Change is good every now and then

The old title of my blog had been bothering me quite a while, but I just couldn't figure out anything positive, yet sarcastic... so, I turned to my idol Hyacinth Bucket (it's pronounced Bouquet).



Maybe should call Tiny Sheridan from now on? *grin*

The Plan

At the moment I am in a limbo regarding my, our life. The divorce (incl. custody etc.) is still in progress, thanks to slowness of our Ministry of Foreign Affairs: it took nine months from them to find out ("find out") that Spanish legislation prevents getting any real information about Ex's whereabouts without court order - but regardless they have an address. Ages old address, but it's none of my business.
It probably is my problem as the letter local court sent in the end of January may be hanging in there quite a while, even though I assume the court assumes that if there is no reply within few months he is not interested/ didn't get the letter (-> is not interested).
So, with luck I'd get out of limbo this summer.

The problem lays in us, Ex and me, having shared custody in the eyes of the law, thanks to having a child in wedlock. And basically he has his word to say regarding Tiny's whereabouts.

And I am planning to move cities this year. And in theory he could oppose it if things don't go as wanted or if we are still waiting for the verdict.

But, our constitution provides every person freedom to decide where they live, and constitution has priority over family laws.
And then there's the fact that Ex has never met Tiny nor has shown any actual interest to do so (not to mention he has never even wished him happy birthday or asked how Tiny's doing). So, my, our, city of residence bears no significance to him.

But still he can make things difficult to us just out of spite if he wishes to do so.

Anyway... in August I will apply to University of Applied Sciences, a new job and an apartment in the same city where my mom lives. Uni would be 15 kilometers from us, but granny, Tiny's most favourite person on this Earth, would be only 3 kilometers from us (or closer, if I decide to apply for an apartment from that side of the river). Which would ease our lives greatly.
One of my great worries has been that time when Tiny goes to school and I start full-time work again. He will be seven years old, has short-ish school days and in worst case scenario he has to spend a lot of time alone. And I don't want that.
This is where having granny close by makes all the difference: she can pick him up from school and look after him before I get home.

Cost of living is also a factor. I have done some research and we would pay considerably smaller rent - and real estate is far cheaper in there than it is here in Metropolitan area.
In here I could never even dream to own my home, even less to own a house whereas in there I could actually buy a house and pay it in reasonably short period of time (in comparison to house loans in here). Which is more or less necessary as my pension won't be too good and having low cost of living would help.

I sound so middle aged. *grin*

Mr. Murphy Was Here

As usual things tend to go awry when they are going well.

First I had nasty URI for over four weeks (and chances are that I got a sinusitis from it), then I shattered the screen of my phone (insurance covered 56 euros, initial bill roughly 202 euros...) and one of my teeth started acting up (its first root canal treatment visit is on Friday, oh joy!). And stress is not good for my mojo, or blogging. Or me.

But, I have been stitching a bit lately. My mom brought a Lightning McQueen cross stitch kit from Tallinn and I just had to start it, even Tiny knows nothing about it, and it is slowly beginning to look like a car (no pics as for now as I dislike my old sucky Nokia with passion).
I'll probably finish it as a small pillow or somesuch so Tiny can carry it around and adore it.

And on good news:

Mr. Tiny, also known as my little bundle of joy and/ or frustration (he is in *that* age, see), turned 2! Despite being born last week he did turn two... I guess he goes school in next month or so. *grin* (He'll start school 2019... but goes to kindergarten within a year. o.O)

So, here I am. Alive and more or less well. Just tired and stressed and so on. *grin*

I Just Can't Understand Some People

Well, most people... But I digress.

After my brother separated his ex-wife and ended living in Metropolitan area we started to get closer again, slowwwwly, but surely.
Less than 18 months ago we were talking about living in a commune... and how lucky I feel now that it never got into fruition thanks to his then SO and him getting an apartment not big enough for all of us. And shortly after Tiny and I moved here.

He got along well with Tiny (and I was happy that Tiny had a man in his life, someone he could look up to, someone to do "manly" stuff with), and even lived with us little while last year, before moving back to North.

And even after he moved I thought that we were good.

Then I realized that he had actually unfriended me at FB. With no explanation. No heated arguments, nothing.
Had anyone else done that I had just accepted it and gone forth, but he is my brother. And naïve me had thought that we were in good terms.
Turns out he had done the same to my mother, for unbeknownst reason. And apparently he does not reply when my mother tries to contact him. And this is where it gets interesting.

