hard break-up, do you tend to hold on to photos and otherthings that remind you of the past relationship, or do you destroy all mementos as a sort of coping experience?
   I'm sentimental little thing so I prefer to keep the mementos, were they just emails (actually I don't understand my need to store emails, because I can't read them anyway, or have any need) or little things I've gotten from person in question.
   I believe in learning from past, and if I destroy my history I can't learn anything because I allow myself to fell in soothing ignorance of forgetting.
   And destroying mementos would also mean slaughtering my blog, and that's something I wont do.

2. After a horrible break-up, wherein you feel someone's done you wrong, do you tend to let it slide and move on, or search out some revenge? Any stories you'd care to share?
   Every break-up is horrible in it's own way, even more if I'm the one who's left behind - which is usually the case.
   I don't believe in revenge, even when someone hurts me. I believe they do things they see necessary, and there's always possibility for remorse on their side. Actually every single ex I've has wanted to come back sooner or later. And I've never allowed any of them to return into my life as a lover.
   So, in certain sense you'd say that it's my revenge not to get together again with exes - though I don't swear it'd never happen.
   Never say never, and it actually was almost close call in certain phase of my life...

3. Have you ever broken up with someone, only to wind up dating them again, or becoming friends with them again? Did this happen because one of you or something about the relationship changed? Or were you not meant to break-up in the first place?
   Love wise I've left only two, friendship wise I've left only one, so I can't say anything out of experience (as I said, I'm usually the one who's left behind). Anyhow, my answer is no. I believe in friendship after relationship (I almost believe in relationship re-runs if reason is good enough), but I don't believe in friendship after friendship, if you get my point.
   I never let break-ups just happen, I try to solve clashes when they arise, but if I'm only one who sees it or has any willingness to solve the issue... what can you do? After some time you just have to let it go.

4. Do you take the time to learn from your mistakes in different relationships and friendships after they end, or do you move on as fast as possible?
   Both. I go on as fast as possible, as I owe it to myself. I don't believe in moarning. And I do believe that I'm able to deal with my past separately from present - though I admit that I've scars in my soul which affect to my behaviour sometimes, but I know they're there and I know when they do it so I can tell about it to another party.
   And in my opinion, adults come with mental baggage. That's how we mature to adulthood.

5. In your opinion, is trying to stay friends with a former romantic partner after a break-up a good idea or a bad idea?
   It depends on a relationship, but I prefer to stay as a friend with person I've been involved with. If I've loved someone one can't be all bad, even love failed.
   So, it's generally a good idea.

Scraps and things

Found this quote from Ami's blog and I just had to snatch it..

“Never apologize for showing feeling; when you do so, you apologize for the truth.”

and other one from Veronica:

"For everything in life, there's a reason. Just as there's beauty in every season."

Misc.

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats"
Albert Schweitzer

What Type of Fae Am I?

What type of Fae are you?

Hmph

I had plans for today, but now I'm not sure is it wise to go sightseeing... because my dear menses seem to be in town, week late though (Ok, since when my menses have been 'on time'? You learn bad habits quite fast, it seems. ), but I think I could blame on jet lag.

It's not that I were in pain (yet), but menses strain me even in Finland where climate is cooler and I tend avoid all sorts of physical strain as default when they begin... and as Thailand is quite much warmer country than Finland is...
The thing is that I'd like to go, but there's risk of being in pain and getting annoyed and irritated because of the lousy feeling and the heat. I'd lose the pleasure of exploring - and I don't want that.

Gawd, what to do? It doesn't look very promising...

Hourly Details

Friday Evening, June 23

11am Noon 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm 5pm 6pm RealFeel® 43° C 45° C 46° C 45° C 45° C 43° C 43° C 43° C Dewpoint 25° C 25° C 25° C 25° C 25° C 25° C 25° C 26° C Humidity 73% 71% 70% 68% 67% 66% 65% 65% Wind Direction NNW NW NW NW NW NW NW NW Wind Speed 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph 0 kph Precip Type -- -- -- -- Rain -- -- Rain

No wind, and RealFeel is quite high. Yesterday we at least had some wind to make it feel cooler. (Someone strolled around the vicinity to be able to locate herself on map. Six kilometres in 34°C/ RF 42°C. Crazy?)