If it were just me one would think that he's just mad at me for some reason, but... My mother and I are close and she spends a lot of time here as she's "doing gigs" at her old workplace (she retired last year, but works to save money for her house's necessary expansion (toilet, sauna, shower, laundry management) so that she doesn't need as big loan as she otherwise would need) and we live conveniently close by.
My brother owes her money, lots of it. He has several monthly payments (loans and so forth) under my mom's name and despite having good income hasn't paid a dime in last eight months (I have certain financial arrangements with my mother too and I pay my share monthly even I am on low income), not even when he slept on our couch.

So, this sounds a bit like someone was avoiding certain people because he knows he's a slacker, because he knows my mom would be in financial hardship is she wasn't working... But it also makes one wonder is he really that thick? Or just have few important screws too loose?

I know I haven't actually been a model citizen when it comes to personal finances, but when you owe money to your mother it kind of changes things. She's not a corporation, and she has been there taking care of your sorry ass since you were born and is willing to take a marathon worth of extra miles for you despite you being a responsible adult.
And if she trusts you enough to let you make debt under her name it should also mean that you don't run away like a coward and trust that she pays it because she HAS to. She will, but she'll never ever trust you again.
And maybe I am just old-fashioned, but to me it's very important that my mom trusts me. Even more financially as, no matter how hard I want to avoid such thing, there may be a day when I need her to guarantee a loan. Or need her to back me up on some matter related to it.

And if someone helps you out of the goodness of their heart... it takes a lot of negative balls to be willing to break that trust.

When it comes to me I have more or less given up on him. I am too old for this on-off sibling relationship game, and it so happens that I don't consider him suitable as a male role model anymore. Which hurts me most in this. Not my loss, but Tiny's... well, it's not Tiny's loss really, but it's sad that men in his life seem to be somewhat, how would I put it.... idiots.

It boggles one's mind.

WIP Pictures: Samplers

I was a bad, BAD person and started "Cirque Des Coeurs" and I must say that I love stitching it.
Even one might no believe it, but it's a multidimensional design which changes its message as you stitch it. And I am happy that I also have the triangle version and use affordable, easily accessible floss as I have had an insane thought to stitch all of them over undefined period and make them a matching set.

When I retire, or so. *grin*

The colours are way off, thanks to taking pictures nighttime under artificial light.
I am using Anchor's variegated cotton for this and it looks just fabulous, but, for understandable reasons it's impossible to take pictures during the day....

But, insane plans aside, I have also stitched some CJC pieces!

"Christmas Sampler" has got quite much attention and looking at it now makes me want to stitch it again, it looks so beautiful!

I have also stitched fair bit of "This Too Shall Pass" which is one of 2013 crazies.

The colours look very mismatched in all the pictures despite looking lovely in real life. I have Avocado and Cherry Wine on (I think) Amsterdam Blue linen.

"For This Child" has also grown bigger!

Even the silk is absolutely beautiful its colour changes are so frequent that stitching with it is slow and taxing if you want to have something that even remotely resembles logic in those colour slides.

January Stitching Recap

1. Did stitch. \o/
2. Started all my "Crazy January Challenge" pieces! \o/
3. Progress on "For This Child" and "Christmas Sampler".

4. Designed and started a tiny complimentary design.

Let Them Eat Cake! aka. Things You Can Do When You Have More Leftovers Than Money

Part of my Living Cheap program is trying to use everything in the fridge/ pantry without having to throw stuff away because it has gotten bad... I realized the other day I have overripe kiwi fruits in fruit bowl and wondered what to do with them (as I don't eat them as is because I am slightly allergic).

I googled "kiwi cake" (I know kiwi is a bird! *grin* In here the fruit just happens to be called just kiwi - as is the bird, slightly confusing sometimes) and found a recipe for this kiwi cake.

Perfect recipe actually as I thought I didn't have any margarine for baking.

I was wrong, so I ended using it, replaced brown sugar with 2/3 regular sugar and 1/3 molasses (altogether 2/3 of sugar in the recipe) then added some ages old frozen slices of apple in the kiwi fruit jam and processed it to somewhat coarse mix and I also added pinch of ginger into it.
This recipe produces dense, but yummy cake, which goes down a bit too well.... *ahem*

I think that next time I'll mix baking soda to flour, mix the sugar with eggs, maybe just process the fruit with blender.... some cinnamon and cardamom would go well with this too, I think.

Try it, your hips will regret it! *grin* And now I'm going to get some tea and cake as Tiny's napping....

Crazy Days 12-15

I had my last two starts at 20th due having been sick, falling asleep with Tiny and so forth, but I have now officially started those fifteen! And have also stitched old projects (few stitches on "For This Child...", but progress nevertheless)!

Day 12

Yet another LHN, this time "Plums". That brown is odd, it looks very variegated on skein, but when stitched (one stitch at a time as I always do with other than regular floss) it doesn't.