Reason and Want are fighting at this moment.
Though I know I shouldn't strain myself just to avoid migraines (I've had one or two short ones, and I prefer to keep them away).

(Great, we have a power outage... Laptops can be a blessing sometimes, though router doesn't have any power... Ah, back again.)

Anyway, what I planned for today?
Jim Thompson's House. Clickety on link, and voilá. Doesn't it look quite nice place to visit? Because of the surroundings (though according to wild rumours the nearby khlong is on a bit smelly side) and the art collection. Not to mention the mystery behind J.T.'s disappearing.
And it'll also mean getting to know BST, as I need to get taxi to Chong Nonsi and get my little hiney moved with BST to National Stadium station.

[*Blogger moves on sofa suffering from menstruation cramps...*]

..So, no need to think anymore as I can't walk. "Yippee."

More later... nghh.

Withdrawals from blogs, other news and SBQ

I haven't been able to read any blogs in days, because of the connection here. Which is supposed to be 2048/512kB, but is usually slower than my 256kB/s - if it's working at all. (Which is about the eight wonder of the world. *grin*)
So, don't wonder if I'm not lurking around. I just can't.

The problem lies either in ISPs end or in the router... (But hey, do I love WLAN or do I love it - let me think... *grin*)

In other news

1. I've been stitching. And actually accomplished something, though I begin to doubt will I even reach my goal of ½ of Alter Echo...
   Pictures will follow when I remember to ask from Wolfie that USB cable for the camera (or cable for the scanner).
   I'd say I'm quite happy with the colours I chose for it (for the sampler that is *grin*). It'd have been bit boring with only the given two colours, 902 brings some depth to it.

2. I've lost 2 cms from my waist - in six days. And I've been eating like a horse. (One of the reasons being that he's taking care of my eating. I just wont get hungry. I can't. I've no time. (Which is wonder in itself as he's not around most of the day anyway.))
   Wolfie said that it's Thailand which causes that (he has lost quite some weight since he came here, not so many months ago, and in his own opinion he eats like a horse (though he exercises regularly)). Something in the food, or in the climate or maybe it's just caused by little green men.

3. I'm still alive after eating cherries, strawberry yoghurt, odd-little-fruit-he's-unable-to-translate-in-English (I think it's custard apple (tastes bit like canned grapes))... and too much durians and mangos. (And those wonderful fried seaweed chips with chili... mouthwatering thought.)
   Not to mention eating in one little eatery in nearby soi, which might be something to dread to most tourists. *evil grin* But where locals eat... I eat.

4. I'm drinking too much coffee again. But he has good coffee around... (Though I think we need to head to Starbucks soon. I've drank almost all the coffee (caffeinated one).)

5. When I'm in the move alone no one seems to think that I speak Thai. When we're out together most people seem to assume that we both speak Thai, or at least Wolfie does.
   Silly thing in it is that neither of us really looks local (FYI: North European and South American) - in sense of looking Asian.

And then... for something completely different.

This week's

Stitching Bloggers Question

was suggested by Vash and is:

"Have you ever used a magnifying glass while stitching? If so, did you find it helpful?"

I haven't but when I was doing my first (and currently only one) hardanger piece I realized that it'd be good to have. And I'm quite sure that if I get into high counts (high being 40< HPI) I might need one, just to prevent my eyes from tiring. (Glasses help to certain extent, but aren't magnifiers anyway...)

How's My Inner Child? With Monday Madness

Snatched from Jenna:

Your Inner Child Is Sad



You're a very sensitive soul.

You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.
Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.

You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Cross posted to Testing, testing...

Monday Madness

This week's questions come from Tricia

1. How many cop shows can you name?
   Depends on the definition: Hill Street Blues (When I was young...), C.S.I., Cops... Old ones as I don't watch TV nowadays.

2. Do you send text messages?
   Yes, I do. During last three months I've sent loads of them, all to one person.
   I like SMSs. They let you think what you're saying, they let receiver the peace not to answer right away, and they're cheap.

3. If you could be on a gameshow (current or old), which one would you be on and why?
   I'll skip this one.

4. What are some of your favorite websites?
   Hmm... few forums, Bloglines, RedHotPawn, Wikipedia - just to name few.

5. What are your favorite things about the internet?
   Possibility to communicate with people near and far - no matter where I locate.
   If you've skill of filtering the bs it's wonderful source of knowledge.