Day 13

I found my DMC box (and one box of hand-dyeds *ahem*) which meant starting with Dragon Dreams' designs. First one is their 2013 Holiday Treat - I just lack most of the charted colours so it'll be just sitting in its bag for a while.

Day 14

"Coffee Is Magic", and yet again I have only a few of charted colours. Same actually applies to all my DD projects for now.

Day 15

I am planning to stitch "Evening Dragon" with reds, I just haven't had time to check the combination during those few daylight hours we have at the moment.
Started with knight.

Crazy Days 9- 11 + Design Changes

I realized the other night that I don't have a clue where my DMC box is and therefore kitting LHN's Sheeps would have been kind of difficult... so I changed to LHN's Fruits & Berries as they came with floss packs.
And then I realized I don't have the kind of fabric I'd like to have for "St.Basil's Cathedral".... so, that is one more LHN.

Let's see do I have to replace Dragon Dreams' designs too... maybe it will be Crazy LHN January for me. *grin*.

Day 9

After finding suitable (as "big enough") piece of fabric I started my LHN marathon with "Blueberries".

Day 10

Admittedly I had a helping paw when I was stitching this....

Day 11

Not much progress on "Cherries" thanks to learning new things about my nut allergy (it's worse than I thought) and being comatozed by allergy medication.

Tiny's on grocery run with granny so I'll go and try to find my DMC box before they return... and figure out why I can't seem to figure out what is the 15th project. (Oh wait...)

Operational plan, part 1

In order to make coming months easier for me I have set a goal:

1. in September I can buy some stash as in September I pay the last part of my biggest amortization off.
2. In October I can get some more stash as then I also pay last part of other debt.
3. November and December I can do what I want with the money (I need clothes by then, luckily I have hoarded used clothes in bigger sizes for Tiny so he should be ok - and I know where Salvation Army's outlet store is *grin*. And AS I start studying (I have decided that I will be accepted *grin*) I need to buy a new laptop for school so I need some money for that (I plan to get some from Santa in addition to that).)

and

4. in January 2015 I start saving money to pay up one last debt that is screwing things... It should only take a year at its worst.

And I already know what I want...

I have drooled after PINN's "Ganesha - The Hindu God of Wisdom" since I first saw it few years back. I saw it stitched on fiery orangey and red hand-dyed fabric and I just knew I had to get it.
They have several Ganeshas and some day I may justify buying this Ganesha too.
It's frigg*** expensive, but.... PRETTY!

(Admittedly I have two auto ships (cheap ones, sans floss and fabric) and I have a deal with Jenna I am paying each month. More about NEW stash when I have started all my crazies.)

Why?

It dawned on me in last November that in order to get a job in the profession I am planning to get a degree of I need squeaky clean background. And by starting clearing it now it will be ok when I, hopefully, graduate. (I need to apply first. *grin*)
There is also that minor thing that I want to offer Tiny things I can not at our current financial status - which would remain the same as now would I return to my old job - and I have very lame dream to actually be able to save up the down payment, get a loan and find our *own* home for Tiny and me at some point.
But all this means that I have to count cents and prioritize heavily now and focus on my goal. (Now, when it is financially easier as toddlers aren't financially demanding... yet.)

/methinks that thyroxine helped me to grow some big balls. And I love it.
Even I can tell you that my bank account at this point is a really, really sad sight. But I think this is also helping me to lose weight, I'm buying less bad foodstuff and stitch and drink tea through the evening opposed to... finding sugar highs. And despite not having weighed myself since.... erm.... long time ago, it seems that my shape has changed slightly which should mean some lost grams.

Late "9 Day Christmas Challenge" Recap

It turns out that this challenge was actually the thing I needed for my mojo. I have been stitching almost every night since I started this challenge on 24th of December, 2013.
It just dawned to me yesterday that it ended a week ago.... well, I am such a perceptive person, aren't I?

But let's see what I did achieve:

1. Stitched "Kisses From Heaven".

2. I did stitch approximately 15% of Lizzie*Kate's Flora McSample "Heart Sampler". I might have got it done before New Year's, but then I burned my hand...
3. Successfully started "Crazy January Challenge".

It may not sound much, but I still think that it's a lot for just night time stitching. *grin*

Days 6, 7 & 8

Day 6

On sixth day I started Little House Needleworks' "Hope" (from the scripture series).

I changed the colour used for the flowers as "Hydrangea" was much too white to my liking and "Blooming Crocus" was closer to the preview.
Also the green has some issues, but I think that when all the other colours are stitched it pops out better. One just imagined that green floss would stand up from cobblestone linen as well as it seemed to when I checked the colours against the fabric...

Day 7

And the next day I continued with LHN's scriptures and started "Comfort".

As you see lighter, muted shades of green and cobblestone have certain incompability issues, but I'm sure it'll look fabulous in the end, with all the pinks.

Day 8

Today I started Erica Michaels' "A Winter Nap" and it is stitched with leftover floss on leftover piece of.... cobblestone linen. (There's a theme here...)

I am not sure about the colour I'll use for the writing, but I won't be following the chart key and use three different colours on it. Being lazy I rather just pick a nice variegated hand-dyed for it.

This will be finished as an ornament or decorative pillow as that linen is only wide enough for that - and anyway I rather finish small designs in some other way than framing.
I have a piece of quite nice poinsettia fabric that might look nice with this...

There's also the mandatory mistake in this: my moon is too fat. But you wouldn't have guessed it if I hadn't mentioned it. *grin*

Crazy January: Days 3, 4 and 5

Day 3

On the third day of Craziness.... I started Lizzie*Kate's "Christmas Sampler".

Day 4

Day four was actually fifth of January as it has been quite restless here at nights few days, but I have still managed to stitch almost daily. ^^

Without further ado: "Snowman Stocking" restart!

And last, but not least....

Day 5!

Tonight I started eduCATing myself.

Crazy January: Days 1 & 2

It has been fun stitching, even in the expense of sleep, again!

Day 1

I started with The Prarie Schooler's "Must Be Santa" and it turns out to be a fun, easy project that is actually quicker to finish than I thought.

I didn't like the idea of black teddy so I changed the colour to brown. I am not too fond of that black gift bag either, but I am not sure would it be too much brown if I changed its colour too. I have to see about that when rest of the window is finished.

Day 2

On the second day I started "The Earth Laughs In Flowers" by The Sweetheart Tree.

There's only few stitches because I was really tired... which turned out to be a migraine symptom. Yay.

As you see I have started with kits, just because I have always forgot to dig through my fabric stash before Tiny goes to bed. Have to remember to dig through as there's one more kit and then I need fabric....

If the dating seems odd it's only because I tend to stitch at night, after midnight, before going to bed. So, even it's only afternoon of 2nd of January I have already stitched two days worth.

I'm Easy/ Easy Like Sunday Morning....

I decided to sacrifice this evening's stitching and pile up my 2014 Crazy January Challenge designs.

"Excuse me, didn't she say she would continue with her 2013 projects?!"

Yes, it was my intention, but the organizer talked me over... well, you know me: I am easy. *grin*

So, here it comes!

 

1. "St. Basil's Cathedral" by Dimples Designs (Transferred from 2013 as unstarted.)
2. "Snowman Stocking" by Bent Creek (Transferred from 2013. Restarting.)
3. "EduCATed" by Bent Creek (Transferred from 2013 as unstarted.)
4. "Christmas Sampler" by Lizzie*Kate (Exclusive Limited Edition design for CasaCenina.)
5. "Must Be Santa" by The Prairie Schooler (Limited Edition 2009.)
6. "A Winter's Nap"" by Erica Michaels
7. "Comfort" by LHN
8. "Courage"" by LHN
9. "Peace"" by LHN
10. "Simplicity" by LHN
11. "Hope" by LHN
12. "The Earth Laughs in Flowers" by The Sweetheart Tree
13. "2013 Holiday Treat" by Dragon Dreams
14. "Evening Dragon" by Dragon Dreams
15. "Coffee Is Magic" by Dragon Dreams

Awful lot of LHN, I must say, but there is a good reason to that: many LHN designs I own come with floss so it's a cheap option (and I chose designs that have their own message as I'll need encouragement this year (there will be changes in my life, but more about that later)) to kit. That's also why I have three full kits on my list. And three complimentary designs.

Of course there is another reason for those complimentary designs: my little dragon boy.
I am planning to stitch both dragon designs for Tiny - and the coffee one is obviously for me. *grin*

And now some more tea and few more stitches on my Flora. I may have another finish before 2014 if I am lucky!

Crazy Finish!

As shocking as it is I actually have a FINISH!
Yes, you read it right.

I. Have. Stitched.

Despite Tiny's best efforts to keep me entertained during the night (he has slept badly last two nights - or rather has not slept, but woken up at night and then stayed up for hours).

I am participating 9 Days Christmas Challenge at Facebook and decided to pick San-Man Original's "Kisses From Heaven" as my challenge piece (started from this)... and three days later it was finished!