6. What about least favorite?
   Visa hunters, grammatically challenged, intellectually challenged (lack of knowledge is not bad thing, it's repairable, but ignorace makes me annoyed), stereotype worshippers...

7. What are some good ways to deal with a pet loss?
   I've to admit that this one is surprising added with previous questions... Time heals. Crying is good thing.

Adventures with exotic fruits

Ok, I was a tad tired. It was bit after nine o'clock when I went to bed, and woke up a bit after two... But then, I took couple of Advils (I've been in pain last two days, thanks to my hormones, so I'm getting familiar with that stuff) and I'm quite sure they caused lenght of my naps.

And as I seem to be quite sore, and having moodiness attacks because of previously mentioned hormones, I think it's better to stay inside today and go to explore Bangkok tomorrow.
Which means: I could finally do something productive and stitch.

Anyway...

Allergic little me in Bangkok and how it has been to date.

I can eat fruits I'm supposed to be allergic to. Grapes go without seeds and skin (add to pleasure of eating them fact that Wolfie peeled them for me - no one has ever done such a thing to me), mango is no problem (and local mangos...so juicy. I don't know how I will survive without them *grin*), and then I've got familiar with couple of things I've never tasted before: mangosteen and durian.

1. Mangosteen
   
   is worth mentioning because it's sweetness. (And hey, it's cute!) Actually it reminds me of Finnish strawberries. Sweet, but having some bitterness to keep the balance.

2. Durian then...
   
   is very controversial fruit. Some people dislike it's sweet, but in some sense revolting smell and miss the sweetness of the pulp.
   And I love it. Which surprised Wolfie (positively), I don't know why though (ok, I do know that he loves that fruit).

Which also surprises me is that we've been eating out few times and I've had no problems what-so-ever. (You guys should have seen Wolfie yesterday when he explained in Japanese restaurant that in case there's sesame seeds in my serving they should be left out. As the fact is that even you can survive with English in Bangkok it's not very widely spoken, at least not fluently. Anyway, it was quite cute episode.)
And my stomach seems to tolerate tender red meat.

In other news it seems to me that we're having another thunderstorm today. My head feels funny and it's cloudy.

Sawaddi ka

Boo!

So, as you may have deduced to this point, I'm still alive.

Flights went relatively well, both were delayed, first one because the plane came late from Amsterdam and second one because we had some technical difficulties when leaving.
Anyhow, I arrived to Bangkok International Airport only ten minutes late - and stood over an hour in immigration waiting for my turn. For some odd reason they let me pass fast compared to most people who passed those desks.

I also found Wolfie from middle of that mass of humans. It took some time though...

Past ~three days I've been running around Bangkok with him (and friend of his and his SO), so I have been too tired to update (part of it may be jet lag. I feel being in my brains today for the first time). And we had to reinstall my laptop about gazillion times before it wanted to work.
It's possible that this trip wont turn out as it was 'meant', but time will tell - at the moment we're just enjoying company of eachothers.

But now, I think I'll get back to bed for a while. I woke up when Wolfie's cell alarm went on (actually I woke up when he woke up, but dozed off again for a while). I wasn't tired when I woke up, but now, after he left for work I'm getting sleepy again.

More to come. I think I should blog about my adventures in Demon testing. *grin* In other words: how severely allergic person survives in Bangkok.(Spoiler: very well actually. Wolfie is worried of my well-being (actually even more worried than I am), and he speaks some thai... What else you need?)

See you in City of Angels!

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha...

Ok, they're not, but today is the day. Three hours from now I'm on my way to airport.
Wish me luck, keep your thumbs up, pray if you feel like it/believe it'd help, but do give me decent 'good luck kicks'! I'll need them.

I'll spend next umpteen hours (First lift-off is/should be 17:30 GMT+3, second one 20:45 GMT+2. Arrival tomorrow 12:25 GMT+7) travelling so you may not see any signs of me in next days - I may need day or two (or few) to adjust, but I promise to keep you updated!

And Ash, AE is travelling with me.
Though I've to admit that I packed all my stitching into my back bag. I've slept bit poorly last nights (I wonder why ) and decided to settle with a book. I really could use good night sleep, even if it's in plane.

But ta for now. See you on the other side!