• Design by: San-Man Originals
• Design: Kisses From Heaven (OOP)
• Fabric: Silkweaver's "Midnight Fantasy", opalescent 28 count Cashel linen.
• Floss: misc. DMC and Anchor.
• Notes: colours are not as charted. This was first Crazy January 2013 piece I finished.

Yes, I am proud of myself.

Heart for Circus Hearts aka. Cirque des Coeurs

It was supposed to be a SAL piece for this year, and most likely the group is still there on FB and most likely there are people like me who haven't even started... That aside CdC has been calling my name last few days and this time its siren song has changed as now I am actually happy with the floss and fabric I have for it.

It would look fab in my bedroom.

When ever it's done.

(The fabric is dark grey linen.)

Yes, my bedroom will be reds and black, just because I have this terribly expensive unique hand-woven bed cover in said colours.
Did I mention it's my own design and I did it (designed, wove(sp?) and finished) with my own little hands?
I guess I did. *grin* (It's made of velour floss and weighs a ton. *grin* We also had to create an interior design for the room it was targeted to. Mine was burgundy and black: I called it my brothel theme.... *grin*)

Another attempt aka. Stitching Goals 2014

I plan of having stitching goals for next year. Hope springs eternal, at least, and that should be a good starting point on my record breaking attempt to make some stitches. *grin*

I am not going to set huge goals for coming year, just try to stitch something, if it's just one project and few stitches, every month.
My Crazy January Challenge 2013 projects will also become my CJC 2014 goals as I managed to start most of them, but then... thyroid and personal issues took my mojo, concentration and such away.

My thyroid medication's dosage is now lower than it was this time last year, so I can see the reason behind being in fog last 2 years: rapid changes in thyroid hormone levels. First upupup and then they started to go down all the sudden and it took time for me to realize that.

And I must admit that all this breaking up, leaving my child's father, moving, dating and trying to suppress my feelings in order to survive has been quite hard.
But all things take their time... now I have plans for years to come, though I have to admit that I still need to figure out practical problems related to wanting to have more kids... as I am not quite sure do I really want a relationship, or need one. But kids... life's sometimes rather complicated.

Trying to stitch my WIPs away is also a goal of mine as at this moment, at least six months I am on REALLY tight budget. Shortly put I grew up and started to pay off the stupidity of youth (cost of love for a naïve idiot like me, I might say).

If I have learned something it is that one should never let love go before fiscal sensibility or responsibilities. (And being nasty b**ch I also say that if Ex-the-2nd would pay me all he owes me, I'd be in no trouble as I could pay myself free right there. Yup.)

Not like we are living like kings here, but it's surprising how little money you really need on necessities when you make a budget. Or how much extra there is in small income. (To give some perspective we live in poverty by local definition. And I find it kind of hilarious.)

But that's that.

So, my stitching goals for 2014 are

• Stitch something every month, even it is just few stitches.
• Work on my Crazy January Challenge pieces.
• If possible, reduce the amount of WIPs I have.
• Arrange my stitching stash.

Four goals and quite manageable I think. Let's see how it all goes.

Angels unawares

I had the weirdest dream last night. Not in a bad way mind, but it was those rare "good things will be coming your way" kind of dreams.

Maybe one could call them angelic dreams, if one had a thing for angels.

Regardless, I have felt happy and balanced ever since I woke up. Like I was filled with light...

I know how it sounds, but then everything that helps one through the day helps, right?

There was a crowded diner, all the sudden most people just vanished. They were referred as ghosts, but not in the sense of dead human, but as people of past times. They were referred as ghosts by a drop dead gorgeous androgynous man who I had a conversation with. And even I don't remember what he said I know deep within what he said: and it was all good.
And he shone. Like a ray of light.

And for some reason I think I need to tweak my blog's colour scheme. It's too.... dark. Nevermore, or summin'. *grin*

Signs of crafting

As shocking as it is I have been crafting.

Even more shocking is that I have actually finished something!

I wanted to do a Yule calendar for Tiny and when I noticed that Ikea had this spruce wall hanging (it glows in the dark! *grin*) it was obvious that I will use one as the base and use plastic rings for the gifts - and for the decorations. That way the calendar would be versatile, functional and decorative.

Thanks to clarithromycin I failed the deadline (it makes me awfully tired. That and waking up every night because of this nasty cough that sinusitis also gave me), but luckily Tiny's too young to understand that.

And first gift is waiting for tomorrow morning...

Second hand toy cars etc. is what his calendar is made of. But he wont mind, he loves his toy cars (and the movie!).

In other news

I have two additional kids nowadays. Furry, smelly and meowy kids. Cats, that is. *grin*

Vikke and Vilma are siblings, age approximately 7 months. (Which means that Vikke is going to get neutered VERY soon...)